


A Million Mistakes

by BreeTaylor



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Even never went to Bakka, M/M, Slow Burn, even just wants isak to be happy, except it doesn't really feel like it but trust me slow burn to endgame evak, isak is still sort of in the closet, tags will be updated as we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2018-11-08 04:18:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 109,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreeTaylor/pseuds/BreeTaylor
Summary: Isak gets invited to a pregame by Even Bech Næsheim. Which would be fine, if the guy didn't have a reputation for being a bit of an ass. It's only with Jonas' nagging and promises to accompany him that Isak agrees to go, only to find out that Even might not be who Isak thought he was.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Man, am I ever excited to share this fic. It's been fun as all hell to write, and I'm really hopeful that you guys will like it.
> 
> Also, for those of you who may be familiar with my haphazard updating schedules of the past, I am pleased to say that the first half of this fic is written in its entirety so I will be uploading regularly as all I've gotta do is edit the chapters before posting. 
> 
> I'm going to put the tentative upload time as Friday's at 9pm PST...ish. So long as I'm not at work still when that time arrives, I will upload _every_ Friday at 9pm PST. Otherwise it'll be closer to 11pm PST, but every Friday nonetheless!
> 
> There will likely be a short break at around the half-way point so I can make any finishing touches before uploading the last half of the story, following the same schedule. But I'll keep everyone updated on that as it gets closer. ;)
> 
> Lastly, I've made 4 playlists for this story, each of which I will release periodically as they become relevant. Here's the first one:  
> On [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/castielsgrace/all-those-uncertainties),  
> and on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/225cziwxmfvkcs4c32c2e65hq/playlist/3L4I65nxEyK7HEsoy7T1Mp).  
> (they're also on Apple Music)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

The first time Even approached him, Isak had glanced over his shoulder to see who the older boy was talking to, only to find that they were alone in the hallway. He’d turned his gaze back to Even, disbelief dancing in his eyes as Even continued to smile brightly at him. Isak was still staring, shock evident on his face as he desperately tried to figure out why Even, a third year, was talking to him.

“You’re Isak right?” Even had asked, leaning up against the wall of lockers.

“Uh, yes?”

“Nice to meet you.” He took a step closer. “I’m Even.”

“I know,” Isak blurted out without thinking, clenching his mouth shut immediately after the words had escaped his lips and feeling a blush creeping up his neck. Even just laughed. Not a ha-ha-you’re-pathetic laugh, but a friendly chuckle. Isak was even more confused.

“So, what are you doing this weekend?” he asked, and Isak felt his brain short-circuit.

 _What the actual fuck was going on?_ He jumped to all sorts of optimistic conclusions, each of which made his blush deepen as he struggled to brush the offending thoughts off. It was one thing for a third year to talk to him, but for Even to inquire about his plans? He had to be fucking with him.

“I don’t know. Probably going to crash a party as usual.”

Even took a step closer, forcing Isak to step back until he was pressed against the lockers. Even loomed over him, smirking like that was exactly what he was waiting for Isak to do. He put a hand against the locker, right next to Isak’s head, and leaned forward until their faces were inches away. “I know about a Bakka party. Why don’t we pregame at my place.”

It wasn’t really phrased as question. Isak struggled to keep his voice strong as he mustered all the courage he could and replied, “And why would I do that?”

Even leaned closer again, lips brushing across Isak’s ear. He shuddered at the feel of Even’s breath ghosting across his neck. “Trust me, Isak. You don’t want to miss it.” He stepped away then, and Isak  followed Even forward, just barely, before he caught himself. He tried to keep his face neutral and calm, but he was positive he was about the shade of a tomato.

Even turned to wink at Isak over his shoulder as the bell rang. He was going to be late for class, but Isak felt like he couldn’t move as he watched Even’s receding figure. Then, just before he reached the stairwell at the end of the hall Even stopped and said, “I’ll text you the address.”

“You don’t even have my number!” Isak called after him, ignoring the pang in his heart as Even just started to laugh. Like he knew that deep down—okay, maybe not that deep down—Isak wanted nothing more than to melt into his arms. It pissed him off, that such a simple encounter had such an effect on him. He wasn’t a fucking teenage girl. Even should not make his knees go weak. The idea of pregaming with him shouldn’t give Isak butterflies.

But fuck did it ever.

Isak cursed Even under his breath and ran for class, praying that his teacher would accept the excuse of his locker not opening without a fight. He also hoped that being out of breath would excuse the blush he knew still lingered on his cheeks.

* * *

 

“Well?” Erik asked as Even walked into their Norwegian class, head held high as he flashed a smile. Even slid into the seat next to him and leaned back in his chair.

“Easy. Like I said.”

“So he said yes?” Alex questioned from the table behind them, where he sat with Lars.

Even shrugged. “Didn’t have to. He’ll come.”

“Fuck you’re smooth,” Erik teased, punching him lightly in the shoulder. “I didn’t think the kid was gay.”

Even rolled his eyes. “I told you he was.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not always right, asshole.”

Even laughed, throwing his head back as the teacher called for their attention at the front of the room. He felt good, invincible. Because his hunch had been right, and Isak had practically melted against the lockers. Isak was very clearly interested. Even planned to use that intrigue to his full advantage when he came to his house on Friday.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, not bothering to hide it from their teacher as he composed a quick text. Thank god for Vilde, and her easy willingness to give out her friend’s number without thinking about it too much. Just a simple ‘he’s helping me with biology’ and she’d handed it over with excitement. First years may be infamously gullible, but so far Even wasn’t seeing much difference in the second years.

**Isak**

9:13

This Friday, 18:00

 

He typed in his address, and waited for Isak’s response. The cooler he played it, the more Even knew Isak would pine. That’s how it always worked—the less he tried the more girls (and guys) wanted him. Sure enough, less than a minute passed before he got a response.

**Isak**

I’m not going to a strangers house for a pregame.

and delete my number, you creep.

Even Bech Næsheim. Third year. I like movies more than just about everything. I’m bipolar, but I’ve got it under control. I should’ve graduated last year but I had a manic episode and missed a bunch of class so I had to redo this year. After I graduate I’m planning to backpack across Europe before applying to college for film.

And I think you’re hot.

what?

What the fuck was all that?

I’m not a stranger anymore. See you Friday ;)

I’m not coming to your house, Even.

Good thing I live in an apartment. Now stop texting in class before you get your phone taken away!

 

Even slipped his phone back into his pocket with a smirk. Isak was going to fall for him. It was going to be easy, easier than his friends seemed to think. Because Even caught Isak staring, noticed how he always looked away, dropping his eyes to the table as he struggled to put himself back into whatever conversation his friends were having.

Isak was interested. It was only a matter of time before Even made a move.

* * *

 

Isak was distracted at lunch, to say the least. Jonas was staring at him expectantly, ignoring whatever story Magnus was telling to stare holes into the side of Isak’s head. He lasted a good ten minutes before he sighed and turned to face his best friend. “What?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. You’re acting funny.”

“I am not.”

“Isak,” Jonas said flatly, “I’m your best friend. I can tell when something’s off.”

“Nothing’s off, I’m fine,” Isak promised. “I just had a really weird encounter with Even this morning.”

“Even… like the third year?” Jonas asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah, him.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. He invited me to pregame at his place.”

“He _what_?” Jonas nearly shouted. Isak felt his face flush as he motioned for Jonas to keep his goddamn voice down.

“It’s not a big deal,” Isak muttered.

“What did he say?” Jonas pressed. “What did he _do_?”

“He just… I dunno. Cornered me at my locker and told me that he knew about a Bakka party this weekend, and that we should pregame together. I told him I wasn’t interested.”

“What? Why? Why would you turn down an offer like that?”

“Because he’s just fucking with me, Jonas. I know it.”

“How do you know it?” he asked, and Isak took out his phone to show Jonas their text conversation. Including the 5 words that had been bouncing around his head since Isak read them. _And I think you’re hot._ As much as he wished those words were true, it just made him more sure that Even up to something.

“He sounds like he’s genuinely interested, Isak,” Jonas said with a shrug. “I think you should go.”

“No way.” He shook his head, letting his phone drop to the table as he glared at it like it morally wronged him. “I’ll probably show up to find a bunch of his friends waiting there to laugh at me. No thank you.”

“So we’ll come with you,” Jonas said. “If it is a trap, we can play it off like we thought Even was inviting all of us. If it’s not, we can always head to the party early.” He winked, and Isak felt himself blush. This was one of the times he regretted telling the guys that the rumours about his sexuality had been true.

“I just have a bad feeling about it,” Isak muttered.

“It’ll be fine.” Isak still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in his stomach, but the idea of the guys coming with him made it less daunting. He knew that no matter what, they’d have his back. If that meant walking straight into a trap at Even’s apartment, they would handle it. Not for the first time, Isak realized how lucky he was to have the friends that he did, as annoying as they could be.

He tried not to think about the other possibility. That it wasn’t a trap, that Even wasn’t fucking with him, that Even genuinely wanted to pregame together. Isak tried not to think about why he would want that, or what he would do if they showed up on Friday and Even was alone.

He was out, technically, but it wasn’t by choice. Some girl started spreading the rumour at the end of first year when she tried to go down on him and Isak pushed her away. She’d been hurt, and embarrassed, so she said it was because he was obviously gay. That he ‘couldn’t even get it up for her.’ Which was true, but he still wasn't really sure he wanted the whole school knowing at that point. Isak thought about denying it for a bit, worried about what other people would think and how their opinions of him would change, but he realized that the amount of effort it would take to convince them otherwise would be exhausting. So he just said nothing. He never confirmed, nor denied, the rumours. He let the student body speculate about his sexuality until they got bored and moved on.

That summer he quietly came out to Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus. They’d shrugged off the rumours easy enough, but Isak had been tired of hiding. So he just blurted it out in the middle of a pregame one night and, aside from Magnus’ usual stupid comments, they’d accepted it and moved on.

So, he was out. Sort of. But he wasn’t _out_ out. He didn’t go around bragging about banging dudes, not that he had anything to brag about honestly, but he didn’t pretend to be interested in girls’ advances anymore, either.

Which is why he was pretty sure Even was fucking with him. Isak knew it’d only be a matter of time before someone decided to mess with the gay kid, and honestly Even’s group of friends seemed like the exact type to do it. Loud, obnoxious, self-absorbed, and entirely too proud of themselves. There was literally no reason for Even to be interested in him, especially since Isak was almost positive he heard some girls complaining that he had a girlfriend earlier in the year.

But Isak also knew that not going would likely just result in Even trying again, or doing something worse. He didn’t want to go, but if the guys were coming Isak figured he might as well get it over with. Let Even think he won so he’d fuck off and go back to not acknowledging Isak’s existence.

* * *

 

Isak saw Even everywhere Wednesday and Thursday. It was like he was always in the hallway when Isak had to stop at his locker, always leaning against walls and talking to oblivious first years who didn’t notice his eyes watching Isak. He was always smirking and winking and teasing, it was driving Isak crazy. Worst of all was lunch. In the couple of weeks since school had started, Even and his friends never bothered to hang around in the cafeteria at lunch, but now there they were.

And no matter where Isak sat Even always managed to place himself in clear view.

It was annoying, really. Even when he pointedly ignored Even’s gaze, Isak could feel Even’s eyes on him. Jonas told him he was just being paranoid, and that Even wasn’t doing anything wrong, which just made the whole scenario more annoying. By the time Friday night rolled around, the prospect of going to Even’s house felt like the biggest chore.

Still, Jonas showed up at 17:40 with the rest of the guys, and dragged Isak out of his apartment despite his protests. The same feeling of dread was sitting heavy in his stomach, and he just couldn’t shake it off. No matter how many times Jonas insisted that Even probably had good intentions, no matter how many times he said the texts sounded genuine, Isak couldn’t help but feel like he was getting played.

He dragged his feet as they walked, staring adamantly at the ground and ignoring the excited conversations coming from the rest of the guys about all the possibilities a Bakka party opened up, girls wise. They got to the address Even texted him all too soon, and they were buzzed in within seconds of Jonas ringing the bell.

Each step felt like a mountain that Isak had to force himself to climb. He wanted to turn around and run in the opposite direction, but they were already standing in front of Even’s door. Magnus reached out to knock enthusiastically and Isak tried to ignore the panic that rose in his chest.

There was a beat, and then Even was opening the door with the same coy smile that he’d given Isak during their first encounter. A smile that faded rather quickly when he saw that Isak had an entourage. “Oh,” he said, forcing a smile back on his face that looked far less genuine. “Uh, hi! I didn’t realize Isak was bringing friends.”

“I thought your friends were going to be here,” Isak explained.

“They’re not,” he said, and the look in his eyes told Isak that Even didn’t believe his bullshit excuse. “But come in! The more the merrier, right?”

Isak could tell Jonas was about to come up with an excuse to leave them alone, so he pushed his friends forward and into the apartment. As they followed Even into his living room, Isak muttered a quick, “Please don’t go yet,” to Jonas. His friend seemed to see the doubt and worry still stirring in Isak’s eyes, and he nodded in understanding.

They all sat down in Even’s living room, and Isak made sure that Jonas and Mahdi were on either side of him. Even seemed disappointed, maybe even a little offended, as he sat in a chair across from them. Conversation came easy enough, just random crap about school and what teachers sucked. Isak tuned it out, too busy trying to figure out what Even’s motive was still, until Magnus asked him about Russ.

“I was on a bus,” Even said sadly, “but I had to miss a bunch of school at the end of the year and couldn’t graduate. That’s why I’m redoing.”

“That sucks, man!” Magnus said. “You’re not going to join another bus?”

“Nah.” Even shrugged. “I liked the group I had last year, it wouldn’t be the same.”

Isak was surprised to hear that he wasn’t on the same bus as the guys he hung out with. Isak had just assumed he was, and their reputation had been part of the reason he’d been so distrustful of Even. The conversation drifted back to lighter topics, namely Magnus’ ridiculous plan to get laid, but Even looked… withdrawn from the conversation. Isak couldn’t help but watch him, couldn’t bring himself to tear his gaze away. What if Jonas had been right? What if Even was genuinely interested? Isak didn’t even try to tell himself he wasn’t attracted to the guy.

But still. It felt weird. Off, somehow. Something about Even’s sudden interest in him, and the fact he wouldn’t take no for an answer, just didn’t sit right. Even still, Isak was glad to have his friends there keeping Even at bay. Because as much as he didn’t trust the guy, Isak didn’t doubt he’d have a great deal of difficulty turning down any advances he made. He was only human, and Even was fucking attractive.

At 19:30, Even suggested that they start making their way over to the party. As everyone got up to start putting on their shoes and various layers, Even caught Isak’s elbow. “Mind helping me take these cans to the kitchen?”

“Uh…” Isak faltered. It would be rude to say no, because Even had just given them all free beer despite the fact he had only invited Isak, but fuck. It meant that they would be alone, in a closed off space, and Isak wasn’t sure he could deal with it. Jonas gave him a reassuring look over Even’s shoulder and he headed towards the front door with the rest of the guys, leaving Isak no choice but to start gathering cans into his arms.

He followed Even into the kitchen silently. Isak swallowed nervously as he started to empty cans into the sink, vividly aware of Even’s presence behind him.

“You brought friends,” he said after a minute, seconds after the door to his apartment closed behind the guys. Not angry necessarily, but definitely not happy. “Do you not trust me, Isak?”

“I don’t _know_ you,” Isak said in return, staring down at the can in his hands. “I didn’t know who was going to be here tonight.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Even said, stepping up to the sink and ducking down to try and meet Isak’s eyes. “I just wanted to get to know you.”

“Why?” he asked. “What’s so special about me? Why can’t you bug someone else?”

“Because you intrigue me,” Even practically breathed, his face inches away from Isak’s again. “Is it so wrong that I saw an attractive boy and decided that I needed to know him?”

Isak felt himself blush at the compliment. Even was… smooth. Isak would give him that. But he wasn’t so easily won over. He wasn’t going to just trust anything that fell from Even’s lips.

When he finally dragged his gaze up from the sink to meet Even’s eyes, he was a lot closer than Isak was anticipating. Any snappy comebacks fell from his mind as he sucked in a breath. Even noticed his reaction, and smirked.

Even’s eyes darted to his lips, then back to his eyes. Isak knew exactly what he was planning to do. His heart pounded in his chest as Even inched slowly forward. It would be so easy to lean forward and meet Even’s lips, to see what it would feel like to kiss him. But doubt still stirred in the back of Isak’s mind, and it was just loud enough that he took a step back before Even could get any closer.

He coughed, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Even’s eyes. “We should, uh. We should go. The guys are waiting.”

“Right,” Even said, and Isak was surprised by the defeat in his voice.

* * *

 

The party was loud and packed. Isak managed to lose everyone in the crowd within minutes, including Even. It wasn’t anything new, though. He was fairly used to being alone at parties. Now that he didn’t have to keep up the act of being straight, Isak found himself sticking to the edges and getting as drunk as he could in the time it took them to get bored or rejected enough to call it a night. He thought that Even would’ve taken the opportunity of a crowded party to invade his space again, but almost as soon as they were through the door he was off in search of whoever he knew at the party and Isak found himself alone. Again.

He contemplated just leaving—they probably wouldn’t even notice his absence—but he couldn’t bring himself to go. The last thing he needed was a lecture from Jonas in the morning about ‘missed opportunities.’ So, he found his way into the kitchen a grabbed a beer out of the fridge before navigating through the house and eventually finding the back door that led to a small deck and even smaller backyard.

There weren’t a lot of people outside. Mostly the stoners and the people too drunk to feel the cold as they made out unabashedly on the lawn. Isak leaned against the deck railing, staring down at the beer in his hands and feeling surprisingly uninclined to drink it. He heard the noise of the party surge as the door opened and closed, and waited for someone to stumble their way down to the small patch of grass.

Instead, Even’s voice broke the quiet, making Isak jump. Though he should’ve expected it, really. Even was always there when Isak least expected him to be. “They party’s inside.”

“I know,” Isak said, now hyper aware of Even as he moved to join him against the railing, standing just far enough that they weren’t touching, but close enough that Isak could feel his body heat.

“You really don’t like me, do you?” Even asked, sounding more hurt than Isak was expecting. Despite the doubts that still sat heavy in the pit of his stomach, he couldn’t help but feel like an ass. Even technically hadn’t done anything wrong— _yet_ —and he was treating him like he was some sort of villain.

“It’s not that,” Isak said, sighing. “Like I said, I don’t know you, Even. You came out of nowhere acting all smooth, what was I supposed to think?”

“That I wanted to get to know you?”

“You pressured me into going to your house for a pregame like 3 seconds after you told me your name,” he said flatly. “You can’t blame me for thinking I was going to be the butt of some stupid joke.”

“Why would I do that? Why would anyone do that?”

Isak shrugged and picked at the label on his beer bottle. “After all the rumours going around last year I more or less came to expect it.”

“What do you mean?” Even pressed. “What rumours?”

“The rumours that I’m gay.” Isak sighed. “Once it started spreading around, people started trying to see if they were true. So, forgive me if an invitation to a pregame with a third year out of the blue raised some red flags.”

Even didn’t say anything at first. Isak continued to pick at his beer bottle, trying not to feel pathetic as the silence stretched on. After a while, Even’s voice broke the quiet. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t know about the rumours last year, but I still shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to come.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Yes, it is, Isak,” Even said, leaning down to try and meet his eyes. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t say no to me. I was being selfish, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s… It’s okay,” Isak said, feeling oddly shy under Even’s gaze.

“I do want to get to know you, though,” Even said, “if that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah.” Isak swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Yeah, I’d be okay with that.”

“And from now on, tell me if something I do makes you uncomfortable, yeah?” Even smiled sheepishly. “I’m not the greatest at noticing that stuff.”

“Okay,” Isak said, nodding. “I can do that.” He couldn’t help the small smile tugged at his lips as Even beamed down at him. They fell into a comfortable silence, staring out at the people scattered across the lawn. Isak took slow sips of his beer, not really in the mood to get drunk but not sure what to say now that they’d reached a sort of… impasse.

Eventually, Even broke the tension by pulling a joint out of nowhere and raising his eyebrows in question. When Isak nodded, he smiled and said, “Come with me.”

Isak followed him silently to the front of the house. It was quiet and, surprisingly, empty. Even sat down on the grass, patting the space next to him with a smile. Despite the nerves coiling in his stomach, Isak sat down next to him, leaving enough distance between them that it wouldn’t be… weird. Not that it mattered, as Even scooted closer and closed the space until their thighs were pressed together and Isak could practically feel him breathing.

Even lit the joint and inhaled deeply, eyes drooping closed as he held the smoke in his lungs for a beat. He held it out for Isak to take as he exhaled, smoke bleeding out from between his lips. Isak swallowed around the lump in his throat and adverted his gaze as he took his own drag, trying to ignore how his hands itched to touch Even’s stupid fucking face.

They sat there in silence, simply passing the joint between them, until it was nearly gone. Only then did Even finally speak. “So, what’s your favourite subject?”

Isak couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled from his lips. Even’s eyebrows shot up at the reaction, confusion dancing in his eyes. “Sorry,” Isak said. “Just… that’s such a normal question.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Even asked, sounding a little offended.

“I just—You ask a lot of weird questions,” Isak tried to explain. “You’re always saying things to make me uncomfortable, and then you ask about school? I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well, if it’s expected of me…” Even teased, bumping their shoulders together, “I could ask you if you’ve ever kissed a boy.”

Isak felt his brain short-circuit, a blush already creeping up his neck both at the fact that he didn’t want to admit he hadn’t, and the fact that Even was looking at him like he _knew_ Isak hadn’t. Desperate to try and maintain some level of control in the conversation, Isak said, “I like biology.” It wasn’t until _after_ the words left his lips he realized how stupid of a statement that was—and how fucking obvious it would be that he was just avoiding the other question.

Even smiled, but he didn’t press for more like Isak expected him to. He just nodded and asked why he liked biology so much.

As Isak struggled to form a coherent answer he couldn’t help but feel surprised that Even seemed to be actually serious about not wanting to make him genuinely uncomfortable. Something still didn’t sit quite right in his stomach, but Isak didn’t have as much trouble ignoring it. Not with the nice buzz of the weed and the weird feeling he got whenever Even smiled at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak decides that maybe it'd be chill to get to know Even a bit. Give him a chance, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I was updating on Fridays, and that is still the plan (I will be updating on this Friday, too), but I just finished my last final and got accepted to the most prestigious writing program in Canada, so I'm pretty fucking stoked and want to just share all of the writing so bonus chapter this week!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter! Please let me know what you think, I love hearing theories and speculations and likes/dislikes. Comments make the world go 'round. <3

When Monday rolled around, Isak didn’t really know what to expect. Jonas and the guys had pulled all the ‘juicy details,’ as Magnus put it, out of him on Sunday when they all went to the skate park. He’d told them as little as possible while still managing to feed their damn curiosity. Though Jonas kept giving him looks that just screamed _this conversation isn’t over_. So that was dealt with, mostly.

And Even? Isak hadn’t heard a word from him since the party on Friday. He’d disappeared back into the crowd after they finished their joint and decided to go back inside, and Isak didn’t see him again until the party started to die out. Even then, Even had offered a small wave and walked off in the opposite direction. After the forwardness of the previous days, Isak had really expected more. Though he still wasn’t sure what that _more_ was, or if he wanted it. 

By Monday he was wondering if Even was already bored of him. Surely he could turn his charms on an easier target, lord knows that half the first year girls in the school wanted him. Though he’d never admit it to anyone, Isak wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted. Part of him did, for sure. But there was also a part of him that enjoyed talking to Even at the party, that enjoyed feeling Even’s thigh pressed against his own as they lazily passed the joint between them.

He didn’t have to think about it for long, though. When he showed up at school with Jonas on Monday, Even was waiting in the courtyard with his usual coy smile.

“Morning, Isak,” he said. “How was your weekend?”

“Good,” Isak said. “How was yours?”

Even shrugged. “It could’ve been better, had you been there.”

Jonas snickered next to him at the sheer cheesiness of the line, and Isak hated that he could feel himself blushing at such a stupid comment. Instead of trying to come up with an answer, Isak just rolled his eyes, which for some reason made Even smile more. “Lunch today?” he asked as they walked through the front doors of the school.

“Uh, sure,” Isak said. “Why not.”

“Great! I’ll meet you outside biology, then,” Even said, heading towards the stairs that presumably led to wherever his locker was. Isak didn’t even bother questioning how Even knew his schedule. He just nodded.

* * *

When Even walked into Norwegian, the guys were already waiting with expectant looks. Even rolled his eyes and fell heavily into the empty seat next to Erik, saying nothing. He could feel them all watching him, waiting for a recap of what happened with Isak, but he figured if they wanted to know that bad they could ask. Instead, he busied himself with pulling his notebook out of his backpack and searching for the pencil he knew hid somewhere in the bottom.

It wasn’t long before Anders broke and asked, “So? What happened?”

“It’s not going to be as easy as I thought it would be,” Even said, shrugging. “Just makes it more interesting though.”

“So, nothing happened?” Lars asked, sounding bored. “Mr. Suave and Cocky Even Bech Næsheim couldn’t get the guy?”

“Just because I couldn’t win him over in one night doesn’t mean he’s a lost cause,” Even said, a little defensively. “Hell, I think it makes him more attractive. You know how much I hate desperate people who just throw themselves at you.”

“Whatever,” Lars said, rolling his eyes. It was much less endearing when he did it than when Isak did, and much more annoying. “You talk a big game, but I feel like this is one you could lose.”

“Think what you want to think,” Even said, “but I know what I’m doing. I know how he looks at me. I just need to get him to trust me first.”

He was saved from anymore stupid comments by the arrival of their teacher, and the start of class. Even busied himself with doodling in his notebook, and trying to think of what he wanted to do with Isak at lunch. He wanted to find somewhere private, where it could be just them so that they could talk without people watching them. Even had a feeling that Isak would open up easier if he wasn’t keeping an eye out for onlookers.

Halfway through class, Erik slid his notebook into Even’s line of sight. At the bottom of the page, in his messy writing, it said, _Are you sure you know what you’re doing?_

_What do you mean_? Even wrote back.

_Isak isn’t some plaything to keep you entertained until someone better comes along._

The words hurt. Even knew where they were coming from, but still. Fucking hurts when someone you call a friend thinks so little of you. _I know that. It’ll be fine._

_Better be. I wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of his friends—heard they were in the Yakuza fight last year._

Even rolled his eyes and didn’t bother answering. Everything would be fine. Even was interested in Isak, genuinely. In the little time he’d got to spend alone with the boy on Friday he’d found himself pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to be around Isak. And he was so easy to fluster! Even had never really thought about that being a turn on, but fuck. Isak’s nervousness was almost as adorable as his stubbornness. He wanted to see more of it.

Throughout class he could feel Erik watching him uneasily, obviously still unsure about the whole thing, but he did his best to ignore it. He had things under control, and they’d see that soon enough.

* * *

Isak was restless throughout biology. He kept fidgeting, which only resulted in confused looks from Sana. When their teacher finally stopped lecturing to let them start on their assignment, she turned to him with a raised eyebrow and said, “What’s with you?”

“Nothing,” Isak said, shrugging and trying to sound nonchalant. It wasn’t working.

“Right. That’s why you haven’t been paying attention at all?”

“I’ve been paying attention,” Isak argued weakly. Sana leveled him with another disbelieving look, and he felt his resolve crumble. “Okay, fine. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Sana hummed. “Does it happen to have anything to do with Even?”

“What?” Isak squeaked. “How—what?”

“Please, Isak. Do you really think your friends can keep their mouths shut about stuff like that?” Sana rolled her eyes. “Magnus told Vilde about Even’s… proposition on Sunday.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Isak groaned. “That’s great, the whole school is going to know by the end of the day.” Sana smacked his arm, hard. “Ow! What the fuck, Sana?”

“Don’t be a dick, Vilde isn’t going to say anything,” she said. “She knows what you went through last year, do you really think she’d say anything that threatened all that coming back?”

“I guess not,” Isak said. “Sorry.”

“So, what’s got you on edge, anyway?” Sana asked. “I thought he asked you out for Friday.”

“He did—wait, no.” Isak shook his head quickly. “He didn’t _ask me out_. He invited me over for a pregame.”

“That’s the same thing, Isak.”

“No. Nope, it definitely isn’t. Pregames can be strictly friendly.”

“Sure, they _can_ be. But that wasn’t really his intention, was it?” she asked, winking. “Nevertheless, that already happened and from what Vilde said you turned him down pretty hard. So, what are you nervous about?”

“He asked me to get lunch with him,” Isak said, trying to ignore that even saying the words caused him to blush.

“And you said yes?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Isak groaned. “Actually, no. I _wasn’t_ thinking. Because it was too fucking early in the morning and he just sprung it on me and I panicked.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” Sana said, patting his hand gently. He nodded, smiling at her despite the fact that her words did little to sooth the knots in his stomach. Isak turned to their assignment, desperate for a distraction. “But Isak?” The concern in her voice made Isak look up, surprised to see that all the humour had left her features as she leveled him with a serious look. “I think you should be careful with him. I’m not saying that the gossip is right, and you should form your own opinions of him, but just… be careful.”

“I will,” Isak said. The familiar uncertainty he felt whenever he thought about Even’s intentions was still there, still lingering just under the surface. He wasn’t going to forget about that so easily just because they’d had a good conversation while smoking weed.

* * *

When biology finally let out, Isak’s heart jumped. He took his time shoving all his shit into his backpack, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a big fucking deal—that it was literally _just lunch_. Sana hung back with him, doing a kind of shitty job of hiding her concerned glances. When Isak finally took a deep breath and readied himself to head for the door, she patted his shoulder gently. “It’ll be fine,” she assured. Isak nodded and smiled.

Even was, sure enough, leaning against the wall outside their classroom waiting. He grabbed Isak’s wrist gently as he walked out, and Isak had jumped a good half a foot in the air. “Fucking Christ! You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” Even said, chuckling. “I thought you’d seen me.”

Isak rolled his eyes, because the only other option he could think of would be blurting out that he liked Even’s laugh. And that was not only ridiculous, but completely embarrassing. “You could’ve just called my name, like a normal person.”

Before Even could respond, Sana cleared her throat next to them, reminding Isak of her presence. Her eyes darted down to their hands. Or rather, Even’s hand. Which was still wrapped around Isak’s wrist. He tugged his arm away quickly, desperately trying to hold back his blush. “Okay?” Sana asked.

“Okay.” Isak nodded. Sana smiled, and started heading in the direction of the cafeteria.

“Shall we?” Even asked, dramatically gesturing in the opposite direction. He didn’t wait for Isak to respond before he started walking away.

“Where are we going?” Isak called, half-jogging to catch up.

“I thought we could go somewhere a little more private,” Even said, flashing a smile. “That way we don’t have to worry about people watching us.”

Part of Isak was glad that Even didn’t plan on being all… whatever he was in the middle of the cafeteria. Part of him was glad that he wouldn’t have to worry about what their classmates thought when Even inevitably got too close, or said something that made Isak blush. But another part of him couldn’t stop thinking about what it would mean for them to be alone in some isolated part of the school. Sana’s words rang out in his mind as he followed Even numbly through the school. _I think you should be careful with him._

They ended up going to the theater. Since the revue wasn’t due to start practicing for another couple weeks, it was completely empty. Isak continued to follow Even as he led them through the rows of seats, and into the backstage area. As Isak looked around, he absentmindedly noted that he’d never even been in the theater before, never mind backstage. It was dimly lit, and Even was walking towards a couch that was pushed against the back wall.

“Why is there a couch here?” Isak asked, scrunching his nose up as Even sat down. Who knows what had happened on that couch.

“I think someone donated it last year,” Even said, shrugging. He raised his eyebrows at Isak, where he was still standing awkwardly in front of the couch. “I’m not going to bite, Isak.”

“You don’t seriously expect me to sit on that, do you?” Isak questioned. “I mean—who _knows_ what else has been on that couch. I don’t even want to think about what is left on those cushions—” His rant was interrupted by Even grabbing his wrist, a little less gently this time, and tugging him down. And onto his lap. The words died in Isak’s throat as he took in their position, already feeling himself turning an undoubtedly embarrassing shade of red.

“Now you’re not touching it, happy?” Even wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist securely, and fuck. The weight of them was surprisingly nice, and Even was really fucking warm, and maybe he relaxed into the touch, just a little bit. “So, how was biology?”

That definitely wasn’t where Isak expected the conversation to go, but he was glad that Even wasn’t going to focus on their current position. Or the reaction Isak had to it. “Good,” he said. “A little boring. It was all stuff I knew already.”

“Is that so?” Even smiled, tightening his arms around Isak’s waist briefly. “I’m guessing you’re good at biology?”

Isak hummed. “It’s my best subject.”

“Is that what you want to study after you graduate?”

“Yeah.”

“Any idea where you want to go?” Isak smiled. He couldn’t help it. He’d been dreaming about going to the same school for years. He’d talked Jonas’ ear off about the program for months until his friend had practically begged him to talk about something else.

His face fell when he remembered what his father had said when he’d brought it up over the summer.

Even tightened his grip again. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“Nothing.” Isak shrugged, staring down at his lap. “I’m probably just going to go to UiO for general biology.”

“Isak.” One of Even’s arms detached from his waist, and before he could really react, Even was gently grabbing his chin and pulling Isak’s eyes back towards his own. “What do you really want to do?”

“It’s not important,” he said, trying not to squirm under Even’s gaze. “It was a stupid idea, and I’ve moved on.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Even said softly. “You looked so excited at first. What were you excited about?”

“It’s nothing, Even,” Isak said firmly, twisting his face out of Even’s touch. “Just a stupid program I wanted to do.”

“What program?”

Isak sighed. Even was persistent, if nothing else. Isak could feel his eyes watching him still, watching every little shift in his expression. The arm that was still around his waist was firm, and Even’s thumb was rubbing gentle circles into his hip. It was oddly intimate, and Isak felt like he should feel uncomfortable, but he didn’t. He felt calm. “It was a marine biology program at the University of Hawai’i.”

“Marine biology?” Even asked. “That’s so cool!”

Isak smiled at his excitement. Marine biology _was_ cool. “It is, yeah. It’s an amazing program too. Because it’s in Hawai’i, it gives a lot of opportunities to work directly with the animals in the wild as well at the aquariums and marine mammal clinics on the island.”

“That is nowhere near a stupid idea, Isak,” Even said. The serious tone in his voice made Isak look up, meeting his eyes again. Even looked so sure, so offended that Isak had even suggested that it was a dumb idea. “Why wouldn’t you try to pursue that?”

“Because it’s unrealistic.” Isak shrugged. “My dad said that the chances of a Norwegian kid getting into a highly competitive program in America are rare. Plus, it’s pretty stupid to leave a country with free education to go to one with incredibly expensive tuition, right?”

“No,” Even said quickly. “No, it’s not. Because that’s what you want. You _want_ to do that program, and you shouldn’t let something like that stop you.”

“I can’t afford it. And even if I could, my dad is right. I don’t think I’d have a very high chance of getting in.”

“No, your dad is the one who’s being stupid. He should be encouraging you to do this, if you’re passionate about it.” Even brushed his fingers over Isak’s cheek, and he couldn’t help but lean into the touch. “I don’t think you should give up, Isak. I think that you should at least try.”

“I’d have to take that stupid standardized test. The SAT or whatever.”

“So? If you study for it I don’t doubt you’d have no troubles passing.”

“But what if I don’t?” Isak asked softly. “What if I do all that work, and still don’t get in? Or worse, what if I _do_ get in and I can’t afford to go?”

Even brushed his fingers through Isak’s hair, pulling him closer with gentle pressure on the back of his neck until their foreheads were touching and Isak could feel Even’s breath on his lips. “Then you’ll figure something else out. Or you’ll try again. It doesn’t matter. Fear of failure shouldn’t stop you from trying.”

Isak nodded, his nose brushing against Even’s as he did so. This wasn’t what he expected to happen when Even pulled him into an isolated part of school. Hell, Isak didn’t expect Even to really care about his future plans at all. The things that he thought he knew about the older boy were crumbling away faster than Isak could keep up.

Even’s eyes flickered to his lips, just briefly. Just noticeably enough for Isak’s heart to jump nervously in his chest. One had was still resting on his hip, still rubbing gentle circles against his shirt. The other was resting on the back of Isak’s neck, fingers playing with the curls there. All he had to do was lean forward, just a little, and he could press their lips together. Just a couple inches, and he would get to know what Even’s lips would feel like against his own.

Isak’s heart was pounding as his eyes searched Even’s. There was no urgency there, no hint that he was going to force Isak to do anything he didn’t want to. It was clear that the ball was in his court. Even wouldn’t be the first one to make a move—that was on Isak. And he wanted to. The thought still scared him, but _fuck_ he wanted to.

He leaned forward a little, reaching up to brush his own fingers against Even’s cheek and marvelling at how Even’s eyelids fluttered shut at the touch. Isak swallowed thickly, and made his decision. He knew that if he didn’t just do this now, he’d overthink it.

But before he could close the tiny space between them, the bell rang loud and clear, making Isak jump. He looked around the room, having almost forgotten where they were. When he looked back at Even, there was a hint of defeat in his eyes. Like he knew the moment was gone.

Isak stood awkwardly, trying to regain some sense of composure as he watched Even get up too. He looked so defeated, and Isak felt surprisingly bad. Even didn’t say anything, just offered a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes as he started making his way out of the theater. Isak struggled to catch up to him.

When he did, he reached out and grabbed Even’s hand gently. “Hey,” he said softly. Shock was evident in Even’s eyes as he turned to face Isak, his gaze jumping between their joined hands, and Isak’s face. “Thanks. For this. I… Thanks for listening.”

Even’s expression softened immediately. He stepped closer to Isak, reaching his free hand up to brush the hair on Isak’s forehead back. “Anytime, Isak.”

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Isak’s cheek. Just a peck, a soft brush of lips against his cheekbone. Before Isak could compose himself enough to respond, Even was already pulling back and pulling his hand gently from Isak’s grasp. “I’ll text you,” he said, walking backwards towards the exit of the theater. “Have a good day.”

Isak watched him leave, still frozen in place. It wasn’t until the door closed firmly behind Even that he managed to snap himself out of the daze. He reached up to run his fingers across the spot that Even’s lips had brushed against his cheek, and blushed.

Fuck, he was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most people tend to have Isak go the BioChem route, but I personally love Marine Biology and it's the only biology I know anything about whatsoever so yup yup Isak likes the fish. The program in Hawai'i is based on a real thing, but it's 99% speculation because I (obviously) am not in that program. I do know what it's like to apply for American schools as a not American, though. Not fun. 
> 
> Also, before anyone questions why a high school theater would have a couch. Mine did. It was gross and I wouldn't have ever sat on it. I am 98% sure someone fucked on it during my senior year, wouldn't be surprised if multiple people did. The Couch™ is real.
> 
> As always, hmu on tumblr @castiels--grace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is a little early today because I'm in the process of packing to move out of my dorm. (I didn't kill my roommates somehow, everyone rejoice) Let me know if the texting format is in anyway confusing and I can change it up.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. :)
> 
> As always, comments make the world go 'round. (and the little wheel inside my head)

**Even**

21:20

I didn’t get to see you much today ):

sorry, but I have a big paper due in bio tomorrow

Sana and I were working on it at lunch

Nerd ;)

Can I see you tomorrow?

sure… lunch?

Same place? I can even bring a blanket to cover the couch

I know how scary it is, with all it’s germs

fuck you

unless you’d prefer our previous seating arrangements?

22:31

I’m going to take your silence as a yes, Isak

Not that I’m complaining, at all

I quite liked having you on top of me

wtf even. I was writing my essay what are you talking about

you can’t just say shit like that

why not? I’m just being honest

goodbye even

I’ll miss you, Isak <3

 

Isak couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off his face as he stared down at his phone. Even was fucking smooth, if nothing else. _I quite liked having you on top of me_. Fuck, Isak had practically choked on air at the words. He could feel Eskild watching him from his place across the living room, but the absolute last thing Isak needed right then was Eskild getting involved.

He tried focusing on his homework, because he really _did_ have an essay due in the morning, but no matter how hard he tried Isak couldn’t stop himself from checking his phone every couple of minutes. Even though _he’d_ been the one to end their conversation, technically, part of Isak wanted Even to keep pestering like he had a habit of doing.

“Talk to me, baby gay,” Eskild said eventually. “Who’re you texting that’s got you all flustered and cute?”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Isak asked in place of an answer.

“Oh, c’mon, Isak. You can trust me,” Eskild cooed, moving closer to where Isak was sitting with his textbook and notes sprawled out on the floor in front of him. “Talk to your guru.”

“You’re not my guru.”

Eskild smacked his hand against his chest dramatically. “You would me, Isak. I’ve been here for you through thick and thin, and all I get in return is grumpy sarcastic comments.”

Isak just rolled his eyes, focusing back on the notes in front of him. When his phone buzzed with a text, he reached for it embarrassingly quickly, only to find it was a message from his mother. More bible quotes.

“Talk to me, Isak,” Eskild said again. “You know you want to.”

“Fine,” Isak said, sighing. “If it’ll shut you up, _fine._ ”

Eskild cheered, pumping his fist in the air and shoving Isak’s books and papers out of the way so he could sit right in front of him. “So, who is he?”

“His name is Even,” Isak said. “He’s a third year.”

“A third year? Oh, lucky you!” Eskild gushed. “Is he cute? Or is he more… sexy?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Fine, fine,” Eskild muttered, waving his shyness off. “So, what’s the deal with him?”

“I don’t really know. He kind of came out of nowhere last week and asked me to pregame with him.”

“Okay? That sounds pretty standard. Did anything happen at said pregame?”

“No. I brought Jonas and the boys. I… I thought it was going to be a trap or something.”

Eskild frowned. “Why would it be a trap, Isak?”

“I dunno. His friends are all kind of assholes. And with the rumours from last year…” He shrugged. “I guess I’m just waiting for someone to try and test the gay kid, y’know?”

“And this Even guy seems like the kind of guy that would do that?”

“No. Or, yes? I don’t know, Eskild. I used to think so, but now… He’s been really nice.”

“Isak…” Eskild had a serious look on his face, all teasing gone from his voice. “You’re sure he’s okay? That he’s not trying to play you?”

Isak expected the words to bring his doubts back, like Sana’s had. But they didn’t. Now, when he thought about Even fucking with him it seemed more ridiculous than anything. “I don’t think so. He backed off right away when I said I was uncomfortable. Like, he’s still… flirty-” Isak scrunched his face up at the word, “-but it’s like he’s taken a step away. Like he’s waiting for me to make the first move.”

“Good,” Eskild said, voice much softer now. “You seem happy. It’s actually kind of gross.”

Isak rolled his eyes and shoved Eskild over, who was too busy cackling to complain.

* * *

When Isak got out of biology the next day, Even was waiting in the same spot. When his eyes landed on Isak, he flashed a blinding smile. “Hello, how was class?”

“It was okay,” Isak said, shrugging his backpack onto his shoulders. “Sana kept fighting me on answers that I knew I had right.”

“In your dreams, Valtersen,” she said, clapping him on the back as she joined them outside of the classroom.

“I guess we’ll just have to see when we get our paper handed back.”

“Guess we will.” Sana looked between them. She seemed more content with what she saw this time, but she still said, “Okay?”

Isak smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

Sana started heading in the direction of the cafeteria, and Isak turned back to Even with a smile. He looked fucking good, as always, and Isak couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t fair, as always. “What class do you have before this, anyways?” Isak asked as they walked. “You seem to know my schedule, I feel like I’m at a bit of a disadvantage.”

“I have art,” Even said, holding the door to the theater open for Isak to pass through. It was empty, just as it had been on Monday.

“You’re an artist, then?” he teased, turning around briefly on his way up the steps to the stage to glance at Even, who looked almost bashful at the comment. It was cute.

“I don’t know if I’d go that far. But I like drawing.”

Isak hummed. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

They were standing in front of the couch now. _The fucking gross couch_ , Isak’s mind provided. Even was smirking down at him, almost daring him to prove that he wasn’t afraid of the fucking thing. In a spur of over-confident annoyance, he pushed Even down onto the cushions and, before he could think too much about what he was doing, plopped himself back onto Even’s lap.

Even wasn’t moving, wasn’t even really reacting. He was just staring at Isak with wide eyes, like he couldn’t believe that he actually did that. _Isak_ could barely believe he actually did that. The confidence that he had mustered was quickly fading into embarrassment as he realized how fucking ridiculous and desperate he must’ve looked. He muttered a quiet “Sorry,” and started to get up when Even’s arms wrapped firmly around his waist, pulling Isak tightly against his chest.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Even asked.

“I was just gonna…” Isak gestured vaguely to the space next to Even.

“And sit on the disgusting couch?” Even teased. He leaned his chin on Isak’s shoulder, their noses almost touching. “I don’t think so. I like you right here.”

“God, you’re so embarrassing.”

“Me?” Even laughed. “You’re the one who sat in my lap.”

“It was a joke,” he muttered miserably. “Because of what you said in the text.”

Even hummed, nuzzling his nose into Isak’s cheek. “I’m not making fun of you, Isak. I thought it was cute.”

“Cute,” Isak scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Of course.”

“What, you don’t like being cute?”

“Uh, no? Cute is not what one typically aspires towards.”

“No?” Even was smiling so big his eyes were barely visible, and Isak couldn’t get enough of it. _He_ was responsible for that smile. He felt oddly proud. “What do you aspire to be, Isak?”

“I don’t know. Hot, I guess?” He scrunched up his nose. “Definitely not _cute_ though.”

Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s cheek, humming with his lips pressed against Isak’s cheekbone. The vibration sent a shiver down his spine. “For the record-” Even said, kissing his jaw this time, “-I think you’re fucking _hot_ , too.”

Isak didn’t know how to respond to that, apart from his involuntary blush. He just stared at Even, studying the brightness in his eyes and trying not to let his eyes linger on Even’s lips for too long. He wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, just staring at each other in a comfortable silence.

One of Even’s hands migrated up, so he could draw gentle patterns on Isak’s back. It was surprisingly comforting, and it didn’t take long for Isak to melt in his arms. Like, literally melt. He let his head fall onto Even’s shoulder, closing his eyes and humming contently as Even continued his lazy doodles.

“This is nice,” Even breathed into his hair. Isak hummed in agreement. “Thanks for giving me a chance, Isak.”

He lifted his head at that, eyes moving back to Even’s. Isak reached up to brush his fingers across his cheek. “I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you for being suspicious, honestly,” he said. “If I would’ve known what happened last year, I would’ve taken a completely different approach. One that didn’t make me seem like an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole,” Isak interjected, maybe a little too quickly. Even just smiled, leaning their foreheads together just as he had on Monday. Still not trying anything, still not forcing anything, still waiting for Isak to make the first move. Because he promised.

And just like on Monday, Isak felt the urge to kiss him. He had no reason not to trust Even, and _fuck_ he wanted to do it so bad. So, despite the nervousness that had started to coil in his stomach, Isak leaned forward until he felt his lips brush Even’s. This time the bell didn’t interrupt them.

Even didn’t do anything at first. He just let Isak kiss him, and didn’t really respond. And despite knowing that Even was just as attracted to him—he’d literally just said so—Isak could help but feel self-conscious again. Before he could pull away, Even’s hands left his waist to cup his cheeks, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

Isak melted into it, reaching up to wrap his hands around Even’s wrists as he hummed into the kiss. Even pulled away too soon, resting his forehead against Isak’s again, his thumbs gently brushing Isak’s cheeks with the biggest fucking smile on his face that Isak couldn’t help but return. Even leaned in again, just the slightest brush of his lips.

“I don’t—I really don’t want everyone to know about this,” Isak said nervously. “I’m sorry.”

Even smiled. “Don’t apologize, Isak. You never have to apologize for that.”

Isak kissed him again, because he didn’t know what else to say. It was messier, more desperate. Now that Isak knew what it felt like to kiss Even, he just wanted _more._ It was so different from the times he’d forced himself to kiss girls—his nerve endings felt like they were on fire with every touch. He broke away briefly, just long enough to readjust his position so he was straddling Even, who looked more than a little surprised at his forwardness.

Isak smirked, and dove in for another kiss, deepening it with his hands on the sides of Even’s face as he swiped his tongue across Even’s bottom lip, asking for more. Even happily obliged, humming contentedly and gripping Isak’s hips tightly as he tried to pull him closer.

When they finally broke apart, Even laughed breathlessly against his lips. “Fuck, Isak, where did that come from?”

“I like kissing you,” Isak said simply, shrugging. “Is that a problem?”

“No.” Even squeezed his hips. “It’s the complete opposite of a problem.”

Isak leaned in to kiss him again, smiling against Even’s lips as he did so. Now that he’d gotten a taste of it, he didn’t want to stop. He moved his hands into Even’s hair, tugging gently at the strands and trying (and failing) not to moan into the kiss.

It was dirty, and desperate, and Isak would be embarrassed by how turned on he was if he couldn’t feel Even’s own attraction pressing into his ass. When the bell rang signaling the end of lunch, they both groaned. Isak let his head fall forward on Even’s shoulder as he panted.

“That, though?” Even asked breathlessly. “That is a problem.”

Isak chuckled, feeling giddy and light. The last thing he wanted to do was get up from his perfectly comfortable position in Even’s lap, but the longer the waited, the less likely it was that either of them would end up going to class.

When Isak moved to get up, Even’s grip on his hips tightened. He kissed Isak again, muttering a quiet “Stay,” against Isak’s lips, as if he’d read his mind.

“I can’t,” Isak said, forcing himself to stand up and calm the fuck down so he wouldn’t show up to Norwegian with a boner, picking up his backpack from where he’d unceremoniously thrown it on the floor. “I can’t fuck up my 10%.”

Even groaned. “Damn you for being so studious. Can I see you after school?”

“I’ll think about it,” Isak threw over his shoulder as he started heading for the exit, knowing that if he turned around again he wouldn’t leave. “I’ll text you.”

“Where’d the shy Isak go?” Even called after him. “Where the hell is this all coming from?”

Isak just laughed as he pushed the door to the theater open and rushed towards class.

* * *

When Isak arrived in Norwegian just as the teacher started talking, all eyes were on him. But Isak could only focus on the looks Jonas and the rest of the guys were giving him. Two seconds in the classroom, and somehow, they just _knew_. Isak tried not to blush as he hurried to his spot next to Jonas, who immediately leveled him with a _look_.

Isak was spared from their questions for the first thirty minutes of class, and he thought that maybe this would be a lecture-heavy day. But no, luck had never really been on his side. Halfway through class the teacher announced that they could use the rest of their time to get into small groups and discuss the thematic choices in the book they were currently reading.

As soon as Isak turned around to face Magnus and Mahdi, he knew that wasn’t going to be happening.

“So, how’d you and Even spend your lunch hour?” Jonas asked, despite the obvious look that suggested he knew _exactly_ what Isak and Even had spent their lunch hour doing.

“Shut up,” Isak grumbled. “It just happened okay?”

Jonas nodded, suddenly looking a little concerned as he asked, “Did he…?”

“I kissed him first, if that’s what you’re trying to ask.”

“You looked like you did a hell of a lot more than kissing,” Magnus said. “Seriously, dude. You should’ve seen your face. Your lips were all swollen and red and your clothes were a mess. Hilarious!”

“Fuck you,” Isak said, though he guessed the anger was curbed slightly by the stupid fucking smile he couldn’t wipe off his face.

* * *

Even walked into History with his head held high, feeling damn good about himself. Not even the nasty look from the teacher could dampen his smile. When he sat down in his usual spot, Erik raised an eyebrow. “You’re late.”

“I am,” Even said, not feeling the need to try and be ‘cool’ without the other guys there. Erik had always been the chill one, out of the three.

“Your hair’s a mess, by the way.” Even reached up to run his fingers through it, trying to fix what Isak had done. “I’m guessing you finally made some progress with the kid?”

“Mhm,” Even hummed. “I think it’s turning out quite nicely. He’s a lot less shy that I thought he was.”

“Just be careful, Even,” Erik warned. And Even was really getting tired of it.

“It’s going to be fine, my god.”

“I know, you keep saying that. But seriously. I know you, I know what you’re like. This kid is going to fall for you—don’t hurt him.”

“It’ll be fine,” Even said again, leveling his friend with a look. “I promise.”

“Whatever you say. Just don’t come crawling to me if it goes south.”

Even rolled his eyes, deciding that it would be fruitless to try and argue with Erik any more. Not when he’d so clearly made up his mind about what was going on with Isak, despite having never met the kid.

Even tried to pay attention in history. He really did—it was one of his favourite subjects. But he just couldn’t focus, not with the events of lunch playing in a loop in his head. Isak had been so forward. If Even thought that shy Isak was attractive, confident Isak was ten times that. Watching him take control, and take what he wanted, was hot as fuck.

So excuse Even if WWII couldn’t keep his attention right then.

**Isak**

13:14

I can’t get you out of my mind

hm, is that so? Can’t imagine why

;)

Seriously where did all that come from?

What happened to the kid that blushed if I dared to get too close?

first of all, I’m not a kid

and when I want something I take it, is that a problem?

Definitely not. It’s fucking hot.

You’re fucking hot, Isak.

You’re not so bad yourself

wow, your compliments floor me ;)

words aren’t my thing

maybe you can show me how hot you think I am after school?

I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to picking up where we left off at lunch.

Can’t, sorry. Promised Jonas I’d go to the skate park with him and the guys

You skate?

no way, I’d probably kill myself just trying not to fall off the board.

But it’s fun to watch

Maybe I can come keep you company?

13:40

Isak?

Did I say something wrong?

13:55

Did you get your phone taken away?

14:02

maybe

lol, of course you did. Tsk tsk, you really should be more careful

shut up

<3

So what do you say, want me to come keep you warm while your friends show how macho they are by doing dumb tricks and leaving you all by your lonesome?

Better not

):

sorry. Maybe next time?

I’ll hold you to that.

 

Even sighed, slipping his phone back into his pocket as he headed into his last class of the day. He’d been really looking forward to spending more time with Isak, even if they weren’t alone. He’d be more than willing to hang out with Isak’s friends if it meant that he got to spend more time with him, get to know him better.

He tried not to feel bitter that Isak didn’t want him to come to the park with them. Even wondered if it was because he offered to ‘warm him up.’ If maybe he should’ve kept it more casual and not implied that he was going to force PDA on him like an idiot. Because, honestly, Isak had good reason to be weary of outing himself. Even had asked Erik about the rumours Isak was talking about when he first mentioned it, and they were pretty bad.

People treated him differently. One person wrote _homo_ on his locker in lipstick, presumably the girl who got burned when he denied her blowjob. Some people purposefully moved seats in class so they wouldn’t have to be near him. And on top of it all, no one would shut up about it for a good couple months. Even knew what it was like to have whispers follow you down hallways, it wasn’t pleasant. He didn’t blame Isak for not wanting to risk going through that again.

But it would be different this time, because he wouldn’t have to do it alone. Even just had to convince him of that fact. Somehow.

* * *

Isak didn’t expect Even to be waiting for him, and circumstantially Jonas, outside of the school on Thursday morning. Aside from Monday, it hadn’t been something that he did, but there he was. Sunglasses perched on his nose, a joint tucked behind his ear, looking fucking suave as always. Isak hated how much it made him itch to mess up his perfectly styled hair.

In actuality, he didn’t really know what to do. He wanted to touch Even, to kiss him right there in the courtyard, but a bigger part of him was scared about what the hell that would result in. Namely, the re-emergence of the rumour mill.

Even, for what it was worth, didn’t even try to do anything. He just kept smiling as he said, “Morning, Isak.”

“Morning.”

“Can I walk you to class?”

Isak couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, that’d be chill.”

“Ugh,” Jonas groaned, rolling his eyes. “You guys are disgusting. I’ll see you in history, Isak.”

“Sounds good.” Isak watched Jonas walk in the direction of the school, despite the fact that there was still a solid 15 minutes before class. Even pulled Isak’s attention back by bumping their shoulders together gently.

“Shall we?” he asked, tilting his chin towards the school.

“Sure.” Isak let Even lead the way through the courtyard and into the school building. Once inside, Even waisted no time in pulling Isak into an empty classroom, crowding him against the door as it shut behind them. Isak’s arms wrapped around Even’s neck instinctively, fingers carding through his hair as Even leaned down, lips inches away from Isak’s.

“Fuck, Isak,” he breathed, each word causing their lips to brush just barely. Just enough to send a shiver down Isak’s spine. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” Isak asked, smirking. “What were you thinking about?”

“This,” Even said, his voice deep and gravelly. He wasted no time pressing their lips together, and the kiss wasn’t chaste, or shy, or tentative in any way. Even knew what he wanted, and Isak was all too willing to give it to him as he moaned, opening his mouth for Even to deepen the kiss.

Even’s hands roamed down his sides, fingers slipping under each of his layers until he was touching Isak’s bare skin, gripping his hips tightly and pulling him forward. When Even finally pulled away, they were both breathless. “Fuck, Isak,” he said again, resting their foreheads together. “You drive me crazy.”

“Likewise.”

“Pregame with me tomorrow?” Even asked, just a hint of uncertainty in his voice that Isak definitely wanted to qualm.

“Of course.”

“Without the entourage this time?”

Isak rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hide his smile. “Yes.”

“Good,” Even said, kissing him softly once more before stepping out of his arms. “Best start heading to your locker now. Wouldn’t want you to be late, what with your 10% and all.”

“You’re the one who’s trying to convince me to go to a big fancy American school,” Isak teased. “I don’t think a sudden influx of absences and tardies would look good on an application.”

“Mm, fair,” Even hummed, opening the door and letting Isak duck out first. “Lunch?”

“Only if you’re okay with hanging with the guys.” Isak sighed. “I got an earful about ditching them twice this week already, I probably shouldn’t test my luck.”

“You’d be okay with that?” Even asked. “Me hanging out with your friends?”

Isak glanced around the hallway and, upon finding it empty, leaned up to press a quick kiss to Even’s lips. “Yeah, of course.”

The smile on Even’s face was more than worth the risk of someone seeing them. Almost made Isak want to do it again, but there were voices fading in from the other end of the hallway. He settled for bumping their shoulders together lightly as they headed for Isak’s locker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on tumblr [@castiels--grace](https://http://castiels--grace.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, I'm kind of floored by the response this story has been getting. Thank you so much to everyone who's taken the time to comment, each one makes my days just that little bit brighter. Things start to get a little more heated this chapter, and we get a better look at Lars. Let me know what you think! Comments make the world go 'round. (:

**Even**

11:21

Pregame at 18:00?

Looking forward to it

the actual party is at Lars’ house if you want to let the guys know

yeah? You’re okay with them coming?

To the party? Yes

but I want you to myself for a couple hours before that

really? Got something in mind?

mmm I can think of a few things

it’ll be nice to know we’re not going to be rudely interrupted by the damn bell

 

Isak smiled down at his phone, which was currently poorly hidden in his lap. He wondered, fleetingly, if they were moving a little fast, but shook the thought off with little effort. They were still just hanging out, just… with more kissing. It wasn’t like Isak was singing Even’s praises to the whole school or anything.

“What’re you smiling at?” Jonas asked quietly, glancing over at their history teacher as if she was going to call them out. She wasn’t paying them any attention.

“Nothing.”

“Right. What’s Even saying, then?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “We’re going to pregame at his place tonight, before the party that one of his friends is hosting. Lars?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard of him,” Jonas said. “He’s kind of an ass.”

Isak hummed in agreement. “I’ve heard that, too. But you guys are invited, if you want to come.”

“Really?”

“Not to the pregame,” Isak clarified, “but you can meet us there, or you can meet us at Even’s and we can all head over.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see what Mags and Mahdi wanna do.” Isak nodded, and they fell back into a comfortable silence. Isak forced himself not to pull his phone back out, trying to pay attention to whatever their teacher was saying. He thought they were maybe talking about the Treaty of Versailles? Isak fucking hated history.

“So, are you nervous?” Jonas asked after a while. “A week ago we had to practically drag you to his place, now you’re going all by your lonesome.”

Isak rolled his eyes again. “Yeah, well, a week ago I thought he was a different person.”

“You’re alright, then?” Jonas prodded.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Cool. I think he could be good for you.”

“Yeah?”

Jonas nodded. “You seem happier. It’s even worse when you’re together, gazing into each other’s eyes all the time like none of us exist.”

“We do not,” Isak scoffed.

“You definitely do. At lunch the other day, Magnus spent a good couple minutes trying to pull you guys into the conversation but you were too busy make heart-eyes at each other to notice.”

“Whatever.”

Jonas chuckled softly, bumping their shoulders together. “All teasing aside, we’re happy for you man.”

“Thanks, Jonas.”

* * *

 

Isak had never once in his life spent time worrying about what to wear, _especially_ not to go to a fucking party. But now, at 17:20, he was standing in the middle of his room in nothing but his boxers and a white t-shirt with half his closet strewn around his bedroom. Isak wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t. It was fucking _Even._ Even wouldn’t give a shit if he showed up in sweatpants, so long as he showed up alone this time.

But that didn’t make it any easier. With each outfit he tried he felt too young, or too put together, or not put together enough. Because maybe Even wouldn’t care, but Isak did. He, for whatever reason, felt the need to _impress_ him. He hated his brain sometimes.

As 17:35 rolled around, Isak panicked. He had to leave, _now_ , or he’d be late. And the last thing he wanted was for Even to think he was standing him up or something. He tried not to let himself think about it too much as he pulled on dark wash jeans and a blue flannel. It was fine. He looked fine.

He grabbed his keys and wallet, and threw a snapback on for good measure, before rushing out of the apartment without saying goodbye. He didn’t look at his phone until he got to the bus station, and when he did his heart fell. 17:47. He was definitely going to be late.

Isak ended up getting to Even’s apartment only five minutes after he was supposed to. All things considered, he counted it as a win. Especially when Even pulled his apartment door open with a smile, eyes trailing up the expanse of Isak’s body and leaving him feeling surprisingly exposed.

“Hey,” Isak said, shifting uncomfortably under Even’s gaze.

“Hey.” They both stood there for a moment, just staring at each other and not moving, before Isak surged forward, impatient for the feel of Even’s lips on his. Because they’d barely seen each other all day, and when they had been together he wasn’t allowed to touch. He wouldn’t let himself touch. But now? In the safety of Even’s apartment? Isak wasn’t going to hold back. His hands went straight to Even’s hair so he could pull him down for a heated kiss.

Even’s hands found his waist in moments, pulling him closer; pulling him into the apartment. Isak gladly followed, humming happily when Even closed the door and pressed him up against it. Isak would’ve been perfectly content to continue making out right there against the apartment door, but Even had other ideas. Apparently. He pulled back, chuckling softly against Isak’s lips. Even reached up to cup Isak’s neck, his thumb caressing his jaw.

“Hello,” he said again, his voice as soft as his eyes.

“Hi.”

“Care to actually come in?” Even teased, kissing his temple before pulling away completely and walking backwards towards his living room. “A couch might be more comfortable. Not that you don’t look ravishing pressed up against my door.”

Isak blushed, rolling his eyes to try and hide the reaction as he toed off his shoes and followed Even farther into the apartment.

There were already two beers waiting and open on his coffee table, and Isak thanked him as they plopped down side by side on the couch. Even threw an arm over his shoulders, pulling him against his chest. Isak pulled his knees up, more than content to let his head drop to Even’s shoulder as the older boy started stroking gentle circles on his arm.

“So, are the guys coming here, or meeting us at Lars’?” Even asked.

“Think they’re going to come here. Mags was worried they wouldn’t get in without you.”

“Lars knows you guys,” Even said. “Well. Knows of you.”

“He does?”

Even nodded. “Do you think I can make it a full day without talking about you, Isak?”

“Funny.”

“I’m serious. They’re all tired of hearing about you at this point.”

“Whatever you say,” Isak said. He liked the idea of Even talking about him to his friends. It made Isak feel like whatever this was went both ways—that he wasn’t the only one who was feeling a little giddy about everything.

“Did you talk to the bio teacher about the University of Hawai’i yet?”

“Sort of. I mentioned that I was interested in the program and she said she’d try and get some information for me.”

“That’s good!” Even smiled, tightening his arm around Isak’s shoulder.

“Yeah… she said it would be hard, though. That international students have a whole bunch of additional hurdles and things that could complicate the process.”

“Maybe so,” Even agreed, “but I think you’ve got a pretty good shot at getting in if you really want it.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you have so much confidence in me when you barely know me?” Isak asked, his voice harsher than he intended. He sighed, burrowing closer to Even. “I’m sorry. I didn’t... I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay, Isak.” He pressed a kiss to his hair. “Applying for schools is stressful, you’re allowed to be worried about it.”

“Is that why you’re taking a year off?”

“You remember that, huh?” Isak nodded, looking up at him through his eyelashes. He remembered that Even wanted to travel Europe, that he wanted to study film. That he was bipolar. “I guess that’s partially why, yeah. My doctor thinks that it might’ve been one of the things that triggered my episode. That the stress of graduation, and the stress of university applications, and… well, everything else that was going on was too much.”

Isak didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know much about Even’s episode in the previous year, what with all his own bullshit going on, but he’d heard some stuff. None of it was good. He wanted to ask, to clarify, but he didn’t want to pry. He definitely didn’t want to upset Even. Eventually he settled on, “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. But if you want to leave the past in the past, I’m okay with that too.”

Even smiled brighter than Isak had ever seen. He leaned forward, pressing their lips together firmly once before pressing a wet kiss to each of Isak’s cheeks. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me, Isak. Everyone always just wants to know what happened, they don’t… no one’s ever…” He leaned and kissed him again. “Thank you.”

They fell back into a comfortable silence as they sipped on their beers. Even was still rubbing gentle circles into Isak’s arm, and he was more than content to let his head roll back onto Even’s shoulder. Part of him wished that they hadn’t already agreed to go to this party. He was so comfortable curled against Even’s side.

“This is nice,” Even said eventually, breaking the silence. “Though I do miss having an excuse for you to sit on my lap.”

Isak rolled his eyes at the boldness of the statement, but he shifted out of Even’s arms nonetheless so he could straddle his legs. Even smirked, hands smoothing their way up Isak’s thighs and sending shivers down his spine. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on Even’s. He could feel himself blushing, which was ridiculous because he honestly spent more time in Even’s lap than on actual couches at this point. Still, his voice was soft when he asked, “Better?”

“Much,” Even said, tilting his chin up for a chaste kiss. “I like holding you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Even hummed, kissing him again. It didn’t take long for it to devolve into something more dirty and desperate. Isak was more than willing to open his lips to let Even deepen the kiss. It was teeth, and breathless moans, and Isak tugging at Even’s hair as Even’s hands danced along the hem of his shirt, occasionally slipping under the material to press against his bare skin. Every gentle press, every brush of Even’s fingertips set Isak’s skin on fire.

He rolled his hips down unconsciously, and they both froze. Even broke their kiss, and pulled back enough to look Isak in the eyes. And _fuck._ His eyes were dark, and his face flushed, and his hair an absolute _mess_ and Isak felt a bit like he was going crazy. He rolled his hips again, experimentally, watching Even’s expression darken farther.

“Isak,” Even warned, tightening his grip on his waist.

“Yes, Even?” he asked innocently.

Even groaned. “God, you’re going to be the death of me.”

Isak hummed, smiling as he played with the hair at the nape of Even’s neck. He was oddly proud that he had this effect on Even. It just made him want more, so he pushed forward to kiss him again. There was no build-up this time. It was hungry and desperate from the minute Even leaned up to meet his lips, and Isak didn’t falter when he rolled his hips down again.

This time, Even didn’t hesitate to react. He used his grip on Isak’s hips to pull him down, to guide his movements until they were both breathless and forced to break their kiss, Isak dropping his head onto Even’s shoulder.

Even’s hands moved from their position on his hips so he could pull Isak against his chest, and before he could really think about why Even was turning them to the side, and lowering Isak down onto the cushions with surprising tenderness considering the heat of the situation.

His hands migrated back to Isak’s waist, pushing his shirt up to expose skin as he pressed wet kisses along Isak’s jaw. One of Even’s hands moved up to his neck, using his thumb to push gently against Isak’s chin. He got the hint and let his head fall back, tugging on Even’s hair as he started to press kisses to down his neck before sucking a mark onto his collarbone.

Isak pulled him up, crashing their lips back together and wrapping his legs around Even’s waist. He wanted more, he wanted—a loud buzzing pulled Isak out of his thoughts of _EvenEvenEven_ and back to reality.

“Fuck,” he panted against Even’s lips. “That’s—that’s probably the guys.”

The doorbell buzzed again, and both Isak and Even groaned. “God damn interruptions,” Even muttered as he got up, pulling Isak gently with him until they were both sitting. “I guess I’ll go get it.”

“I’m sorry,” Isak said, though he couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice as Even groaned again.

Knowing he had a minute tops before the guys sauntered into the apartment, Isak desperately tried to calm the fuck down. He knew there was little he could do to hide the fact that they had been making out, but the guys didn’t need to see the full extent of it.

Namely the problem in his pants that was making them tighter than usual.

It was a small miracle that he managed to compose himself in the short time it took Even to return, guys in tow. “Sorry, we’re a little early,” Magnus said, sounding the complete opposite of sorry.

“Yeah, we didn’t interrupt anything, did we?” Jonas asked, looking just as fucking smug. Isak glared at him, choosing not to acknowledge his stupid question with an answer.

“Nice hickey,” was all Mahdi said, falling onto the armchair heavily. Isak felt himself blush, one hand moving to his neck to feel and… yup. That was a fucking hickey.

Even looked distinctly uncomfortable as the guys settled in, almost like he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to sit. And no. Isak wasn’t having that. So, despite the endless teasing he knew he would get for doing it, he reached for Even with grabby hands and a pout. The smile he got as Even slid back onto the couch next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder was worth the poorly hidden cackling coming from his friends.

* * *

 

The party was in full swing when they arrived, people already puking in the bushes outside the front door and girls stumbling down the road without their shoes on. Isak wasn’t particularly _excited_ to be there, especially not since he got a taste of what he and Even could be doing instead, but still.

He expected everyone to run off right away and ditch him, as they always did, but Even didn’t budge from where he was standing pressed against Isak’s side. “You can go find Lars if you want,” Isak shouted over the music. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight tonight, Isak,” Even replied, leaning down so he could breathe the words directly into Isak’s ear. The only thing he could do was nod. He was afraid anything else would result in him throwing his concerns out the window so he could reach out and take what he really wanted.

They ended up sitting in the kitchen, Isak perched on the counter and Even leaning against it next to him, both of them nursing beers but neither really intent on getting drunk. They didn’t talk about anything important, just random shit about how Isak had a shitty taste in films, but Even had a shittier taste in music.

“Gabrielle, Even!” Isak laughed. “You can’t defend your music taste when you like that shit.”

“Gabrielle is great,” Even pouted. “Who doesn’t love good music that you can dance to?”

Isak just rolled his eyes.

He didn’t know how long they sat there talking before Lars finally found them, but when he walked into the kitchen Isak felt distinctly uncomfortable. He didn’t know what it was about the guy, probably all the stories he’d heard about what a shit person he was, but Isak always felt like he was being laughed at when Lars was in the room.

“Well, hello lovebirds,” he said, leaning against the counter on Isak’s other side. Too close, much too close.

“Hey, man,” Even said easily, completely oblivious to Isak’s discomfort. “Crazy party. Didn’t expect it to get this big.”

“I think word got out to Bakka.” Lars shrugged. “I dig it, though. Lots of hot girls.”

“Hadn’t really noticed.”

“Of course not. Not with little Isak here being so willing and able.” He smiled like a snake. Isak wanted to leave.

“What the fuck, man?” Even asked, and some of the pressure from Isak’s chest lifted, only to return when Lars’ eyes scanned his body. One of his hands migrated to the counter, uncomfortably close to Isak’s ass but not obvious enough to draw Even’s attention.

“Hey, chill out. I’m sure Isak doesn’t mind.” He stepped closer, the hand on the counter moving to settle on his lower back, and Isak tried not to react despite feeling like his skin was being burned by the touch. “Being as deep in the closet as you were, I’m sure you’re pretty starved for the kind of attention you _really_ want, huh?”

And that was about all Isak could take. He felt sick. He felt humiliated. And there was no way he was just going to sit there and let some dickwad talk to him like that, Even’s friend or not. He hopped off the counter and left the kitchen without a word, Lars’ calls of, “Take a joke, sweetheart!” following him into the hallway.

Isak didn’t bother trying to find his friends to let them know he was leaving. He was pissed, and upset, and pissed that he was upset. He just wanted to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

He made it about half a block towards the nearest bus station when Even caught up to him. Or, rather, Even’s voice caught up to him. “Isak!” he shouted. “Hang on a second, please!”

Isak’s step didn’t falter. He wasn’t mad at Even, he hadn’t really done anything wrong aside from being friends with the guy, but he was embarrassed. And he just wanted to be alone.

It didn’t take long for Even to catch up with him, his fingers wrapping around Isak’s wrist to stop him. Isak relaxed at the touch, just barely. At least, until Lars’ words echoed in his ears. _I’m sure you’re pretty starved for the kind of attention you_ really _want._ He yanked his arm out of Even’s grasp, but didn’t start walking again. He just stared down at the pavement and waited for him to say whatever the fuck he needed to say.

He didn’t expect Even’s arms to wrap around his shoulders, pulling Isak tightly against his chest and pressing his face into Isak’s hair. He wanted to pull away, but Even was warm, and Isak was just fucking tired. He melted into Even’s touch, reaching up to wrap his own arms around Even’s waist. And if his hands grasped at Even’s sweater like his life depended on it… well, no one needed to know.

“Fuck, Isak, I’m so sorry,” Even mumbled into his hair. “He’s such a fucking asshole, I’m sorry.”

Isak squished his face against Even’s chest, breathing him in as he tried to hide his embarrassment. “He was just being honest.”

“Fuck that, no he wasn’t.” Even pulled away so he could look Isak in the eyes. “He has no idea what he’s talking about, and he had no right to say any of that to you.”

Isak didn’t know what to say, so he just pulled Even forward again. “I want to go home.”

“Okay. I’ll take you home.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Isak promised as they broke apart. “You’re not responsible for what he says.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not going to give him shit when he sobers up tomorrow,” Even replied, keeping close to Isak as they walked to the bus stop together. He felt surprisingly touched by Even’s words.

* * *

 

When they got they got to his flat, Isak tugged Even inside before he could really think too much about what he was doing. Even didn’t try to hide his surprise as Isak led him the short distance from the front door to his bedroom, shutting his door firmly behind them and locking it. It wasn’t until he turned back around to face Even that the nerves set in. “Is this okay?” he asked softly. “I just… It’s still early.”

“Yes, Isak.” Even smiled, stepping closer and bringing his hands up to cup Isak’s cheeks as he leaned down for a chaste kiss. “This is more than okay.”

Isak headed towards the bed, taking Even’s hand and tugging him gently along. He watched as Even toed off his shoes and climbed on the bed, turning to Isak with a soft smile once he was comfortable and reaching out for him. He climbed into Even’s arms, more than happy to curl into his side and rest his head on Even’s shoulder.

Isak hummed contently as Even started drawing patterns on his back, soft lines that he could barely feel through his multiple layers. Even so, each one sent shivers down his spine.

They didn’t talk at first. Isak would never admit it out loud, but he quite liked cuddling. Just the feeling of having someone so close with no expectations. It was nice. It was comforting.

“Why are you friends with Lars?” he asked after a while. The question had been sitting in the forefront of his mind since he left the party. He just couldn’t understand how the Even that he knew managed to find himself in a group with someone like Lars. Where Even seemed to be constantly proving the rumours Isak had heard wrong, Lars lived up to each and every one. Might’ve even been worse.

“Sometimes I don’t really know,” Even said with a sigh. “I guess he was one of the only people who didn’t treat me like something broken after my episode. Even the guys I was on a bus with last year started looking at me different, like they were walking on eggshells with every conversation. Lars never really gave a shit, and when I ended up repeating the year he was one of the first people who actually tried to talk to me. Just came up and said, ‘So, you’re crazy, huh?’” Even laughed, but there was a bitterness in his voice. “I guess it wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but I was tired of being alone. So I just laughed and went with it.”

“Is he always like that?”

Again, Even sighed. “Yeah. I’ve learned to just ignore it at this point. He introduced me to the other guys I hang out with a couple weeks ago, Anders and Erik?” Isak nodded, letting Even know he’d heard about them, too. “I think you’d like them. They’re more chill, don’t say stupid shit like Lars does. Hell, they’re pretty much the only reason I hang out with him anymore.”

“Okay,” Isak said, because he didn’t know what else to say.

“I really am sorry for tonight.”

“It’s okay,” Isak said, and he meant it. Lars was an asshole, and he wouldn’t be spending any time in his general vicinity in the future if he had any say in it, but it wasn’t Even’s fault. “Seriously, I’m over it. He just caught me off guard, and it was embarrassing to hear because, y’know, _you_ were there, but whatever. I told you, I’ve been expecting stuff like that to happen ever since the rumour mill blew up last year.”

When Even didn’t respond, Isak lifted his head from Even’s shoulder so he could get a proper look at him. He was frowning deeply, glaring at Isak’s comforter like it’d burned him or something. “You okay?” Isak asked.

“Yeah. Just realizing how much of a dick I must’ve seemed like for pressuring you to come to my place like that,” Even said. “When you thought my friends were going to be there… that’s what you were expecting? To be ambushed and teased?”

“I didn’t know what to expect,” Isak answered, because he didn’t like seeing Even frown and he just wanted to move past this already.

“But that was something you thought could happen?”

Isak shrugged. “I guess so, yeah. I don’t know.”

“Fuck, Isak. I’m sorry.”

Isak had had just about enough of Even’s self-pitying and guilt, so he twisted out of his arms and moved to straddle his legs and tried not to think about how bizarrely familiar the position was starting to feel. He grabbed Even’s face securely between his hands, and made sure Even was holding his eye contact as he said, “Please stop apologizing to me. I literally do not give a fuck about Lars, and I’ve long since gotten over the fact that you were a pretentious ass when we met. Okay?”

“Okay.” Even smiled, letting his hands wander up Isak’s thighs again. He leaned forward, kissing the side of Isak’s mouth. “I can do that.”

Isak chose to press their lips together in place of a response, letting his hands find their way back into Even’s hair.

Unlike the last time they were in this position, their kiss wasn’t heated. It was slow, and lazy, and Isak had no trouble letting himself go soft in Even’s arms. Even’s hands moved up over his hips, circling around Isak’s waist to hold him snugly against his chest.

They broke apart after a while, and Isak let his head drop onto Even’s shoulder as his eyes drooped shut, zero plans to move until Even forced him to. Which Isak doubted was going to happen anytime soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skam ends tomorrow, and I don't think my brain has processed that quite yet. 
> 
> But I'll still be here, writing for it, long after it's gone. I think I've got something like 12 AU ideas sitting in my hard drive somewhere, so yeah. Definitely not letting these boys go anytime soon. 
> 
> New playlist this chapter! Find it on [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/castielsgrace/hold-you-close), [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/225cziwxmfvkcs4c32c2e65hq/playlist/2xpaz4ieXeau5asmMpo8Z0), or Apple Music. If possible, please listen in order! 
> 
> Lastly, thank you for all the amazing feedback. I love reading all your comments, and can't wait to see how you guys react to this story as it goes on. Comments make the world go 'round. <3

When Isak blinked his eyes open Saturday morning he immediately knew that something was off. It took about four seconds for his hazy brain to realize that there was another person in his bed. Namely, Even. His arms were wrapped around Isak’s shoulders, holding him tightly against his chest. Isak was scared to move, to wake Even, but he really fucking had to pee.

So, as carefully as he could manage, Isak detangled himself from Even’s arms and exited the room. He made it about half way to the bathroom when he ran into Eskild, who gave him one look and raised an eyebrow. “Please tell me you’re not just getting home now.”

“What?” Isak asked, confused. Eskild gestured to his clothes and Isak realized, oh. Yeah. He was still wearing all the shit from the party yesterday. “Oh, no. I just passed out faster than I thought I was going to last night.”

Eskild hummed, knowing that something was up, but didn’t say anything on the matter. Just sauntered into the kitchen. Isak thanked his stars that Eskild wasn’t in a pestering mood, and hurried to the bathroom.

When he got back to his room, Even was awake and sitting on his bed with a smile. “Hey,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep making Isak’s heart jump.

“Hey.”

“We fell asleep,” Even observed.

“We did.”

“You okay with that?”

Isak smiled, and climbed back onto his bed. He pressed a soft kiss to Even’s lips. “More than okay with it.”

“So, what’re your plans for today?” Even asked softly, brushing his hands through Isak’s sleep-tousled hair.

“’dunno,” Isak muttered, content to snuggle back into Even’s side and close his eyes. He hadn’t slept so well in so long, and he kind of wanted to take advantage of the warmth and comfort Even brought by going back to sleep. “What’re you doing?”

“Well I’d love to hang out with you, if that’s okay?”

Isak smiled, even though Even couldn’t see it. “That’s chill.”

“Good.” Even pressed a kiss to the top of his head, fingers still massaging his scalp gently.

“Can we just stay here?” Isak asked. “Just relax?”

Even nodded. “We can do that.”

“Thank you.”

The fell into a comfortable silence. Isak was on the edge of sleep again, feeling drowsy and warm and fucking _happy_. He struggled to think back to a week prior, when he’d been so reluctant to give Even even the smallest chance. Now there he was, curled around the older boy unabashedly in his room, with no plans to leave for the rest of the day.

“Why do you want to travel?” Isak asked into the quiet room. He wanted to know more about Even, about Even’s future. Especially since Even had been the one to spur him to think about his own future.

“A lot of reasons,” Even said after a moment’s thought. “I mean, we live in Europe. We’re so close to so many amazing places, and I just feel like I need to take advantage of that, you know?” Isak hummed against his chest, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt absentmindedly. “And I’ve always been interested in the cultures around the world. I want to go to so many countries, but I don’t want to be a tourist. I want to _experience_ living there. To really immerse myself and see another side of life.”

“That’s cool,” Isak said quietly, tilting his head up to look at Even with a small smile.

“I think so, yeah. I wanna take pictures, too. Document every step of my travels.”

“I look forward to seeing them,” Isak said without really thinking. The words hung in the air, a bizarre promise that this… whatever it was between them was going to last past Even’s graduation, past his gap year in Europe. Isak felt like a moron for even thinking the words, never mind saying them aloud. Even probably thought he was some sort of desperate freak.

Isak expected Even to be awkward, to brush him off. Instead, he said, “I can’t wait to show you.” One of Even’s hands moved up his body, grazing over his hip and arm until his finger was gently nudging Isak’s chin up so he could press their lips together.

The kiss was lazy, and slow. There was no rush, and Isak let himself just marvel in the feeling of it. The fact that he was kissing another boy, and being kissed _back._ A year ago, hell a fucking week ago, it was such a distant concept. Then Even walked into his life and Isak was starting to wonder how the fuck he got so lucky.

When they broke apart, Even bumped their noses together. Isak froze briefly, his brain reeling with _did he just fucking Eskimo kiss me?_ , but Even was smiling so softly that he didn’t really give a fuck in that moment. He just closed his eyes and smiled when Even did it again.

“How did you end up in this flat share?” Even asked after a while.

Isak squirmed, he couldn’t help it. He hated talking about why he left home, why he was _forced_ to leave home. But Even was looking at him with so much patience and kindness and Isak knew that he wouldn’t pressure him to talk about it, if he didn’t want to. That was enough, knowing that Even would only take what Isak would give him. Made him feel like he wouldn’t react badly when Isak told him the story. So, he did.

“My, um… My mom is sick,” he said slowly. “She’s got schizophrenia, and it… it got really bad toward the end of last year. My dad left, and she sort of just snapped. I tried to stay with her, I did, but I couldn’t…” Isak shook his head, looking adamantly at a spot Even’s t-shirt. “It was too much, to deal with her and school and everything. So, I ran away. I ended up in a bar—a gay bar, but I didn’t know it then—and was completely wasted when Eskild finally found me and took me back here.”

He sighed, grip on Even’s shirt tightening slightly. “Dad pays my rent now, and mum’s in a care home.”

“I’m sorry, Isak,” Even said softly into his hair. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, that wasn’t fair to you.”

“I just… I feel so guilty for leaving her. She’s my mum, and I just abandoned her when things got tough.”

“You’re not the parent, Isak,” he answered firmly. “It isn’t your responsibility to look after your mother.”

“I know, but I left her _alone._ In the middle of one of her really bad periods. I just ran, I had to get out of the house, I—” Even stopped him, shushing him quietly. Rubbing his back gently and whispering sweet nothings until Isak managed to calm down again.

“You don’t have to talk about this,” Even said.

“I know,” he replied. “But I… I want to? I want you to know. You should know.”

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here. But if you want to leave the past in the past, I’m okay with that too,” Even said, throwing his own words back at him. It made Isak smile.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “But I do want to tell you, honestly.” Even nodded, pressing a kiss to his forehead and letting Isak gather his thoughts enough to continue. “Mum refused to get help. That was why dad left. He said he couldn’t handle her if she wasn’t willing to try and get better. She thought the government was out to get her, though. Thought that medication was all a scheme to control our brains, or something. But it meant that she had really bad episodes, scary episodes.

“The night I left she… she didn’t even recognize me. Didn’t think I was really her son. She was throwing stuff. Plates, and knives, and… and I was scared. I had to get out of there, so I ran. I texted my dad telling him to go deal with her.” Isak squeezed his eyes shut, remembering how awful his words had been. “I didn’t talk to either of them for months. Eskild let me stay in the basement rent-free until Noora moved out. By then I’d told my dad I wasn’t coming home already, and he agreed that’d be best.”

“I’m sorry, Isak,” Even breathed. “I’m glad you got out, though. She may be your mother, and it’s okay that you wanted to help her, but she was putting you in danger. It wasn’t fair for your father to expect you to stay.”

“I know. I just, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “She’s in a better place now. Taking her meds and everything. She’s still got bad days, and she keeps sending me bible verses, but at least she’s safe right?”

Even nodded. “Right.”

“I’m sorry for dumping all that on you,” Isak said after a couple minutes had passed, nuzzling his face into Even’s neck. “I haven’t really… I don’t talk about that often.”

“Don’t apologize. Thank you for telling me.”

“I trust you,” Isak mumbled into his neck.

“I’m glad.”

* * *

Even didn’t leave the apartment until 19:30. They spent the day smoking, and kissing, and talking about random pointless shit. Even had been reluctant to even leave, but he had plans with Erik in the morning. Isak had walked him to the door, smiling as Even leaned down to press a soft goodbye kiss to his lips.

When he turned around, Eskild was waiting with a cocked eyebrow and expression that very clearly said _you are not getting out of talking this time, baby gay._ Isak groaned, but followed Eskild into the living room and took the beer that was pressed into his hands.

“So. That was Even, then?” Eskild asked.

Isak nodded. “That was Even.”

“He’s hot.”

Isak smiled. “He is.”

“He was here all day. Did he spend the night last night?”

“Yeah,” Isak said. Quickly adding, “but nothing happened.”

“Really.”

“Seriously,” Isak assured. “We came back here because Lars’ party was shit, and we just… fell asleep. Nothing happened.”

“Okay. I believe you.” Eskild took a sip of his beer, watching Isak as he did. “What happened at the party to make it shit?”

“Nothing,” Isak said too quickly, flinching as Eskild’s face shifted to one of concern.

“What happened, Isak?”

“Lars is an ass, that’s what happened.” He sighed, putting his own beer on the table. “He said some stupid shit and I left because I didn’t want to deal with it. End of story.”

“And Even just let him do that?” Eskild asked, his voice dark.

“No!” Isak corrected swiftly. “Even told him to fuck off, but he didn’t listen and I just kind of… ran. Even ran after me and spent forever apologizing for what Lars did.” He looked Eskild directly in the eye and said, “Even was there for me, through the whole thing. He felt terrible.”

“Okay, well. Good.” Eskild smiled then, the worry fading from his eyes. “So, you’re pretty into this guy, huh?”

“I…” Isak thought about lying, about shrugging it off like he was so used to doing with the girls he pretended to date. But, fuck. He _was_ into Even. And that was kind of scary, considering it had been a week. Isak knew that, out of everyone, Eskild would be the least likely to judge him. So he nodded and said, “Yeah, I am.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Eskild said, pulling him into a too-tight hug. Isak couldn’t help but laugh and hug Eskild back.

Because he was thankful as fuck that he had Eskild.

* * *

 

**Even**

10:30

So I just realized I still haven’t even asked you on a proper date, and frankly I am appalled at myself.

you’re such a fucking dork

excuse you

I am trying to ask you on a DATE Isak and you are INSULTING me

Calm down with the caps there, buddy

Buddy??

BUDDY?

You wound me

fuck off

❤️

❤️❤️❤️❤️

You’re a dork

You’ve said. Obviously you like it though because I got a heart

(:

But seriously, Isak. I want to take you out for real.

Even…

What is it, baby?

 

Isak almost dropped his phone. He was fucking glad he was alone in his room because he could _feel_ the blush on his cheeks. Fucking _baby_ Isak couldn’t believe him. He also never thought that he’d actually want to be called baby, but Jesus.

 

**Even**

10:40

Isak? Did I say something wrong?

no! you’re fine

I just

I’m not really ready for everyone to know that I’m gay

At least, not for sure

That’s okay

We don’t need to act like a couple

I just want to do something nice for you

Okay, then yeah. I’d really like that.

What’d you have in mind.

Hmmmmmmm

Movies?

Then I can hold your hand and no one will know

Okay

Tuesday after school?

I’m looking forward to it

Me too, baby, me too

❤️

❤️

* * *

Isak was in such a good mood on Monday, that he didn’t even care when Magnus immediately started talking about whatever poor girl he tried to make out with at the party when they sat down for lunch. He didn’t care that Jonas was looking at him funny, or that he was pretty sure he was smiling like an idiot.

Isak was happy, and he didn’t particularly care about anything else in that moment.

When Even walked into the cafeteria, Isak’s eyes drifted to him almost instantly. He was alone, scanning the cafeteria slowly until his eyes landed on Isak. When they did, he smiled and started heading over. Isak smiled back and scooted over to make room for him.

“Hey,” Even said as he sat down.

“Hi.”

“Yes, hello, Even,” Magnus said, rolling his eyes. “Lovely of you to join us thank you for acknowledging our presence and not ignoring us to make heart-eyes at Isak.”

Even laughed, leaning forward on his elbows and staring intently at Magnus. “Hello, Magnus. How are you today? How was your weekend?”

“It was _lovely_ , thanks for asking,” Magnus answered sarcastically. “The party we went to was dope.”

“Not that you two would know,” Jonas said. His voice was dark and unapologetic as he glared daggers at Even.  “I saw Isak hightail it out of there. He looked pretty upset.”

Isak rolled his eyes. He knew there had been something bugging Jonas all day but he didn’t think it was _that._ “I’m fine, Jonas.”

“Right. But you weren’t.” He directed his gaze back at Even. “What happened?”

The question sounded a lot more like _what did_ you _do?_

“It wasn’t his fault,” Isak interjected.

“I didn’t say it was.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Even said softly, squeezing Isak’s knee under the table. Isak jumped at the touch, eyes darting around the cafeteria before he realized that no one could see, not that they particularly cared. Even noticed his reaction, though, and started pulling his hand away. Isak took a breath, and grabbed his hand under the table, intertwining their fingers. Even smiled, squeezing gently, and turned his attention back to Jonas. “I know it must’ve looked bad.”

“It did,” Jonas agreed, though some of the hostility had already faded from his voice.

“Lars said some really insensitive shit in the kitchen,” Even explained. “I tried to get him to stop, but he was pretty drunk. And he’s an asshole.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Isak said. “It wasn’t Even’s fault.”

“I mean, it kind of was?” Even asked, scrunching his nose. “He’s my dick of a friend, and I know what he’s like when he’s drunk. I should’ve gotten you out of there before he even opened his stupid mouth.”

Isak shrugged. “Whatever. I’m over it.”

“So…” Magnus started, “where’d you go, anyway?”

“Back to my place,” Isak answered simply. There was a chorus of _ooh_ ’s, and he rolled his eyes dramatically as Even laughed. “Oh, fuck off. It wasn’t like that.”

“Right.” Mahdi grinned. “We believe you, bro.”

“Seriously, we just fell asleep!”

“Did he tire you out?” Magnus asked, barely able to get the sentence out without collapsing into a fit of giggles. Isak felt himself blush, throwing the remainder of his sandwich at Magnus, who only laughed more.

“Why the hell am I even friends with you guys?”

“You love us,” Jonas said. “You wouldn’t know what to do without us.”

“Somehow I think I could manage.”

Much to his relief, the conversation started moving away from his… whatever it was with Even. Isak still didn’t know what to call it. Was it a relationship? Would Even even want to _be_ in a relationship with him, with someone who wasn’t comfortable being together in public? They were going on a date, sure, but part of Isak was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Even squeezed his hand again gently, pulling Isak from his thoughts. “You alright?” he asked softly.

“Yeah.” Isak smiled. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“You seem a little lost in your thoughts.”

“I’m okay,” Isak said.

“And this is okay?” Even asked, squeezing Isak’s hand under the table.

“It’s definitely okay.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with it…”

“I’m not,” Isak interrupted. “Honestly, Even. You surprised me, but I’m okay. It’s nice, and no one can even see it.”

“Okay.”

Isak smiled, and turned his direction back to his friends. Mahdi was talking about their math class, and how annoying their teacher was. Isak nodded furiously, and backed him up. She was fucking awful. Just as the conversation started heating up, Isak felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

**Even**

12:23

God, I want to kiss you so badly

You’re so fucking hot, Isak

 

Isak stared down at his phone, then lifted his eyes slowly to Even. Who wasn’t paying him the slightest attention, just nodding and smiling along with whatever Mahdi was saying. Like he hadn’t just made Isak flustered in front of all his friends.

“You alright, Isak?” Jonas asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Fine,” he said, though his voice sounded strained even to his ears. Even just smirked, and Isak wanted to strangle him.

Once the conversation started up again, Isak turned his attention back to his phone.

**Even**

12:26

You’re such a dick

Now why would you say that? That’s mean, Isak

You can’t just say shit like that right now

Why not?

Because we’re sitting with all my friends, and Jonas is annoyingly perceptive?

I think you’re being unfair ):

I should be able to tell my boyfriend that I think he’s hot whenever I want to

 

“Boyfriend?” Isak asked aloud, before he could really think about it. Everyone stopped talking, all eyes shifting to him and Even.

“Um, I mean…” Even shifted in his seat, looking nervous for the first time since Isak met him. “We don’t have to put a label on it if you don’t want to.”

Isak stood abruptly, all eyes still on him as he cleared his throat and said, “Come with me.”

Even looked worried as he stood up, following Isak as he walked briskly through the cafeteria and pulled Even into the first empty classroom he could find. “Isak…” Even said slowly, voice quiet and withdrawn.

Isak turned around with a smile, and wrapped his arms around Even’s neck to pull him down for a deep kiss. Even hummed happily against his lips, hands finding Isak’s waist easily and pulling him closer. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against Even’s and smiled. “So, boyfriend?”

“If you’re okay with it, yeah,” Even said with a smile of his own. “I was going to ask you on Tuesday, but it kind of just… slipped.”

“I am definitely okay with it,” Isak told him.

“Good,” Even said, laughing. He bumped their noses together gently. “You scared the shit out of me in there.”

“Sorry,” Isak mumbled. “I just… I wanted to kiss you. But I’m not—I can’t… I still don’t think I’m ready for people to know yet.” He took a deep breath, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. “Is that okay? Do you still want to…?”

“Isak,” Even said breathily, one of his hands leaving Isak’s waist so he could brush his fingers across Isak’s cheek. “Of course that’s okay. I want you to be comfortable, and if you want to keep this just between us, that’s perfectly fine with me.”

“Thank you,” Isak said softly, kissing him again.  “We should get back out there. I don’t even want to know what they think we’re doing.”

Even smiled and tightened his grip on Isak’s hips. “I like having you all to myself, thank you very much.”

“And I like not being teased endlessly every time I go back to class with them and you’ve made a royal mess of my hair.”

“Me?” Even asked, pointing to himself in shock. “ _Me?_ If you think I’m bad, you’re easily ten times worse.”

Isak scoffed. “I am not.”

“You are.” Even leaned down to kiss him. “It’s okay, though. It’s cute.”

Isak rolled his eyes, and reluctantly pulled out of Even’s arms so they could head back to the cafeteria for the last ten minutes of lunch. As they walked in, all three guys were watching them with poorly hidden smirks. Isak sat heavily in his chair, glaring at them even as he intertwined his fingers with Even’s under the table.

“That was quick,” Magnus said, barely stifling his laughter.

“Fuck off,” Isak grumbled. “Nothing happened.”

“Mhm, sure,” Mahdi said.

Jonas shrugged. “I believe him.” All eyes turned to him and he smirked. “We’ve all seen Isak after they actually make out. They’re not nearly disheveled enough.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Isak said, frowning as his friends all laughed at his expense. He turned to Even for support, only to find him laughing too. “Seriously?”

“Sorry,” Even said, poorly stifling his laughter. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re such an ass.”

Even hummed and squeezed Isak’s hand. “You love it, though.”

He kind of really did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for all the support so far on this story, it means the world to me. This chapter we finally get to see these boys go on a date. And The Couch™ returns. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round. <3

Even showed up at Isak’s flat to pick him up for their date at 18:00 on the dot. Isak opened his door, and the breath caught in his throat. Even looked stunning. Not that he didn’t always, Isak just couldn’t seem to get used to it. He was smiling brightly, and Isak didn’t even try to hide his own smile. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Even said, leaning down to kiss him softly. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” He followed Even down the stairs and onto the quiet streets of the city. Since it was Tuesday, there weren’t that many people wandering around. He bit his lip nervously and, before he could overthink it, reached for Even’s hand.

Even, for what it was worth, didn’t make a big deal of it. Just squeezed gently and pulled Isak closer as they walked. Isak’s heart was pounding—nervousness and excitement and a little worry all swirling around as he thought about what they would look like to someone just glancing at them. He wished it didn’t make him nervous, wished that he could just be with Even without worrying what everyone else would think. He tightened his grip on Even’s hand. It was barely anything, but Even noticed. He looked down at Isak, slowing their pace until they came to a stop.

“We don’t have to hold hands if you’re not okay with it, Isak,” he said quietly. “I want you to be comfortable.”

“But it’s a _date_ ,” Isak said.

“It is,” Even agreed, “and I’m just happy to have you by my side, holding hands or not.”

Isak nodded, letting his hand slip from Even’s grip. They started walking again and he muttered a quiet, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Even said. “I promise, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m embarrassed of you, or something,” Isak blurted, feeling himself blush.

“I don’t think that.”

“’cause I do want to be with you, honestly,” he continued.

“Yeah?”

“I just… I don’t know if I’m ready to be ‘the gay kid.’ I don’t know if I’m ready to go through that—especially since you’re graduating this year. I just. I know people won’t care, but…”

“Baby, it’s okay,” Even said, stopping again and spinning Isak to face him. “I understand how scary it can be to come out, and _it’s okay._ I’m just happy you want to be with me.”

Isak nodded, swallowing down his nervousness. “Okay.”

They walked the remainder of the way to the bus stop in silence, and it wasn’t until they’re on the bus going in the opposite direction of the only theater Isak can think of that he asked, “Where are we going?”

“Well, I was thinking about what movie we should go see and I realized that absolutely nothing good is playing. So, we’re going back to mine.” Even turned to him with a smile. “It’s more private that way, too. You don’t have to worry about other people seeing us together.”

“Oh,” Isak said.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Yeah, that’s definitely okay. What movie are we going to watch?”

“That, my dear, is a surprise.”

* * *

 

When they finally got to Even’s apartment, Isak was bubbling with excitement. Most of the nerves that had come along with the date faded when Even said they’d be going to his house instead of a public theater, and now Isak just wanted to see where the night was going to go. And what weird, pretentious movie Even was going to make him watch because, yes, they had established that Even was a bit of a movie snob.

Even seemed excited, too, as he led Isak into the apartment, through the darkened hallways and into what Isak assumed was his bedroom. When he flicked the light switch, Isak’s breath caught in his throat.

The room was illuminated by string lights, hung from various places in the room. Even’s bed was lofted, and there was a couch underneath it that was covered in blankets and pillows. It looked so fucking warm and inviting.

“Do you like it?” Even asked quietly, his lips against Isak’s ear as he wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist.

“Yes.”

“Good. Because the string lights took forever to set up,” Even said, laughing softly. The air puffed against Isak’s neck, making him shiver.

He turned around in Even’s grip, wrapping his arms lazily around his neck. “You did all this for me?”

“Yes.” Even kissed him softly. “I told you I wanted to do something special for you.”

Isak hummed, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I feel like this is every teenage girl’s dream date.”

Even squeezed his arms tighter around Isak’s waist. Even’s eyes were gleaming as he stared down at him—and Isak honestly never thought anyone would ever look at _him_ like that. He wasn’t used to someone giving him their full attention, and it was kind of dizzying. He was so fucking _lucky_ to have Even.

 Even leaned down, his lips grazing Isak’s ear as he said, “I don’t know if that was meant to be an insult, but it sure felt like one.”

“It wasn’t,” Isak said, turning his face so he could meet Even’s lips in another kiss that he couldn’t help but smile into. “Seriously, this is nice. Thank you.”

“Get comfortable,” Even said, nodding towards the couch, “I’ll get us some beer and then we can start.”

Isak kissed him once more before reluctantly stepping out of his hold and heading to the couch. He sat, pulling his knees up to his chest, and checked his phone as he waited for Even to come back.

**the boys**

18:35

_Jonas_

have fun on your date, man

don’t do anything we wouldn’t do

_Mahdi_

definitely don’t tell us if you do I don’t wanna hear that shit

_Magnus_

I do

I want to know everything Isak

Tell me all your secrets

Isak rolled his eyes, but smiled. They were fucking dorks, but at least they were supportive dorks who didn’t give a shit that he was gay. Isak slipped his phone back into his pocket as Even returned, beers in hand, and shut his door behind him.

He handed a beer to Isak, and set his own on the floor so he could move to fiddle around with the TV—plugging his laptop in and searching through his surprisingly extensive iTunes movie collection until he found what he was looking for.

“ _Romeo + Juliet?_ ” Isak asked disbelievingly. “Please tell me we are not watching _Romeo + Juliet.”_

“It’s an epic love story, Isak!” Even said, pressing play and moving to sit next to him on the couch. He threw an arm around Isak’s shoulder, and Isak curled into his side instinctively.

“It’s depressing, is what it is.”

“So you’ve seen this?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “No. But I’ve read the play.”

“Not the same, baby,” Even said. “This is Baz Luhrmann. He’s a genius.”

Isak rolled his eyes again, but smiled and curled into Even when he sat down next to him nonetheless. “Whatever you say.”

* * *

 

“Are you crying, baby?” Even asked as the credits began to roll.

Isak rubbed hastily at his eyes, frowning deeply and struggling not to look like an idiot as he mumbled out a stubborn, “No.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Even said softly, reaching up to wipe Isak’s cheeks with his thumb. “I cried too. Still do sometimes.”

“Why the fuck did you make me watch that?” he asked. “That was so depressing.”

“But it was beautiful!” Even argued. When he spoke again, his voice was unsure. “Wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Isak admitted. The last thing he wanted was for Even to feel like he’d fucked up their date. “It was just sad.”

“All the best love stories are.”

“I guess,” Isak agreed, dropping his head onto Even’s shoulder and humming happily as Even started gently massaging his head. “I can see why you want to go to film school.”

“Yeah?”

Isak nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited about something as you were about telling me exactly what was so amazing about the cinematography in that.”

“I love it,” Even agreed. “I love how each choice the director makes is made to make the audience _feel_ something. Happiness, sadness, worry, despair. They get to make these worlds come to life, and I think that’s amazing.”

“Do you want to be a director, then?” Isak asked.

“I do. One day, anyway.”

“I think you’d make a good director.”

Even laughed softly. “Yeah? Why do you say that?”

Isak shrugged. “I think you see things differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’unno. I guess, you just… you notice stuff. Not even just in movies, but like… in life. You see just see more in everything—notice all the little things that normal people like me don’t. It’s pretty obvious you’ve got an eye for this stuff.”

Even kissed his forehead, then his cheek. “That’s sweet.” He kissed the corner of Isak’s lips. “You’re sweet.” Finally, he kissed him properly, and Isak melted into it. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over how easy it was to lose himself when Even kissed him.

They broke apart after a while, Isak smiling against Even’s lips. “Hungry?” Even asked.

“I could eat.”

“Cheese toasties?”

Isak smiled, and nodded, letting Even pull him up from the couch by the hand. As they walked through the empty apartment, Isak couldn’t help but wonder where Even’s parents were. They’d pregamed at his house two Fridays in a row, and Isak didn’t remember ever seeing or hearing anyone else in the apartment. And now, on a Tuesday night? Most people’s parents tended to be home by 19:00.

“Hey Even?” he asked, hopping onto the counter in the kitchen as Even started to pull various ingredients out of his fridge and cabinets. He hummed to let Isak know to continue with his question. “Where are your parents?”

“Oh.” He pulled various spices from the cabinet, placing them on the counter next to the cheese and bread. “They travel a lot for work.”

“So, you’re here alone a lot?”

“Yeah,” Even said. “They usually go three weeks on, one off. Sometimes their schedules match up, but usually they’re only both here at the same time like three days of the month.”

“That sounds rough.”

Even shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I like having the space to myself, and it usually means that when they are both home we do fun shit together.”

“So, they’re not coming home tonight?” Isak asked slowly, feeling a blush crawling up his cheeks as soon as he realized what the words could imply. Even seemed to follow his train of thought, looking away from their half-made cheese toasties with a smirk.

“Did you have something in mind, Isak?” he asked, putting the knife down on the counter so he could move to stand in front of him. His hands ran down Isak’s thighs until they were resting on his knees, and the touch sent a shiver down his spine. Isak let his legs fall open, and Even stepped forward between them. Isak looped his arms around Even’s neck, pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

Even hummed, his tongue swiping along the seam of Isak’s lips. His hands found their way to Isak’s waist, tugging him forward until he was perched on the very edge of the counter and pressed against Even. He threaded his fingers through Even’s hair, tugging gently and marvelling at the moan it drew from his lips. Isak tugged again, a little rougher, and Even tightened his grip on Isak’s hips, biting his bottom lip and drawing a moan of his own.

When they broke apart, they were both panting. Isak let his forehead rest against Even’s, a small smile tugging at his lips. “That wasn’t what I was implying.”

“No?”

“No. But…” Isak blushed, gaze darting away from Even’s.

“But?” he asked, rubbing their noses together softly. “What do you want, baby?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to cuddling?” Isak half-asked, cheeks burning at how pathetic he sounded. Even laughed, and he shoved at his shoulder gently. “Shut up, forget I said anything.”

“No, no!” Even chuckled. “I’m sorry. You’re just so _fucking_ adorable, I can’t deal with it.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Isak said, pushing him back a little harder this time, only to remember Even was the one keeping him on the counter as he started toppling forward. He tightened his hold on Even’s neck as the older boy continued to laugh, gently pushing Isak’s hips back until he was more firmly seated.

“I would love to cuddle with you,” Even said seriously. “Stay the night?”

Isak nodded, kissing him soft and slow. “Okay.”

* * *

 

Waking up in Even’s arms was something that Isak could get used to. He marvelled at the warmth of the arms looped around his waist, the feel of Even’s breath on the back of his neck. It was a damn good way to wake up. He wanted to stay there, to spend the day lazing around on Even’s bed and in the comfort of his arms, but school. Fucking school.

With a sigh, Isak turned around so he could face Even, who just tightened his hold. “We gotta get up, Ev,” Isak whispered into the quiet room.

Even groaned, nuzzling closer until their noses were touching. “No.”

“Yes.” Isak leaned forward, kissing the corner of Even’s mouth. “If I don’t show up to biology, Sana will kill me.”

“Wanna sleep,” Even grumbled, “wanna keep holding you.”

Isak could feel himself blush. He didn’t really know how to respond, because it wasn’t like he could argue that he _didn’t_ want that. He’d love to spend the day wrapped around Even. Eventually, he settled on saying, “Baby, we gotta go to class.”

Even’s eyes blinked open slowly, a smile tugging at his lips. “Baby?” he asked, and Isak felt himself blush. “Did Isak Valtersen just call me _baby_?”

“Shut up,” Isak grumbled.

Even hummed. “Say it again.”

“What?”

“Say it again,” Even said, voice deep and laced with sleep.

His lips were so close, and Isak was struggling to focus. At least, that was what he would tell anyone who asked him why he said—more like whined—, “ _Baby._ ”

Even closed the distance between them, kissing Isak hungrily. It was a fucking nice way to wake up, though the deeper Even kissed him, the harder Isak was finding it to pull himself away. “We seriously have to go, Even.”

“Fine,” Even said, completely detangling himself from Isak and climbing down from his bed. Isak tried not to groan at the cold that seeped in at his absence, forcing himself down the ladder as well. It wasn’t until he went to get dressed that he realized with a groan that he’d have to put on the same clothes as he’d worn to Even’s the day before.

“What’s wrong?” Even asked, looking up from the drawer he was digging through.

“I didn’t think I was going to spend the night. Didn’t bring a change of clothes.”

Even shrugged, and after digging around his drawer a little more, chucked a hoodie in Isak’s direction. “Borrow mine.”

“Thanks,” Isak said, pulling it over his head. He tried not to breathe the sent in, knowing how fucking creepy that would be, but couldn’t help but feel surprisingly comforted by it. He pulled on his jeans from the day before, and ran his fingers through the messy curls on his head.

“I like seeing you in my clothes,” Even said, smiling as he leaned down to kiss Isak softly. “Breakfast?” Isak glanced at the clock to make sure they had time, and nodded. “Great. If you want to brush your teeth while I start it, go ahead. There should be an extra toothbrush in the cabinet.”

“Okay,” Isak said, smiling. “Thanks.”

He hurried through his morning routine, brushing his teeth and splashing some cold water on his face in a feeble attempt to look more awake, before joining Even in the kitchen. He was welcomed by the smell of coffee and eggs, Even standing happily at the stove humming quietly to whatever was playing on the radio.

Isak leaned against the wall, content to just watch Even as he worked. For the first time since the night before, he let himself dwell on the fuzzy feeling in his gut. Fuck, he was falling for Even a lot faster than he ever anticipated—or wanted—and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. Not when Even kept doing shit that made his heart flutter.

Even turned then, jumping slightly at the sight of Isak. He couldn’t help but laugh as he walked into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to Even’s cheek. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“Anytime,” Even said, dishing the eggs onto two plates and setting them on the kitchen table. Isak dug in, humming happily around the mouthful. Even smiled. “Good?”

“Very.”

“The secret is one tablespoon of sour cream.”

“Huh.”

They ate in a comfortable silence, their feet tangling together under the table. Isak couldn’t stop smiling, even if he felt a little ridiculous for feeling so giddy. When they’d finished eating, Even placed their dishes in the sink and nudged Isak out of the kitchen, assuring him that he didn’t have to worry about the dishes because, “We’re going to be late, remember?”

As they walked to the bus stop, Isak once again felt the urge to reach for Even’s hand. He wished it didn’t also cause his anxiety to spike. He wished that he was comfortable and confident enough with himself to not give a fuck about what other people thought—wished that he could show everyone that Even was _his_.

But the idea terrified him as much as it excited him. So Isak shoved his hands into his pockets and tried not to feel too disappointed in himself.

When they got to school, Even followed him to his locker and leaned casually against the ones next to his. He raised his eyebrow at the sight of Isak’s messy locker, but didn’t say anything. Just grabbed Isak’s books as he struggled to shove everything he didn’t need back inside.

Once the door was firmly closed, he turned to Even with a smile and thanked him for the help. “Anytime,” Even said. “Lunch today? Just the two of us?”

“I’d love that,” Isak replied, smiling. “Same place as always?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll see you then,” Isak said, and with a quick glance to make sure the hallway was still empty, he pressed a quick kiss to Even’s lips. He headed for history early, unable to wipe the stupid smile off his face.

* * *

 

Isak was glad that the theater was empty as they made their way inside. Even reached for his hand as the door closed behind them, tugging Isak gently down the rows of seats until they reached their spot—the couch still waiting and unmoved. Isak tried not to think about the fact that he was growing attached to the thing; that he was growing attached to the idea of having a place where he could be alone with Even at school.

Even sat on the couch, pulling Isak down onto his lap without hesitation. Isak couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled from his lips as he looped his arms lightly around Even’s neck. “Well, hello.”

“This okay?” Even asked.

Isak hummed in response, kissing him softly. “Better than the floor.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Even said. “I promise that this couch is not nearly as germ infested as you think it is.”

“We don’t even know who donated it,” Isak argued, scrunching his nose up in disgust. “Or where it came from.”

“Next time I’ll bring a blanket,” he said, kissing Isak’s cheek, “promise.”

“Nah.” Isak nuzzled closer. “I like this arrangement better.”

Even laughed, and he could feel the vibrations in his chest. Even’s whole face lit up, and Isak couldn’t help but think that he loved seeing him laugh. He reached a hand up, brushing his fingers gently across Even’s bottom lip and told him just that.

Even blushed—actually _blushed_ —and for once didn’t have a response. They fell into a comfortable silence, Isak slipping his phone out of his pocket to check his emails. Their biology teacher was _supposed_ to email them a term check in with their grades, but she still hadn’t done it.

His phone buzzed with a message from Jonas, which consisted only of a link. Isak followed it cautiously, never knowing what to expect from his friend. Sometimes it was politics, other times it was ‘horrendously funny’ porn.

Much to Isak’s relief, it led to an article. Though his relief was short-lived when he read the headline.

_Park board to vote on bylaw banning cetaceans at Bergen Aquarium*_

Isak had to resist the urge to throw his phone across the room, choosing instead to shove it angrily into his pocket. Even raised an eyebrow, lifting a hand from Isak’s waist to brush his curls off his forehead. “Everything okay?”

“I’m sick and tired of fucking PETA activists. Fucking sheep. No one ever does any _research_ anymore—and the animals they seem to think they’re helping are getting fucked over because of it.” Isak frowned, clenching his hands into fists in an attempt to calm his building anger. “Fuck!”

“Woah, hey,” Even used his finger to nudge Isak’s chin in his direction. “What’s going on?”

“They’re trying to ban cetaceans at the Bergen Aquarium.”

“Cetaceans…?”

“Whales, dolphins, porpoises… that kind of thing,” Isak said sadly. “They’ve got a false killer whale, and two dolphins right now. And thanks to this bylaw, those animals are in danger.”

“What do you mean?”

Isak sighed. It was nice that Even was showing an interest, but he’d been down this road before. People ask to be polite, but as soon as Isak actually started explaining what was going on, they’d lose interest. Some people even said he was overreacting. Which he wasn’t. “It’s a long story. You don’t have to pretend to care, it’s okay.”

“Hey.” Even held Isak’s face firmly between his own, a small frown tugging at the corner of his lips. “I’m not pretending to care. If this is something you’re passionate about, I want to hear it. I may not know what’s going on, but I want to learn. I want to know about this part of your life, too.”

“I just—I care a lot about it. And people don’t get that. They think that I’m getting ‘too worked up’ all the time.”

“Well, I’m not everyone else.”

“No,” Isak said, sighing, “you’re not.”

“Tell me what’s happening,” Even said softly, brushing his fingers through Isak’s hair.

“There’s an elected parks board in Bergen—the _only_ elected parks board in Norway. It’s stupid, we don’t need to have an elected parks board anywhere. It’s all old white people who think that just because the aquarium is in one of the city parks they can completely control what goes on there regardless of the fact that they have no knowledge of marine mammals and what they need to survive, or what the aquarium does to help them.”

Isak took a breath, trying to calm some of his anger. “This bylaw would ruin everything. They would have to euthanize the cetaceans they have there now, and any that they try to save in the future would be in danger of the same.”

“Fuck,” Even said. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded, picking at a loose string on his jeans. “The aquarium works so hard to help these animals. Their main focus is rescue, rehabilitation, and release. The only animals they actually keep are the ones that aren’t able to survive in the wild—other than that, they release them as soon as they’re healthy enough. And the amount of _research_ the aquarium does?” Isak shook his head. “Fuck, Even. It’s incredible. They’re trying to develop a fishing net that can actually be echolocated by cetaceans so they won’t get caught in the nets as much. That’s one of the biggest dangers for cetaceans in the wild.”

“That’s incredible.”

“It is. And it’s all going to be taken away by a bunch of morons who think they can appeal to the animal rights activists and get voted in again.”

“So… what can we do?”

“What?”

Even smiled. “To help. How can we help?”

“I don’t…” Isak frowned. “I don’t know. I think the aquarium has set up a system to send emails to the board asking them not to do it.”

“Send me the link?” Even asked. “I’ll get as many people as I can to send an email. I know that’s not much, but it’s gotta help, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it would.” Isak leaned forward, kissing Even deeply and marvelling in how Even’s hands instinctively moved to his waist, pulling him closer. When they pulled apart, Isak sighed happily. “Thank you.”

Even smirked. “I know I’m a good kisser, but…”

Isak smacked his arm lightly. “Fuck you, you know that’s not what I meant.” He reached up to run his hands through Even’s hair. “Thank you for listening to me rant. For caring.”

“Of course. Anytime, baby.” Isak felt himself blush at the endearment, still not used to it and reluctant to admit to himself just how much of an effect it had on him. Not that it mattered, because from the smile that spread on Even’s face, he knew _exactly_ what it did to him. “Do you like it when I call you _baby_?”

“Fuck off,” Isak mumbled, though the anger was probably dampened by the fact he dropped his head to Even’s shoulder and nuzzled his nose against his neck.

When the bell rang singling the end of lunch, the last thing Isak wanted to do was go to Norwegian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *So this is based off a real thing that happened this year in Vancouver (where I live). It's the only elected park board in Canada, and they decided that because the Vancouver Aquarium is located in Stanley Park, they had the right to decide whether or not the aquarium could have cetaceans. 
> 
> Unfortunately, and despite an outpouring of support for the Aquarium and protests of the ban, the bylaw was passed in Vancouver. 
> 
> If you're interested, here's a link to a story on it: http://vancouversun.com/news/local-news/park-board-to-vote-on-bylaw-banning-cetaceans-at-vancouver-aquarium
> 
> If you have a second, please consider sending an email to the Vancouver Parks Board. It takes two minutes, and could result in the bylaw getting overturned. Canada needs VanAqua. (http://www.vanaqua.org/share-support/)
> 
> Obviously, none of this is happening in Bergen, and I have never been to the Bergen Aquarium, but I felt like this is something Isak (within this universe) would be livid about and wanted to include it for reasons that will become clear later. (:


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halla! This chapter is a little early because I will be watching the new Spiderman during my normal upload time. Hope you don't mind. ;P
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to read and leave kudos/comments. I'm floored by the response to this story. I just hope you guys don't hate me as it continues. 
> 
> Lastly, as I finish up writing this story I want to start another for this wonderful fandom, but am torn between ideas of what to write next. If you have a second, I would really appreciate it if you guys could take a quick look and choose between the ideas on [this list](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/P757SG3). I want to write something people are interested in reading!
> 
> Warnings for offensive language, ableist language. (More detail in the end notes to avoid spoilers)
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round. <3

“So,” Lars said, turning on Even with a sick smile as soon as he slid into his seat in Norwegian Tuesday morning. “How’s pretty boy? Gotten any yet?”

“It’s none of your fucking business,” he spit back. Even really didn’t feel like dealing with his bullshit. He was still pissed about what Lars pulled at the party, and he really didn’t want to ruin the good mood that he had going.

“Oh?” Lars smiled, leaning forward on his elbows with a sly smile. “Isn’t it though?”

Even froze, notebook halfway out of his backpack. He tried not to show the panic he was feeling, but Lars’ growing smirk told him he was doing a pretty shitty job of it. “No,” Even said sternly, “it’s not.”

“Well if you’re not going to _tell_ me, why don’t I speculate?” he asked. “He was wearing your sweatshirt the other day—did he let you fuck him?”

Even’s anger spiked, taking over all rational thought as he shoved Lars back roughly. “Don’t fucking talk about him like that.”

“Awe, Evvy,” Lars cooed. “Do you _like_ him? Like, _like_ -like him?”

“Fuck off.”

“It’s been what—almost three weeks?” Lars leaned back in his chair, balancing on just the back two legs. “You seem pretty smitten, but are you sure he feels the same?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I mean, he’s not exactly jumping at the opportunity to share your relationship.” Lars shrugged. “I’m just saying, it seems like he’s _embarrassed_ to be with you.”

“He’s just worried about coming out,” Even argued. “Stop spewing bullshit when you don’t know what’s going on.”

Lars hummed. “Tick tock, Evvy. Tick. Tock.”

Even frowned, clenching his hands into fists. He wanted to fucking punch the asshole, but their teacher chose that moment to walk in and announce the start of class. Even tried to force himself to calm down, to remember that he was going to see Isak at lunch—that he had a _surprise_ for Isak at lunch.

He’d just about levelled his breathing when Lars leaned over a whispered, “If you strike out, let me know. I want to know just how red he gets.”

Even felt something in him snap, and he kicked Lars’ chair, sending him toppling to the floor. Before he could do anything more, Erik was grabbing his arms and holding him back.

“Stay the fuck away from him,” Even spit.

“Even!” his teacher gasped. “To the office— _right now_.”

Even shoved his stuff roughly into his backpack, storming out of the room. As he left, he heard someone mutter quietly, “Wonder if he’s going psycho again.”

Even didn’t go to the office.

* * *

 

**Even**

12:05

hey, thought you were coming to lunch?

12:11

Even? Everything okay?

no

what’s wrong? What happened?

Where are you?

our spot

you don’t have to come, just enjoy your lunch

I’ll be fine

 

Isak didn’t bother telling the guys where he was going, just muttered a quick _sorry_ and Even’s name, and then he was running down the halls and heading straight for the theater. He got a few strange looks as he did, and at least two teachers yelled at him to stop running in the school, but all Isak could focus on was getting to Even and making sure he was okay.

When he finally made it to the couch— _their spot_ —Even was curled up in a tight ball. His backpack had been thrown on the ground, some of its contents spilled out. Isak let his own backpack fall to the floor and dropped to his knees in front of Even, reaching out to brush his fingertips across Even’s cheekbone and into his hair.

“What happened?” Isak asked softly.

“Nothing.”

“Even.” Isak sighed, leaning closer and trying to catch his eyes. “Baby, _talk to me_. Please.”

“Lars was saying shit about you and I snapped,” Even mumbled into his arm. “I kicked his chair and because he was leaning back like a moron it fell over. Then I yelled at him and got kicked out of class.”

“Even…”

“I’m not going crazy, okay? I just didn’t want him talking about you like that.”

“Going crazy?” Isak frowned. “What the hell, Even? Why would you even say that?”

“’Cause that’s what everyone thinks. They think I’m insane.”

“Not everyone thinks that,” Isak promised. “And anyone who does is an idiot.”

“But I _am_ crazy,” Even argued. “It’s only a matter of time before I have another episode, and you’re not going to want to stick around after that.”

Isak froze, eyebrows furrowing together at the words. “Sit up.”

“What?”

Isak shoved at his shoulder, and Even sat up slowly. Once he was vertical, Isak sat down next to Even and pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly. “You’re not crazy, you’re bipolar. And I don’t think it’s fair to me for you to assume I’m shallow enough to leave you just because of an episode.”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” Even said, a hint of desperation in his voice. “You can say you won’t leave, but you don’t know.”

“My mother is schizophrenic, Even,” Isak reminded him. “I… It’s not the same, and I know that, but I’ve experienced episodes before.”

“Yeah, and you left her.”

Isak’s hands froze in Even’s hair, his blood running cold at the comment as his entire body went rigid. He could feel tears stinging in the back of his eyes, and he tried to remind himself that Even was just hurt—that he didn’t mean the words, but _fuck_. Isak felt like he’d just been stabbed. Even’s words seemed to sink in, slowly, and he turned in Isak’s grip, his face twisted with guilt.

“Fuck, Isak,” he choked out, “fuck, baby. I’m so—I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re right,” Isak said simply, letting his arms drop limply to his sides. “I did leave her. And there hasn’t been a single day I don’t regret it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Even said quickly. “It shouldn’t have been your responsibility to take care of her—especially if she wasn’t medicated. I’m so sorry.”

Isak shook his head, blinking back the tears. “I don’t care about that, Even. I need you to understand that I’m not going to leave you—that I would _never_ leave you for that.”

“I know,” Even breathed, visibly deflating. “I’m sorry. I—when I was leaving class one of the girls called me psycho, and I… I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Isak breathed, closing his eyes and trying to wipe away the hurt. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Even argued. “That was a shitty thing for me to say.”

“You’re hurting, it’s okay.”

“No, Isak,” he said firmly, and Isak’s eyes snapped open when Even grabbed his face a little rougher than usual. “It isn’t okay. It doesn’t always have to be okay.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Even said again, letting go of Isak’s face and putting space between them.

Isak realized pretty quick that he didn’t like that, and curled into Even’s side, holding tightly onto the fabric of Even’s sweater. Even didn’t respond right away, and Isak was worried he was going to push him away, but after a moment’s hesitation, Even wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him even closer. He pressed a kiss to the top of Isak’s head before resting his cheek against it.

“First fight,” Isak muttered.

“First fight,” Even agreed.

“I didn’t like it.”

“Me neither.”

“I want it to be over now.”

He felt Even sigh against his hair. “Me too.”

“Fuck Lars, and fuck the girl who said that about you,” Isak said.

Even chuckled, squeezing Isak lightly. “Yeah. Fuck them.”

The bell signaling the end of lunch rang, but Isak made no attempt to move. He just nuzzled his face into Even’s shoulder. “Baby, we gotta go to class,” Even said.

“No.”

“You need to keep your attendance up. Gotta get into that school in Hawaii.”

“I want to stay with you,” Isak whined, sounding awfully childish even to his own ears. “I don’t want you to be hurting.”

“I won’t be,” Even promised. “I don’t see Lars again until the end of the day, and I can easily avoid him in that class.” He stood up, pulling Isak with him. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Isak picked his backpack up off the floor, albeit reluctantly, and watched as Even shoved the stuff that had fallen out of his own back inside. When they reached the door to the theater, Isak grabbed Even’s sleeve and pulled him to a stop. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Come to the skate park with me and the guys after school?”

“You sure?”

Isak nodded. “Please.”

“I’ll meet you at your locker.”

* * *

If the guys were surprised to see Even join them after school, they didn’t show it. Isak knew that Jonas had questions about lunch, and he was sure he’d hear them all later, but for now? They all seemed perfectly fine with pretending nothing happened, and that it wasn’t anything new that Even would be joining them.

Isak walked closer to Even than usual, both of them trailing just a little ways behind the rest of the guys. He wanted to grab Even’s hand, but he knew he couldn’t. So, for now, Isak was content to walk close enough for their shoulders to brush every other step.

“You okay?” Isak asked softly as they walked.

Even nodded. “I’m fine. I’m sorry about lunch.”

“Don’t be.” Isak bumped their shoulders together. “I’m over it. I just want to make sure you’re feeling better.”

“I am,” Even assured him, “thanks to you.”

“Me?” Isak scoffed. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You came,” he said quietly. “You were there for me. That’s enough.”

“I’ll always be there for you,” Isak said. “I care about you.”

Even hummed, shaking his head. There was a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and despite the fact that he still looked more tired than usual, Isak knew that he’d be okay. “What’d I do to deserve you?”

“I mean, you kinda peer pressured me into coming to your house…” Isak teased.

“Never going to let me forget about that, are you?”

“Nope.”

By the time they got to the skate park, it was packed. Isak made his way over to his usual bench, dropping down heavily onto it as the guys all chucked their bags at his feet and skated off. Once he was comfortable—at least, as comfortable as one could be on a cold concrete slab—Isak turned to Even. Who was smirking and looking much too pleased with himself.

“What?” Isak asked.

“You’re just…” Even sat down next to him, “-you’re so fucking cute.”

Isak blushed. “You keep saying that. It’s really starting to bruise my manly ego.”

“You love it.”

“I do not.” He did. “I am not _cute._ ”

“You are,” Even argued.

Isak rolled his eyes, but chose not to respond. Instead, he turned his attention back to the guys. Jonas and Mahdi were currently bent in half laughing, and Magnus was on his back on the pavement. Isak didn’t even want to know what stupid trick he tried to pull. The wind chose that moment to pick up, and Isak shuddered against the cold. He leaned into Even instinctively, craving his warmth.

“Cold?” Even asked, and Isak nodded, burrowing his face further into his jacket. “Why do you come, if you don’t skate?”

Isak shrugged. “Habit, I guess. I used to come with Jonas all the time before we met Mahdi and Magnus, but that was back when he was dating Eva. We’d sit here together and watch him, and it was kind of nice. We were really close back then.”

He shifted, thinking back to the times when he’d visit Eva at home, climbing through her window and just sitting and talking for _hours._ Sometimes he really fucking missed Eva. “After they broke up, I kept going because I wanted to make sure Jonas was okay. I guess I just never stopped coming.”

“Do you still talk to Eva?”

“No.”

“Because it’s awkward with Jonas?”

“Yes, or… no.” Isak sighed. “It’s… complicated.”

“Complicated?”

“I did some shit I’m really not proud of,” Isak admitted, not looking at Even.

“You don’t have to tell me about it.”

“I just don’t want you to look at me differently.”

Even bumped their knees together. “I won’t.”

“I, um. I might’ve liked Jonas last year,” Isak admitted quietly.

“What?” Even laughed. “Jonas? No way!”

“Shut up, I didn’t say I was proud of it.”

Even threw his hands up, mocking innocence despite the fact he couldn’t keep a straight face. “Hey, it’s chill. Jonas is attractive. Great eyebrows.”

Isak groaned. “Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Even said quickly. “Seriously, I’m done. Keep going.”

“Fine.” Isak sniffled, and looked across the skatepark again, eyes immediately shifting to find Jonas in the crowd. Guilt pooled in his chest. “Eva cheated on him, last year,” he explained. “She confided in me, said she was really worried about it ruining their relationship. She _trusted_ me, and I told everyone. Well, I told Sara, and Sara told everyone.”

He sighed, staring down at his hands so he wouldn’t have to see the disappointment in Even’s eyes. “I don’t even know why I did it. I mean, I do—I was jealous of her—but it wasn’t like I was stupid enough to think Jonas would want to be with _me_ after. I destroyed their relationship. Eva found out, and it destroyed our friendship. She says that it’s fine, but I… I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

“But Jonas forgave you?”

“I didn’t tell him,” Isak admitted, chewing his bottom lip between his teeth. “I was too ashamed.”

“Hey,” Even bumped his shoulder lightly, and Isak finally looked up to meet his eyes. He expected disgust, or disappointment, or… he didn’t know. Just not the softness he found there. “The past is in the past, right?”

Isak nodded. “Right.”

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you, Isak. At all.”

“No?”

Even shook his head. “No.”

“Did you… are you busy tomorrow?” Isak blurted.

“No, why?”

“Do you want to come to my place?” he asked. “We can play FIFA, or watch a movie, or something.”

Even smiled. “I’d love that.”

* * *

By some strange miracle, Isak had the apartment to himself Saturday night. Even Linn was gone, and Linn never fucking left. It was like his roommates somehow knew that Even was coming over. Except better, because if they knew then there was no way Eskild wouldn’t have been sitting patiently waiting Even’s arrival.

Isak was nervous, and he was trying not to think about why. He just ran his hand through his curls again, and resisted the urge to stick a hat on his head. When the doorbell rang, Isak’s heart jumped with excitement. He buzzed Even up and opened the door, waiting for him to reach the top of the stairs.

Isak’s breath caught at the sight of him, not that it didn’t always. He was wearing tight black jeans, and a burgundy t-shirt that, even under the grey sweater and jean jacket, Isak could tell hugged his chest tightly. His hair was up in it’s signature coif, and Isak’s fingers itched to mess it up. Even smiled when he reached the doorway, eyes shining as he leaned down for a kiss.

“Hey,” he breathed against Isak’s lips.

“Hey.” Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s neck, pulling him down for another kiss as he took a step back and pulled Even through the threshold. Once the door clicked closed behind him, Isak pressed Even against it. But before their kiss could get too heated, he pulled back.

“That was a nice welcome,” Even said, chuckling and kissing Isak’s cheek. “How was your day?”

“Good. Better now.”

Even smiled, running his hands down Isak’s sides. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He dropped his arms from Even’s neck, grabbing his hand instead and tugging him farther into the apartment, to his room. It wasn’t until they were both inside, and the door clicked closed, that Isak realized how much of a mess the space was. “Sorry it’s so… yeah.”

“It’s perfect,” Even said, wrapping his arms around Isak’s middle and kissing the base of his neck. “Very you.”

“Very _me_?” Isak asked, turning around in Even’s arms so he could stare it him incredulously. “What does that mean?”

Even laughed. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just mean that it suits you.”

Isak rolled his eyes, but tilted his lips up anyway in a silent request that Even was all too pleased to grant. 

He walked them towards the bed, his lips never leaving Isak’s as they crossed the short distance until Isak felt the back of his legs hit the mattress. Even lowered him down gently until he was laying on his back, hovering just above him as his hands landed on either side of Isak’s head. Isak hummed happily into the kiss, and he reached up to tangle his hands in Even’s hair, tugging gently. Even broke away with a moan, and began trailing open-mouthed kisses across his jaw.

One of Even’s hands moved to his hip, pushing the hem of his t-shirt up so he could trail his fingers over Isak’s bare skin. The other found its way to his neck, and Even used his thumb to gently nudge Isak’s head back so he could kiss down the exposed skin. When his lips reached Isak’s collarbone, he began to suck the skin there. Isak couldn’t help the moan that tumbled from his lips.

He didn’t have a chance to be embarrassed, as the sound only seemed to encourage Even. He rolled his hips down with a purpose, and Isak felt Even smirk against his skin as he moaned again, louder this time. His hands migrated from their place in Even’s hair to his shoulders, fingers digging into the denim of his jacket as he tried to pull Even impossibly closer.

He decided Even was wearing way too many clothes, and started pushing at his jacket impatiently, shoving the material off his shoulders. Even seemed to get the hint and ripped the garment off before tossing it onto Isak’s floor and crashing their lips together again.

Isak pushed his hands back into Even’s hair, tugging gently at the strands and moaning into the kiss as Even rolled his hips down again. His heart was pounding, a mix of nervousness and excitement as he realized that there would be nothing to interrupt them tonight. The thought hit him like a brick, and Isak couldn’t help but feel like maybe they were moving a little too fast. Especially considering he’d never done any of this before.

Even seemed to sense the worry rolling off him, and he pulled away and back enough that he could meet Isak’s eyes. “We don’t have to do this,” Even said. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I…” Isak swallowed around the lump in his throat, the butterflies in his stomach going crazy. “I don’t think I’m ready for… _that_ ,” he cringed at his own word choice, but Even seemed to know what he meant. He started to pull back, and Isak tightened his arms around Even’s neck, holding him close. “That doesn’t mean I’m not ready for other things, Even.”

“Oh,” Even said.

“I just…” Isak dropped his eyes to Even’s chest, staring at the fabric of his t-shirt and trying desperately not to feel so fucking childish. “I’ve never done this before.”

“It’s okay,” Even soothed, one of his hands rubbing comforting circles on Isak’s hip. “We can take this as slow as you need.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, Isak,” he said. “I want you to enjoy this as much as I do.”

“Okay.” Isak bit his lip, eyes darting back up to Even’s face. He took in his flushed skin, and slightly swollen lips. He wanted more.

“What do you want, baby?” Even asked quietly.

“I want to feel good,” Isak blurted, his face immediately heating up in embarrassment.

He watched his words sink in slowly, Even’s eyes darkening as he realized what Isak had just asked for. Before he could say anything, Isak pulled him down and kissed him deeply. When Even’s tongue swiped across his bottom lip, he couldn’t help the moan that escaped. Even’s hands pushed under the hem of his t-shirt, grazing across bare skin as he pushed the material up. They broke apart so Isak could pull his shirt over his head, and for Even to do the same.

Even kissed down his neck, his shoulders, and over his chest, and all Isak could do was curl his fingers in Even’s hair and try not to make too many disgustingly embarrassing noises. When Even’s hands moved to the button on his jeans, Isak hissed in a breath.

“This okay?” Even asked against his skin, and Isak nodded eagerly. Even’s fingers unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his zipper down with practiced ease, his lips never leaving Isak’s skin as he stared up at him through his eyelashes. He tapped Isak’s hips gently, and it took Isak a minute to realize what Even was asking before he lifted his hips off the bed to allow Even to pull his jeans and boxers down in one motion.

Once the cool air hit his hot skin, Isak realized that he was laying naked underneath a half-clothed Even, visibly turned on and feeling way more vulnerable than he ever had. He couldn’t help but feel self-conscious as Even’s eyes travelled across his skin, and Isak turned his face into the pillow to hide the blush he knew was staining his cheeks.

“Fuck, Isak,” Even breathed, reaching up to turn Isak’s face back towards him, “you’re fucking beautiful.”

The air caught in Isak’s throat at the words, and he pushed through whatever embarrassment he was feeling to reach for Even, pulling his lips back and kissing him desperately. When Even finally reached a hand between them, Isak gasped and arched off the bed. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced. His skin felt like it was on fire, every touch and kiss and stroke feeling ten times more intense than Isak was used to.

Moans were tumbling from his lips, along with Even’s name and pleas for him to keep going. Even was panting against his neck, pressing kisses against whatever skin he could reach as his hand worked. When Isak felt himself getting close, he choked out a sob, and Even shushed him quietly, using his free hand to brush the hair off Isak’s forehead. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Isak would’ve been embarrassed about how quickly he came, if not for the look in Even’s eyes. Hunger, and wonder, and something softer that Isak didn’t have the energy to dwell on. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as he came down from his high, fingers still digging into the skin of Even’s back.

When his breathing finally levelled out, Isak realized that he hadn’t even attempted to take care of Even in return. He reached for Even’s waistband, but the older boy stopped his hands. “Wanna take care of you, too,” Isak grumbled, tugging at his hands half-heartedly where Even held them.

“You, uh, you don’t have to worry about that.” Isak was about to argue more when he took in the blush that flared on Even’s cheeks. He looked down between them, seeing that Even was, indeed, no longer hard. Isak’s mouth opened in a small _o_ as he realized what that meant. Even pressed a kiss to his cheek, right under his eye. “You have no idea what you do to me, Isak.”

They kissed lazily for a while longer, Even’s hands brushing softly over Isak’s bare skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Eventually, Isak remembered the situation in Even’s pants, and realized that he was probably not very comfortable. So he broke the kiss with a sigh, smiling as Even brushed their noses together.

“Sweats?”

“ _Please_ ,” Even said, and they both laughed breathlessly.

Once they were both changed, they climbed back onto Isak’s bed. Even pulled him against his chest, and Isak happily cuddled close. He draped an arm over Even’s middle, and tried his best to keep his eyes open despite how sated and warm he felt.

He really did try. But within minutes, Isak was drifting to sleep with Even’s fingers drawing patterns on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:**  
>  Offensive language: Lars asks Even if Isak let Even fuck him. Implies that he wants to sleep with Isak if Even is unsuccessful.  
> Ableist language: An unnamed classmate calls Even a psycho; Even implies that Isak will leave him because he left his mother.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt er love. <3
> 
>  
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round.

When Isak woke up, it was to an empty bed.

Any butterflies and happiness that he’d felt in the moments before he opened his eyes faded as it dawned on him that Even had left. He reached across the bed, to the space that Even had occupied, and found it cold. Even didn’t just go to the bathroom, or pop out for a glass of water. He was _gone_ and Isak was desperately trying not to let it get to him.

Even got what he wanted, and he left.

The last thing Isak wanted to do was leave his room, but he knew that if he hadn’t at least popped his head out by noon Eskild would just take it as an invitation to come and check on him, and that was something that Isak just didn’t want to deal with. He loved Eskild, really he did, but he just wanted to wallow. He didn’t want to try and figure out why Even left, or rant about what a shitty person he was.

Isak just wanted to sit and be sad, just for a little.

With a sigh, he rolled out of bed. He pulled his door open with more force than was necessary, and was immediately met with the sound of voices in the kitchen. Isak froze, his heart jumping as he strained to listen. One of them was definitely Eskild, but the other… he tried not to let himself hope as he made his way to the kitchen.

He peered around the corner hesitantly, and relief flooded his chest when he saw Even leaning over the stove cooking, Eskild perched on the counter opposite him. Isak took another tentative step into the room. Eskild noticed him first, eyes drifting over to Isak as a shit-eating grin spread on his face. Even noticed the change in expression and turned to see where he was looking.

Isak’s breath stopped as he watched Even’s expression shift—his smile got wider, and his eyes seemed even brighter as he dropped what he was doing and crossed the kitchen in two easy strides. He cupped Isak’s face and bent down to kiss him, soft and sweet.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty!” Even said happily, kissing his cheek once before moving back to the stove, leaving Isak frozen in shock and feeling all…tingly.

“Morning,” he said after a minute.

“I can’t believe you’re actually awake,” Eskild said, hopping off the counter. “It’s not even noon yet.”

“Fuck you, Eskild,” Isak grumbled.

“Mm, just as grumpy as always.” He walked over to pinch Isak’s cheek, much to his displeasure, before turning back to Even. “I’m going to go shower,” he explained, turning back to Isak then and levelling him with a look, “but I _will_ be back in time for the lovely breakfast your boyfriend is making.”

“Right,” –Isak looked between Eskild and Even briefly-“boyfriend.”

Eskild seemed to be content with his lack of an argument and fluttered off in the direction of their bathroom. Isak took a breath, and headed farther into the kitchen, hauling himself onto the counter space Eskild had occupied as he watched Even cook.

“Sleep well?” Even asked. Isak hummed, still trying to shake off the hurt he’d felt when he’d woken up to find Even gone. “Everything okay?”

“I…” Isak bit his lip and dropped his gaze to the floor. “When I woke up, I thought you’d left.”

Even froze, and Isak could see the muscles in his back tense. He reached down to turn off the burner, before pivoting to face Isak. “I’m sorry,” Even said quietly. “I didn’t even think about what it was going to look like when you woke up and I wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay,” Isak said, feeling a little ridiculous now for jumping to conclusions, and for how little trust he seemingly had in Even. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I still should’ve left a note or something,” Even said, stepping between his legs. He placed his hands on Isak’s waist, squeezing gently. Isak leaned down for a kiss, and marvelled a little at how it felt to be taller than Even for once.

“I forgive you,” he teased, “but only because you made me breakfast.”

Even hummed, ghosting his lips over Isak’s. “That’s all it takes?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiled, draping his arms over Even’s shoulders lazily. “I am easily bought by food, what can I say?”

“Shame,” he said. “Because I definitely could’ve thought of other ways to ask for your forgiveness.”

Isak groaned and kissed him again, pulling him closer until they were pressed together and he was perched on the very edge of the counter. By the time he managed to tear his lips away, they were both panting. “You can’t say shit like that.”

“Why not?” Even asked with a smirk.

“Because Eskild has a habit of walking in at inopportune moments.”

As if summoned, Eskild sauntered back into the kitchen. For a breath, they all froze. Then, Isak was shoving Even back a little more roughly than he intended and hopping off the counter. He would apologize for the roughness later, when Eskild’s eyes weren’t gleaming with trouble. Isak tried not to blush, and failed spectacularly, as he took a seat at their kitchen table.

Even, for what it was worth, seemed equally as embarrassed as he busied himself with finishing the food and dishing it onto plates. Neither of them dared break the silence regardless of how awkward it was, and when Isak finally looked back at Eskild he looked gleeful as _fuck_ sitting opposite him.

Once Even had handed them each a plate and sat in his spot next to Isak, Eskild finally took the opportunity to speak. “So. Boyfriend?”

“Uh, yeah.” Isak cleared his throat awkwardly, and fidgeted in his seat.

“Does this mean you’re finally out of the closet, baby gay?”

Isak cringed at the nickname, and saw Even smirk out of the corner of his eye. He shot him a glare, which Even countered by raising his eyebrows. Isak tore his eyes away from Even’s when Eskild cleared his throat, and sighed. “No, Eskild. I am not. We’re just… we’re keeping it between us for now.”

“You’re dating a Greek god, and you don’t want to flaunt that he’s yours?” Eskild asked. “Isak, my dear, you have scored _way_ out of your bracket here, you should really take advantage of that before poor Even realizes you’re just another smelly, grumpy teenager.”

Even laughed, and Isak kicked him lightly under the table. “Fuck both of you.”

“Awe, Isak,” Even leaned forward, reaching for his hand only to pout when Isak pulled it out of his reach. “Baby, I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I think you’re very attractive and only a little grumpy most of the time.”

Isak saw Eskild melt at the endearment, and it just made his blush worse. “You both suck. This is why I didn’t want you two to meet.”

“Were you planning on hiding him in your room forever?” Eskild asked.

“Ugh, no.” Isak rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I just thought I’d have a little bit of time to warn him about you first.”

Even laughed and reached for his hand again. This time, Isak met him half way and smiled as they threaded their hands together. “I, for one, am very glad to have met your lovely roommate.”

“Suck up,” Isak muttered. The conversation shifted away from his relationship as Even and Eskild started debating some movie Isak had never heard of, and it’s ‘importance to the LGBT community.’ He tuned most of their conversation out, happy to sit back and observe their easy banter. Honestly, Isak was glad that they seemed to get along. He’d never admit it to Eskild, but his opinion really mattered.

Isak never thought he’d be the type to have a boyfriend in high school. He thought it’d take changing schools and finding a completely different social circle before he was comfortable enough with himself to let someone else in. But sitting there, eating breakfast with Even and Eskild, Isak realized that he was fucking glad Even had all but forced his way into his life.

Sitting there, with Even’s thumb gently stroking his palm, Isak couldn’t help but feel that maybe it’d be okay for him to officially come out, so long as Even was at his side.

* * *

When Even got to his history class Monday morning, he knew that he was sporting a stupid smile. Erik took one look at him, and rolled his eyes. “Spend lunch with Isak, then?” he asked.

Even hummed happily as he started pulling books out of his bag. Lunch hadn’t been anything special—they’d spent it with Isak’s friends—but the more time he spent with the younger boy, the harder Even felt himself falling. He could see that it wasn’t one-sided, that Isak was just as interested, and it filled him with butterflies.

Butterflies that died when he actually looked at Erik and saw the disappointment in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low and serious. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“I…” Even swallowed around the nervousness rising in his throat, picking absentmindedly at the skin around his fingernails as he tried to make sense of his thoughts. “I don’t know.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt, Ev,” he said. “ _Either_ of you. I may not know Isak, but he seems like a sweet kid.”

Even nodded. “He is.”

He felt a little like he was going to be sick. All the warmth and happiness he felt around Isak was melting away, replaced by reality as he realized just how deep he was letting himself get. “I… I don’t think I want to do this anymore,” he admitted shakily.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me that,” Erik said, his tone a lot harsher than Even was expecting. “I’m not the one who’s involved in all this shit. Lars is.”

Even flinched at the name, just barely but enough for Erik to notice. He’d been so fucking stupid letting Lars in. He shouldn’t have ever told him about his interest in Isak, or about how their relationship was going. He swallowed thickly and plucked up as much courage as he could muster to get through the embarrassment he was feeling under Erik’s judgmental gaze. “I’m asking you for advice.”

“Advice?” Erik scoffed bitterly. “My advice didn’t matter to you when all this shit started, why should it matter now?”

“Erik, _please_ ,” he begged. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Being honest might be a fucking good start, Even,” Erik spit. “Be honest with yourself, and be honest with Isak. Stop letting the kid think that you’re serious about this shit if you’re not.”

“And if I am?” Even asked weakly.

Erik laughed bitterly. “Then you’re fucked. You should’ve thought about what would happen three weeks ago.”

“I…” he searched for a way to put his thoughts into words, but nothing fit. Nothing did justice for the thoughts swirling around his brain. He knew Erik was right; he knew that he should’ve considered all of this as a possibility when he decided to approach Isak three weeks earlier, but he didn’t. He’d been stupid.

Maybe part of him thought that Isak was actually straight, that the looks had been curiosity and not interest. Maybe he thought that Isak would be too far in the closet to even risk accepting Even’s advances. Maybe he thought that Isak would’ve heard how fucking crazy he was from his friends and stayed as far away as possible. There were a lot of ‘maybe’s. A lot of excuses that Even could come up with to justify the fact he approached Isak what felt like a lifetime ago.

But they were all just that: excuses. None of them mattered, because the reality was that he let himself get too close. He let Isak fall for him, _welcomed_ it even, and now he had to hurt him.

He had to do it now, before things got worse. Before Isak fell harder.

Even’s hands shook as he pulled out his phone and composed a message. He knew he had to do this. He knew that if Isak hated him now he’d never have to face the worst of it.

He’d never get to hold him again, or feel the soft press of Isak’s lips against his own. He’d never get to see his eyes light up as he talked about the latest advancement in marine mammal research. He’d never get to see the happiness take over Isak’s face when he got into the University of Hawai’i (because there wasn’t a doubt in Even’s mind that he would get in).

He’d miss so much, and it felt like he was ripping his heart of his chest, but at least Isak would never know. He’d never see just how fucking _awful_ Even was, underneath it all.

**Isak <3**

1:46

hey isak. i’m really sorry, but i don’t think i can do this anymore. it was fun, but you deserve better than me. i’m sorry for leading you on.

* * *

Isak knew it was dumb to try and check his phone during Norwegian. Their teacher was a hard-ass and took phones when she saw them, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. They were doing group work on a project that had him bored to tears, and he itched to see if the message was from Even. He could practically feel Jonas roll his eyes as Isak pulled the device from his pocket, and he heard Mahdi chuckle.

The stupid smile he was wearing fell as his eyes scanned the message, and everything just felt numb. He was aware of the phone tumbling from his fingers, and Jonas’ concerned expression as he started saying something, but he couldn’t focus on the words. He couldn’t focus on anything. It all just fucking _hurt_. It wasn’t until Jonas’ hand connected with his shoulder that Isak was pulled back to reality and his brain started processing the words being said to him.

“Isak?” Jonas asked. “What happened, man? What’s going on?”

“Even,” he croaked, his voice breaking miserably. “I think Even just broke up with me?”

“What?” all three boys asked at once. A couple classmate’s heads turned in their direction, and Isak felt his cheeks flare. He retrieved his phone from its place on the floor, and handed it to Jonas to read.

“What the _fuck_?” Jonas hissed. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Who the fuck does he think he is?”

“Jonas…” Isak started weakly.

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “ _‘You deserve better than me’_? What gives him the right to decide that?”

“I don’t know.”

“He seemed so chill at lunch,” Magnus said. “You guys were like… disgustingly cute.”

Isak nodded. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his phone, which was lying face-up on the table. His chest hurt. His head hurt. Everything fucking hurt, and nothing made sense. “I don’t understand,” he admitted miserably.

He chewed on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowing together as he struggled not to break down. He didn’t want this to affect him so much—it _shouldn’t_ affect him so much. He’d only known Even three weeks. It shouldn’t fucking hurt this much.

There was one question that he just couldn’t shake. He knew that if he said it, he’d probably sound fucking pathetic, but he couldn’t shake it. He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he spoke his voice was quiet and broken. “Why doesn’t he want me anymore?”

“Fuck, Isak.” Jonas’ arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. Normally, Isak would be concerned about how it would look to their classmates—to their teacher, even. But right then, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wrapped his arms around Jonas’ waist and squeezed. “I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“I know.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing, Isak,” Jonas promised. “This is obviously something on his end. You did nothing wrong.”

“I don’t want it to be over.”

“Why don’t you just tell him that?” Magnus asked, breaking their little bubble. Isak turned out of Jonas’ arms to properly look at him, and Magnus shrugged. “I’m just saying. I don’t know why you have to just… accept that bullshit excuse. Why not just tell him that you want a better reason?”

“I…” Isak frowned.

Magnus, amazingly, had a point. Just because Even randomly decided they shouldn’t be together didn’t mean that Isak had to just deal with it and move on. He deserved answers. He deserved _real_ reasons, not just some bullshit about him deserving better. Even didn’t even have the right to tell him that— _he_ was the only one who could determine whether or not Even was good enough for him. Slowly, the despair he initially felt was overtaken by anger. He reached for his phone and sent Even a reply before he could think too much about what he was doing.

**Even**

2:08

That’s bullshit, Even.

If you don’t want to be with me, fine. But don’t pull some bullshit about me deserving better.

If you don’t want me, fine. But don’t pin it on me.

I chose you, I don’t want someone better.

please, isak. don’t make this harder than it already is.

I just want to know where the fuck this is coming from. You were fine at lunch. WE were fine at lunch. What the hell happened between then and now?

i don’t want to hurt you, but this is for the best.

i’m sorry.

Fuck you, Even.

 

He slammed his phone down on the table roughly, torn between hurt and anger. He wanted answers. He wanted to know why Even had changed his mind all of the sudden. Part of Isak felt like this was what he had been waiting for since day one, but when he tried to think of it all being a game to Even, it just didn’t make sense. If it was all just a game, he wouldn’t have stayed the morning prior. It would’ve hurt so much more if Even had left then, but he hadn’t. He had stayed.

He was angry, and hurt, but Isak knew he wasn’t going to just give up. He _couldn’t_ just give up. Even made him feel things that he’d never felt before, and Isak wasn’t about to let that go without a goddamn fight.

* * *

The week passed in some sort of sick blur. Isak tried to find Even at school every day, but apparently, he’d stopped showing up. Lars wouldn’t tell Isak why, but the smirk on his face made Isak feel sick. He tried asking one of the other guys, Erik, but he wasn’t much help either. Just said that Even wasn’t well, so he was staying home.

He tried sending more texts, but each went ignored. He pleaded, he cursed, he questioned, and Even didn’t respond to a single one. Isak could tell Jonas was worried, that all the guys were worried, but he couldn’t just let it go. The Even that he’d gotten to know in the short time they were together wouldn’t _do_ this. He wouldn’t hurt Isak like this.

At least, Isak really hoped he wouldn’t. The more days that passed, the less sure he felt that he hadn’t just been reading too far into… well, everything. He knew that the only way to really resolve things was to confront Even face-to-face, and since that was apparently not going to happen at school, Isak made the somewhat debatable decision to show up at Even’s apartment on Friday after school.

It’d been five days of silence, he couldn’t be held completely responsible for stupid decisions when his brain had barely let him sleep since.

It wasn’t until he reached the apartment building that his nerves started to set in. He managed to squeeze through the front door as someone was leaving, which meant he wouldn’t have to worry about Even shutting him down before he even got into the building, but his heart was in his throat as he climbed the stairs.

His hand only shook slightly as he knocked on Even’s door, his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he waited. Each second felt like an hour, and his anxiety only got worse with each passing moment. When the door finally opened, Isak felt like time stopped. Even froze, his blue eyes going wide at the sight of Isak as his lips parted to hiss in a breath.

Even looked kind of… terrible, if Isak was honest. He had dark circles under his eyes, and Isak could tell that under his hood his hair was greasy. He didn’t doubt that he looked equally as bad to Even’s eyes, though.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, saying nothing, before Even seemed to spur himself into action. Isak watched his face, watched as he started shutting himself off and putting up walls. Isak knew it was now or never, so he took a step forward. A step that brought him through the threshold of the flat and right into Even’s personal space.

He reached up to frame Even’s face and pulled him down slowly, eyes darting between Even’s eyes and his lips and making it _very_ clear what he was about to do. He was giving Even enough time to push him away, if he really didn’t want anything more to do with Isak. He knew that he had to give Even the out, even if the thought of getting pushed away was enough to make his heart clench painfully in his chest.

It didn’t matter in the end, though, because Even met him halfway. When Even’s lips met his, Isak felt like he could breathe again. His heart jumped happily in his chest, and a choked noise escaped his lips as Even’s arms wrapped around his waist. He let himself be pulled into the apartment, let himself be shoved against the door much like he had been the last time he was there.

Isak’s hands migrated to Even’s hair, tugging gently as he kissed Even greedily. They had to talk. Isak still wanted answers. He _knew_ that they had to talk, but _fuck._ He just wanted more. He just wanted to know that Even still wanted Isak as much as Isak wanted him.

He let Even pull his t-shirt off, and shoved at the sweater he was wearing in return. When they were both half-naked, Isak let himself be pulled farther inside and pushed onto the couch under Even’s bed. He let Even pull down his jeans and his boxers, and relished in how amazing it felt to have Even’s lips around him.

It was rougher than the first time they were together, rougher than was probably appropriate considering the events that led up to this situation, but Isak couldn’t bring himself to care. He tugged on Even’s hair, and moaned loudly into the otherwise silent apartment as Even sucked him off.

When he came, Isak tugged Even back up and roughly slammed their lips together, kissing him hungrily as he snaked a hand between them and tugged at the button of Even’s jeans. It didn’t take very much to finish Even off, and once they had both come down from their highs, a tense silence fell over the room.

“Isak…” Even began, already starting to pull out of his embrace. Isak tightened his arms, holding Even close and hiding his face in Even’s neck. He squeezed his eyes shut, tried not to think about how shit he was going to feel if Even pushed him away again.

“Please,” he whispered, sounding more vulnerable than wanted to as his voice broke. “Just, please. We can talk tomorrow—we _will_ talk tomorrow—but for tonight just… don’t let go.”

He half expected Even to shove him away, to kick him out, but he didn’t. Isak felt him sigh, shifting so they were both lying horizontally across Even’s couch. Even held him tightly against his chest, tucking Isak’s head under his chin as his hands ran soothingly up and down his back.

Isak didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to have to face the morning. But he hadn’t had a good night in days, and Even just felt safe. Despite everything, Even still felt fucking safe, and Isak couldn’t keep his heavy lids open as he focused on the steady rise and fall of Even’s chest. He was terrified of what awaited them in the morning, but in that moment Isak was willing to stay in their happy bubble.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the last chapter. I promise I can't write unhappy endings! <3 <3
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round.

When Isak blinked his eyes open the next morning, he half-expected Even to already be awake and doing something else, but there was an arm still tightly wrapped around his waist, and breath dancing on the back of his neck. Isak sighed softly, allowing himself a couple moments of happiness before his brain caught up with him.

He really hadn’t intended to cave so easily and fall back into Even’s arms. He intended to talk with him, to demand some straight fucking answers. He wanted to know what changed, why Even went from being perfectly fine and happy and flirty at lunch to breaking up with him an hour later over a fucking text message. In the four days of radio silence he’d had to think about it, Isak still couldn’t figure out what the fuck he’d done.

He felt Even shift behind him, groaning quietly as he buried his face deeper into Isak’s hair. Isak froze, breath hitching and muscles tensing as he waited to see if Even was waking up. If Even would kick him out and take back everything from the night before.

“Morning,” Even whispered against his neck. Isak’s heart jumped at the sound.

“Good morning.” Even tightened his grip, nuzzling closer. It would be so easy to relax into his touch, to pretend that everything was okay and move on, but Isak wanted answers. So, with a great deal of effort, he twisted out of Even’s grip and sat up in the little space there was on the couch. Part of him really wished they would’ve at least made it to Even’s bed, his back definitely fucking hurt.

Even huffed a small sigh and shifted to sit next to him, leaving enough room that they weren’t touching. Isak fought the urge to press closer, picking at the skin around his nails to stop himself from doing anything stupid. Like reaching for his hand. The silence stretched on between them, getting more uncomfortable with each passing minute. Isak knew Even was waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t know where to begin.

Eventually, Isak managed to choke out the question that’d been plaguing him all week. “What did I do wrong?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing,” Even said quickly. Isak’s eyes darted to him, watching as his shoulders drooped and he scooted closer, reaching for one of Isak’s hands. Part of him wanted to be petty and pull away, but he was weak. He was weak, and he wanted to believe it wasn’t his fault. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Isak.”

“Then why?” he questioned. “Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?”

“I do,” Even said. “I want nothing more than to be with you. I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Why would you hurt me?”

“I don’t…” Even took a breath, obviously trying to gather his thoughts. “I hurt everyone that gets close to me, eventually.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I do.” He stared at their joined hands uneasily, and Isak gave a small squeeze. Just enough to let Even know he was listening. “I was in a relationship, before everything that happened last year. Her name was Sonja and we… we dated for like four years. We were happy, and she was there for me through everything before I even knew I was bipolar.” Even took a deep breath, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. “During an episode—though I didn’t know that was happening then—I cheated on her. I slept with one of her friends.”

“That’s not your fault,” Isak said slowly. “You were—you didn’t know what you were doing.”

Even shook his head miserably. “It doesn’t matter. I hurt her, Isak. I cared about her so much, and I hurt her. I don’t want to do that to you.”

“It’s different now,” he argued. “You didn’t know what was happening back then, you weren’t diagnosed. You weren’t getting help.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can still have episodes, Isak. They can still sneak up on me, and I could still do something that hurts you,” Even said. “Even if I don’t, you’re not going to want to be here when a depressive episode hits. You’re not going to want to deal with that.”

“Stop it,” Isak said, maybe a little harsher than necessary as Even’s eyes snapped to his. “Stop telling me what I’m going to feel, or what I deserve. It’s not your place to decide that shit, Even.”

“I just don’t want to make you sad.”

“And this didn’t make me sad?” Isak asked, aware that he was letting himself get too worked up but unable to stop it. “Dumping and cutting me out of your life like it’s nothing doesn’t make me sad?”

“I thought you’d be angry,” he said weakly. “I thought you’d want nothing to do with me, if I hurt you.”

“I care about you. I _trusted_ you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever, it was fucking stupid of me,” Isak said bitterly, taking his hand back and standing up. “If this is what you want, then fine. I won’t bug you anymore.”

He made it to the doorway of Even’s room before he spoke again. His voice was quiet, unsure, but the words made Isak freeze mid-step. “It’s not what I want.”

“Then what _do_ you want, Even?” Isak asked, throwing his hands up as he spun to stare at Even, who was also standing now.

“I want _you_ , Isak,” Even said. He walked the short distance to stand directly in front of Isak, not touching but close enough that Isak could feel Even’s breath on his forehead. “I’ve never felt anything like this, ever. And it scares me, but I don’t want to fucking lose you.”

“You hurt me.”

“I know.” Even reached up to brush his fingers lightly over Isak’s cheek, and his eyes fluttered shut as he instinctively leaned into the touch. “I’m sorry.”

Isak knew he’d already forgiven him. He knew that the moment he walked through the front door. But it didn’t change the fact that Even had hurt him, and that Isak needed to know he wasn’t going to just up and change his mind again when things got a little hard. He needed to know that Even was willing to trust Isak enough to believe he wouldn’t leave him at the first sign of things being rough.

“From now on, you come to me with this shit,” Isak said. “You don’t get to just decide whether or not it’s too much, or things are too hard. You don’t get to decide what I feel. You need to trust that I care about you, and that I’m not going to vanish at the first sign of trouble.”

“I know. I do.”

“I’m serious, Even. I can’t do this again.”

“I know.” He took another step forward, until there was almost no space left between them and reached up to cup Isak’s cheeks. “It was fucking stupid of me. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea, but there’s no way I’m letting you go again.”

Isak nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I believe you.” He reached up to wrap his hands loosely around Even’s wrists. “I forgive you.”

“I’m so sorry for putting you through that, baby,” Even said, kissing him gently.

“It’s not me you have to convince now,” Isak said with a smirk. “It’s the guys. Jonas is going to flip.”

“I deserve it.”

“You made a mistake, Even. Everyone makes mistakes.” Isak sighed and kissed him again. “I just want to move on. Forget about it. Can we do that, please?”

“We can do that.”

“Food?” Isak asked hopefully, and for the first time all morning Even smiled a genuine smile.

“Food.”

* * *

“When is the next time your parents are going to be home?” Isak asked, tilting his head up enough from it’s place resting on Even’s chest that he could look him in the eye. They had barely left his room all day, and Isak had no real plans of going home that night either, if he could help it. He needed to be close to Even. He needed to know that they were okay, that Even still wanted him.

“Next week,” Even said. “I think mum is back on Wednesday and dad is back Friday.”

“Excited?”

Even smiled, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “Yeah. I missed them.”

“I can imagine.”

“I…” Even hesitated, biting his lip and watching Isak nervously. “Would you want to meet them, maybe?”

“Meet them?” Isak squeaked. “You want me to meet your parents?”

“Yeah. I mean, I totally get it if you don’t want to,” he said in a rush. “I know that we’ve only been together for a little bit, but…”

“Do you… um. Do you think they’ll approve of me?”

“Approve of you?” Even asked. “Isak, I think they’ll _love_ you.”

He couldn’t hide his smile as he looked up at Even through his lashes. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Even said, kissing him quickly but firmly. “What’s there not to love?”

“Hm, fair point,” Isak teased, snuggling further into Even’s side. “I think that’d be chill.”

“Yeah?”

Isak hummed. “Why not?”

“You’re the best.” Isak tilted his chin up for a kiss that Even gladly gave. Isak was content to just stay right were they were, to keep kissing Even and not think about the outside world until he was forced to go home on Sunday night. Maybe until he was forced to go to school on Monday.

His phone had different ideas, though, and would not stop pinging with incoming messages. Isak sighed and twisted out of Even’s arms to grab his it from where it was charging.

**the boys**

12:58

_Jonas_

Isak, where the hell are you man?

Eskild is freaking out

_Mahdi_

He even texted me

it’s chill, guys. I’m with Even.

I forgot to tell Eskild I was staying over, but I’ll text him.

_Jonas_

You’re with Even?

Why are you with him?

We’re sorting things out.

_Jonas_

Why?

He’s a dick, Isak

You don’t know what happened. I’ll explain it better on Monday, but it wasn’t…

He was trying to protect me, I guess.

_Jonas_

You were a mess this week, bro

and now you’re just going back to him like it’s nothing?

Jonas, please. Just trust me?

_Jonas_

I do trust you. It’s even I don’t trust.

I just don’t want you getting hurt, Issy.

 

Isak sighed, letting his phone drop onto the couch as he snuggled closer to Even. He pulled the nickname card. No one _ever_ called Isak _Issy_ anymore, and it mostly just served as a reminder of how long he’d known Jonas. How long they’d been best friends. Jonas had been there for him through everything—his mum, leaving home, the rumours from the year previous… Isak knew Jonas just wanted to protect him, but he also didn’t want to be babied. He knew what he was doing.

“Everything okay?” Even asked, brushing his fingers through Isak’s hair and pulling him from his thoughts.

“Yeah. Jonas is just… overprotective,” Isak said. “He doesn’t want me to get hurt.”

“That’s reasonable.” Even pressed a kiss to his forehead, and Isak sighed softly at the touch. “I don’t blame him for doubting my intentions at this point.”

Isak scrunched his nose up. “Your _intentions_?” he teased. “What is this, the 18 th century? Are you worried about my honour or something?”

Even chuckled. “We wouldn’t want to taint your purity, would we?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Isak said through his laughter, turning to bury his face in Even’s neck. “Such a nerd, honestly. Why am I even dating you?”

“I’m pretty.”

Isak hummed. “Won’t argue with you there.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Even’s fingers playing with his hair as Isak played with the hem of his t-shirt. He hoped Jonas would understand why he forgave Even once he explained things. He knew that if Jonas genuinely didn’t approve, it’d put a strain on his and Even’s relationship. Because as much as he was sure of his own opinions, Jonas’ were incredibly important to him.

“Hey,” Even said softly, breaking the silence. Isak lifted his head to meet his eyes. “I, uh… I was wondering if you were free on Tuesday?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Can I take you somewhere?”

Isak smiled. “Yeah, of course. Where did you want to go?”

“It’s a surprise,” Even said, bumping their noses together gently.

“I hate surprises.”

“You’ll like this one,” he promised. “But we’ll have to skip school. Possibly Wednesday, too.”

Isak’s eyebrows shot up. “ _Two_ days? What the hell are you planning that takes that long?”

“You’ll see.”

“You want me to miss two days of school, and you won’t even tell me why?” Isak frowned. “That’s not fair.”

“Trust me?” Even asked. It should’ve been simple, teasing, but there was more there now. There was a nervousness in his voice that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t just about the date, it was Even reaching out to test the waters. To see if Isak was really okay with everything, and if they could really fall so easily back to what they had before.

So, instead of the teasing comebacks that had initially come to mind, Isak smiled softly and kissed him once. “Always.”

* * *

Even knew he had to talk to Jonas. He knew that he had to try and explain, no matter how daunting the idea of doing just that was. He knew he had to do it, because Jonas was Isak’s best friend, and Even needed him on his side if he wanted to continue to be with Isak. Because even though Isak would never admit it, Even could see how important Jonas’ opinion was, and if he didn’t trust Even there was a good chance seeds of doubt would plant in Isak’s beautiful brain.

Getting Jonas alone, though, was a lot harder than Even expected. He knew he could’ve just asked Isak for his phone number, but he wanted to have this conversation privately. Even wanted to make things right without Isak worrying about it.

He managed to grab Jonas at the end of the day on Tuesday, nearly jumping for joy at the fact he’d guessed Jonas’ last class right. He looked more than a little shocked to see Even waiting, but the shock quickly faded to muted hostility and distrust. “What do you want?”

“To talk,” Even said. “Explain.”

“I don’t care what your excuses were, man,” Jonas said, shoving past him and heading for his locker.

“Jonas, please,” Even said, hurrying to catch up with him. “All I’m asking for is ten minutes.”

“Why does it matter? Isak’s already forgiven you.”

“Because you’re his best friend, and I want to try and make things right,” Even said, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice at Jonas’ stubbornness. “ _Please._ ”

“Fine. I’ll meet you at the coffee shop down the street in 20.”

Even smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”

He watched Jonas walk away with a sigh, his chest feeling heavy still with anticipation. He just wanted it to go well. He didn’t expect immediate forgiveness—Even was well aware that he’d have to earn Jonas’ trust back just as he would have to with Isak—but he was hoping to at least qualm some of the hostility.

Even made his way to the coffeeshop and ordered himself a hot chocolate before planting himself in the back corner and waiting impatiently for Jonas to arrive.

Less than five minutes later, his phone pinged with a notification, and Even was surprised to find that he had messages from Lars, Erik _and_ Isak waiting. He opened Isak’s first, briefly wondering how long he could put off even opening Lars’ before he got annoyed.

**Isak <3**

15:40

Did you leave school already?

I did, sorry

):

It’s chill, you don’t have to spend all your free time with me lol

mm, but I want to

trust me, you definitely do not

I’m very boring, Eskild tells me all the time

yes well I would hope Eskild didn’t have the same ways to keep you entertained that I do

you’re such a dork.

Come over later?

If you’re free

Definitely ;)

 

Even couldn’t help but smile as he imagined Isak walking home, a blush tinging his cheeks a pretty pink as his brain came up with all the different possible things Even could do to keep him entertained—from the completely innocent, to the downright dirty. It was a pleasant mental image, for sure, and Even was almost tempted to just leave so he could go be with Isak. But he knew he had to talk to Jonas. Isak would be okay without him for a couple hours.

**Erik**

14:03

So

You and Isak are back together, huh?

What happened to ‘I can’t do this anymore’?

What happened to not wanting to hurt him?

Can we talk later? Like 20 minutes?

Fine. I’ll meet you at yours.

thank you

 

Despite the dread at even _reading_ Lars’ name, Even finally opened his message.

**Lars**

13:59

4 days.

 

Even’s breath caught in his throat. He felt like someone was squeezing his heart. Fucking Lars. Fuck. _Fuck_. Even just wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he didn’t want to know what Lars would do if that happened. Not even to him—Even could deal with whatever shit he tried to pull—but to _Isak_. Beautiful, shy Isak who still wasn’t really out. Who didn’t know if he was _ready_ to be out. _Fuck._

“So, what excuses do you have?” Jonas asked, startling him. Even hurried to lock his phone, terrified that Jonas would see Lars’ message and ask. He tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible as he watched Jonas sit down, an unimpressed expression on his face.

Even stared down at the coffee in his hands, mulling over the best way to say what he needed to. His brain was even more frazzled now as he tried to keep his thoughts away from the text, and on the current issue at hand. “I don’t have any excuses. What I did wasn’t okay, no matter how you look at it. I hurt Isak.”

“You did,” Jonas agreed. “Destroyed him, really. He was a mess all week trying to figure out what _he_ did wrong.”

“I know. And trust me, Jonas, I feel like shit for it,” he said. “Isak is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I’ve never felt like this before, and that fucking scared me. The more I thought about how much I care about him, the more I started to worry about hurting him.” Even shifted in his seat, knowing what he wanted to say but worrying about what the words would bring. “I’m bipolar,” he choked out. No matter how many people he told, or how many times he told himself he was okay with it, it never got easier.

“Okay?” Jonas asked, and Even finally lifted his gaze from the table. Jonas didn’t look impressed. “Are you using that as an excuse, or…?”

“No!” he said quickly. “No, of course not. I just… when I had my first episode last year I hurt a lot of people. Friends. Family. My girlfriend. A lot of them don’t even talk to me anymore, that’s how bad I fucked up. I’m not saying that excuses me shutting Isak out, but you have to understand that I panicked. I realized that something like that could happen again, that I could really hurt him, and I don’t… I don’t think I could handle hurting him, Jonas.”

“You _did_ hurt him.”

“I know. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I guess I figured it’d be easier to hurt him a little and let him move on, then to let him fall for me more only to risk destroying him.” He shook his head sadly. Saying everything aloud just made it sound ridiculous, pathetic. Even knew there was a lot more to why he did what he did, a lot that had nothing to do with his mental illness, but the thought of even trying to explain that to Jonas… he shuddered at the idea.

“Isak is the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” he admitted quietly. “I don’t blame you for being distrustful, honestly, but please. Just give me a chance to make this right.”

“If you hurt him again, I’ll fucking kill you,” Jonas said darkly. “Isak has been through too much shit already for his age. He doesn’t need more pain and drama from someone he’s supposed to be able to trust.”

“That’s more than reasonable,” Even agreed, even as dread started pooling in his stomach. “I don’t want to hurt him ever again.”

“Good.”

An awkward silence fell over them, and Even could tell Jonas wanted nothing more than to get the fuck out of there. This was obviously as good as they were going to get. Even supposed it was better than before, even marginally, but he didn’t really expect anything different, either. He knew Jonas was just looking out for his best friend.

“I’ve got one more question,” Even said slowly. Jonas raised an eyebrow and nodded for him to continue. “Isak’s told you about all the stuff going on with the Bergen Aquarium, right?”

“You mean the bylaw stuff, with the parks board?” Even nodded, and Jonas rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it’s fucking bullshit. Isak’s pretty pissed about it.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I want to take him there. To Bergen,” Even said. Jonas’ eyes went wide, and Even hurried to explain. “The board is voting on whether or not they’re going to pass the bylaw on Tuesday night, and I thought he’d want to be there. I figured we could catch the super early bus out there and spend the day at the aquarium before going to the protest.”

“Seriously?” Jonas asked.

Even nodded. “I’ve already bought the tickets, and rented us a hotel room for the night, but… do you think he’ll like it?”

“I think he’ll fucking flip,” Jonas said, quickly adding, “in a good way.”

“Good,” Even said, a laugh bubbling out of his chest as relief poured over him. “Don’t tell him, though. I’ve told him it’s a surprise.”

“Isak hates surprises.”

“He told me.”

“He’ll love it though.”

Even smiled. “I’m glad.”

Jonas didn’t stick around for much longer. Their attempts at small talk were… stunted to say the least. Jonas was still clearly apprehensive about everything, though the flat-out hatred that had been in his eyes earlier in the day was gone. Most of it was just the awkwardness that came with trying to figure out how to interact without Isak there, and it was pretty fucking weird.

As soon as Jonas was gone, Even shot a text to Erik telling him he was heading home, and to meet him there. As Even walked to the bus, he couldn’t help but hope that Erik would be able to help him figure out shit with Lars. He’d known him the longest, though Even wasn’t really sure _why_ Erik stuck around when he seemed to hate Lars’ entire persona so much.

By the time he made it home, Erik was already sitting waiting on the front steps. “Hey,” Even said, drawing his attention up from his phone.

“Hey.”

They walked inside, not saying anything as they took of their shoes and headed into the living room. Even went to grab him a beer without asking, and in no time they were settled onto Even’s couch and he was realizing that he actually had to _say_ something.

“I can’t break up with him,” Even blurted. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. I can’t… it fucking _hurt_ not being with him and it was only four days. I just…” Even sighed, dropping his face into his hands and sucking in a shaky breath. “ _I can’t lose him._ ”

“I warned you, Even,” Erik said, his tone strict but not malicious. “I _told_ you that something like this could happen, and you didn’t listen to me.”

“I know. I just wanted to get to know him so bad,” Even admitted. “Ever since I saw him on the first day of school I just wanted to find a way to be close to him, and fuck. I don’t know why I thought _this_ was the way to go about doing it. I should’ve listened.”

“I just don’t know how you’re going to get out of this one, man,” Erik said after a moment. “Not without one or both of you getting hurt.”

“What if I talked to Lars?” Even asked hopefully. “What if I explained what’s going on?”

“Fuck, no,” Erik replied quickly. “Definitely don’t do that. That’ll only make things worse—it’ll only spur him on.”

Even sighed, heart dropping into his stomach. “Fuck.”

“As shitty as it is, and as much as a disapprove of the whole fucking thing, I think the only way you’re going to be able to make it through this without everything blowing up in your face is to keep going like you initially intended to.” He placed his beer on the table, turning to face Even more squarely. “I still think you should explain it to Isak, though.”

“I can’t,” Even said. “If he knew, he’d never want to see me again.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I’ve seen it happen before.”

“That was different.”

Even nodded. “It’s worse this time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m the one who got into this mess.”

“I could’ve stopped you,” Erik admitted. “I could’ve put an end to it before it even began, but I didn’t. I guess I didn’t think you’d actually fall for the kid. Not with the way you talked about him at first.”

“I know.” Even stared down at the beer in his hands, turning it idly between his fingertips. “I’m going to Bergen with Isak tomorrow morning. We’re probably going to miss Wednesday, too. Can you just… find a way to keep Lars distracted? I don’t want him trying to pry.”

Erik nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks.”

“Why Bergen?”

“Isak loves the aquarium. Remember I made you guys send those emails to the parks board out there?” Erik nodded, and Even couldn’t stop the smile that tugged on the corners of his lips. “Well, they’re voting on whether or not they’re going to pass it tomorrow night, and I want Isak to be there. I know how much it means to him.”

“Jesus.” Erik laughed. “You’re a fucking good boyfriend, you know that?”

Even smiled bitterly. “Not good enough.”

* * *

When Even finally arrived at Isak’s apartment it was well past 21. As soon as the younger boy pulled the door open and welcomed him with a warm “Hello!” Even stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. He squeezed tightly around Isak’s waist, burying his face into his neck and breathing in his familiar sent. Even just needed to feel close to him. Isak was clearly not expecting it, tensing for a second before wrapping his arms firmly around Even’s shoulders.

“Even?” Isak asked softly. “Everything okay?”

He hummed into his skin, kissing his neck before pulling back. “Everything’s fine. Just missed you.”

“We were only apart a couple hours,” Isak said, leading Even to his bedroom. Once inside, he added, “But I missed you too.”

Even dropped his packed bag on the floor, and Isak seemed to take notice of it for the first time. He raised a questioning eyebrow, and Even chuckled as he tugged Isak gently down onto his bed, pulling him against his chest. “We leave early tomorrow. Probably won’t have time to go home. That is… if I’m allowed to spend the night?”

Isak hummed. “Please.”

“Good.” Even pushed his hair off his forehead, pressing a kiss in its place as Isak burrowed closer. Even couldn’t help but think how he would love to spend every night like this, with Isak soft and pliant in his arms as they drifted off to sleep.

“Wait,” Isak said, blinking his eyes open and tilting his head up so he could look at Even. He squinted his eyes suspiciously. “ _How_ early?”

“Very, very early,” Even admitted, and Isak groaned loudly.

“We’re skipping school and you’re _still_ not letting me sleep in?”

“Trust me, baby,” Even cooed, petting his hair gently. “It’ll be worth it.”

“Better be,” Isak mumbled.

Even really fucking hoped he would like it. Especially with Lars’ warning looming on the horizon.

_4 days._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the trip to the Bergen Aquarium! Hopefully all this fluff makes up for some of the heartbreak in the last chapters. I also have never been to the Bergen Aquarium, so I doubt it's like this at all. This is more based off the Vancouver Aquarium since I'm very familiar with it, but I hope it's still enjoyable nonetheless. 
> 
> I've got about 2 more chapters written before I will likely have to take a short hiatus to finish up this story. I'm currently in the process of moving to Vancouver and things have been a little hectic with that and my full-time job, so apologies that I haven't kept quite as on top of things as I wanted to. I will do my absolute best to keep the hiatus down to 1 or 2 weeks. 
> 
> Lastly, thanks so much for all the support thus far. I'm so happy so many people have taken the time to read this little story. And I love seeing your guys' predictions of what's to come. ;) 
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round! <3

“Even,” Isak whined, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. It was before four-fucking-thirty in the morning and he wanted to be literally anywhere else at that moment, “what are we doing?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise.”

“Okay, well, if you’re going to drag me out of Oslo can I at least know _where_ we’re going?”

Even smiled and kissed his cheek. “Nope.”

“I’m going to tell Jonas that you’re trying to kidnap me,” Isak said.

“Jonas knows where we’re going.”

“What?” Isak’s brows furrowed. “What the fuck, since when do you and Jonas talk?”

“I wanted to make sure that this would be something you’d actually enjoy,” Even said, taking his hand and tugging him onto the bus that had just arrived before Isak could even try and see where it was going. “I was pretty sure it would be, but I thought a second opinion couldn’t hurt, y’know?”

Isak groaned. “Fine. _Fine_. But I hate surprises.”

“I’m starting to get that. Next time I’ll just make something up—make you think we’re going one place when actually we’re going somewhere completely different.”

“So dramatic,” Isak said, rolling his eyes. But his heart fluttered a little at the promise of _more_. He scooted a little closer to Even, craving the warmth of his touch but still too scared to ask for it in public. He was always worried that Even would get tired of it—of being forced to hide what they had. But he never did. He never complained, never tried to force Isak to do anything he was uncomfortable with.

Instead, Even smiled and pulled headphones out of his pocket, slipping one into Isak’s ear and one into his own. It was an excuse for Isak to stay pressed against his side, as Even’s random collection of music filled his ears.

Isak still didn’t like surprises, _hated_ not knowing what was waiting for him, but he trusted Even. He trusted that Even wasn’t going to take him anywhere he didn’t want to go. So, Isak let himself relax. He melted into Even’s side and stared out the window, watching Oslo pass them by.

When the first playlist ended, Isak turned to Even and raised an eyebrow. Oslo was over an hour behind them. “You’re not actually kidnapping me, are you?”

“No.” Even chuckled, and nuzzled their noses together just briefly. A surge of panic rose in Isak’s chest, but when he looked around the bus there wasn’t a single person that he recognized. “I promise it’ll all make sense when we get there.”

Isak desperately tried to calm his pounding heart as he burrowed closer into Even’s side. He took a calming breath and surged forward, kissing Even firmly on the lips. He could feel Even freeze at the touch, not sure how to react. Isak pulled away enough to lean their foreheads together. He reached for Even’s hand, sighing softly at the comfort that came from intertwining their fingers.

“Isak?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“Is this… this is okay right?”

“Of course,” Even said. “Are _you_ okay with it, though? We don’t have to.”

“I want to,” he admitted quietly. “It’s not like school. I don’t know anyone here, Ev. I just… I want to do this while I can.”

“Okay.” Even pulled away to kiss his forehead, and wrapped his free arm firmly around Isak’s shoulders.

Isak sighed and dropped his head onto Even’s shoulder. “I’m sorry that I can’t do this at home.”

“You don’t have to apologize, baby.”

“I just… I don’t want you to think I’m embarrassed of you. I’m not,” Isak blurted out quickly.

“I know that.”

“I just feel so stupid. I shouldn’t be scared to tell people about you. About us. About _me_. But I am. I shouldn’t fucking care what they think, but I _do._ ” Isak huffed out a sigh. He used his free hand to idly trace patterns over their joined hands. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Please stop apologizing, Isak,” Even said softly. “It’s not stupid to be worried about coming out. That’s perfectly normal, especially after everything you had to go through last year.”

“I just want to be able to be with you, to not have to hide it.”

“I know. And one day, you’ll feel comfortable with that,” Even promised. “No matter what, I’ll be here for you.”

“Yeah?”

He felt Even nod. “I’d do anything for you, Isak.”

* * *

At some point, he must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Even was nudging him gently and very quietly saying, “Isak, baby. Wake up. We’re here.”

He lifted his head from where it had fallen onto Even’s shoulder, and blinked blearily as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. He let Even pull him up gently and lead him off the bus. It wasn’t until his feet landed on the pavement of the sidewalk, and the cold air hit his face that Isak’s brain finally started catching up. It was such a familiar smell, salt water and a hint of something sweet.

“Bergen?” Isak asked.

It was definitely Bergen. He’d spent a lot of time there as a kid, before everything at home blew up. His dad worked from the little cabin they’d rent while his mum took him all over the place. They spent a lot of time at—Isak’s face lit up, eyes widening and grin spreading as he stared up at Even. “Are we going to the aquarium?”

“Yes,” Even said, leaning down to kiss him chastely. “Is that okay?”

“Okay?” Isak asked, throwing his arms around Even’s neck and squeezing. Even chuckled, his own arms looping around Isak’s waist and holding him close. “This is amazing. You’re amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Even said. “Why don’t we go get some breakfast first?”

Isak pouted, wanting to spend as much time at the aquarium as possible, but now that Even brought up the idea of food he couldn’t ignore the grumbling in his stomach. “Okay,” he said, reaching for Even’s hand and tugging him down the street with purpose, hopeful that the café he was thinking of would still be there.

“Where are we going?” Even asked, amusement in his voice.

“There’s this place called Bean & Breakfast,” Isak said, “my mum and I used to go there all the time when we were here. They have the _best_ oatmeal.”

“Yeah?”

Isak hummed. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course it is.”

Thankfully, the place was still where Isak remembered it. As they walked through the door and into the small café, bell chiming above them, Isak was hit with smells that reminded him so much of the summers he’d spent with his mother. The store had barely changed, and it made his heart clench painfully in his chest. Being back in Bergen was bittersweet, but he was glad Even was there with him. Isak didn’t think he could’ve come back alone.

They ordered their breakfast and their coffee before settling into one of the small two-seater tables. Isak watched as Even dug in, and smiled brightly when he practically moaned around his first bite. “This is so good,” he said around the mouthful.

“Isn’t it?”

They ate in silence for a while, Isak enjoying the familiar taste of his usual order, before Even finally said, “You seem pretty familiar with Bergen.”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded, pushing his oatmeal around his bowl as he tried to decide what to say. “I used to come here a lot in the summers with my parents. Dad worked a lot, but mum and I would spend our days exploring. We came here for breakfast all the time.”

“Sounds like a pretty fun way to spend summer.”

Isak smiled. “It was. We spent a lot of time at the aquarium, too. I think those summers are part of the reason I got so interested in marine biology.”

“Yeah?”

He hummed, taking another bite. “I haven’t… This is the first time I’ve been back since my parents split up.”

“Oh.” Isak looked up, seeing doubt in Even’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“It’s okay,” Isak said, reaching for his hand. “I’m glad we came. I really missed it here. This is… this is honestly the best surprise ever.”

Even’s smile returned, and it made Isak’s heart flutter. “It’s only just started, baby.”

“Oh?”

He hummed happily around another bite of food. “There’s more to come.”

* * *

When they finally got to the aquarium, Isak couldn’t keep the giant smile off his face. It was so familiar, but still so new because he was doing it with Even. He was walking through the front entrance as he had so many times before, but this time he was doing so with his _boyfriend_. Honestly, Isak was tempted to pinch himself because how the fuck did he manage to get so lucky?

As soon as he found out that Even had never been there before, Isak fell into Guide Mode. He knew it probably wasn’t very date-y to lead Even from tank to tank as he explained who each of the animals were, and why they were at the aquarium, but he couldn’t help it. He fucking _loved_ it. And for what it was worth, Even didn’t seem to be annoyed by it. He was just staring at Isak with a fond look as he listened.

Isak knew that he tended to ignore what was going on around him when he really got into explaining something he was passionate about, but he never really noticed just _how much_ he tuned out the world until Even would use his hold on Isak’s hand to tug him backwards, into his chest, as he smiled apologetically to whoever Isak had almost barrelled straight into. He was more than a little embarrassed by how many times it happened, but it wasn’t his fault, okay? There was too much to say, and Even had to know _all_ of it.

When Isak finally got to his favourite exhibit—the dolphins—he noticed that they had a shadow. There was a little girl who barely reached Even’s knees not-so-subtly trying to listen as Isak talked. Her blue eyes were wide and shining as she stared up at the tank in awe, and Isak couldn’t help but melt a little. He normally wasn’t a fan of kids, but he tended to have a soft spot for the ones who were actually interested in the fish and not just there to wreak havoc.

It wasn’t until after he reached the end of his spiel on dolphins that Isak noticed the little girl seemed to be completely alone. He dropped Even’s hand, much to the older boy’s confusion, and moved to kneel next to her. “Hello,” Isak said softly. The little girl ducked her head, her blonde hair falling over her face as she tried to hide from Isak. “What’s your name?”

“Nikola,” she said, so quiet that Isak had to strain to hear her.

“That’s a very pretty name. Do you like the dolphins, Nikola?” She nodded shyly, eyes darting back to the tank, where one of the dolphins had approached the glass. Isak watched her face light up, the nervousness subsiding as she watched it swim. “Do you know where your mum is, Nikola?”

She looked away from the glass to stare up at Isak with wide, sad eyes. She shook her head, and her bottom lip began to quiver. Isak realized that if he didn’t do something, _anything_ , in the next ten seconds, he was going to have a crying child on his hands. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said quickly, flashing his biggest smile at her. “I have an idea, do you wanna hear it?”

Nikola nodded, sniffling but—thank _god_ —not actually crying. Isak let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and reached for Even’s hand, tugging him down to their level. “This is Even. He’s super tall, kind of like a giraffe.” Even scoffed next to him, and Isak elbowed him gently in the ribs. “He’s going to go to customer service and let them know that you’re missing your parents, okay? And we’re going to stay _right here_ and wait for him to come back. Okay?”

Nikola nodded slowly. Isak nodded for Even to go, reluctantly letting go of his hand. He could tell Nikola was still unsure and worried, so he turned her attention back to the dolphins. “These guys are pretty cool, huh? They’re one of the smartest animals in the _whole world_.”

“I know,” she said indignantly. The certainty in her tone took Isak by surprise. “I know everything about dolphins.”

“Is that so?”

She nodded, gently reaching for his hand so she could tug him right up to the glass. “Daisy is my favourite,” she said, pointing at one of the two dolphins in the tank. “I did a project on her last year in school.”

“Did you?”

“I got a six,” Nikola informed him with a smile. “I even got to meet her.”

“What?” Isak gasped. “I’m jealous.”

It didn’t take long for Even to return, a short frazzled lady in tow. Isak watched as the stress oozed from her shoulders as soon as her eyes landed on Nikola. She scooped the girl into her arms, hugging her tightly and saying, “I told you not to wander off, Nikola. You scared me half to death.”

“Sorry,” Nikola said quietly. She looked shyly at Isak, her eyes darting between him and her mother. “I wanted to listen.”

Her mother sighed, placing her back down on the ground but keeping a firm hold on her hand. She turned back to Isak and Even, eyes darting to their joined hands. Everything in Isak shouted at him to let go, to assume the worst, but he just held tighter. When she finally spoke, there wasn’t hatred in her voice like Isak was expecting. Just relief. “Thank you for getting Nikola back to me.”

“Of course,” Isak said. “She’s very smart. Passionate about the animals.”

Her mother smiled softly, ruffling her hair. “She is.”

She thanked them one more time before leading Nikola away. Isak watched them go, a sense of relief flooding over them at the fact that they hadn’t said anything about him and Even. He knew, realistically, that people wouldn’t be as horrible as he was expecting, but it was still nice to be reminded of that.

“That was sweet,” Even said, kissing his temple. “Who knew you would be so good with kids.”

Isak slapped his hand against his chest in mock offense. “ _Excuse_ you. I am the _best_ with kids. They love me.”

“Apparently.” Isak hummed in agreement and tugged Even along, past the dolphins, and towards the last branch of the aquarium.

Once Isak had finally expended his knowledge—and honestly run out of steam from _talking_ so much—almost three hours had passed. He dragged Even back over to the tank that housed the dolphins, though this time they went to the outside viewing area instead of the underground one. He watched as the smallest one, the Atlantic white-sided, flipped happily above the surface. Isak couldn’t help but smile. It felt like every cell in his body ached to be able to work with these animals—to learn about them and get to know them, and to try and find ways to _help_ them.

“What’s going on up here?” Even asked, tapping Isak’s temple gently. He pulled his gaze away from the tank to meet Even’s eyes.

“I just really missed this place. It’s really reminding me why I want to do what I want to do. With all the stress of trying to sort out everything I need to apply to that school, and the pressure of trying to be good enough to get in, I think I was starting to forget why I wanted to go in the first place.” He looked back to the tank as the dolphin jumped again, and his heart jumped with her. “Being here reminds me how much I love these animals.”

“I can tell,” Even teased, bumping their shoulders together lightly before leaning over to press a kiss to Isak’s cheek. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited to talk about something. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk this much period.”

Isak blushed and mumbled out a quiet, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I loved hearing it all.”

Isak stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Even’s waist and cuddling into his side. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” Isak corrected, tilting his head up and asking silently for a kiss that Even didn’t hesitate to give. Isak’s heart jumped at the knowledge that he was kissing Even, in public. Even if it was chaste, completely PG, he couldn’t help but worry that someone would say something as they pulled apart.

Isak glanced around, waiting for the worst, but no one had spared them as much as a glance. No one gave a _fuck_. Isak felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. He had kissed his boyfriend in the middle of a crowd of families and overexcited children, and it was okay. Even tightened his grip on Isak’s shoulders, raising his eyebrows. “Everything chill?”

“Yeah,” Isak said, smiling and resting his head on Even’s shoulder as he stared back out at the tank. “Everything’s perfect.”

* * *

Isak was sad to leave the aquarium, even with Even’s promise that they could come for a couple hours the next day, but the exhaustion of being up so early and talking so much was quickly catching up with him as he walked with Even down the familiar streets of Bergen, hand in hand. He leaned a little heavier against his boyfriend’s side, letting out a contented sigh.

“You okay?” Even asked.

Isak hummed. “Just tired.”

“Want to have a little nap before we go for dinner?”

“Nah,” Isak said, yawning as he said it. “I’ll be okay.”

“You sure? I still have more fun plans for tonight,” Even said. “Wouldn’t want you falling asleep on me.”

“Just need some coffee.”

Even chuckled, letting go of Isak’s hand so he could pull him against his side instead, squeezing his shoulders lightly. “You’re adorable.”

“Yeah,” Isak agreed, “I am. Adorable, and hungry.”

“I’ll feed you soon, I promise,” Even said. “We just gotta check into the hotel first.”

They took their time as they walked the relatively quiet streets of Bergen, Isak taking in everything that had changed in the years it’d been since he was last there. Occasionally, he would point out a store or building to Even, telling him the crazy stories he remembered from everything he used to do with his mum. It was bittersweet remembering everything that he lost when shit hit the fan at home, but Isak was glad he could look back on the good times, and make new ones with Even.

He hadn’t let himself think about what his mother used to be like in so, so long. It made him feel quite emotional, especially as Even led them to a bed and breakfast right on the waterfront that was all too familiar. The couple that ran it—or used to… Isak wasn’t sure if they’d still be there—had been very close with his mother.

Isak could help but hesitate at the door, pulling Even to a stop. “Everything okay?” he asked, for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Yeah. I just…” Isak swallowed his nervousness, squeezing Even’s hand gently to remind himself that he wouldn’t have to face whatever waited on the other side of the threshold alone. “My mum used to be really close with the owners of this place.”

“Fuck, Isak, I’m so sorry,” Even said.

“Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong.” He looked up at the familiar building, remembering the afternoons he spent running through the halls as his mother chatted with Mrs. Pettersen. “You didn’t know, and this place is pretty popular. It makes sense that you would pick it.”

“We can go somewhere else if you want,” Even offered.

Isak shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I really love this place—I’ve always wanted to stay here.”

“Okay.”

“Just… if I freeze up in there and like… tell them you’re just a friend, don’t be offended, okay?” he asked. Even nodded quickly, reaching a hand up to brush Isak’s curls off his forehead. “I don’t think they’re the kind of people who would judge, and I _want_ to tell them, but… you know me.”

“It’s alright, love,” Even assured him, kissing his forehead. “Do whatever you’re comfortable with. I don’t mind either way.”

“Okay.” Isak turned to the door again, nodding once. He took a deep breath and, before his nerves could get the best of him, pulled the door open.

He didn’t expect himself to be hit with such a strong sense of nostalgia when he came face-to-face with Mrs. Pettersen, perched behind the front counter as she had been almost every time Isak had showed up with his mother. He froze in the doorway, breath catching in his throat and tears stinging behind his eyes. He felt ridiculous. He was _being_ ridiculous. She probably wouldn’t even remember him—he was just a kid, and he’d grown a lot since—

“Isak?” she asked quietly, her voice laced with all the uncertainty he was feeling. “Isak Valtersen, is that you?”

“Hi Mrs. Pettersen,” he croaked out. A huge smile took over her face as she scrambled around the counter, pulling him into her arms and into an incredibly tight hug that felt so familiar—so much like his _mothers_ —that Isak couldn’t help the sob that escaped.

“It’s been so long,” she said when they finally pulled apart. “You’ve grown up so much—very handsome.”

“Thank you.”

“Marianne, how is she?”

Isak dropped his gaze to the floor. “Not good. She’s… she’s not well. She has schizophrenia.”

“Is that why you stopped coming?”

He nodded. “Dad said it wasn’t good for her, and then she kept getting worse and he just… he left. So I left, too.”

“Oh, Isak,” she reached out to cup his cheek, and Isak leaned into the touch. “You poor thing, I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too.”

“I’m so happy to see you, though,” she said. “What brings you back to Bergen?”

Isak smiled, and stepped to the side so Even could step forward. “Hi,” he said, his usual blinding smile in place as he offered a hand. “I’m Even, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise. Do you happen to be the Even who has a reservation for this evening?”

Even nodded. “That would be me.”

“How wonderful!” she said happily. “Any special occasion that brings you here?”

“Just a surprise for Isak. He’s been talking my ear off about the aquarium since I met him.”

Mrs. Pettersen chuckled, pinching Isak’s cheek. “He’s loved that place ever since he was little.”

“Even is my boyfriend,” Isak blurted, face burning as soon as the words had left his lips. He had no idea what the fuck had come over him—it wasn’t like the conversation was anywhere remotely _close_ to the topic, but _fuck._ Isak just wanted someone who’d always been like family to tell him that it was okay.

“Oh, Isak, that’s so lovely,” she said. “I’m so happy for you, you’re such a beautiful couple.”

He felt like the biggest weight had been lifted from his chest, letting the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding escape his lips in a sigh. It was okay. It was good. His relationship with Even wasn’t something dirty, or wrong. It was _beautiful._ He’d known it, somewhere in his heart, but now that someone had said it aloud it felt so much more _real._

Because Isak was so fucking lucky to have Even. After years of heartbreak, of everyone he loves betraying him, he finally had something good and real. The universe had finally cut him some goddamn slack and Isak was so fucking lucky. He couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off his face no matter how hard he tried, not that he wanted to.

Once Even had led them upstairs to their room and the door was firmly closed behind them, Isak wasted no time in pulling him in for a searing kiss. “Fuck,” he said, pulling away to catch his breath. “I think I fucking love you.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bergen Part 2, aka almost 6k of fluff! Also some smut, so I apologize if that's not your thing. Also sorry if it's shit, I don't write a lot of smut lol.
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round. <3

_I think I fucking love you._

The words hung in the air around them, and Isak felt like he was going to pass out. It was one thing to _think_ it, but he’d fucking said it aloud. And now Even wasn’t talking, wasn’t moving, possibly wasn’t even breathing. Isak squirmed out from his grasp, and the movement seemed to pull Even from his daze.

“Isak,” he said, trying to reach for his hand, but Isak pulled away and made a beeline for the bathroom, closing and locking the door firmly behind him. He slid down the door, dropping his face into his knees and wishing desperately he could just fucking disappear.

“Isak,” Even said again from the other side of the door. “Baby, please come out.”

“No,” Isak mumbled. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.” He heard Even slide down the other side of the door, landing with a soft _thump_. “I love you too, you know.”

“Don’t,” Isak said shakily. “Don’t lie to me just because you want me to feel better.”

“I’m not lying to you, Isak. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. I have no doubts about how I feel about you, okay?” Isak’s heart clenched painfully. He wanted to believe Even so badly, but his brain was screaming that it was wrong. That it didn’t make sense. That it was too fucking soon and that they were too fucking young.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Please open the door, Isak.”

Despite the fact that he was still burning with embarrassment and uncertainty, Isak stood to open the door. Because it was fucking Even, and Even made him feel safe. He barely had the door open before Even was stepping forward and pulling Isak into a crushing hug. He felt himself melt into the embrace, his worries fading out temporarily.

Even pulled away enough to lean their foreheads together, holding Isak’s gaze firmly as he said, “I love you, too, Isak. I do.”

Isak closed his eyes, taking a breath to try and calm his speeding heart. The sincerity in Even’s voice was almost as jarring as the words themselves. _Love_. Isak hadn’t thought it’d be something he’d be allowed. Not so soon, and not from someone so… so fucking perfect. Part of him, the dark part that kept him up at night and told him he didn’t deserve happiness, was saying there was no way Even meant it. But…

But.

This time Isak didn’t want to listen to that part of himself.

Because Even had taken him all the way to Bergen just to go to the aquarium because he knew it was something Isak was passionate about. Even had talked to Jonas—who was still pissed at him—to make sure that Isak would enjoy the trip. Even had listened to him talk for _hours_ about fish and had done so with a fondness in his eyes Isak hadn’t seen in _so long._ Even encouraged his dreams, defended him, quelled the fears that sat heavy in his chest.

And, yeah. Maybe they were too young. Maybe things were moving ‘too fast.’ Maybe they were blinded to the reality of high school relationships. Or maybe they weren’t. Maybe something in the universe was pulling them together. Maybe they were meant to find each other, in every universe. Isak had no clue what would come of their relationship in the end, but he knew one thing.

He meant what he said.

He loved Even, fuck what anyone else had to say about it.

Isak bumped their noses together gently, tilting his head enough that he could press a soft kiss to Even’s lips—just the gentlest brush of skin against skin. Even smiled, and Isak marvelled in how it seemed to light up the entire room. Isak couldn’t help but smile too.

“Let’s go for dinner, yeah?” Even asked softly, brushing a hand through Isak’s hair.

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay.”

* * *

Even took Isak to a restaurant that hadn’t been there the last time he’d been in Bergen. It was a cozy little place with a view of the water, live music, and outdoor seating that they made sure to take advantage of. Isak took in a deep breath as they sat down, blushing when Even raised an eyebrow.

“I love being able to smell the saltwater,” Isak admitted bashfully. “I really missed this place.”

“You seem to be really at home here,” Even agreed.

Isak sighed. “Yeah.”

“Everything okay?”

“Mm,” he hummed. “I just… I wish I could bring mum back here. I wish… I don’t know. I guess I just wish I would’ve been strong enough to stay with her, y’know? That I would’ve stuck it out and helped her instead of running away.”

“You were young, Isak,” Even said. “No one thinks any less of you for leaving. You weren’t equipped to handle all that on your own.”

“She’s my mother, Even. And I left her in that house alone. In the middle of one of her bad episodes.” He sighed again, shoulders drooping. “She was always the one who believed in me, who _encouraged_ me to follow all my crazy dreams, and I left when she needed me most.”

Even reached across the table, taking one of Isak’s hands in his own. He waited until Isak met his eyes to talk, and when he did, his tone was far more serious than Isak was used to. “You did what you had to do, love. It’s _okay._ ”

Isak bit his lip and nodded, but when Even tried to take his hand back, Isak held on tighter.

“I’m sorry,” Isak said after a minute.

“For what?”

“I keep bringing the mood down.”

Even smiled, rubbing soft circles on the back of Isak’s hand where they were still joined on the table. “No you don’t,” he said. “I want to hear about everything in your life, and that _includes_ the bad. I want to be there for you, baby.”

“I love you,” Isak said quietly, still a little nervous about saying the words despite how confidently he felt them.

“I love you, too.”

They didn’t say much more as they studied their menus and decided on their dishes, aside from the brief excitement Isak showed when he noticed the little _Ocean Wise_ symbol next to their seafood dishes that meant the fish was sustainably sourced. “I told you the Aquarium was badass,” Isak had said, “they worked really hard on this program, and I am so happy to see it in use.”

After the waitress had come to take their orders, Even turned to him with a contented smile. “What?” Isak asked, feeling self-conscious.

“I just love seeing you smile,” Even said.

Isak blushed, ducking his head and dropping his gaze to the table. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious, Isak. Watching you be so… in your element today has been incredible,” he said, reaching for Isak’s hand again and squeezing gently. “You’re going to make such a good marine biologist.”

“You think so?”

Even hummed. “I know so.”

“Thanks,” Isak said bashfully, unable to stop the smile that tugged at his lips.

“So after you get into that school in Hawaii and blow them all away, what’s the plan?” Even asked. “Do you want to stay in America, or come home?”

“I don’t really know,” Isak admitted. “I always liked the idea of coming here, working at the aquarium, but the way things are going with the park board… it might not even _be_ here anymore by the time I graduate.” He shrugged. “I guess I kind of just have to go wherever I’m needed.”

Even hummed. “Wherever you end up, they’ll be lucky to have you. You’re amazing.”

Before Isak could argue that opinion, Even tilted his head to the side, a wide smile taking over his face and lighting up the whole goddamn room. “What?” Isak asked.

“Do you hear this?” Even said, bobbing his head slightly to the music Isak had almost forgotten was playing. He payed closer attention to the song the band was covering, and groaned. Even’s smile got bigger. “Do you not like Jason Mraz, Isak?”

“Ugh, no,” Isak said instinctively, a specific comment from Jonas popping into his mind.

“Why not?”

“It’s girly.”

Even rolled his eyes. “Gender is a social construct. Music shouldn’t fit into some stupid rules.” He stood up abruptly, tugging gently on Isak’s hand as he did. “Now c’mon. Dance with me.”

“No. No way in hell.”

“Please, Isak?” Even asked sweetly, and _fuck._ How was Isak supposed to say no to those goddamn puppy-dog eyes and pouted lips? He groaned again and stood begrudgingly, trying to hold his annoyed façade but failing rather splendidly as Even’s smile grew so impossibly large that Isak couldn’t help but return it as he was dragged to the small— _empty—_ dance floor right in front of the band.

He allowed himself to be pulled into Even’s arms, and tried not to focus on the looks he knew they were getting from the other patrons. Instead, Isak kept all his attention on Even and how it felt to have his hands firmly holding his hips so he could sway them gently to the beat. Isak looped his own arms around Even’s neck, fingers playing with the hair that curled there.

“Jonas made fun of me for liking this song,” Isak admitted quietly. “He said it was a gay song.”

“Fuck that,” Even said, a little too loudly. Isak snickered at the shocked gasp that came from a woman in her forties at one of the closer tables. “Anyone can like this song. It’s happy—uplifting, if you may.”

Isak hummed in agreement, feeling light and giddy because Even was his and how the _fuck_ did he get so lucky? He laughed as Even tried to spin him, Isak’s ungracefulness resulting in him nearly tripping. Even’s hold on his waist tightened slightly as he pulled Isak flush against the chest. “Alright, no spinning Isak. Noted.”

“Shut up!” Isak said through his laughter. “Maybe warn me next time, asshole. May I remind you that I’m not exactly used to being the one _spun_?”

Even kissed his nose. “Whatever you say. I’m going to spin you again.” It went much better the second time round, Isak managing not to lose his footing _or_ step on Even’s toes and kind of loving the gentle pressure on his lower back that came along with it. Once he was facing forward again, Isak let his head fall onto Even’s shoulder, burying his nose in Even’s neck and smiling against his skin as they swayed.

“ _I won’t hesitate, no more, no more,_ ” Even sang quietly, sending a shiver down Isak’s spine. “ _It cannot wait, I’m sure. There’s no need to complicate, our time is short. This is our fate, I’m yours._ ”

When the song came to a close, Isak reluctantly stepped out of Even’s arms, taking his hand instead as they walked back to their table. He could feel people watching them as they went, but he honestly could care less. He had the cheesiest, most wonderful boyfriend in the world and there wasn’t a single thing he’d change about him.

* * *

“Are you ready for your next surprise?” Even asked, his grin slightly hidden as he wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Another surprise?” Isak asked. “Even, this has been so much already. Too much.”

“I just want to make you happy,” Even said, like it was nothing. Like the words didn’t make Isak’s heart jump in his chest. “You’ve been stressed, and I just added to that by being a dick. I want to make it up to you.”

“You already have. This is—this is more than I ever could’ve _dreamed_. This has been the best day ever.”

“Good. Because I can’t promise that this surprise will have a happy ending.”

Isak frowned, tilting his head to the side. “Huh?”

“I’m sure you already knew, but the parks board is voting tonight on whether or not this moronic bylaw will be passed,” Even explained and, yes. Isak did know that. He’d been talking Jonas’ ear off for _weeks_ about that. He just—with everything that had been going on, and the rush of getting dragged to an unknown destination by one of the most amazing people in the world, he’d kind of forgotten that it was happening _today._ “With how passionate you are about it, I just couldn’t let you miss it.”

_Fuck,_ Isak couldn’t believe he’d let himself forget that was today. It just made the whole trip more amazing, made _Even_ more amazing because he knew how obsessed Isak was with the stupid bylaw getting shot down, and he’d made sure that they would be in Bergen for the vote.

He was fucking amazing.

Isak stood from his spot at the table rather abruptly and walked over to Even, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck firmly. “You’re the most amazing boyfriend ever, holy fuck.”

“I love you,” Even said, and Isak’s heart fluttered. It was all just so much. So much he didn’t ever think he’d be allowed to have.

“I love you, too,” he answered softly, holding Even just a little bit tighter. “Thank you. For everything.”

“I would do anything for you,” Even said, again.

* * *

There were so many people. That was the first thought that entered Isak’s mind as he and Even approached the building that the vote was being held in. His step actually faltered a bit as he realized that the huge crowd of people standing around—in the _rain_ no less—were all there to show their support for the aquarium, to beg the stupid parks board not to enact the bylaw.

Isak’s breath caught in his throat, floored by the knowledge that he wasn’t alone in this—that there were others fighting just as hard as him to save something good. “You okay?” Even asked softly, squeezing the hand Isak had almost forgot he was holding.

“Yeah, just… overwhelmed, a bit. Didn’t expect this many people to be here.” He let his eyes wander across the crowd as they walked closer, taking in the signs that the protesters were holding.

_The Bergen Aquarium is NOT for profit!_

_Support the BERGEN AQUARIUM._

_EVERY ANIMAL COUNTS._

_LISTEN TO THE REAL FACTS!_

_I stand with SCIENCE!_

“This is amazing,” Isak breathed, shuffling closer to Even as they reached the crowd, finally. He could see journalists, and news crews, and aquarium staff. It was all so much. He couldn’t even see any of the PETA activists he hated so much.

Isak held his own, hastily-created sign tightly against his chest as he began to chant with the crowd. “I support the Bergen Aquarium! I stand with science!”

Even was just as enthusiastic, just as loud as Isak was. It made his heart swell in his chest at the sight. His boyfriend, protesting for his favourite place, of his own choice. Fuck, he was lucky.

The more time that passed, though, the more nervous Isak began to feel. The board was supposed to vote on the bylaw at 18.30, and it was already nearly 19.00. The crowd seemed to share his unease, their voices quieting as everyone’s attention fell on the building they weren’t allowed to step foot in.

Seeming to sense the waning enthusiasm, one of the head vets for the aquarium called for everyone’s attention. Isak turned to watch the woman, squeezing Even’s hand tightly as he struggled to calm his nerves. “First of all,” she said, “I want to thank every single person who came out tonight from the bottom of my heart. Those of us who have dedicated so much of our lives and careers to the aquarium never expected to have such an amazing turnout, and it means the world to us that you’re willing to stand out here in the rain to show your support.”

The crowd cheered, and she smiled even brighter. “I want all of you to know that, no matter the outcome tonight, this isn’t the end. We will fight for our right to treat and house these animals until the bitter end. We owe it to them, we owe it to ourselves, and we owe it to you.” She glanced towards the building with a frown before clearing her throat. “And if they do vote to pass this, I hope you will all stand with us and continue to fight.”

The crowd erupted into cheers and chants again, and Isak burrowed further into Even’s side. He felt nervous, and worried, but it felt good to know that there were so many other people there who were behind the aquarium.

It wasn’t long after her speech that the doctor got pulled to the side by another, more solemn looking aquarium employee. One look at him, and Isak felt his heart drop into his stomach. Isak watched with growing dread as she moved to get everyone’s attention again, and Isak knew the crowd felt the shift just as clearly as he did.

Even dropped his hand, instead wrapping his arm tightly around his shoulders. Isak snaked his own arm around Even’s waist, and turned to press his face into his chest.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” the vet said. “The parks board has voted to pass the bylaw, regardless of the outcry of negative attention it his received from all across Norway. We want to thank you again for coming out. Please keep an eye on the website. As soon as we know our next move, we will let you know.”

In a matter of just under three hours, everything that Isak had tried to do to prevent the bylaw being passed was deemed worthless. All the hope he had held was stripped away and he felt bare. Lost. Hurt.

As she stepped away, the crowd remained quiet. A sense of disappointment and defeat had settled where there was originally such excitement and happiness. Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s temple, muttering a quiet, “I’m so sorry, baby,” against his hair.

“Can we go back to the hotel?” Isak asked.

“Of course, anything you want.”

* * *

The walk back to the hotel was quiet. Isak was still in shock, still in utter disbelief that they had failed. That despite everything, the bylaw had been passed. Even didn’t push him to talk, didn’t try and lighten the mood or anything. He just walked along with Isak silently, his arm tight around Isak’s shoulders—grounding him. Keeping him from falling too deep into his thoughts.

Even didn’t let go until they reached their room in the hotel, and only did so then in order to unlock the door. Once inside, he pulled Isak into his arms again and led him to the bed. “Baby,” he said softly, cupping Isak’s face gently in his hands, “we’ve gotta get out of these wet clothes, okay? I don’t want you to get a cold.”

Isak nodded.

“Why don’t I draw you a bath?” Even asked. “There’s a nice, big tub in here.”

“Okay,” Isak said, barely above a whisper. Even pressed a kiss to his forehead before moving into the bathroom. Isak missed his presence as soon as he was gone, regardless of the fact he was less than 10 feet away. He wanted to get up, to go tell Even that he was fine. But he wasn’t. Isak just felt kind of… numb.

When Even came back, he hadn’t moved from the bed. He let Even tug him up, let Even lead him into the bathroom. “Can I undress you?” he asked, and Isak nodded deftly.

He wanted to appreciate Even’s fingers on his skin, wanted to enjoy the fact that his very hot boyfriend was taking off his clothes. But it wasn’t meant to be sexual. Even knew he was upset, and was just trying to take care of him. Isak stepped into the bath, feeling marginally better as he sunk into the warm water.

When Even moved to leave, Isak caught his hand. “Stay.”

“Are you sure?” Even asked. “It’s okay if you want to be alone for a bit, you don’t have to—”

“I want you to join me,” Isak whined. “Please?”

Even melted at the words, already starting to pull off his own clothes. “Of course, baby.”

Isak scooted forward enough that Even could climb in behind him. Once he was situated, Even pulled him close against his chest. Isak relaxed into his arms, a sigh escaping his lips as his head dropped onto Even’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for ruining our day,” he mumbled.

“You’ve done nothing of the sorts,” Even said. “I wish there would’ve been a happier result to that vote, but I don’t think it ruined our day. Do you?”

Isak shook his head.

“Good. And even if it did, that wouldn’t be your fault. It would be the assholes who decided to pass the bylaw.”

“Assholes,” Isak repeated, voice laced with venom. “Naïve, greedy assholes.”

“It’s not over, though,” Even pointed out. “This is just the beginning, love. Now we start the real fight, right? Now we show them just who they’re messing with.”

“Why should they care?” Isak asked. “They’ve beat us once, what makes you so confident they won’t do it again?”

“Isak,” Even said, levelling him with a look filled with such disappointment Isak couldn’t help but feel scolded.

“What?”

“After all this, after everything you’ve told me about the aquarium and how much _good_ they do, you’d give up that easily?”

“I don’t—we don’t… what else am I supposed to do?”

“Fight!” Even exclaimed. “Show them that you won’t take no for an answer, that you won’t just _sit there_ and let them fuck it all up.”

“I’m one person, Even.”

“You’re not the only one who loves the aquarium, I promise you that,” he said. “You _saw_ the crowd today. All those people love the aquarium, want to _support_ the aquarium, too. And you’ll have your friends. You’ll have me.” Even brought Isak’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckle softly. “You’ll always have me.”

“Okay,” Isak nodded, feeling a little better than he had been when they’d left the meeting. The more he thought about all the people who had been there, and the passion that he’d seen, the more the hopelessness he had been feeling began to fade. “Yeah, okay. We’ll fight. We can still win this.”

“ _There’s_ the Isak that I know and love,” Even said, chuckling. “Was a little worried someone had kidnapped my boyfriend and replaced him with a lookalike.”

“Ha-ha,” Isak laughed dryly. “You’re so funny.”

Even pinched his sides, making Isak thrash against him as giggles tumbled involuntarily from his lips. “I _am_ funny. The funniest. Right?”

“Okay!” Isak said breathlessly, desperately trying to writhe out of Even’s grasp. “Okay, fine. Just stop!”

Even stopped tickling him, but his hands never left Isak’s skin. Instead, they moved to his stomach, gently rubbing circles into the bare skin right above his belly button. Isak melted into Even, dropping his head back onto Even’s shoulder and humming contentedly as his own hands moved to rest on Even’s forearms.

Isak hadn’t felt so content as he did laying in Even’s arms in a long while. Even with the disappointment of the bylaw passing looming over him, he couldn’t help but feel relaxed as Even hummed quietly next to his ear and his fingers danced over Isak’s skin, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake.

“Thank you for today,” Isak said again, his voice bouncing off the walls of the quiet bathroom. “Even though we didn’t get the ending we may’ve wanted, I’m so thankful for this trip. It’s just so amazing.” Isak sighed, turning his head to the side so he could nudge Even’s jaw with his nose. “You’re amazing.”

“I’m just glad you had a good time,” Even replied, squeezing his hands where they rested on Isak’s hips. “I love seeing you happy.”

“I’m always happy with you,” Isak admitted, a blush painting the tips of his ears at the honesty in the statement.

Even didn’t say anything in response, but instead began to press kisses to any parts of Isak’s face and neck that he could reach. Isak moaned quietly, loving the feel of Even’s lips on his skin, but craving more. He attempted to turn around in Even’s arms, the action more awkward than he was anticipating as water sploshed around them. Laughter filled the bathroom as Isak struggled to situate himself between Even’s legs, but it died out quickly once they were face-to-face, replaced by a heated tension.

There was a beat where neither of them moved, the only sound in the room their heavy breaths and the quiet sloshing of the settling water. Isak held Even’s gaze, taking in the dark arousal in his eyes. His heart jumped with anticipation as Even’s hands moved to frame his face. When he finally— _finally—_ moved forward and pressed their lips together, Isak couldn’t stop the moan that fell from his lips.

Even’s hands moved back to his waist, gripping tightly and pulling Isak even closer. He swiped his tongue across Isak’s bottom lip, and Isak granted him access willingly. He pushed his hands through Even’s hair, tugging on the strands and feeling the vibration of Even’s low moan. He tugged again, and Even nipped at his bottom lip. Isak let out a moan of his own, arching his back in an attempt to get closer.

He could feel Even against his stomach, and his fingers itched to touch. Isak snaked a hand between them, marvelling in the gasp he drew from Even’s lips as he curled his fingers around him. Even pulled away from the kiss, leaning their foreheads together and staring at Isak with lust-blown eyes.

Isak twisted his wrist, pulling another moan from Even’s lips as he worked him messily, both of them speeding towards the inevitable end. Even tensed, pulling Isak tight against his chest and effectively stilling Isak’s hand as it was squished between them. Isak watched him, breath coming in quick pants as he watched Even come down from his high.

“Fuck, Isak,” he breathed, “you’re going to be the death of me.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“Let’s get out,” Even said, tapping Isak’s hips lightly. “Let me take care of you.”

Isak blushed, but nodded. He scrambled out of the tub on shaky legs and watched as Even followed. He let his eyes wander down Even’s smooth back. It was doing nothing to lessen his own arousal, but Isak couldn’t stop himself from staring. When Even turned around, he smiled knowingly.

“Go lay down,” he said, “I’ll be right in.”

Isak swallowed thickly and nodded, moving quickly into the bedroom and flopping heavily down on the mattress. As he waited for Even, he tried not to think too much about what would happen next. Because the more Isak thought about it, the more he realized that each time he was with Even he just wanted _more_. More that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for yet.

Still, Isak knew that if anyone would take care of him the first time, it would be Even. Even would never hurt him, he’d take his time and make sure that Isak’s pain would be minimal. But it was a big step—or maybe it wasn’t. The guys all boasted about how early they lost their virginity, but Isak couldn’t help but feel that this was somehow different. He didn’t really fucking know. He just knew that it _felt_ like a big thing to give up.

“Baby?” Even’s voice broke through his thoughts, and Isak pushed himself onto his elbows to see Even standing in the doorway to the bathroom, completely naked, looking way too fucking hot for his own damn good.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

Isak hummed. “I’d be better if you weren’t standing on the other side of the room.”

Even chuckled, but walked over to the bed nonetheless. He kneeled next to Isak, kissing him hungrily as he pushed them both backwards until Isak was lying flat on his back, Even’s hands on either side of his head effectively pinning him down.

Isak moaned as Even deepened the kiss, arching upwards in an attempt to get some sort of friction, but Even was too far away. He broke the kiss, panting hotly against his boyfriend’s lips. “Even, please,” he whined, reaching his hands up to tug on Even’s hair.

“What is it, baby?”

“Touch me, please,” Isak breathed, trying to ignore the embarrassment he felt at the desperation in his voice. Said embarrassment faded when he saw the look in Even’s eyes—how his entire expression shifted from playful to hungry. Isak had barely any time to react before Even was moving down his chest, pressing wet kisses to his bare skin.

When Even’s face was finally level with Isak’s erection, he paused. Isak could feel his breath on his sensitive skin, each one sending shock waves down to his toes. Even smirked before moving forward and taking Isak into his mouth in one fluid motion.

Isak’s hands flew to Even’s hair, tugging roughly as he threw his own head back and moaned loudly. Even hummed around him, and the sensation made Isak shiver. He looked down, only to find Even staring back up at him, the blue in his eyes barely visible behind his blown-out pupils.

“Fuck, Even,” Isak panted, squeezing his eyes shut. It was so much— _too_ much. Even was too much for Isak to handle, and all he could think that it still somehow wasn’t enough. That despite the fact he was already trembling with pleasure it wasn’t enough.

Everything he did only seemed to spur Even on, his movements getting bolder, moving between teasing and determined. Isak knew he was being loud, embarrassingly so, but he didn’t give a fuck.

“Even,” Isak sighed breathily, arching his back up of the bed as he tugged on Even’s hair. “Please, _more_.”

“What, baby?” Even breathed, pulling off him with a _pop_ that made Isak groan, his eyes rolling back at the sight of Even with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. “What do you need?”

“You, please,” Isak begged, legs wrapping firmly around Even’s waist and pulling him up, closer. “I want to feel you.”

He felt Even tense above him, his lips stilling on Isak’s neck. Immediately, nervousness overpowered any arousal he was feeling. He felt ridiculous, desperate, _needy_. He just wanted to take the words back, but he couldn’t. Instead, Isak dropped his legs from around Even’s waist. He wanted to run, to get the hell away before Even had the chance to laugh at him, but there wasn’t far he could go with Even still hovering over him. “I’m sorry,” he muttered instead, adamantly staring at the ceiling to avoid looking at Even.

“Baby,” Even sighed. “Don’t apologize. You just… you caught me off guard.”

“Oh.”

“Have you ever…?”

Isak shook his head shyly. “No.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m ready,” he argued, trying not to cringe at how desperate he sounded.

“It’s a big step,” Even said slowly. “Maybe we should wait.”

“I don’t want to wait, Even,” Isak said, a touch of annoyance in his voice. “I want _you._ ”

“Baby,” Even cooed, bringing his hands up to cup Isak’s cheeks, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles across his jaw. “I want you, too, I do. But we can’t. We’re not prepared.” The words hit Isak like a brick. _Fuck_. He felt stupid. A blush was forming on his cheeks even as Even kept explaining. “I want your first time to by comfortable, love. I don’t want you to hurt.”

Isak nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about… any of that.”

“It’s okay,” Even said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Let me take care of you.”

Isak nodded, trying to push down his embarrassment as one of Even’s hands moved between them, gripping him tightly. Isak pulled him closer, nuzzling into the crook of Even’s neck and panting wetly against his skin.

When Isak finally came, his vision blurred. He arched high off the bed, into Even’s hand, and tugged roughly on the hair at the nape of his neck. When Isak finally came down from his high, he felt tired. Tired, and so unbelievably contented.

Even was rubbing small circles into his hip and trailing kisses down his shoulder. Isak hadn’t felt so sated in so long, and before he could even think about cleaning himself off or anything other than the feel of Even’s hands on his skin, he was pulled into a blissful sleep.

* * *

Even couldn’t sleep.

Isak looked so peaceful, so _happy_ next to him, subconsciously curling into Even’s side into his sleep. And it should’ve been perfect, Even should’ve been able to so easily nuzzle his nose into Isak’s hair and drift off himself, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how Isak fell apart under his touch, begging for more. It had taken every ounce of Even’s self-control to turn him down. He was so close to just taking Isak right then and there, fully giving himself over to the younger boy.

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do that to Isak. Not until everything with Lars was sorted. He couldn’t risk it. If he lost Isak—which Even desperately hoped would not happen, but _if_ he did—he didn’t want Isak looking back on his first time only to think it had been stolen from him.

No, Even had to push his own desires aside until he sorted everything out. He had to protect Isak from the worst possible scenario. Only when it was all over would Even let himself fully commit to this relationship. Only when he _knew_ he wasn’t going to hurt Isak.

In two days it would, hopefully, be all over. Lars would finally fuck off and mind his own business, and Even would _finally_ be able to be with Isak how he wanted to be. At whatever pace Isak would be comfortable.

Maybe, just maybe, after seeing how little people cared about them being together in Bergen, Isak would be comfortable telling people back at school. Maybe the trip would convince him that no one was going to judge him for liking boys.

Even could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanted to say that the parks board vote I described in this chapter is 100% what happened here in Vancouver at our aquarium. There were roughly 200 people who showed up to the vote to show their support, who stood in the rain for hours with signs begging for the bylaw not to pass, and it did. 
> 
> The Vancouver Aquarium is now trying to dispute the law in court, and all we can hope is that they will succeed, for the good of the animals in their care, current and future.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't upload last week, I wasn't really happy with how this chapter turned out so I ended up re-writing most of it. It's a very pivotal point in this story, but I still don't know if I'm 100% happy about it. 
> 
> Please, please, please read the end notes, they contain a lot of important info about the future of this fic.
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round.

When Isak finally blinked his eyes open the next morning, Even was already awake and brushing his fingers gently through Isak’s hair. He had a small, lazy smile on his lips that Isak happily returned. Even leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Isak’s nose. “Good morning, baby.”

“Morning.”

“Sleep well?”

Isak hummed. “Better than I have in a long time.”

“Did you still want to go to the aquarium for a bit before we go home today?” Even asked.

“Can we?”

“We can do anything you want, Isak. So long as we catch our bus at 14.00.”

Isak yawned, stretching his arms high over his head and stretching out his limbs. “I would love to go, even just for a couple hours. What time is it, anyway?”

“Just past nine.”

“That’s plenty of time, don’t you think?”

“Aquarium it is.” Even smiled, pulling Isak towards him until their bodies were pressed together. “How about I order us some breakfast, you can have a nice shower?” he asked. “I’d love to take advantage of the deck and enjoy the view.”

Isak hummed, tilting his chin up to ask for a kiss that Even was more than happy to provide. “I’d like that.”

“What do you want for breakfast?”

“Anything,” Isak said, yawning. “Whatever you want.”

Even kissed him one more time before slipping out of bed. Isak didn’t bother to hide the fact he was staring—he figured that after the night before he was allowed to appreciate Even’s nakedness. As he started getting dressed, Isak let his eyes drift closed again. He knew that he should get up and shower, as Even suggested, but Isak was far too contented to find the will to move. It wasn’t until Even returned to the bed, now fully dressed, and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead that Isak opened his eyes.

“I’ll be back soon, baby,” Even said softly. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Isak mumbled, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he watched Even leave. When the door closed behind him, Isak heaved himself out of the comfort of the bed, shuffling lazily towards the bathroom.

He ran the shower hot, breathing in the steam as he let the water message his muscles. As he shampooed his hair, Isak couldn’t help but feel like it’d been ages since he’d felt so at ease—so _relaxed_. It was wonderful.

He took his time washing his body, but when he stepped out of the shower Even still wasn’t back. Isak flopped heavily back onto the bed, the towel he’d wrapped around his waist loosening as he stared up at the ceiling with a stupid smile on his face. Isak was tempted to pinch himself, just to make sure everything that had happened was real.

When he heard the distinct sound of the door unlocking, Isak pushed himself onto his elbows, watching as Even came in with two large brown paper bags filled with what he assumed was their breakfast—it smelled _amazing._

Even’s step faltered when his eyes landed on Isak, his expression quickly being overtaken by a bright smile. He placed their food on top of the dresser, dropping his wallet and key card next to it, before moving over to the bed. His hands landed on either side of Isak’s hips, and Isak tilted his chin up for a kiss.

“That is a sight I could get used to seeing,” Even said against his lips. “Fuck, Isak, you’re breathtaking.”

Isak felt himself blush, unsure how to respond to such a genuine statement. He chose to wrap his arms around Even’s neck, pulling him closer and crashing their lips together, drawing a surprised groan from Even as he did. 

They made out lazily for a while, but Even still pulled away way too soon for Isak’s liking. “Breakfast is getting cold, baby,” he said softly.

Isak sighed, but allowed Even to pull him back into a sitting position. He moved to get dressed, his movements slow and deliberate as he felt Even’s gaze on him the entire time. When he finally turned to face his boyfriend again, Isak noticed that his eyes were much darker than before. He couldn’t hold back his smirk as he moved around Even and towards the balcony, yelping when Even smacked his ass lightly as he passed.

They ate in silence, both enjoying the view of the water they had from their room. The seagulls, the crashing waves, the smell of the saltwater in the air… it was all so _familiar_ , and Isak was a little sad to know he’d have to say goodbye to it all in a matter of hours.

Even could apparently read his mind—or Isak was just not as good at hiding as his emotions as he originally thought—because as they finished their breakfast he reached across the table to grab Isak’s hand, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on his skin. “We’ll come back,” Even promised. “You’ve made me fall in love with this place, too.”

Isak beamed at him, leaning over to kiss him firmly. “You’re the best.”

* * *

The aquarium wasn’t as busy when they arrived, and Isak really hoped it didn’t have anything to do with the vote the night previous. He tried not to think about the vote at all, instead walking leisurely through the exhibits, hand in hand with Even. Isak didn’t feel the need to talk his ear off, knowing that he’d shared most of his knowledge the day prior. Instead, he just enjoyed watching the fish and the dolphins, his heart jumping with them as it always did.

Even disappeared to the bathroom about half way through their visit, only to return with a very official looking person that Isak quickly recognized was one of the vets who had been present at the vote. His eyes went wide as Even introduced him to the woman—Dr. Beila. Most of what Even was saying after their introduction went in one ear and out the other as Isak stared at the woman, awestruck.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Isak,” she said, snapping him out of his mild freak-out. “It’s so nice to hear of someone so passionate about our cause, even in Oslo.”

“I’ve always loved this place,” Isak blurted, a blush darkening his cheeks almost before the words had left his lips.

“Isak wants to be a marine biologist,” Even provided, one hand coming to rest firmly on the small of Isak’s back, grounding him. “He’s trying to get into the University of Hawai’i.”

Her eyes went wide, her smile getting brighter, even more genuine. “Really? That sounds amazing!” Isak’s blush deepened. “What would you like to do with that, Isak?”

“I’d, uh… I’d love to work closely with dolphins,” Isak explained. “Study their behaviours, that kind of thing. I’m really interested in the project that was started here, too. The fishing nets that will be easier to echolocate?”

Dr. Beila beamed at him. “That’s one of my favourite projects. It could help _so many_ cetaceans, not just dolphins.”

Isak nodded eagerly. “It’s amazing.”

“Would you like to help with the morning feeding?” she asked, and Isak’s heart jumped in his chest.

“Really?”

She nodded. “It’s a little quieter today, so if you want to I doubt it’ll be an issue.”

“Y-yes!” Isak stuttered, his voice a little too loud and eager for his liking. He cleared his throat, trying not to let his embarrassment show. “I mean, yes please. That would be amazing.”

Dr. Beila lead them to the outdoor area that housed the dolphins, introducing him and Even to the trainers before explaining what they would be doing. Isak’s heart was like a jackrabbit in his chest the whole time, pounding with excitement and nervousness.

The experience was one of his favourite experiences in his entire life, and the fact that he got to do it with Even only made it ten times better. When they finally left the aquarium a mere half an hour before their bus was due to arrive, Isak couldn’t wipe the giant smile off his face. He burrowed into Even’s side as they walked, an arm firmly wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist.

Isak was sad to go as they climbed onto the bus, being tugged to the back by his hand, which was still intertwined with Even’s. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave the incredible bubble of happiness and memories they’d created in Bergen. He didn’t want to have to return to acting like they were just friends—that they weren’t _in love._ After everything that had happened, Isak wasn’t even sure he’d be able to return to how things were before.

Not when he felt so fundamentally different.

Worry festered in his heart as the bus jerked into motion. He nuzzled closer to Even, humming contentedly as his boyfriend’s arm found it’s way firmly around his shoulders. Isak pressed his face into Even’s neck, breathing him in. The familiarity of the sent was comforting.

* * *

By the time they reached Oslo, Isak decided he didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought. He wasn’t going to hide Even. He wasn’t going to shy away from his wonderful, caring, beautiful boyfriend because he was worried about what they’d think. As the bus came to a stop he was so sure that he was ready to go, to face the world and all its judgement, as long as Even was by his side.

As they stepped off the bus, Even put a socially acceptable amount of space between them. Isak’s heart clenched painfully at the action, at how _cold_ he felt being forced away from Even for the first time in two days. He _hated_ it.

Isak reached for Even’s hand again, and if he held it a touch too tightly, no one had to know. Even, for what it was worth, managed to hide his shock. He just smiled sweetly, and gave a little squeeze of assurance.

They started walking in the direction of Isak’s apartment, and with each step he felt a little bit of worry drain from his shoulders. With each step he felt a little bit more ridiculous for ever being _afraid_ of this. And yeah, maybe school would be different. Maybe it would be a bit harder to face people he’d grown up with and to watch their expressions change, but as they walked Isak’s confidence grew.

If his life was like a movie, they would’ve reached the apartment just fine and that confidence would’ve stayed, firm in his chest and just present enough the next day that he would’ve had no problem walking into school with Even’s hand in his.

Instead, less than a block from home, someone shouted, “Fucking fags!”

Isak dropped Even’s hand like it had burned him, the words feeling like slaps as reality set in.

“Baby?” Even asked quietly, his voice laced with concern.

“I just…” Isak stared back in the direction of the stranger. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Even said, but his voice seemed a little strained. A little less soft than Isak was used to. It made sense that Even would be angry at the outburst, too, though. He didn’t have to be Mr. Calm-and-Collected 24/7.

It wasn’t until they reached Isak’s apartment that Even stepped closer, crowding Isak against the outside door. His heartbeat picked up immediately as he scanned the street for onlookers, and when Even’s hands moved to frame his face, Isak actually flinched. The hurt look on Even’s face was like a knife to the chest.

“Isak, please remember that not everyone is like that guy,” Even said finally, his voice still sounding strained. “The world isn’t filled with hate—don’t let one person make you feel like you can’t be yourself. You have to be you.”

“I know,” Isak said weakly. “I _know_ that not everyone thinks the way that guy does, but some do. Some people at school will. And I just… I thought I was ready to face that, but I’m not.”

“Isak…”

“I’m sorry, Even,” he said before quickly turning away from his boyfriend and heading inside. It wasn’t until Isak reached the safety of his bedroom that he let out the breath he’d been holding, the air leaving his lungs in one shaky burst. He hated knowing that he was holding Even back, and he felt so _stupid_ for not being able to get over the stupid anxiety he faced when it came to finally coming out—officially at least.

It wasn’t until Isak was finished unpacking (see: throwing his clothes into his dirty hamper) that he noticed he had a text from Even waiting. When he read it, Isak felt a sense of relief wash over him.

**Even**

16:54

You don’t have to be sorry, my love. I know how scary it is to face a world of people who hate you based off one look. People will always have preconceived notions of who they think you are, and it sucks sometimes.

But I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you. I will never make you face them alone.

And, when you’re ready to come out, I will be there for you. Together we’ll show them that their blind hate can’t hurt us.

I love you, baby. <3

* * *

Even decided to surprise Isak the next morning by picking him up from his apartment before school. He could tell that Isak was still nervous, feeling bad that he couldn’t go public but too scared to change his mind. Even knew he had made the right decision the minute Isak walked out the door and stopped in his tracks. He didn’t run into Even’s arms or anything, but his entire face lit up with a wide smile and that was enough.

“Good morning, love,” Even said quietly as Isak approached him.

“Morning.”

“Sleep well?”

Isak shrugged. “Not as good as I did with you.”

Even’s heart jumped, and he knew he probably had a stupid grin on his face, but hey. He was only human, and Isak was just too fucking adorable. He wanted so, _so_ badly to pull Isak into his arms and kiss him silly. But he couldn’t. Isak wasn’t ready for that. So Even just bumped their shoulders together as they walked in the direction of the tram.

Even felt like his feet were connected to his heart, a string running from his toes and wrapping tightly around it; each step he took tightened the string further, squeezing his heart until he felt physically ill. Even _knew_ that he couldn’t force Isak to change his mind about them, and he didn’t _want_ to, but fuck.

_Fuck_ he was scared. Scared of losing Isak, scared of Lars, scared of how much his fuck up would ruin every good thing in his life. Again.

“Are you okay?” Isak asked quietly as they stepped on the tram. “You’re bizarrely quiet.”

Even hummed, forcing a smile back onto his face. “Just tired.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Not as good as I did with you,” Even echoed. His smile grew as a blush painted Isak’s soft cheeks.

When they got to school, Isak slowed to a stop just outside the courtyard. Even stopped, turning to him with a raised eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

Isak nodded, biting his bottom lip. “I just. I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Yeah?” Even asked, heart fluttering happily at how shy Isak looked. He took a step closer to his boyfriend, still far enough away that onlookers wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary, but close enough that Isak had to tilt his chin up to meet Even’s eyes.

“Yeah.”

“We’ve still got half an hour before classes start,” Even said, his voice gravely and low with the anticipation of having Isak in his arms again. “What do you say we take advantage of one of those empty classrooms?”

Isak smirked, his shyness being overpowered by his arousal. “Well, what are we waiting for then?” he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Even knew that people were watching as they attempted (and failed) to keep it casual as they made their way across the courtyard, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. All Even cared about was getting to be with Isak—and the Isak _he_ knew, not the closed-off Isak their classmates got to see.

As soon as they were inside the classroom, Even tugged Isak into his arms. A breathy laugh tumbled from Isak’s lips as they stumbled backwards, towards the windowsill. As their lips finally— _finally_ —met, Even’s hands drifted down from Isak’s hips, to his thighs. Isak seemed to understand what he was going for as he hopped up, letting Even push him back until he was seated on the windowsill with his back against the glass.

“Fuck, Isak,” Even breathed into his mouth. “I just can’t get enough of you.”

“Hm.” Isak smiled, eyelids drooping half-closed and making Even’s heart skip. He looked so fucking _soft_ and Even never wanted to let him go. “Good.”

Even couldn’t stop himself from leaning back in to capture Isak’s lips again, this time with more desperation and dominance as he tugged Isak closer, which drew a moan from the younger boy. When Isak pulled him even closer with a hand on his ass, Even could help but smirk into the kiss. Isak was growing bolder, so far from the shy kid he was when Even had first approached him. It was hot as hell.

When the bell rang signaling the start of class, they both groaned. “I’ll see you at lunch?” Isak asked.

“I have to talk to my History professor about an extra credit paper, but hopefully I’ll be there for the last half.” He leaned forward, kissing Isak’s forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips before finally stepping away. “Love you.”

Isak smiled. “Love you, too.”

* * *

“So,” Jonas asked as soon as Isak slid into his seat—only 2 minutes late, thank you very much, “how was Bergen?”

Mahdi and Magnus leaned further forward in their seats, just as eager to hear all the details as Jonas. Vultures. Isak rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the smile that showed up every time he thought about their trip. “It was great.”

“That’s it?” Magnus asked. “You disappear for two days and we get _no_ details?”

“What do you want me to say? It was fantastic. We went to the aquarium, Even surprised me by taking us to the protest about the bylaw, we came home.”

“Fuck, right,” Jonas said, “the bylaw. I’m so sorry, Is.”

Isak shrugged, staring down at his notebook. “Just means we’ve got to fight harder, right? We’re not just going to sit back and let them ruin everything.”

“But you had a good time?” he asked. “Overall?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiled, thinking about how freeing it was to be with Even and constantly worried about people seeing them. “I didn’t want to leave.”

As class started, Isak couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Even had tried to encourage him to be open about their relationship, and the hurt in his eyes when Isak said he couldn’t. He _wanted_ to. He just—he couldn’t ignore how scared it made him feel, either.

“Jonas,” he whispered, getting his best friend’s attention while keeping an eye on their teacher.

“What’s up?”

“I need advice.”

“Oh?”

“I think Even wants us to go public,” he said, swallowing around the lump that was forming in his throat. “I—he hasn’t like, said anything about it yet, but I think he wants us to tell everyone.”

“And you don’t want to?”

“I…” Isak paused, biting his lip. “It’s not that I don’t _want_ to. I just don’t want to deal with the rumour mill again. I don’t want people prying into my life like their entitled to know everything. I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that again.”

“Did you tell Even that?” Isak nodded. “And he wasn’t okay with it?”

“No! It wasn’t—he was fine with it. He would never try to, like, pressure me into it or anything. But I still feel like it’s upsetting him. I _hate_ upsetting him.”

“I know. But you’ve gotta do what’s best for you, and if Even cares about you he’ll understand.”

Isak nodded, feeling marginally better knowing he was making the right decision. “Thanks, Jonas.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

All Even wanted to do was find Erik and talk to him in peace for two minutes before joining his boyfriend for lunch. So when Lars’ annoyingly familiar voice called his name as he was heading in the direction of Erik’s locker, Even couldn’t help but groan.

“Hey, man,” Lars said, his signature smirk in place. “How’s pretty boy?”

“Isak is fine,” Even said. “What do you want?”

“Just checking in on you.” Lars threw an arm around his shoulders, and Even tensed immediately at the contact. “You’re almost out of time, after all.”

“Fuck off,” Even hissed, shrugging his arm off. “I don’t have time to deal with you right now.”

Lars’ laughter followed him down the hall, and by the time Even reached Erik’s locker, he felt physically sick. “You look like shit,” Erik stated bluntly. “Run into Lars?”

“It’ll be fine,” Even said, more to assure himself than Erik. “It’ll work out. It _has_ to. I can’t lose Isak.”

“I hope you’re right. I really don’t want to deal with the aftermath of this blowing up in your face.”

“It’s not fucking funny,” Even snapped. “I know that I fucked up, okay? But I care about Isak. I _love_ him. I can’t lose him.”

“You love him?” Erik asked. “Seriously, Even? You actually think that’s true?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Erik shook his head, disappointment heavy in his eyes. “You don’t do what you’re doing to people you love.”

“I didn’t think I’d fall in love with—”

“That doesn’t matter, Even. You’re still fucking with him,” Erik said. “If you _loved_ him, you’d tell him the truth instead of avoiding it like a coward.”

“I can’t lose him.”

Erik sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Whatever. I’m done, Even. I’m not dealing with this shit anymore. I wish you the best of luck in your lies.”

Even’s arguments caught in his throat as he watched Erik walk away, his growing dread sitting heavy on his heart. He knew, on some level, that Erik was right. He _knew_ that he should’ve been honest with Isak weeks before, that he should’ve told him as soon as he realized that what he was feeling was real, but he couldn’t. Erik was right, part of it was his own cowardice. But another part, a _big_ part, was Even’s fear of what could happen to Isak if Even stopped playing along with Lars’ game.

* * *

The day passed way too slowly for Isak’s liking. Even had only managed to come for the last ten minutes of lunch, and even then they had to sit a socially acceptable distance apart. So when Even showed up at his locker after school and asked if he could come over, Isak was quick to agree.

Now laying in bed and listening to the steady in-and-out of Even’s breaths, Isak couldn’t help but feel like he was at home. Even’s fingers were drawing random patterns on his back, and even with the clear sounds of Eskild belting out Miley’s latest single, Isak felt calm.

“Isak?” Even asked, a nervousness in his voice that made Isak lift his head from Even’s chest to stare at him in concern.

“What is it, baby?” Isak asked, leaning his chin on Even’s chest so he could keep his eyes locked on Even’s blue ones.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said slowly, “about us.”

Isak’s heart stopped, the tips of his fingers going cold. “Oh.”

“Not—no, baby, no,” Even said, brushing his fingers through his hair. “I’m not breaking up with you, _god_ no. I just… when we were in Bergen you were getting so comfortable with us being together. I was just wondering if… if maybe you’d considered telling people?”

The words hit Isak like a train. He wanted to say _yes, of course_. He wanted to say _I want everyone to know you’re mine_. But there was something holding him back; an anxiousness that sat heavy in his chest, squeezing his windpipe and cutting off his breathing every time he thought about going public with their relationship.

He bit his lip, heart clenching at the hopefulness and—and almost _desperation_ in Even’s eyes. He just wanted to give in, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t ready. “I can’t, Ev. I just—I want to, I really do. But I need more time.”

He expected Even to nod, and be gentle and understanding like he always was. Instead, he said, “It’ll only get harder, the longer you put it off.”

Isak pushed himself into a sitting position, his eyebrows furrowing together. “I said I wasn’t ready, Even.”

“I know,” Even said, his shoulders drooping as he sighed—a miserable, defeated noise that made Isak feel _guilty_ for not being ready. He hated that Even was making him feel guilty. “I just… I hate seeing you hide the side of you I saw in Bergen. You were so happy, so _free._ ”

“It’s not the same here, Even. You know that,” Isak said. “Here I have to face all my classmates—many of which I’ve known since I was a toddler. I have to face their judgment, have to deal with the fact that they won’t look at me the same anymore.”

“It’s 2017, baby. People don’t care anymore.”

Isak frowned, putting even more distance between them. Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t right. Even wasn’t like this—Even didn’t push like this. “What’s going on, Even? Why are you being so insistent?”

“I just hate hiding you,” Even replied. “I just want everyone to know how lucky I am.”

“I’m—” Isak paused, the apology he was about to give catching in his throat. He shook his head, frown deepening. “No. I’m _not_ sorry. I shouldn’t be sorry for not being ready, Even. _You_ should respect that. You promised you would respect that.”

Even deflated at his words, his entire expression softening. “Oh, Isak. I’m so sorry. I didn’t—I don’t know what the hell came over me.”

“You know how hard coming out is.”

“I know, I _do._ I’m sorry,” he said again. “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about how happy you were in Bergen and I guess I convinced myself that things could be the same here, but you’re right. It’s a totally different experience. I’m sorry.”

Isak sighed, trying to force some of the tension out of his shoulders. He fucking hated fighting with Even. “It’s okay,” he said slowly. “I just… I need to know you understand that I need time.”

“I do.”

Isak relaxed a bit more, letting Even pull him back into his arms. “I want people to know we’re together, too, but it’s just—with you graduating this year I don’t see the point. We don’t need them prying into our relationship and making everything more complicated.”

“I know, you’re right baby,” Even said, kissing his forehead. “Sometimes I just forget how stupid people can be. I forget that not everything is going to turn out like the idealized vision I have in my head.”

“I just don’t wanna be the center of the gossip tree, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Even said, kissing his temple. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“S’okay,” Isak said, yawning. “Stay the night?”

“Of course.”

* * *

Something was off about Even, but Isak couldn’t place what it was. He was still as smiley and flirty as always, but there was something else there, clouding his eyes. And at lunch, he seemed like he was in a completely different world. Multiple times, Isak had to physically nudge him to get his attention and draw him back into the conversation.

But when he asked what was up, Even said he was time. Isak had believed him, like it was no big deal. Didn’t even question it when Even said he couldn’t hang out after school, even though he _knew_ something was wrong.

“The bet was to get him to publicly admit he fell for you, Even.” Isak stopped outside the classroom, freezing in his steps at the words. Not for the first time, Isak was glad he was alone in the hallway. He didn’t want to believe that the voices in the classroom were talking about his Even. He didn’t want to stay and hear what else they had to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. “We gave you _four_ weeks, yet the kid still seems pretty against admitting you’re together. _If_ you’re even together.”

“We _are_ together.” That was definitely Even’s voice. Isak’s throat felt dry as he stood there, unable to move, or breathe, or think, or do anything except stand and listen. “He’s just nervous. Worried about how people are going to react.”

“Doesn’t matter, man.” Isak couldn’t just stand there and listen anymore. The hurt that he was feeling was quickly overrun by the anger coursing through his veins. Without hesitating, Isak stormed straight into the classroom, where Even was standing with his back to him as he spoke to Lars. Fucking Lars.

“Am I a fucking bet?” he spit. Even spun around, eyes wide and mouth opening and closing. He took a step forward, and Isak took one back. “No, don’t come any closer. Answer the fucking question.”

Even didn’t have the chance to try and come up with excuses. Instead, Lars stepped forward with the biggest shit-eating grin and threw an arm over Even’s shoulders. “’fraid so, sweetheart. Even here said he could get anyone he wanted. You just happened to be the most interesting choice, what with being half-in half-out of the closet.”

“You’re a piece of shit,” Isak said, the words seeming to spur Even into motion.

“Isak, please,” he choked out. “I’m sorry, I just… let me explain, please.”

“No.” Isak shook his head and took another step back, towards the door. He hated that he could feel unshed tears stinging his eyes. He had to get out of there. The last thing he needed was Lars seeing him cry. “ _Fuck you_ , Even. Fuck you.”

It took all his self-control not to run from the room. To walk out slowly, with his head held high. It wasn’t until he made it to a bathroom on the other end of the school that Isak let the tears fall. He locked himself in a stall, dropped his head into his hands, and fucking bawled. He hated that he’d been stupid enough to let himself believe Even was actually interested in him. Hated that he let the older boy get under his skin.

He hated that he had so many fucking _good_ memories with Even. Hated that he’d told Even so many secrets, secrets that Even probably went and laughed with his friends about after. Because it was all a joke, a fucking act. Even didn’t give a shit about him, and Isak hated how much it hurt.

**Jonas**

15:50

it was all a fucking joke to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so everything is out in the open. That's right, this is a Bet!AU. 
> 
> I hope that this outcome doesn't seem unplanned (a few of you guessed it a couple chapters ago!). The end of this chapter has been written since before I even started the fic, and I assure you that the plan was always to end up here. Please don't hate me. <3
> 
> This chapter also brings the next playlist for this story! Find it [on 8tracks](https://8tracks.com/castielsgrace/go-fuck-yourself), and [on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/225cziwxmfvkcs4c32c2e65hq/playlist/2BUhPmQz1hpFuhqV0aU4rm) (one song is missing on the Spotify playlist). Please listen in order!
> 
> Lastly, this story will be taking a short hiatus. Unfortunately this is the last backlogged chapter I have fully written, though the rest of the story is planned. I'm going to take a couple weeks to finish writing this story, as I don't have a lot of free time to promise weekly updates otherwise (yay for 5 10-hour shifts a week lol). 
> 
> **The next chapter will be uploaded on 8 September at 9pm PST.**
> 
> Thank you in advance for your patience <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the well wishes and your patience! I am a-ok (ish)! After two very, very long nights in the ER the doctors seem to think what I experienced were incredibly severe panic attacks. I didn't think I was anxious about anything, but they did occur during the first week at a new university, so I was probably just internally freaking the fuck out. Haven't had any this week, though, so yay! 
> 
> That being said, I don't have as much backlogged for this as I would've liked. Because of that, I may not always be able to keep to my weekly updates. Unfortunately, this semester I am in two creative writing classes, and two incredibly heavy reading classes. I have a 15 pages of a YA manuscript due in one of my classes and I don't have any ideas ahahahahahahahahahhaahelpplz. 
> 
> I will do my best to stay on top of this story, but please excuse me in advance if I'm late (like this week yikes I'm so sorry) or if I miss an update. I promise that I am not going to abandon this story. I want to see it through to the end with you guys. 
> 
> (Okay sorry for the hella long note. Please enjoy!)
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round. <3

Isak’s phone had been going off for the past hour. He knew it was his own fault, that his text to Jonas would obviously worry him, but as soon as he sent it Isak lost all motivation to do anything except go home and sleep. He hurt everywhere. His head, his body, his heart. Everything was tired and sore and he felt so _fucking stupid._

From day one Isak had been suspicious of Even’s intentions, yet he let himself be fooled by Even’s smooth charm and soft touches. Isak let himself be played despite all the warning bells that went off when Even first walked into his life and he felt like a goddamn idiot for ever thinking that he felt anything for him. It was just a sick joke—a fucking bet. Isak had never felt so dirty, so _used_ in his life.

“Isak!” Eskild’s voice pierced through his thoughts. Isak groaned, burying his face further into his duvet. Just _thinking_ about dealing with his over-enthusiastic energy was exhausting.

“Go away. I’m sleeping,” he said, just loud enough to be sure Eskild could hear him.

“Isak, don’t be a grump. Your lovely boyfriend is here to see you!”

Isak’s blood ran cold, his heart racing at the thought of seeing Even—of so much as hearing Even’s voice. “No!” he shouted, scrambling up and pulling his door open. “Tell him to leave, Eskild.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s not my fucking boyfriend and I don’t want to see him.”

Eskild crossed his arms and cocked a hip, rolling his eyes. “Did you two have a little fight?”

“Just tell him to fuck off, Eskild,” Isak said.

“Honestly, Isak, you tend to overreact to the smallest things, I’m sure you two can work it—”

“We’re not fucking working it out!” Isak shouted, his voice cracking at the end. He let out a sigh, running a shaky hand down his face. “Please, just tell him to leave. Tell him I don’t want to see him.”

“Isak—”

“Please.”

Eskild bit his lip, but nodded. Isak watched him walk down the hall, lingering just long enough at his door to be sure Eskild was telling him to go. He didn’t wait to hear Even’s arguments—assuming he cared enough about his reputation to attempt to even try that hard.

Instead, he moved back to his bed and wrapped himself tightly in his duvet, trying not to think about all the shit he told Even. He tried not to think about how each time he felt himself fall harder for Even, he was likely laughing his ass off with Lars about what an idiot Isak was.

When Eskild knocked on his door, Isak sighed. Just once he wished he would take a hint and leave him the fuck alone. Instead, Eskild slowly opened his door and quietly asked, “Isak?”

“What?”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“C’mon. Tell your guru what Even did.”

“You’re not going to leave me alone until I do, are you?”

Eskild shook his head and sat down next to Isak on his bed. “Nope.”

“It was all a bet,” Isak said eventually, realizing that the truth would come out eventually.

“A bet?”

“Yeah,” Isak said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “A fucking bet. Even was supposed to get me to admit I fell for him to the school, or some shit.”

“You—you’re sure?”

“Pretty fucking sure,” Isak spit. “I heard him and Lars talking about it after school. I guess today was the deadline.”

“That’s just—it’s just so hard to believe that it was an act,” Eskild said softly. “You both seemed so happy.”

“I’m an idiot for ever believing it was real,” he spit back.

“Oh, Isak.” Eskild sighed, rubbing Isak’s back softly. He hated to admit that the simple action helped sooth him it all, but it did. Tears stung the back of Isak’s eyes, and he reached a hand up to stubbornly wipe them away. Even didn’t deserve his fucking tears.

“Isak, look at me,” Eskild said, a seriousness in his voice that Isak hadn’t really heard before. He lifted his head slightly, just enough to make eye contact. “You’re not an idiot, okay? Even is an asshole for playing you like that, but you’re _not_ an idiot for falling for it—or him.” Isak opened his mouth to argue, but Eskild held a hand up to silence him. “I saw the way he was around you, okay? It didn’t look fake. You’re _not_ an idiot for believing that it was real— _all_ of us did.”

“But the signs were there,” Isak argued weakly. “The way that he asked me out should’ve been the first warning sign. And everything after that… he was just too fucking perfect. No one is that perfect.”

“I’m sorry, Isak. But it’s not your fault. You have to believe that.”

“I know. I just… it just hurts. And I feel stupid for being played. God knows what the rest of the school is going to think come Monday when Even inevitably brags about how he strung me along for so long.”

“It’ll be okay. You’re the strongest kid I know, you’ll get through this.” Isak’s phone pinged from where he’d tossed it on the floor, and Eskild retrieved it with a sigh. “Don’t isolate yourself, baby gay. You’ve got good friends, let them be there for you.”

Isak took the phone gently, turning it over in his hand. “Thanks, Eskild.”

“Anytime.”

Isak watched him go, his heart still heavy but his head a little clearer. Eskild was right—it wasn’t his fault. Even was a good actor, everyone had thought it was real, not just him. Even had won everyone over with his stupid fucking charm and fake caring.

With a sigh, Isak finally unlocked his phone and faced the texts from Jonas.

**Jonas**

15:51

a joke? What are you talking about?

Isak, what happened?

16:00

Dude, you can’t just drop that bomb and then stop answering. What the hell happened?

16:20

Even just texted me asking you where you are

What happened, Isak?

16:36

Isak, please.

Are you okay, at least?

no

oh, thank fuck you answered.

What the hell happened?

It was a bet.

What was?

Even. Our ‘relationship.’ He had a bet with Lars to see if he could get me to out myself. Basically.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Nope.

He’s fucking dead. I’m going to kill him.

He’s not even worth the effort. Fuck him.

Isak, man. Fuck. I’m so sorry.

whatever.

**Incoming Call – Jonas**

I’m really not in the mood. Sorry.

It’s okay. I’m here for you whenever you want to talk.

Thanks, Jonas.

You’ll get through this, Is. He doesn’t know what he lost.

 

Isak sighed, letting his phone fall back onto his chest. He had other missed messages and calls, all from Even, but he just… couldn’t. He couldn’t sit there and listen to all the bullshit that Even would come up with. Eskild and Jonas thought he was strong, but Isak couldn’t have felt weaker. He felt used and pathetic and fucking _sad._

So instead of dealing with it, Isak turned off his phone and rolled over, trying to will himself into a sleep that was never going to come.

* * *

“You look like shit,” was the first thing Magnus said when Isak walked up to his friends the next morning. Jonas elbowed him roughly.

“Thanks, Mags.”

“I was just being honest,” he replied, glaring at Jonas as he rubbed his side. “What the hell happened, bro? Spend all night with Even?”

Jonas sighed, dropping his face into his hands. Isak’s heart clenched painfully at the mere mention of Even, but he did his best to remain neutral. “No. Even and I aren’t together anymore. Never really were, I guess.”

“The fuck?” Mahdi asked. “What does that even mean?”

“It was a bet,” Isak said bluntly, trying to make it seem like he didn’t care even as each word felt like a stab. “None of it was real for him.”

“Are you kidding?” Magnus all but shouted. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding.”

“Nope. Him and Lars played me pretty fucking good.”

Magnus and Mahdi said nothing, both staring at him with gaping mouths and confusion dancing in their eyes. Jonas, though… Jonas just looked fucking _pissed_. He looked like he wanted to go and ring Even’s neck. Isak sighed.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he said. “I don’t want to get revenge, I don’t want you guys to go beat the shit out of him, I just want to forget any of it ever happened and move on.”

“Bro—”

“Seriously,” Isak interrupted. “I’m done. I don’t want to fucking think about it, okay?”

Jonas nodded solemnly. “Okay. Whatever you want.”

They did their best to pull the conversation away from Isak, but he couldn’t focus. Saying he didn’t want to think about it and, y’know, actually _not_ thinking about it, were two very different things. Because the last thing he wanted to do was talk to Even—if possible, he wanted to avoid even _seeing_ him—and as a result he found himself constantly watching out of the corner of his eye for Even and Lars to saunter into the courtyard.

Still, for how paranoid he was being Isak was not prepared for how it would feel when Even actually showed up. He noticed Even first—thank _god_ —and it felt like a punch to the gut. Jonas noticed too, watching Isak carefully and waiting for any sign that he needed to step in and intervene. But before Even could even notice he was there, Isak bolted towards the school. He knew he probably looked ridiculous, but the relative safety of the biology classroom comforted him just enough that he didn’t care.

Sana was already there, of _course_ she was. Of all the days for her to be early. She took Isak in with a raised eyebrow. “Everything okay, Isabelle?”

“No,” Isak spit out through gritted teeth, “everything is fucking shit.”

Before Sana could ask, Even walked into the classroom looking about as bad as Isak felt. Isak tensed, clenching his jaw and adamantly avoiding looking at him. But when Even spoke, Isak felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

“Isak,” he said, and he sounded so weak, so _vulnerable_ that for a second Isak fell for his act again. For a second it hurt to hear the pain in Even’s voice. But the echo of Lars’ laughter when the whole thing came clear broke through it and reminded him that it was just more of his fucking act. “Isak, _please_.”

“Isak?” Sana asked. It was obvious she could tell something was wrong, her eyes watching Even apprehensively.

“Can I please just explain?” Even asked. “Please, I promise it’s not—”

“Fuck off!” Isak shouted, cutting him off before he could spit out the cliché. “It’s exactly what it fucking looks like, Even. Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Isak, please. I _love_ you.”

A million thoughts popped into Isak’s mind all at once—responses ranging from vicious and angry, to sad and broken. His brain couldn’t figure out what it was feeling—only that Even had hurt him, and that Isak couldn’t deal with seeing him anymore. But he _knew_ Even. He knew what Even was like. And because of that, Isak knew that he wasn’t going to let it go. So he went for the meanest response he could think of: the one that would maybe— _just maybe_ —get Even to back off. Maybe it’d hurt him, even if it would be a fraction of how much he hurt Isak.

“Well I don’t fucking love you. Never did.”

Even frowned. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”

“What, you think you’re the only one who can act?” Isak hissed. “All you were to me was an _experiment._ Just a way to figure out if I was really into guys. Everyone said you were a good fuck, easy.”

“Isak,” Even said—almost begged. Again, there was something in his voice that Isak wanted desperately to believe, but he couldn’t. He _couldn’t_ fall for Even’s shit again. “I hurt you, I know that, but you can’t tell me that what we had wasn’t real.”

Isak’s anger spiked again. _Who the fuck does he think he is?_ Even was the one who faked the whole thing. Even was the one who led him on. _Even_ was the one who made it perfectly clear that none of it was real. He wanted to shout, _this wasn’t my fault!_ , but before he could say anything, Sana stepped in.

“I think you should leave, Even,” she said, eyeing Isak warily. “I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s pretty obvious Isak doesn’t want you here.”

“Sana, please—”

“Just go,” Isak choked out. He could feel tears stinging in the back of his eyes, and he _hated_ it. Even didn’t deserve his fucking tears.

* * *

Isak finally caved and looked at the texts he was receiving from Even when 3:00 rolled around and he still couldn’t sleep. Somewhere in his consciousness, he knew it was stupid. He knew that it would only make him feel worse to listen to all Even’s bullshit excuses. Because Isak knew he was just trying to save-face. He just wanted to make sure that his poor little reputation didn’t suffer any more than it already had.

**Even**

Friday

17:00

**Missed Calls (10)**

Isak, I swear it’s not what you think.

I know that everyone says that. I know that you’re not going to want to believe me, but you have to. Please. I need you. I love you.

Yes, it started out as a bet. It was a stupid, stupid mistake that I regretted the minute I actually met you. But I couldn’t let you go. You’re amazing, isak. I was selfish, and I thought that I could fix it before you found out.

18:03

I know I should’ve told you, I know that now. But I was so scared that I was going to lose you. I know that might not make sense, but it did. At the time.

20:21

My brain is broken.

21:03

You made me feel alive. So, so fucking alive.

22:17

I haven’t felt so happy as when I’m with you in so long.

22:45

I swear, I never wanted to hurt you.

23:51

If you need time, I can give you time. I’ll give you as much time as you need, but please. Please give me a chance to explain. Please give me a chance to make things right.

Saturday

3:00

I can’t lose you, you’re the most important person in my life.

Sunday

10:00

I love you.

 

Isak let his phone slip out of his numb fingertips, gently toppling onto his comforter. He hated that he was crying. He hated that there was a part of him that wanted to reply ‘I love you, too.’ Even didn’t deserve his tears. He admitted that he willingly entered the bet. It didn’t matter if his feelings eventually evolved into something more genuine, it still started as a bet. Even still approached Isak with the intent to use him. It just. It hurt so _fucking_ much. His fingers itched to reply.

_How could you do this to me?_

_Why would you ever think that we could be okay after something like this?_

_I love you._

_I hate you._

_Fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU._

He couldn’t send any of them. He was a fucking mess, and looking at Even’s messages—thinking about everything that they had done that had been a lie—was just making everything worse. So he didn’t respond. But he didn’t block Even, either. He just turned off his phone and curled into a tight ball on his bed and desperately tried not to cry.

Isak was so tired of feeling weak and pathetic. He was so _fucking_ tired of letting Even destroy him like this. It was time for him to put his foot down. If— _when_ this got out, he couldn’t be a sad, sobbing mess. He had to be strong. He had to make it seem like he didn’t care, that Even and Lars didn’t hold any power over him.

Isak decided that the best way to handle it would be to pretend, from that moment on, that Even didn’t exist. That he was nothing more than another face in the crowd.

* * *

When the weekend came and went without word getting out to the whole school about Even’s little game, Isak tried not to let himself get his hopes up that it would just blow over. He tried not to believe that maybe there was a shred of good in Even—a fraction of the guy who Isak thought he was. He really did try, but when Lars posted an update on Instagram that Monday at lunch with him and Even tagged, all his hope fell away.

He hightailed it away from the cafeteria, seeking the relative safety of the (hopefully) empty biology classroom. Whatever Lars posted, it couldn’t be good. Isak knew that, whatever it was, everyone was going to know about him. For sure, this time.

When he reached the classroom and found it empty, Isak let out a tired sigh. He closed the door firmly behind himself and sunk down into his usual chair at the very back. Part of him wished Sana was there, too. Maybe then her badassery would rub off on him and he wouldn’t react to whatever the picture was like a baby.

Taking in one more deep breath, Isak opened the notification.

Isak couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Fucking Even. Fucking _Lars._ Everything was falling to shit around him and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. He had no choice but to sit back and watch as one thing led to another and everything that was good in his life fucking fell away.

He should’ve never let Even kiss him at school. He should’ve followed his gut and been way more cautious. He should’ve never believed that Even wanted him. That Even… that Even loved him. He’d never been that lucky in his entire life, why the fuck would it start happening now?

Still, Isak never thought Even would stoop as low as to let Lars post a picture like that. He knew how scared Isak was to come out, how badly he just wanted to make it through his last two years without being the center of gossip again. He _knew_ that, and yeah it was all an act, but wasn’t that enough? Did he have to shove salt in the fucking wound?

Because now the whole school was going to know. They were going to expect him to be with Even, to be _happy_ with Even. And Isak was going to have to deal with it all on his own, just as he feared. He wanted to be angry, on some level he _was_ angry, but more than anything he was just exhausted. Exhausted, and fucking devastated.

**Incoming Call – Jonas**

“Yeah?” Isak asked into the phone, not even trying to seem like he was okay.

“Where are you?” Jonas asked. The urgency in his voice pulled Isak out of his stupor. He sat up straighter, immediately worried.

“Biology classroom. Why?”

“I, uh, I think Even is going to beat the shit out of Lars.”

Isak blinked. “What?”

“He’s – he was in the cafeteria when Lars uploaded that picture. He threw his phone across the room and got up. I followed him, ‘cause I thought he might be coming for you or some shit, but he’s been on a bit of a rampage. Demanding to know where Lars is and shit.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Me neither, dude, but something is about to go down and I think you should probably be here to witness it.”

“Why?”

“I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but just hear me out,” Jonas said slowly. “I think, if it came down to it, you’d be able to stop Even from doing anything stupid. Like, anything that could get him expelled or worse.”

“And why the fuck would you think that?” Isak spit. “Even doesn’t give a shit about me.”

“He obviously does on some level, Isak!” Jonas nearly shouted. “He’s about to beat someone shitless because of a fucking Instagram picture.”

“Whatever. It’s not my problem.”

“Dude.” Jonas sighed, and Isak could just picture his disappointed look. “Just get your ass down to the courtyard. Please.”

Jonas gave him no chance to argue. Isak knew he didn’t _have_ to go—there was no way Jonas could get up to the bio classroom to drag him down and make it there before shit hit the fan—but there was a part of him that felt a sliver of hope that Even was jumping to his defence. It was the stupid, reckless part of him that fell for Even’s ruse in the first place, but it was too big to ignore.

He took the stairs two at a time, and when he reached the courtyard it was just in time to watch Even shove Lars hard against the concrete wall of the school. Isak skidded to a stop beside Jonas, mirroring his shocked expression as he watched Even, though his face was so twisted with anger it was hard for Isak to reconcile it with the Even he got to know.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Even shouted, shoving Lars roughly against the wall again. “You already fucking won! You ruined everything for me, ripped the one good thing in my life away, why the fuck did you have to bring him into this?”

“It’s all part of the game, isn’t it?” Lars asked, sounding far too calm for the position he was in. “The whole point was to get little baby Isak out of the closet. I just finished what you started.”

“You motherfucker,” Even hissed. “You sick son of a bitch!”

Lars started laughing, an all too familiar sick sound that had been haunting what sleep Isak managed to get since the bet was revealed. But it was cut short when Even’s fist slammed hard into his jaw. Lars’ eyes went wide, like he hadn’t actually expected Even to hurt him, and his hands immediately moved to shove Even away. But Even was stronger than him, taller than him. He overpowered Lars with ease, and his fist next collided with Lars’ stomach, sending him doubling over in pain.

Isak watched in shock as Even hit Lars, over and over. When Lars was too weak to fight back, Jonas nudged him forward. “You have to stop him,” he said quietly. “He’s going to fucking kill him, Isak.”

He knew Jonas was telling the truth, and the thought scared Isak enough to spur him into motion. He pushed their past out of his mind, forced himself to remember the Even from before everything went to shit. The Even he had loved.

“Even,” he said, quietly at first. When the older boy didn’t respond, Isak raised his voice and took a step forward. “Even! Stop!”

Almost immediately, Even froze. He glanced over his shoulder at Isak, eyes wild like Isak had never seen. He took another step forward, resting his hand on Even’s shoulder and trying to ignore how much the small gesture hurt. “Enough. You’ve done enough.”

“Isak?” Even asked quietly, blinking a couple times as he tried to focus. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t—I had no idea he was going to…”

“It’s fine,” Isak said. “Just, stop now.”

A crowd was starting to gather. Isak knew that he had to get Even out of there. He knew that Even couldn’t afford to repeat another year—Isak knew how much it would devastate him. Even hurt him, sure, but Isak could bring himself to leave him to that fate. He hooked an arm under Even’s, tugging him up and dragging him away from a moaning Lars. Even, for what it’s worth, didn’t say anything. He just leaned against Isak and let himself be led away from Nissen.

Isak took them to the kollektive. He didn’t know if Even’s parents were home still, but he doubted they’d want to see their son like this. So to the kollektive they went, because Isak didn’t know where else to go. He was just thankful that, when they got there, no one else was home. Isak led Even straight to the bathroom, sitting him down on the toilet and telling him to stay put. Even nodded, looking everywhere but at him.

Isak ran to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and some asprin, before making his way back to the bathroom. He handed them to Even, who thanked him quietly, and started pulling the excessive first aid supplies that Eskild insisted on having out of the cabinet.

He sat on the tub and pulled one of Even’s hands into his lap. It was bruised and bloody, but it didn’t look broken. Thank god. Isak really didn’t want to have to take him to the hospital. He worked silently, cleaning the blood away and bandaging his cut up knuckles.

“You seem to really know what you’re doing,” Even said, breaking the silence. Isak froze, just for a second, before clearing his throat and nodding.

“Yeah, uh… my mum,” he said simply. He knew it was enough of an explanation, with everything he’d foolishly told Even while they were ‘dating.’

“Why are you doing this?” Even asked. “Why are you helping me?”

“No one should be forced to stay in high school any longer than necessary.” Even didn’t respond, and Isak embraced the silence again. He thought he could do this. He thought he’d be able to push everything to the back of his mind long enough to help Even. But it was so hard. He wasn’t ready—he couldn’t… having Even so close again was too much. It hurt too much.

He worked quickly, wanting to finish as fast as possible so he could kick Even out and move on with his life again. But just as Isak was finishing, Even had to open his stupid mouth again.

“I’m sorry,” he said, so quietly that if they weren’t sitting in a dead silent apartment Isak wouldn’t have even heard it.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Even repeated, louder this time. “I promised I wouldn’t hurt you, and I did. I’m so _fucking_ sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Isak spit out a bitter laugh, standing and walking to the door of the bathroom. He spun to face Even, arms crossed and a deep frown on his face. “You fucking _used_ me, Even. I was nothing but a goddamn bet to you.”

“You know that’s not true. It started as that, yes—” Isak scoffed, but it didn’t seem to deter him. “—but you know that it didn’t end that way.”

“It doesn’t matter how it ended, Even. Everything is… is fucking _tainted_ now. How am I supposed to ever trust you again? I don’t even know if I _know_ you!”

“You do,” Even said, standing up and taking a step towards him. Isak held up a hand in warning, taking another step out of the bathroom. “Isak, I swear to you that I never put on an act with you. Not after that first night. I was me.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Isak shouted, tears stinging his eyes. He wiped at his eyes angrily. Why did his body have to fucking betray him like this? “I fucking trusted you, and you—you fucking _destroyed_ me!”

His chest felt tight, way too tight. Isak wanted to tell Even to just fucking leave, but he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Every time he tried, it was like the air was getting caught in his throat. He could—it wasn’t—he couldn’t breathe!

Isak dropped heavily to his knees, doubling over with a hand on his chest as he desperately tried to suck in as much air as he could. He was having a fucking heart attack, at 17. He was going to die. His chest was so tight and no matter what he did he couldn’t seem to catch his breath.

A hand landed on his back, rubbing gentle circles. Isak tried to focus on it—and the voice he could just barely hear above the pounding in his ears. “Isak,” Even said, though everything sounded like he was hearing it underwater. “Isak, you need to breathe.”

“I can’t!” Isak said, chest heaving. He reached out to fist his hand in Even’s shirt, trying to ground himself. “I can’t fucking breathe.”

“You’re having a panic attack,” Even said calmly. “I need you to look at me, Isak.” A hand under his chin tilted his head up until his eyes met Even’s. “Look at me. Breathe with me.”

Isak watched as Even breathed steadily, and tried to match his own frantic breathing to it. After what felt like ages, the tightness in his chest began to lift. Each breath came easier than the last. Slowly, he became aware of the position they were in—Isak clinging helplessly to Even’s shirt on the bathroom floor.

He let go of Even immediately, scrambling out of his grasp until his back hit the wall. Isak pulled his knees tight against his chest and let his head drop onto them.

“Isak?” Even asked, sounding too close.

“Leave,” Isak said shakily. “Please, just leave.”

Part of him expected Even to argue. To stay and make sure that he really was okay. But moments later he heard the door click open and closed.

Even was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, the actor I used as a face for Lars is none other than the absolutely lovely Ben Schnetzer, a la The Book Theif and Warcraft (and other lovely things). Part of me hated to use him as the face of an asshole, but the picture is just so close to how I imagined Lars I couldn't not. 
> 
> Also the time is wrong on Isak's phone according to the image. When I originally made it I had intended for him to see it later, so /shrug. I tried, yo.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter this week, because I've received some amazing feedback from you guys and it just makes me feel all warm and tingly (and confident). I've tried something a little different with this chapter. I really wanted to show both Isak and Even's sides a bit more equally for the next little bit. Please let me know if you like it! 
> 
> Also, I have a problem with italics. I'm so sorry. I just really like emphasis and I didn't even notice until I reread this chapter how bad it is. 
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round <3

All Isak wanted to do was stay home from school. He didn’t want to deal with the whispers, or the teasing, or even the not-subtle looks that everyone would be giving him. He _especially_ didn’t want to deal with the fucking questions. _Where’s Even? How’d you land a third year? How long have you and Even been together?_ He just couldn’t do it.

He _wanted_ nothing more than to stay home from school, but he knew that if he did it’d only make things worse. Lars would know that he’d won—that he’d broken Isak. So, despite the sickening feeling in his gut and the trembling in his fingers, Isak walked into school with his head held fucking _high_. Lars thought this would destroy him, so Isak would make it really fucking clear that he didn’t give a shit.

Isak was going to fucking _own_ it.

Almost as soon as he stepped on school grounds, people turned to gawk at him. Conversations trailed off until there was an eerie silence. Everyone was waiting to see what he would do. Isak tried to ignore them as he made a beeline towards the guys, who just _had_ to stand at the far end of the courtyard.

He’d almost made it when Lars’ annoying familiar voice shouted, “Finally out of the closet, Isak?”

His step faltered, just barely. Isak took in a deep breath, calming the anger that reared its ugly head. Lars was a dick. Provoking him would just make it worse. He turned his music up, letting it form a barrier between him and whatever the fuck his classmates were saying. It wasn’t until he finally reached the guys that he took his headphones out.

No one said anything. They just stared at him, looking all… concerned. Pitying. Isak fucking hated it. “I’m fine,” he promised.

“Did Even get suspended?” Magnus asked tentatively.

“How should I know?”

“You took him home, didn’t you?”

Isak frowned. “Yeah, to clean him up and get him away from Lars before he fucked him up even more.”

“Oh.” Magnus sounded almost… disappointed. Like he hoped that something more had happened.

“You don’t seriously want me to get back together with him, do you?” Isak asked, a little too much venom in his voice. “I was a fucking _bet_ Magnus. He’s an asshole.”

Magnus held up his hands defensively. “I know, I know. I just… thought maybe he explained what happened.”

“It doesn’t _matter_ what happened,” Isak hissed. “You can’t justify _using_ someone like that, Magnus.”

“Woah, hey, calm down, Is,” Jonas said slowly, stepping between them. “Magnus was just asking.”

“Do you think I should take him back, too?” Jonas paused, just for a second, but it was enough. There were a million words in that pause. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Isak, I didn’t—”

“It’s whatever. I’m going to class.”

Isak shoved his headphones back in and stormed into the building. He couldn’t fucking _believe_ them. Even had used him. Even had _hurt_ him. Even had made him feel loved and safe and cared for before _ripping it all away._ How the hell was he supposed to forgive that? And what the fuck had he even done to convince them he _deserved_ Isak’s forgiveness? Was it just because he beat up Lars? Because he’d been just as much a victim of that photo as Isak. He was the guy who stooped so low as to try and fuck the closet case. He was going to have to deal with all the looks and questions, too.

Even didn’t deserve his forgiveness. Even could go fuck himself.

* * *

**Erik**

10:56

Even, dude, I know that what you’re going through is hard, but you have to come to school, man.

 

What was the point?

* * *

Even didn’t show up for school for the rest of the week. Lars walked around spouting bullshit about how batshit crazy Even was, how he’d attacked him out of nowhere completely unwarranted, and even though Isak was still _pissed_ at Even, he wanted to jump to his defense. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last time someone called Even crazy—how much he’d shut down and folded in on himself. For all the outward confidence he appeared to have, Even seemed to completely succumb to his self-doubt the minute someone brought up his illness. Like he was just waiting for someone to confirm his own opinions—that, yes, he was crazy and, no, no one was ever going to want him because of it.

Isak hated it. But he hated more how much the want—the _need_ —to protect Even took over everything. After what Even did, Isak knew he shouldn’t give a shit about him. He tried to remind himself that the Even he knew _wasn’t_ who Even really was. But it was so hard. It was so _fucking_ hard to forget how that Even made him feel. For the first time, he had felt invincible. He could accomplish anything, love whoever he wanted, be _happy_ all the fucking time. It was hard to let that feeling go, even as reality tainted it with pain and longing.

He just wanted to move on. Get on with his life. Forget that he was ever stupid and naïve enough to fall for Lars’ stupid bet.

Even’s stupid bet. It was Even’s bet.

* * *

Isak was hurting, and it was all his fault. Even had promised— _promised_ Isak that he wouldn’t hurt him. Over and over again he soothed Isak’s fears and told him that he _never wanted to hurt him_ and that was exactly what he did. No—it was worse. Because Even didn’t just hurt Isak, he fucking _destroyed_ him, _ruined_ him.

He was a piece of shit. He should’ve taken the universe’s hint the year before and just stayed the fuck away from everyone. Everything Even touched seemed to crumble. He just wished he could turn back time and fix everything. Stop himself from accepting Lars’ stupid bet and stop himself from ever dragging Isak into his life.

It’d just been so hard to _not_ approach him. For weeks Even watched him whenever he saw him, marveling in how Isak’s whole face softened when he smiled, at the little dimples that were barely there but came out when he laughed so hard he almost cried. Isak was mesmerizing, and Even had been weak. He’d let himself be selfish.

The Isak he admired from afar couldn’t even come close to the Isak he fell in love with, though. Even would never forget how it felt the first time Isak relaxed into his arms—his heart stopped and exploded simultaneously. For all the work Isak put into making it seem like he didn’t care about anything, he was one of the softest boys Even had ever met. Ever had the pleasure of holding.

And he just… he had such a big heart. He cared so, _so_ much about the things he loved. Put his whole self into defending those things, protecting them. Even loved him, but he admired him even more.

Isak made him feel whole. He made Even feel like he was more than his brain, that he could do anything he wanted. Isak was family.

Now, Isak was gone.

And it was all his fault.

* * *

When Even _did_ finally show up for school the next week, he looked like he really should’ve stayed home. The bags under his eyes were visible from across the courtyard, yet he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. He was wearing black, incredibly oversized sweats that hung off his body, making him look even skinnier and lankier than normal, and his hair was lying flat on his forehead instead of pushed up in his usual coif.

Isak hated the pang of concern that hit him. He shouldn’t be _concerned_ for Even. Even was the one who hurt _him_! Isak should be the one showing up looking like shit. He sure as hell felt like it. Even didn’t get his concern anymore. He didn’t get to pull on Isak’s heart strings and vie for his pity.

“Even looks like death,” Jonas said as soon as he arrived. “Like, Jesus. Is he okay?”

“How should I know?” Isak spit. “I don’t fucking care, either way.”

“Isak…”

He held up a hand, halting any farther arguments that Jonas had. “Don’t. Just… don’t. Leave it alone.”

“Alright, fine. Sorry.”

* * *

He could feel himself slipping. It was getting easier to notice the signs, which Even hoped was a good thing. At least now he could try and hide it, as much as possible. The last thing he wanted was for Isak to think it was another attempt to win him back. Even didn’t want Isak thinking he’d abuse his illness like that.

He knew he didn’t deserve to feel this way. He was the one who hurt Isak, he had no place to feel sad about it. Even knew what he was doing when he entered the bet. He was a shitty enough person to think, even for a moment, that it would be okay to do that to a person.

He had no right to feel this way.

But maybe it was for the best he did. Losing Isak was just more evidence that the world would be better off without him.

* * *

Isak hadn’t been sleeping. It wasn’t for lack of trying, honestly, it just… His insomnia was rearing its ugly head again. Not that he was that surprised, considering everything that had happened. His mind was too occupied to quiet enough for him to sleep, and it fucking _sucked_ , yeah, but there wasn’t anything he could really do about it. Aside from maybe getting some drugs, but the last time he tried to ask the school nurse for those she’d told him to just talk to people. Like that would fucking fix everything.  


So, he was tired. Fucking exhausted, honestly. But no matter how heavy his eyelids were, how much sleep tempted him all fucking day, by the time he actually lay down to try, sleep never came.

Isak knew it was getting bad when he nearly bit Jonas’ head off at lunch just because he asked him one time too many if he understood the Norwegian homework. The look in his best friend’s eyes at the outburst hurt—concern laced with sadness and pity. A ‘so this is happening again?’ knowing look that Isak fucking _hated_.

And he was so _fucking_ tired that instead of getting angry about it, he wanted to cry. He hated crying.

Isak knew that it was becoming a _problem_ when he started falling asleep in biology—only to have Sana roughly elbow him in the ribs to wake him up. “Ow!” Isak hissed. “What the fuck, Sana?”

“You fell asleep. Again.”

“Couldn’t you wake me up gently, like a normal person?” Isak asked, resting his chin back down on his elbows and blinking blearily at their teacher, who was still lecturing them on… actually, Isak didn’t really know.

“What the fuck is up with you, Valtersen?” Sana asked. “This is supposed to be your subject. I thought you loved biology.”

“I do.”

“Then why did you stop trying?” she questioned. “Why are you falling asleep in class and getting _five-minuses_ on tests?”

“What the fuck, are you looking at my grades now?”

Sana rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault you leave your shit lying around everywhere. Now what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Isak said. Sana levelled him with a disbelieving, and disappointed, look that made him squirm. So Isak shrugged and said, “I’m just not sleeping very much, okay?”

“Not sleeping very much, or not sleeping at all?”

Isak let out a frustrated sigh. “Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, not at all. Are you happy?”

“Is it because of Even?” she asked softly.

“No.”

“Isak.”

“I don’t want to fucking talk about it, okay? It’s fine. I’ve got it under control.”

“You obviously don’t,” she argued. “Vilde told me that you’re snapping at your friends lately, too. This is taking over your life.”

“Just leave it alone, Sana.”

“Isak,” she said firmly, gripping his forearm to make sure his attention was fully on her. “I’m not trying to attack you here, or make you feel bad, but you need _help_. Not sleeping is a big deal.”

“Yeah, well, last time I told the nurse about it she told me to just talk to people.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sick and tired of _talking._ ”

“How can you be tired of something you never do?”

“Seriously, Sana? All I’ve done since the whole thing blew up is fucking explain it. Again, and again, and again. I’m sick and tired of having to say over and over again that, yes, I was fucking stupid enough to fall for Even when he literally couldn’t give less of a shit about me.”

“You don’t seriously think that counts as _talking_ about it, do you?” she asked. “Talking about it means talking about how you’re _feeling_ , Isak. Talking about how this whole thing is effecting you, and why. Not just confirming that a shitty thing happened.”

“Whatever. I don’t need to talk about it. I’m fine.”

“Right.” She sighed, turning back to the front of the class. When the bell finally rang, she turned back to him and said, “If you think Even didn’t care at all about you, you really are stupid.”

“Why is everyone on his fucking side?” Isak all-but shouted, drawing the attention of multiple classmates and their teacher. He felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment, but forced himself to hold his ground, though he did lower the volume a tad. “How can you say he cared about me when he was _using_ me?”

“People do dumb shit, Isak. All the time.” She took a step closer, and despite the good foot he had on her height-wise, Sana managed to be goddamn intimidating. “May I remind you what you did to Eva and Jonas? Yet she’s forgiven you just fine.”

“We’ve barely talked since she found out, Sana. For good reason, too. I was an asshole.”

Sana sighed heavily. “ _You_ haven’t talked to her since she found out. She was more than willing to just move on. If anything she’s upset that you’ve so easily left her behind.”

“What?”

“Just talk to Eva, Isak. It might shed some light on this whole thing, and then maybe you can get some damn sleep before you actually fuck up your chances of getting into the school you’ve been raving about forever.”

He wanted to argue more, but Sana didn’t give him the opportunity. She just walked away, leaving him there feeling like shit without fully knowing _why_ he felt like it.

Still, on the way to lunch he pulled out his phone and sent one of the first texts to Eva he had since his stupid mistake got revealed.

**Eva**

12:20

I know that I fucked up our friendship. I’m so sorry for what did.

But I miss you. And I need your advice.

Can we talk?

You didn’t fuck anything up, Isak. Of course we can talk.

Come over after school? Mum’s gone still, so I promise they’ll be no eavesdroppers.

Sounds good.

Thank you, Eva

Anytime, Issy <3

* * *

Thank god it was Friday. Two days that he didn’t have to pretend. Even knew he was being less than convincing—he could see the worry in Erik’s eyes. But Isak seemed oblivious, and that was all that mattered. Isak could go on living his life. Isak could be _happy_ , so long as Even remained out of the picture.

When he got home, the silence was almost deafening. The apartment felt so cold, and no matter how much he turned up the heat, it never seemed to help. It was selfish, he knew, but for once Even wished his parents were _normal_. He wished that they would be there at the drop of a hat.

He just wanted to see them, to have them hold him.

Even just wanted them to tell him it would be okay. Because with each passing day, he felt more and more hopeless. Helpless. Useless. _Pointless_. It was like darkness was seeping in through his skin, threatening to pull him under and hold him there until even getting out of bed to piss was too hard.

He’d been there before, and he knew it was coming.

Even was just so, _so_ scared to do it alone.

* * *

Isak didn’t know if he was supposed to go to the front door, or just go to her window as he had for so many years. Using the front door just felt weird and impersonal, but he also didn’t want to invade her space and just… show up out of nowhere.

Isak wasn’t sure how long he stood there on Eva's front lawn, biting the inside of his lip and trying to weigh his options. But it was long enough to draw some unwanted attention from one of her neighbours, so in a last-minute decision he walked the familiar path to her window and knocked three times.

Eva’s head popped up almost immediately, a huge smile on her face that immediately put Isak at ease. She pushed open the window, and he climbed inside quickly. Almost as soon as his feet hit the floor, Eva was pulling him into a crushing hug.

“Fuck, Issy. I missed you,” she said, pulling back enough to look at him. “I was never mad at you. Well, okay. That’s a lie. I was mad at you for a little bit, but only until Noora and I figured out you were gay. I couldn’t be mad after that—it all just made too much sense.”

“Wait, you and Noora… what?”

“Hm, she saw the porn on your phone when you lent it to her at Christmas,” Eva explained casually, like it wasn’t incredibly embarrassing and Isak couldn’t feel his cheeks turning a bright shade of red. “It’s fine, Isak, really. After we figured it out it all kind of just fell into place.”

“I’m so sorry,” Isak said miserably. “I don’t understand how you’re not still pissed.”

“You were one of my best friends, Isak. You still are,” she said softly. “I love you, and you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, we make millions of them. I wasn’t going to let one, admittedly big, mistake get in the way of years of friendship.”

Isak’s stomach flipped uncomfortably. She made it sound so… matter-of-fact. So easy. He wished it felt like it was that easy. Eva tugged him over to her bed, sitting up against the headboard and patting the comforter as an invitation to join her. When Isak settled down with space between them, Eva rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, dropping her head onto his shoulder in a way that was so familiar, and yet so foreign. It’d been so long since he’d cuddled with Eva. Hell, since he’d cuddled with anyone platonically. Isak hadn’t realized how much he missed it.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked. Isak knew she knew _exactly_ what he wanted to talk about—him and Even were still the talk of the school—but he appreciated that she didn’t just push the assumption on him.

“I, uh. You know Even?” Isak felt Eva nod against his shoulder. It was so much easier not having to watch her expression as he did this, and so comforting having her so close. “We had a thing.”

“Had… past tense?”

“Sana didn’t tell you?”

Eva shook her head. “I didn’t want to hear anything about it unless it was from you directly.”

“Thank you.” Eva squeezed him gently, and it gave Isak the courage to continue. “We um… Even only did it because of a bet he had with Lars.”

Eva’s head snapped up, her wide eyes meeting Isak’s sad ones instantly. “What? What kind of bet?”

“I don’t know. I guess it was to get me to come out, or something. Because after Emma’s little stunt last year everyone already sort of expected it, and Lars wanted me to admit it myself. Even was supposed to, I don’t know, woo me. Convince me that I was in a stable, supportive relationship so I would feel comfortable enough coming out to the school. He had a month to do it.”

“Jesus…”

“I… I thought I loved him, Eva,” Isak admitted quietly. “He was so amazing. Or, I guess the version of himself that he showed me was. But he would always listen to me, from more personal family stuff, to my rants about the Bergen Aquarium and marine mammal research. He just… he made it seem like he cared so much. He even took me all the way to Bergen, just before the whole thing came out. The whole trip was so amazing, and I was so _fucking_ happy, and he just… he just ruined all of that and now everyone is acting like I’m being ridiculous for not letting him explain, for not _forgiving_ him. How the hell am I supposed to forgive him, Eva? He _broke_ me.”

“Oh Isak,” Eva sighed, running her fingers softly through his hair. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. But I’m sorry this had to happen to you. You’ve got such a big heart, and you care so deeply. You didn’t deserve this.” She studied his face a moment longer, continuing only after she found whatever it was she was searching his eyes for. “You don’t have to forgive him, Isak. I can see how much this whole thing has affected you, and I don’t think that’s something that’s easily forgiven.”

“But?” Isak urged, knowing there was something more.

“But maybe you should try and give him a chance to explain.”

“Eva—”

“I know that’s not what you want to hear, but think about it, Isak. What would’ve happened if I never listened to what you had to say? I would’ve thought you were just an asshole who decided to completely destroy my relationship for no discernable reason. By listening to your reasoning, even though it was still partially a lie, I was able to understand what led you to do it. I was able to see that it was a mistake, and I was able to forgive you.

“Now,” she continued, “I’m not saying that you necessarily have to forgive him. Maybe his reasons won’t be enough to justify the hurt you’re feeling, but at least you’ll have _answers_ , Isak. At least you’ll have some sort of closure instead of letting that brain of yours work itself tired trying to figure out what went wrong.”

“I just… I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know how to sit there and listen to him state all his excuses without… I don’t know, breaking more?”

“It won’t be easy, but I really do think it’ll help in the long run.”

“I still love him,” Isak admitted quietly, his voice barely even a whisper as he muttered the words for the first time aloud. “I don’t want to. My brain knows that he hurt me, and that he’s probably not even the same person I knew, but I just… I don’t know.”

“You can’t just turn love on and off like a light switch, Issy,” she said softly. “It’s okay to feel conflicted, to still feel the love you felt for him before everything went wrong. It all happened so abruptly, you probably still haven’t had the chance to fully process it yet.”

Isak sighed heavily. “Thank you for this,” he said after a few minute’s silence. “Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime. But I do have one favour to ask in return.”

“Anything.”

“Can we be best friends again?” she asked. “I miss you.”

“ _Please_.”

“Stay the night? Like old times?” Isak nodded his agreement, and Eva practically beamed. She started going on about pizza and romcoms, and Isak felt so at home that he had to force himself to hold back tears. He’d missed Eva so _fucking_ much.

And that night, when they finally both crawled under the covers to go to bed, Isak actually felt tired.

For the first time since he found out about the bet, Isak actually got a full eight hours of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it may seem a little OOC for Jonas to suddenly be (a bit) more on Even's side, but I promise he's got his reasons. Remember that, despite the fact it's written in 3rd person, we are seeing this all play out through Isak's eyes. He is very much an unreliable narrator, at times. 
> 
> I promise it'll make sense in the end, hopefully it's not too distracting for now. <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty pivotal point in the story, and I won't lie I am definitely a little nervous posting it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round.

“So, are you going to talk to him?” Eva asked the next morning over breakfast.

Isak bit his lip, pushing his pancakes around his plate idly as he mulled it over. Just thinking about having to sit down with Even and actually _talk_ about what happened… what he did… made Isak’s heart clench. He just. He still didn’t know how he felt about it all—some days he was fucking pissed, others he was devastated, others he was just… numb. “Not right now.”

“Isak…”

“I just need some time, Eva,” he explained. “I will, I promise, I just… I need time to figure out what I’m feeling. It would just turn into an argument if I talked to him now.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to be a mess when I finally give him the chance to explain. I don’t want him to have that power over me.”

“I don’t think Even would take advantage of you like that.”

“How can you say that?” Isak asked, a little too harshly. “You don’t even _know_ Even.”

“No,” she agreed. “But I saw how happy he made you. I saw the way he looked at you, heard the way he talked about you. I think what he did was incredibly shitty, but I don’t think he was lying to you about how he felt. Not at the end.”

“He could’ve been acting,” Isak argued weakly.

“I don’t think anyone would go through that much trouble to make something look realistic for a stupid _bet_. Do you?”

“I don’t know _what_ to think, Eva. That’s the problem.” Isak sighed, pushing his plate away from himself. His appetite was completely gone again. “Everyone is telling me to give him a chance, even Jonas—fucking _Jonas_ , who wanted to murder him over a stupid misunderstanding a couple weeks ago. But it’s not that simple. I know he has his reasons for doing it, and maybe they are good reasons, but I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive him, or if I’ll ever be. I don’t want him, or anyone else, to think that by listening to him I’m ready for anything else.”

“Hey, hey,” she said, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder gently, calming Isak from the panic he didn’t even realize he’d been building. “I get it, Isak. You don’t have to talk to him right away if you’re not ready. Take the time you need. Put yourself first.”

“But everyone—”

“Don’t worry about everyone else. I’ll talk to them.”

Isak sighed, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. “Thanks, Eva.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

 

Even knew that he was getting worse at hiding his rapidly declining mental state. He could see it in Erik’s eyes, the constant concern and worry. He _knew_ that other people were starting to notice, too, but there was only so much he could do. Getting out of bed alone took up the majority of his energy for the day, after that it was just a matter of getting to and from school without passing out in any of his classes.

Even knew he should’ve just stayed home. It wasn’t like he was accomplishing _anything_ in any of his classes. He should’ve just stayed home, but he was stubborn and had promised his mum he’d try not to miss class.

But when Lars slid into the empty seat next to him at lunch, Even knew that staying home would’ve been the best choice.

“You look like shit,” he said happily, his sly grin tugging at the healing cut on his lip. Even had a hard time looking at him, still. The first time he’d seen Lars after he beat the shit out of him, he hadn’t even been able to open his right eye it was so bruised and swollen. Add onto that the split lip and bruises that Even knew could be hidden with clothes… his gut twisted with guilt every time he saw Lars. He deserved it, he was an asshole, but Even wasn’t violent. He didn’t just beat people up.

And he’d scared Isak. He’d forced himself onto the younger boy, knuckles bruised and bloody, with no one else there to help him.

So, suffice to say Even had been avoiding Lars ever since. He was surprised that Lars hadn’t tried to approach him before this. Maybe he’d been scared. Even was _crazy_ , after all. No one knew what he’d do next. When he’d snap next.

“What do you want?”

“Touchy, touchy,” Lars scolded. “Is that any way to talk to someone you beat up? Someone who chose _not_ to go to the school board—or worse, press charges?”

“Fuck off, Lars. Haven’t you done enough?”

“ _I_ haven’t done anything, Even,” he reminded. “This is all on you.”

“Bullshit.”

“You didn’t have to take the bet, Even. You didn’t have to keep leading the kid on when you realized how he really felt for you. You didn’t have to do any of it.”

“That doesn’t mean you haven’t done anything!” Even shouted, standing from the table abruptly and pulling the attention of everyone in the cafeteria. Including Isak, great. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”

Lars held his hands up defensively, standing from the table and backing away slowly. The fear on his face was betrayed by the glee in his eyes. This was exactly what he wanted to happen. Exactly how he wanted Even to react. “Just calm down, Ev. It’s okay,” he said as he took another step back. “I’m sorry, don’t hit me again.”

Even opened his mouth to respond when, miraculously, another voice spoke up. “Just fuck off, Lars,” Erik said from the doorway. “You’ve done your damage already, don’t you think?”

Lars just shrugged, and made his way out of the cafeteria without so much as a glance back in Even’s direction. As soon as he was gone, Even fell heavily back into the seat. Whatever energy he had managed to hold onto throughout the day was now gone. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep and never wake up.

Before he could close his eyes, Erik slid into the seat that Lars had occupied only moments earlier. “Even, man, are you okay?”

“What do you think?” Even bit back, a little too harshly. Erik was just being a good friend. Erik was _always_ a good friend. Even never deserved him. He sighed, letting his face fall into his hands, and mumbled out a quiet, “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Do you want to go home?” Erik asked. “I can take you home.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“You look like a zombie, dude. You need to sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“If I sleep, I might not wake up,” Even said. “I might not _want_ to wake up.”

“Are you…” Erik paused, biting his bottom lip as he mulled over what to say next. Not that Even didn’t know what was coming next already, but still. At least Erik was trying to be sensitive. “Is this an episode, Ev?”

Even hummed. “Yeah.”

“Is it because of what Lars did?”

He shook his head, and then let it fall onto his folded arms. “It’s because of what I did.”

* * *

 

Isak still wasn’t really sleeping. He was trying, really he was, but the momentary bliss he got to experience when he poured his heart out to Eva was just that—momentary. Now that he was back in the kollektive, back in his own quiet room, it was like nothing had changed. He was just as plagued by his thoughts at night, maybe even more so than before.

He knew he had to talk to Even. He also knew he needed time. He needed to process.

Even now, he didn’t feel as much… anger towards Even. He was hurt, and he was confused, but he wasn’t angry. He didn’t want to see Even suffer, not that Isak was sure he ever really did. And he _did_ want to know why Even did it. He wanted to know how he could listen to Isak bare his heart on his sleeve and just… not say anything.

But he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the answers.

Everyone was promising him that Even looked too genuine for it not to be real, and Isak wanted them to be right, but he also knew that if they weren’t… if Even really didn’t give a shit about Isak and it _was_ all an act… it would crush him.

So, he didn’t sleep. He spent his nights tossing and turning, mulling over every single memory he had of his time with Even. He so desperately wished they weren’t tainted with betrayal. He wished that he could look back and remember his first boyfriend, his first _real_ relationship fondly.

Isak wondered if, in a different universe, things turned out differently. Maybe Even wasn’t cocky and suave, but awkward and just as nervous as Isak. Maybe in a different universe they were together, happy.

Maybe in a different universe Even didn’t shatter his heart into a thousand tiny pieces.

Not that it mattered. This was the universe he lived in, and in this universe Even was a missed opportunity. A peak at something good tainted with everything bad.

* * *

 

Even knew it would just hurt him to go to their spot. He knew that it would be just like shoving salt into the wounds that losing Isak caused, but he couldn’t stay away. Even though he’d lost Isak, destroyed their relationship, Even still managed to pull some form of comfort from the dirty old couch tucked away in the back of the theatre.

He started spending more and more time there, skipping more classes than he was attending to instead curl up in the silent theatre. When he was there, he could almost still feel the ghost of Isak’s touch, the weight of him settled comfortably on Even’s lap. He could almost feel Isak’s breath ghosting across his cheek, his neck, could almost feel Isak’s hands in his hair.

Maybe it was self-punishment, bringing all the memories up when he knew that Isak was gone, that he’d lost the younger boy forever, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. A memory of Isak was better than nothing at all.

**Momma & Papa**

12:53

_Momma_

Even, are you okay?

Of course, why do you ask?

_Momma_

We got a call from the school today.

They said you’ve been missing a lot of classes.

I’m sorry, momma. I’ve just been really tired. I promise I won’t miss anymore.

_Papa_

Do you want us to come home, Ev?

No no no! It’s okay, I’m fine

Just some stress, I’ve got it under control

_Momma_

You’ll tell us if you need us?

_Papa_

You know we can be home in under four hours if you just say the word.

I know, but I’m okay.

I love you both.

_Momma_

We love you too, and we can’t wait to see you next week

Can’t wait to see you either <3

 

Even sighed, letting his phone topple from his limp fingers. The soft _thwack_ of it hitting the stage floor echoed through the otherwise silent theatre. He wanted nothing more than to have his parents back home, but he couldn’t take them away from their jobs. They’d made so many sacrifices when he was growing up to make sure at least one of them was at home at all times so he wouldn’t have to have a nanny. Now that he was old enough to take care of himself, he should be able to do just that.

But the apartment was so quiet. He always made sure to have something playing idly in the background, be it a movie, or TV show, or even just an audiobook, but it was still just… lonely. Even knew that he could ask Erik to come over, but he felt pathetic for always needing someone to be there. He was practically an adult. He _should_ be able to be on his own for a little while without this happening.

Not for the first time, Even wished he wasn’t crazy. He wished his brain was normal, and that he didn’t constantly fuck over the people in his life. It was like everything he touched got tainted with this… darkness that would pull their lives apart so Even could feel some form of happiness, just for a little bit.

For him to be happy, someone else had to suffer. It wasn’t fair. To him, to them, to _anyone_. He didn’t deserve to be happy if it always resulted in someone he loved getting hurt.

He just… he couldn’t figure out what the point of it all was. Why was he still here, taking up space and ruining people’s lives? Surely, they’d be better off without him.

Even knew that his therapist would probably tell him that this was just his illness talking, that it just meant they should increase their visits to a couple times a week instead of once a week, but it didn’t really matter. He hadn’t gone to see her in almost a month, anyway. He’d been too busy trying to spend as much time with Isak as possible (and trying to ignore the guilt he felt whenever he thought about what she’d say about the whole thing).

Rationally, Even knew that killing himself wouldn’t make anything better. Rationally, he knew that it would only make everything 1000x harder for everyone he’d be leaving behind.

But the rational part of his brain was fading into the background rather quickly, replaced by dark thoughts and quiet whispers.

_You’ll never be good enough. They’re better off without you. You just take up space. Think of how much easier it’ll be for them if you weren’t here._

When the bell rang signaling the end of lunch, Even forced himself to go to his next class, because he didn’t want his parents to worry. When he left to head to his next, and final, one he realized he hadn’t heard a single word anyone had said.

* * *

 

Isak’s life fell back into some form of normality. At least, the normality he felt before Even. Enough time had passed since Lars’ Instagram post that most of the student body had moved on to the next piece of gossip. Isak was gay, big whoop. No one seemed to have time to follow the ‘Evak drama,’ as they’d initially called it.

Isak was honestly feeling a bit nervous that it was just the calm before the storm. He knew, realistically, that his anxiety had just exaggerated how much everyone would care when he came out, but still. He thought it would be a bigger deal. That at least one person would be malicious and… shove him into a locker or something.

Maybe it was because the seed of doubt that he was straight had already been planted in their heads the year before. Isak honestly wasn’t sure, but he was relieved. At least he didn’t have to deal with that on top of everything else that had been going on.

Though Eva had, true to her word, talked to the guys and told them to back off. They hadn’t brought Even up since, much to Isak’s relief, and when he needed to talk about it or bounce his thoughts off someone, Eva was always there to listen. An impartial party. Isak had missed her so fucking much. If nothing else came from all the shit that happened, at least he got her back.

His sleep schedule was still fucked, but not much more than it had been before Even came into his life. He wasn’t falling asleep in biology anymore, and he was keeping up with the work in all his classes. He was tired, sure, and emotionally exhausted still, but he was coping. Surviving. Trying to move on.

Isak knew he’d have to talk to Even soon. He felt like he was finally in a place where he could do so without letting his emotions get the better of him. It’d still be hard, and Isak still wasn’t sure that he was ready to face the possibility that Even didn’t care for him as much as he said he did—or the possibility that he _did_ , but he knew it had to happen. He needed closure. He needed answers.

The only problem was that Even had practically disappeared off the face of the earth. He was still coming to school, most days, because Isak would see him occasionally on his way to one of his classes, but he was never in the cafeteria, or in the courtyard in the mornings or afternoons. Isak had a feeling he knew where Even was going, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go back to that place.

Their spot.

The more time that passed, though, the more worried Isak got. The glimpses he managed to catch of Even were… not good. He looked worse than Isak had ever seen him. The bags under his eyes were visible from the other side of the hallway, and his face had almost taken on a grey tinge to it. His normally beautiful, vibrant blue eyes were dull and lifeless. He looked like he was just going through the motions. Going to school because he had to. Saying hello to Erik because he had to. Avoiding Isak’s gaze because he had to.

Aside from one outburst in the cafeteria—provoked by Lars, surprise, surprise—Isak hadn’t even heard Even _speak_ in weeks. He knew that Even was likely in the middle of a depressive episode, a fear that was solidified when Magnus agreed with his theory one lunch.

Isak had no idea if Even’s parents were home, or if he was doing this completely on his own. If he had to guess, he would assume the latter, which only made his guts twist tighter with worry. He remembered Even’s texts from when he first tried to talk to Isak, right after it happened.

_My brain is broken._

_You made me feel alive. So, so fucking alive._

_I haven’t felt so happy as when I’m with you in so long._

_I can’t lose you, you’re the most important person in my life._

The words scared him. Even sounded so defeated, even back then. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to forgive and move on, but Isak didn’t want Even to be suffering on his own either. He knew they needed to talk, even if the idea still made his throat tight with worry.

He planned to track Even down the next morning at school to tell him he was ready to listen. Isak knew he could just text Even, but he wanted to avoid that if at all possible. He wanted to do it face-to-face. To calm the nerves that were already dancing around in his stomach, Isak decided to join Eskild in the living room for a night of mindless reality TV and gossip.

“Isak!” Eskild said happily as he walked into the room, wrapped tightly in a blanket. “What’s up, baby gay?”

“Can I join you?”

Eskild did a pretty good job of hiding the shock on his face, nodding enthusiastically and patting the space next to him. “I’d love that!”

They watched the TV in silence for a while. It was some show about English people trying to move their families to new countries. That they couldn’t actually speak the language of. As far as he could tell, it was focused on the home-buying process, but honestly it just highlighted how ridiculously naïve some Americans could be as they tried to compare apartments in small Italian villages to apartments in Boston, like they would have the same amenities.

“I think I’m going to try and talk to Even,” Isak said eventually, keeping his eyes trained on the TV so he didn’t have to see the look on Eskild’s face.

“Yeah?”

He nodded curtly. “I need to at least hear him out, get some closure. I’m not saying I’m going to forgive him and run back into his arms or anything, but I think it’d be good to hear what he has to say.”

“I think that’s very mature of you, Isak,” Eskild said sincerely. When Isak finally let himself glance at Eskild, he looked almost proud. “I can’t imagine how hard it must be to try and do this.”

“I’m a little worried I’m going to get too emotional.”

“I think you’ll be okay,” Eskild reassured. “But if you’re not, that’s okay too. He hurt you, you’re definitely allowed to be emotional about that.”

“I don’t want to look weak.”

“Being heartbroken doesn’t make you weak,” Eskild said. “You trusted him, and he really hurt you. It takes a lot of strength on your part just to reach out to him and offer this opportunity. You’re stronger than anyone I know, Isak.”

“Thanks, guru,” he said sheepishly, ducking his head down so he could rest his chin on his knees. Eskild, bless his heart, changed the topic and started discussing why he thought the apartment currently being shown on the show was absolutely atrocious and horrendously overpriced, and Isak couldn’t help but smile. He was so thankful for Eskild. For all his friends, really.

He would talk to Even the next day, get some closure, and finally maybe be able to move on. He didn’t know where he would stand with Even at that point, but no matter what they would’ve had the opportunity to talk things out. There’d be no more secrets. Hopefully.

When he received a text from Even that night, though, his plans all flew out the window.

 

**Even**

21:21

Dear Isak.  
I’m now sitting at our spot, thinking about you and everything we shared here. I want to tell you a thousand things. I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so for not telling you about the bet. I was just so scared to lose you. I’d forgotten that it’s not possible to lose someone, that all people are alone anyway. I hope you still apply to that University in Hawaii. I think they would be lucky to have you. You can do anything, Isak. Remember that.  
Love you. Even

 

Isak felt numb. He could hear Eskild talking, and the TV going, but he felt like he was standing still. Like time was moving around him. He couldn’t move, could barely breathe, but he knew that he had to go. He had to go _now_ because Even was… Even wasn’t okay and despite everything that had happened, Isak was overwhelmed by the fear that seeped its way into his heart at the thought of losing him.

“Isak?” Eskild’s voice broke through the numbness, pulling him back enough that Isak felt like he could move again. He was on his feet seconds later, running to his room and pulling on the first pair of shoes and jacket he saw. He had to go. He had to see Even.

Before he could make it out the front door, Eskild grabbed hold of his arm. His voice was heavy with concern as he asked, “Isak, what’s going on?”

“Even,” he choked out, tugging his arm from Eskild’s grasp. He didn’t give him the chance to respond as he bolted out of the apartment. “I have to go find Even.”

Eskild was still shouting questions, shouting for him to stop, but the words barely registered in his mind. All he could think about was how he needed to get to Even as quickly as possible. His lungs burned as he ran, but he pushed through it. Pushed himself forward as fast as his legs would take him. People were yelling at him as he just barely avoided running into them, cars honking as they were forced to screech to a stop as Isak bolted across the road and towards Nissen. None of it mattered. All that mattered was getting to Even.

He burst through the doors of the school, running blindly through the empty hallways until he reached the theatre. He shoved the doors open and sprinted up past the rows of chairs, onto the stage. He skidded to a stop when he finally reached the back, his chest heaving as he stared at the couch.

Their spot.

Even was there, hunched over on the couch and looking smaller than Isak had ever seen him. He was drowning in layers and layers of clothes, despite the fact it wasn’t really that cold outside. His face was completely hidden, bowed low between his knees and blocked by a toque and hood. His phone was hanging limply between his fingertips, threatening to fall.

Despite the fact Isak was less than graceful with his entrance, and was currently breathing like a severe asthmatic, Even seemed completely unaware of his presence. It broke Isak’s heart, knowing he was so far in his own head.

“Even,” he breathed, taking a step closer. Even’s head finally snapped up at the sound of his voice, and there was so much doubt, so much disbelief, in his eyes that Isak felt his heart shatter.

He fell to his knees in front of Even, so close but still not touching. Still too scared to touch. Or, he was. Until Even said, in a broken voice, “You came.”

Isak couldn’t help but reach for him, wrapping his arms tightly around Even’s neck and pulling him close, almost off the couch completely. He breathed him in, trying to hold his own emotions at bay as Even let out a choked sob and wrapped his own arms tightly around Isak’s waist. So familiar, yet so different.

“You’re not alone,” Isak said firmly. “You’re _never_ alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was definitely apprehensive about including a variation of Even's text message in this chapter, but I really wanted to capture how much Isak still cared for him. Actually, tbh, I'm just super apprehensive about all my writing right now because I brought a version of this story to one of my workshops as an example of my work and everyone said it was predictable and boring YAY.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to leave a comment last time, I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that this story was still being enjoyed, so thanks. :) 
> 
> This chapter is a tiny bit shorter than usual (only by about 500 words, but still) and I apologize for that, but I really wanted to have the chapter end where it did. We're slowly creeping up on the end of the story, and I promise the end to the angst is in sight. 
> 
> Lastly, I do not have bipolar disorder and, therefore, am writing based solely off research and my own experiences with major depression. If I've in any way misrepresented what it is like to go through a depressive episode, I deeply apologize. Other than that, I hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round. <3

Isak didn’t know what to do. He’d managed to get Even back to the kollektive okay, but now what? Even was sleeping, thank god because he sure looked like he needed it, but Isak still felt like he should be doing more. He felt like maybe he should be calling Even’s parents, but it felt like too much of an invasion of privacy to go into his phone and get their number without his permission.

So, Isak texted the only person he knew who had any experience dealing with bipolar episodes.

**Magnus**

23:53

Hey, Mags. Do you have a second?

Of course, what’s up?

I think Even was going to hurt himself

Huh?

He um. He texted me a couple hours ago, and it sounded like a goodbye so I ran to find him and he hasn’t said anything since I showed up.

He’s sleeping right now, but I’m worried. I’ve never seen him like this before.

What do I do?

It sounds like a really bad depressive episode. Worse than we thought.

You just have to be there for him. It’ll pass eventually, but until it does he’s going to sleep a lot and he probably won’t want to eat or move very much or talk. Just try and make sure he’s drinking enough water, and try and get him to eat at least a piece of toast or something every day.

Other than that, just be there for him. Don’t let him be alone too much, especially if you think he’s a danger to himself.

Take it day by day, and if that gets too much, take it hour by hour. He’ll be okay eventually.

Should I like… try and get a hold of his parents or something?

You can, but if you were the one he reached out to it might be best for you to be the one to stay with him.

If you can.

I know that you’re angry with him, and this probably isn’t ideal for you, but it sounds like he might need you right now.

Okay. I’m probably going to stay home tomorrow, then. Can you let everyone know?

Of course.

And please don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want people talking about him like he’s some broken thing.

I won’t. Let me know if you need any help. I can run and grab clothes for him. Or his meds. Or anything.

Thanks, Mags. You’re the best

I know <3

 

Isak sighed and put his phone on his desk before easing quietly out of the room. He figured that it’d be easiest to make sure Even was drinking water if he just kept a glass on the bedside table at all times. The food he could worry about later. Same with talking to Eskild, who Isak was sure was going to have a field day when he woke up the next morning after Isak left him more or less in the dark and bolted into the night.

Once he was back in his room, Isak realized he didn’t really know what to do. Where to sleep. He didn’t really want to leave Even alone, knowing how disorienting it could be to wake up in an unfamiliar place, but he wasn’t sure that it would be appropriate, or smart, to climb into bed next to him.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, glass in hand and watching Even from the doorway of his bedroom, before Even finally moved. Isak held his breath, waiting for something— _anything_ —but Even just rolled onto his other side. His hair fell limply over his forehead, some strands falling directly over his eye.

With a sigh, Isak made his way over to the bed. He placed the glass of water on the table where Even would be able to see it, and crouched down next to him. He reached out tentatively, fingers trembling slightly as he gently pushed the hair away from Even’s face.

He looked so peaceful. His face was completely relaxed for the first time in a long time, his chapped lips parted just slightly as he breathed steadily. Isak knew that it was weird, him watching Even sleep, but he couldn’t find it in himself to move. It was like part of him needed proof that Even was still there, that he was alive and breathing and _okay_.

He ended up sitting down next to the bed, watching Even for any sign of him waking up. Isak listened to the steadiness of Even’s breathing in the mostly silent room, comforted by it in a way that was so familiar and yet so bittersweet. He couldn’t help but remember the last time they had been so close, how drastically different their relationship had been.

Isak had been drunk in love, absolutely mesmerized by Even and still high off their trip to Bergen. He’d genuinely thought that Even might’ve been the one for him—his perfect other half. It hurt knowing that he didn’t feel that anymore, but at the same time Isak could help but wonder if it was better this way.

Even wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t this unbelievably unrealistically amazing boyfriend who seemingly had no flaws. He was human, and he made mistakes. He made _huge_ mistakes.

He also looked at Isak like he was a gift to the world. He held him with the gentlest touch, always so cautious to make sure Isak was happy, to make sure he wasn’t hurting. Even wasn’t perfect, by any means.

But Isak still loved him.

Maybe that was wrong, maybe that was stupid, but it was true. The minute he got Even’s text, the immediate panic he felt that he would lose Even for real, confirmed it. He wasn’t ready to just jump back into Even’s arms or anything, but he wasn’t going to lie to himself anymore, either.

He never stopped loving Even.

* * *

When Isak woke up the next morning, he was half-slumped over on the floor, his arms folded on the bed next to Even’s head. Even, who was very much awake and very much staring at him, eyebrows furrowed together and confusion clear in his eyes. Isak took a moment to just look at him, to appreciate how the blue of Even’s eyes still took his breath away a little bit. Then, very quietly, he said, “Hey.”

Even looked away from him, eyes darting to the ceiling as he shifted from his side to his back. “I should go.”

“What?”

“I never meant to force you into dealing with this,” Even said. His voice was so weak and quiet, it broke Isak’s heart. “I wasn’t thinking when I sent you that message. I didn’t realize what position it’d put you in until after.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Even. I came because I wanted to. Because I was worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Even said, though it didn’t sound like he was even trying to sound convincing. “Just a bad night. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m not going to make you stay,” Isak said, despite how much he wanted to do exactly that. “I want you to, though.”

“Why?”

“I meant what I said last night. You’re not alone, and I want to be here for you.”

Even’s face twisted with what Isak assumed was guilt as he said, again, “Why?”

“I still care about you.”

“I hurt you,” Even said. “I knew I was doing it, and I didn’t stop. I knew I was going to hurt you, and I was selfish.”

“We can talk about all that later, when you feel better,” Isak said. “Until then, you’re going to stay here and rest.”

“I can do that at home,” Even argued weakly.

“Are your parents there?”

“Yes,” he lied, quickly rolling his eyes and adding, “does it matter?”

“Yes. I don’t want you to have to do this alone.”

“I deserve it.”

“You don’t.”

“Isak—”

“Please, Even. Just let me take care of you.”

Even looked like he wanted to argue more, but Isak could tell that even the short exchange had taken a lot out of him. He could see the exhaustion seeping back into Even’s features, along with a sense of defeat. At least for now, Isak had won. As Even’s eyes drifted back closed, Isak stood from the floor and stretched his arms high above his head, trying to work out the kinks in his back that came from sleeping on the floor.

With one last glance over his shoulder to make sure Even had gone back to sleep, Isak slipped out of the room and headed for the kitchen where he could hear Eskild cooking. When he walked in, Eskild stopped what he was doing, leveling Isak with one of the most disappointed stares he’d ever gotten from the older man. Before he could argue, Eskild walked across the kitchen and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

“Where the _hell_ did you go?”

“Even texted me,” Isak explained, “and it sounded like he was going to hurt himself. I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do, but I knew where he was, so I went to him. I had to make sure he was okay.”

“And he is?”

Isak nodded. “He’s in my room, sleeping. He doesn’t look so good, but Magnus said that’ll it’ll take time, and to take it day by day.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Isak said, a little shakily. “I was so scared that I was going to lose him, though. He wants to leave, I think he thinks that I feel like I _have_ to do this, but I don’t want him to be alone.”

“It’s okay, Isak. He can stay here as long as he needs.”

“Yeah?”

Eskild hummed. “We’ll all keep an eye on him.”

“Thanks, Eskild,” Isak said, feeling some of the stress leave his shoulders. “I’m still going to stay home today, but I appreciate it.”

“Of course. And just let me know if you need anything.”

Isak hugged him again for good measure before starting to make himself, and Even, breakfast. He had a feeling Even wouldn’t want to eat it, but he wanted to at least try. Just in case. He ate his breakfast in the kitchen, not watching to sit and loom over Even like a babysitter.

Isak didn’t really know what he was doing, if he was honest with himself. He wanted Even to stay, wanted to make sure he was okay, but he couldn’t _force_ him. If Even wanted to leave, it wasn’t fair of Isak to stop him, not with everything that happened between them. And if he told Even _now_ that he wanted to try and listen and figure their shit out, it would sound like he was doing it out of guilt.

Isak never wanted Even to feel like Isak pitied him.

He knew that if Even insisted on going home, he would have no choice but to let him. He would make sure there was someone else there to keep an eye on him, to help him through it, but he would let Even go.

Once he’d finished his toast, Isak headed back to his room with Even’s breakfast and two cups of tea. He opened the door as quietly as possible, and placed the plate and one of the mugs on the bedside table next to the glass from the night before. He let out a sigh of relief to see that that, at least, was empty. Even was still asleep, curled up tightly in the blankets. Isak watched the rise and fall of his chest for a while, a part of him still looking for the reassurance that he was okay. That he was breathing.

Eventually, he left Even to sleep and moved to sit at his desk, pulling out his biology textbook so he could at least _try_ to get some homework done—even if his mind was far from worried about it at the moment.

* * *

The next time Even woke up, Isak’s room was mostly dark except for one light in the far corner. He craned his neck to see what it’s source was, finding it to be coming from Isak’s desk. From where Even was, he couldn’t really see much, but he could tell that Isak was reading what was probably a text book, occasionally pausing to scribble something in the notebook next to him.

Even watched him in silence for a while, the same guilt tugging at his heart that was there earlier when he woke up to find Isak asleep on the floor next to him. He should’ve never dragged him into this. He should’ve never sent the text message. He had just wanted to say goodbye.

Even honestly didn’t expect Isak to come, but he had. He had run all the way to Nissen and he had pulled Even into his arms and… and he had taken him home.

_You’re not alone_ , Isak had said. Despite everything Even had done to hurt him, Isak still came to him and promised him that he wasn’t alone. He was there when Even needed him most, holding him and caring for him.

Even tore his eyes away from Isak, looking around his room instead. On the bedside table was a piece of toast and a cup of tea that Even suspected had long gone cold, next to the glass of water that had been silently refilled at some point while he was asleep. Despite everything that he’d done, Isak was still taking care of him.

Even didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve _Isak_ , and it hurt him to know that the younger boy was forced to look after him because he was too pathetic to take care of himself. Even knew he should go. He knew that he should leave Isak be, let him move on and forget. But lying there, in Isak’s bed and surrounded with things that smelled like him… Even didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to move.

Isak made him feel safe. It was selfish, but he wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as he could.

“Oh, hey,” Isak said, startling him from his thoughts. Even let himself drag his gaze back to Isak. He was facing Even now, and he just… he looked so soft. The light from the lamp was creating almost like a halo around him, the ends of his golden curls almost glowing. He’d changed into a big, grey hoodie and sweatpants and Even. Even just wanted to hold him.

“Are you hungry?” Isak asked softly. Even shook his head. “You sure? I was going to go make some eggs, I can always make some extra.”

Again, Even shook his head. It was hard to see Isak’s expressions with the light behind him, but Even was pretty sure he smiled. He watched as Isak stood, stretching his arms high above his head and yawning. He watched as he moved to the door, as he said that he’d be right back, and then Isak was gone and Even was left alone in his quiet room.

The last time he was in Isak’s room, they had spent hours cuddled together, excitement coursing through their veins at the trip Even had planned for the next day. The last time he was in Isak’s room was the first time Even knew with absolute certainty that he loved him. Isak had laughed at something stupid he said, scrunching his nose in the most adorable way as he curled into Even more. The realization didn’t hit him like a train, like movies and books tended to portray it. It was more like the last puzzle piece falling into place. Suddenly, everything made sense. He loved Isak. It was just the first time he realized it.

Now, things were different. He still loved Isak, but now it felt dirty. Wrong. He didn’t _deserve_ to love Isak, because you don’t _do_ what Even did to people you love.

Even wished so badly he could turn back time and stop himself from doing it. Even if it meant he would never get to have Isak, maybe that he would never even really _meet_ Isak, he wished he could do it. Anything to assure that he would never have to see the day that Isak stopped smiling because of him.

He knew he had to leave. It wasn’t fair to make himself Isak’s responsibility, no matter how many times the younger boy brushed it off as no big deal. Even knew that Isak didn’t want to see him, and that this was all probably just an annoying burden for him to bear. He had to leave, even though the mere thought of lifting himself into a sitting position exhausted him.

If he could just get out of Isak’s flat, it’d be fine. He didn’t even have to make it all the way home. Just far enough that Isak wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of him anymore.

Even made it as far as the front door when Isak finally reappeared, two plates of eggs in hand despite the fact that Even had said he wasn’t hungry. “You’re going?” he asked quietly. Even was surprised by the withdrawal in his voice—like he’d somehow failed because Even was too ashamed to stay.

“I think it’s for the best.”

“At least promise me that you’re going to call Erik, or your parents, or _someone_.”

Even swallowed around the growing lump in his throat. He tightened his hold on the handle to Isak’s apartment door, desperately trying not to give away anything that will cause Isak to worry more. “Okay.”

“I’m, uh…” Isak shifted his weight from one foot to the other, eyes darting from the floor to Even’s eyes. “I’ll be here, if you need someone.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.”

Isak nodded, not bothering to argue with him. Even felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. “Be safe, okay?”

“Okay,” Even said, finally tugging the door to Isak’s apartment open. It was so hard to leave. To walk away from warmth and comfort and _Isak._ But he had to go. So, Even forced himself forward one step at a time until he was a good block away from Isak’s.

**Erik**

3:36

Are you busy?

No, what’s up?

Can you come over?

I don’t want to be alone.

I’ll be there in ten.

* * *

Isak couldn’t stop worrying about Even. He knew he was safe, Erik had texted him saying so, but he just… He hated not being able to be there for him. Isak promised Even once that he would, that no matter how bad an episode got, he’d be by his side, and he’d broken that promise.

Even hadn’t come back to school the next day, or at all in the week after. People were talking, Lars was spreading shit rumours about random crap that Even didn’t do, calling him crazy and dangerous. Isak wanted to punch him, or do _something_ , but every time he got close Jonas or Eva would be there to stop it.

“He’s not worth it, Issy,” Eva had said, throwing a glare Lars’ way as he sauntered past them. Isak had tensed, but Eva’s hand on his arm kept him calm. “He wants a reaction. He wants you to flip. Don’t give him that.”

So, he managed to keep a relatively level head. It helped that Erik kept him updated on Even. Apparently his mom was staying with him during the days, while Erik was in class. It helped sooth Isak’s anxiety a little, knowing he wasn’t alone. Isak wanted to ask if he could come see Even, but he knew it probably wouldn’t help. Even had made it clear that Isak wasn’t who he needed, and that was okay. As long as Even got better, that was fine.

A light in a seemingly endless stream of darkness came when his biology teacher asked him to stay after class one day. Sana eyed him wearily, mouthing a silent _good luck_ before leaving.

“Everything okay?” Isak asked when they were alone.

“I managed to get in contact with the University of Hawai’i,” she said, and Isak’s heart jumped. “They walked me through the undergraduate international student application process. As you thought, you will need to complete either the SAT or ACT, and will need to complete their online application for international students. She also said that, if you can, you should really look into trying to do an internship related to your desired field of study before you apply. This summer would probably be ideal.

She said that having a letter of recommendation from someone in the field could greatly improve your chances and really set you apart from the rest of the applicants,” she explained. “As for costs, you would have to pay the international student rate, which is quite high, on top of dorms and meal plans. However she did mention that there were quite a few international student scholarships for applicants with exceptional grades and potential.”

Isak nodded, trying to process all the information. He already knew where he wanted to try and volunteer, if he could, and he would be more than willing to devote himself to getting the best grades possible to assure himself some scholarships. “So, is this something you want to try and do, Isak?” she asked. “For sure?”

Isak thought back to his and Even’s trip to Bergen. To how it felt to be surrounded by those animals, and how amazing it was to get to actually get to work with them hands-on, however briefly. He was scared, terrified, to apply and fail, but he knew he had to. With Even’s reminder ringing clear in his mind, he nodded. “It’s what I want, yeah.”

  _You can do anything, Isak. Remember that._

Erik kept saying he was getting better, that he was eating and moving around, but Isak still wasn’t prepared for the day that Even finally came back to school.

There was an eerie silence in the halls as he walked to class, everyone waiting for him to do something _crazy_. Isak admired how he managed to keep his head up, seemingly unaffected by their naivety as he made his way through the halls. He knew how hard it really was on Even, hearing their whispers and feeling their looks, and yet he seemed like he didn’t care at all.

Isak took a chance that lunch and headed to their spot. He wasn’t sure if Even would go back, now that he was back on his feet and more or less himself again, but he had to check. He walked through the quiet theater, passing the rows of seats and hopping onto the stage, following the familiar path to the back corner where the couch was.

Even was there, and he looked so _small_. It was like he was finally letting himself react to everything they were saying now that he was safely out of view. Isak took a deep breath, and took a step closer to the couch. “You’re back,” he said quietly. Even’s head snapped up, eyes locking on Isak filled with a mixture of shock, confusion, and doubt.

Eventually, he nodded. “I am.”

“I think it’s time we talk,” Isak said slowly, “about what happened.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for missing last week, guys. I ran out of backlogged chapters a couple weeks ago, so I've been writing on a week-to-week basis for the most part and school has just been completely kicking my ass. This chapter is also an important part of the story, so I didn't want to post something I wasn't 100% happy with. So, sorry for the wait, but I do hope it's worth it. 
> 
> All your comments have meant the world to me, honestly. Sitting in workshop and having people tear apart something I was really proud of without being able to say anything was really hard with this particular piece, so it was lovely to be able to go back and read the positive things you guys have said. (It was also fun seeing the looks on their faces when I said the 4k section they received was part of a story that's going to end up being close to 100k. That was great.)
> 
> Thanks for all the support, and for not giving up on the Skam fandom even though so many have. I'm definitely not going anywhere after this story, either. At least two more are in the works. (Though this story still as at least 4 chapters left, don't worry.)
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round <3

“What do you mean?” Even asked. “I hurt you— _used_ you. What more is there to talk about?”

“I want to hear your side, Even. You said you had reasons, I want to know them.”

“They don’t matter. What I did can’t just be explained away, and it wasn’t fair of me to ever think that they could be.” He took a deep breath, standing from the couch. “You had every right to be mad at me, and you should still be.”

“Isn’t that my choice to make?” Isak asked, grabbing Even’s wrist as he tried to step around him. Even froze, but he still couldn’t meet Isak’s eyes. “If I want to know why you did it, shouldn’t I be allowed that?”

“My reasons don’t excuse what I—”

“I never said they would,” Isak interrupted. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to at least know what they were.”

Even looked like he wanted to argue more, but something in Isak’s expression must’ve broken through his own doubts, because he sighed in defeat and nodded. They both moved to the couch, and for the first time, they sat next to each other. It felt weird, wrong somehow, to not be cuddled up to Even in his lap. It was just a bitter reminder of how different things were. Isak didn’t like it.

“After my episode last year, Lars was the only person who would even look at me, never mind talk to me,” Even started. “I never liked him much in earlier years, but I thought I’d lost everything. He was the only one who tried to reach out to me, and I took it. I took it because I didn’t have anyone else. But he… he always joked about how he saved my pathetic ass. He always said that if it weren’t for him, I probably would’ve transferred schools or killed myself because no one else would’ve wanted anything to do with me.

I guess after a while, I started believing him. I felt like I owed him something, for being _kind_ enough to look past my past,” Even said bitterly, scowling at the thought. Isak had to bite his cheek to stop himself from saying something, from pointing out how emotionally manipulative that was. “The bets were no big deal at first. Just stupid shit. Trying to eat two kebabs in under twenty minutes, trying to do 10 shots in under a minute—that kind of crap. But before long, they started escalating. Trying to flirt our way out of paying for our coffee, or breaking into someone’s house to swim in their pool. I knew it was getting ridiculous, but I didn’t want to be pinned as the chicken. I wanted them to like me.”

Even sighed, picking at the skin around his nails and actively avoiding Isak’s eyes. Isak knew he was embarrassed, but he continued on anyway. “It became a running joke that I was a good flirt. Lars found it hilarious that I was pansexual, and always joked that I was just a freak with a crazy sex drive. He said that he had a real challenge for me, and at first I thought it was no big deal. He said that I had to try and woo this second year kid because he and Anders had been trying to figure out if he was gay or not.

I knew who you were, and I had a feeling you were gay—or, I hoped you were. I knew it was stupid to pull you into their shit, but I was selfish.” Even looked up then, finally, and he looked so ashamed that Isak felt his heart drop into his stomach. “I agreed to the bet because I wanted an excuse to talk to you. I… I saw you on the first day of school, in the cafeteria, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you. I wanted to talk to you, but I was scared that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me because of what happened last year.”

“Even…”

“I know. I know that was a stupid way of thinking, but I was just… I don’t even know. I thought that if I went in with the excuse of a bet, I couldn’t get hurt. I had an out if I needed it. I just. I need you to know that I regretted it immediately after that first night. You looked so scared, and unsure, and then you said you were scared of _exactly_ what I was doing. I felt like such an asshole, but I was so fucking selfish.” Even sighed, dropping his head into his hands and rubbing roughly at his eyes. “I spent that one night with you, and I just wanted more. I wanted to get to know you, I wanted the chance to actually be with you.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I was scared. I knew that if I told you, you’d want nothing more to do with me. And every day that passed, I fell even more in love with you.” Even lifted his eyes from the floor, and he looked so, so sad. “I didn’t want to lose you. Like I said, I was selfish. I was an asshole.”

Isak knew he couldn’t argue with that, even though there was a part of him that wanted to jump in and say whatever he needed to wipe the frown off Even’s face. “It wasn’t all an act, though?” he asked eventually. From how Even described the whole thing, it didn’t seem like he had been putting on an act, but Isak had to know. He needed to hear Even say it.

“No,” Even said sadly. “The only time I was myself was when I was with you, Isak.”

Isak nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I… I won’t say it’s okay, because you really fucking hurt me,” Isak said, “but maybe it can be, eventually.” Even’s head snapped up, his piercing blue eyes meeting Isak’s. He looked confused, uncertain, but maybe a little hopeful, too. “I need time to sort my shit out, wrap my head around what happened first.”

“You’re… seriously?” Even asked, sounding unsure.

Isak nodded. “I don’t think I can be with you, not like that. Not anymore. But friends?”

“Anything,” Even said quickly. “Whatever you want.”

“Give me some time,” Isak said softly, pushing himself off the couch. He took a breath to calm his nerves before giving Even a genuine smile that only grew when Even returned it. “I’ll text you, okay?”

“Okay.” Isak made it as far as the stairs off the stage before Even called his name again. He paused, turning to face him again. “Thank you.”

Isak smiled again, but didn’t say anything in return. He still felt a little weird about the whole thing. Sure, Even’s reasons made him feel a little less shitty and used, but it didn’t change the fact that he never told Isak it was all a bet. He knew that he needed to talk it over with someone before he made any concrete decisions that he could come to regret.

**Eva**

12:46

busy tonight?

Never too busy for you Issy <3

Can I come over?

Of course. Even problems?

Yeah. Sorry to keep pinning this stuff on you.

Don’t be ridiculous. I’m glad to be helpful

<3

see you after school?

Meet you in the courtyard <3

* * *

 

Eva’s mum was still gone, thankfully, so they settle in on her couch upstairs with a bottle of wine that Isak would’ve been embarrassed to enjoy a year ago and an unreasonably large tub of ice cream. “So, you talked to Even, finally?” Eva asked around her first spoonful.

Isak nodded. “Lars is, surprise, surprise, an emotionally manipulative asshole who took advantage of Even after his episode last year and basically convinced him that he was nothing without Lars, that he had no one without Lars. He agreed to all of Lars’ stupid bets because he was scared they’d abandon him or isolate him otherwise, I guess. Apparently he regretted agreeing to the bet with me after the first—I guess, date? I don’t know. The first party—but he was scared to tell me. But none of it was an act.”

“Told you.”

“But he still did it. He didn’t tell Lars that he’d changed his mind, and he didn’t tell me what was happening and I just… as much as I want to move on and try to at least be _friends_ with him because I fucking _miss_ him, I can’t just ignore that he hurt me and that I was a goddamn challenge for him to conquer. It’s pretty obvious that he thought he would be able to get away with it, and have me never find out. How am I supposed to just ignore that?”

“You’re not supposed to, Is,” Eva said softly. “Your relationship with Even is never going to be the same. What he did is _always_ going to be there, and it’s going to take a long time for you to be ready to trust him again, and that’s fine. That’s normal. You don’t have to forget what happened, you just have to decide if Even is worth trying to move past it or not.”

“I…” Isak bit his lip. Was Even worth it? His immediate answer was yes, of course he was, Even was amazing. But it was a scary thought.

“You can always change your mind, too,” Eva pointed out. “If you want to try and be friends with him, you’re not entering some sort of morbid contract. If it’s ever too much, or if he ends up being different now that he’s not trying to accomplish a goal in a set time frame, you can always put an end to it.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. You do whatever makes you happy. If that means having Even in your life, that’s great. If it ends up being too hard, that’s okay too. If Even loves you as much as he claims to, he’ll understand that.”

Isak nodded, feeling considerably more at ease about the whole thing than he had been at school. He genuinely didn’t know what he would’ve done without Eva. Not that the guys weren’t helpful, they just… they didn’t know how to handle the situation. They were too close to its centre, whereas Eva barely knew Even outside of what she saw at school and what Isak told her. “Okay. You’re right.”

“I usually am.”

Isak shoved her shoulder lightly with his foot, reaching for the ice cream and shoving a large spoonful into his mouth. It took another half a glass of wine and way too much ice cream for another issue to dawn on him. “Everyone’s going to start talking about us again.” Isak groaned. “And the guys are going to freak out.”

“Just don’t make a big deal of it,” Eva suggested, shrugging. “Start inviting him to things when you feel comfortable and tell them that you’re still figuring your shit out. If they’ve got an issue with it, they can come talk to me.”

Isak snorted out a laugh. “Got Jonas back under your thumb, then?”

“Of course I do. I know all his secrets and which buttons to press to make him listen to me.” She smirked, twirling her wine glass gently between her fingertips. “It’s crazy how easy it is to talk to him, still. Even after everything that happened, he’s like… he’s my person.”

“Your… person?”

Eva hummed. “He’s the one I know I can always depend on. I know he’ll always be there for me when I need him to be, no matter the distance and no matter how much time has passed since we’ve spoken. There are times that I feel like he knows me better than I know myself, and vice versa.”

“And that didn’t change after last year?”

“It did for a little bit,” Eva said after a moment’s thought. “But when I needed to talk to him, he was there like nothing ever happened. He’s still one of my best friends, but now he’s not my _everything_ , y’know? I don’t feel like I’ll be completely alone without him.”

“Excuse you, what about me?”

Eva laughed, nudging Isak gently with her elbow before tucking herself into his side. “You know how I was last year. Once we were together I wanted to completely isolate us from almost everyone. It wasn’t healthy.”

“Now it is, though?”

“Yeah. Now I’ve got the girls, and I’ve got you back. Jonas is slowly becoming part of my life again, but he isn’t taking over it. He’s molding to it.”

“What about all the feelings? From the actual relationship part, I mean,” Isak asked. “Don’t you still feel the urge to like… be with him like that?”

“Sometimes.” Eva grabbed Isak’s hand, lacing their fingers together gently. “There are times where I find myself leaning into his touches, or reaching to run my hand through his hair like I used to. It just became second nature when we were dating, so it’s hard to shake that instinct, but it’s not, like, awkward. We both do it, and we just kind of laugh it off.”

“So you don’t want to be with him like that again?”

“No. At least, not right now. I think we both still need some time to be our own people before we even attempt to just jump back into a relationship.”

“But in the future?”

Eva shrugged. “I dunno, maybe. Depends on whether or not the more mature us still work together or not. But if we do, it’ll be better now. I was so paranoid all the time before because of how we started dating, and it wasn’t healthy.”

Isak didn’t know how to answer that, so he didn’t. He just squeezed his hand a little tighter and Eva let the conversation go. It wasn’t long before she suggested they watch her favourite musical, _Newsies_ , because, “It just got put on Netflix, Isak, we _have_ to watch it!” He grumbled a good amount at having to watch another Broadway musical he’d never heard of that he was pretty sure he wouldn’t understand, but honestly he would watch paint dry if Eva wanted to because after everything she’d done for him, it was the least he could do.

And, hell, two hours of attractive guys dancing wasn’t the worst way he could spend an evening.

* * *

“Even,” Erik said, dragging him out of his thoughts and back to their class. “You okay, man?”

Even nodded, briefly eyeing their teacher to make sure she wasn’t paying attention before scooting closer. “Isak found me at lunch yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“He wanted to know everything,” Even said quietly. “So, I told him.”

“And?”

“He… I don’t know. I mean, he obviously wasn’t _happy_ , but he didn’t storm out or anything either. He said that we might be able to be friends.”

“Friends?” Erik asked. “Are you sure you can do friends, Ev?”

“I’ll do whatever he’s comfortable with.”

“Yeah, but if it’s going to hurt you—”

“Being friends with him isn’t going to hurt nearly as much as having to completely cut him out of my life.”

“I guess I can see your point there.”

Before Even could reply, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He glanced in the direction of their teacher again, pulling his phone out as soon as she turned to write something on the board.

**Isak**

10:59

would you like to eat lunch with me and the guys today?

Erik can come too.

We’d love to

Unless it starts raining, we’re going to eat in the courtyard today

Sounds great, we’ll meet you guys there

(:

 

Even didn’t even try to hide his smile. He just managed to catch himself before he sent a heart in return. “You willing to go to lunch with Isak and his friends today?” he asked Erik. “Unless, I dunno if you still eat with Lars and Anders…”

“I don’t. Never liked them much to start with, if I’m honest.” Erik smiled. “I’ll come to lunch with you.”

“Thanks, man.”

Erik rolled his eyes. “Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you. Lord knows his friends probably want to beat you up.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.”

“It’s chill, they seem like decently cool people. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Even really, really hoped he was right. Being friends with Isak was going to be difficult if the guys wanted to rip his head off. He knew they probably wouldn’t trust him, rightfully so, but he hoped they wouldn’t be flat-out hostile.

* * *

Isak was nervous. He had no real reason to be, it was his life and he was confident he was making the right choice by reaching out to Even, but he still was. Eva’s presence at their table was easing his anxiety a little bit, but he still found himself watching the doors to the school more than paying attention to the actual conversation.

As she’d suggested, he hadn’t told the guys that he’d invited Even to lunch. Isak just hoped that, when he did show up, they would play it cool. He didn’t want them making a big deal and drawing attention, because then the _rest_ of the damn school would start gossiping about them again. Isak had had enough gossip for the rest of his fucking life at this point.

When Even finally pushed through the doors of the school and stepped into the courtyard, Isak grabbed Eva’s hand tightly under the table. She gave it a little reassuring squeeze, and Isak forced himself to take a deep breath.

Even and Erik made it about half way to their table before Magnus noticed that they were there. “Why does it look like they’re coming this way?” he asked sceptically.

“Because they are,” Isak replied, more confidently than he felt. “They’re going to eat with us today.”

Everyone, sans Eva, turned their full attention to him, their faces a mix of shock and confusion and, if he really looked, anger. Before anyone could say anything, Even and Erik arrived. The air was tense, to say the least, as they stood in front of the table. It was clear Even didn’t know where was a safe place to sit, and Erik seemed like he might be regretting his decision to join the fuckfest that was, as Magnus so put it, _Evak_ drama.

After a tense moment, Eva scooted over, pushing Isak flush against Jonas’ side, and patted the bench next to her. Isak could see the tension flood from Even’s shoulders as he settled next to her, Erik taking the spot across from him next to Mahdi.

Still, no one said anything. Isak knew that, since he was the one to invite them, _he_ should probably be the one to get them through this awkwardness, but he was frozen. Terrified. Thankfully, Eva swept in again to save his ass. She was a fucking angel.

“Are you guys all coming to my party this weekend?”

“You’re hosting a party?” Isak asked. He’d spent a lot of time with Eva since everything happened, and she hadn’t mentioned any party.

“Yeah. Or, I was thinking about it.” She shrugged. “I was thinking of keeping it small—just the girls, and you guys if you’re interested?”

“You’re including those two in your invitation?” Jonas asked, tilting his chin towards Even and Erik.

“Yes.”

Jonas looked to Isak, like he was waiting for him to freak out or break or… Isak wasn’t sure. He was really starting to feel some whiplash when it came to Jonas. One minute he was all for Isak reaching out and finding out Even’s side of the story, and the next he was back to overprotective best friend.

“I think it’s a good idea,” he said finally. “I’d love to come.”

Slowly, the guys all agreed that they’d be interested in a party, albeit reluctantly. Even Erik agreed, if he was welcome (which Eva assured him he was). Only Even looked apprehensive still, glancing around the table and not saying anything. He hadn’t said anything since he sat down.

“Will you come?” Isak asked quietly. Not that it made a difference, as the whole table seemed to be dead silent as they watched the exchange.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to see what my plans look like on Friday,” Even said with a shrug, staring down at his barely touched lunch. “Thanks for the invite, though.”

Eva smiled, patting his arm lightly and quickly pushing the conversation towards lighter topics, and far away from Even, who looked so… different than what Isak was used to. Isak frowned. He hated that Even seemed like he was walking on eggshells, trending lightly as if he had to earn his right to even see Isak anymore. He knew where it was coming from, sure, but he hated it. Isak just wanted them to move past everything, to at least _try_ this whole ‘friends’ thing. He didn’t want to lose Even, not completely.

**Even**

12:23

I’m sorry about the guys.

I should’ve told them I invited you, but I didn’t want it to be a big deal.

If you don’t have plans though, I’d really love to see you at Eva’s

 

Isak watched as Even reached for his phone, relief flooding over him when a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he read Isak’s messages. They could make this work. Things would get easier. They just had to get past the awkwardness first.

**Even**

If you want me there, I’ll be there

I definitely want you there (:

I’m serious about being friends, ev.

 

Even lifted his gaze from his phone to meet Isak’s eyes, nodding with a smile and mouthing a silent _thank you_. When he finally started tentatively participating in the conversation, Isak relaxed a little more. He would talk to the guys, tell them to stop being hostile assholes. It would be okay.

* * *

“You guys need to lay off Even,” Isak said as they headed towards the skate park.

“Lay off him?” Jonas asked, scoffing. “A week ago you were pissed at us for even suggesting that he wasn’t a piece of shit.”

“Yeah, well, a week ago I was still trying to process what the hell happened. I needed time to figure out whether or not I was willing to try and trust him again.”

“And you do now, just like that?” Magnus asked.

“No. Or, I don’t know. It’s not like I’m jumping back into his arms or anything, fuck. I’m giving him a chance to prove that he’s not a piece of shit,” Isak explained. “As a _friend_.”

“A friend,” Jonas deadpanned.

“Yes, Jonas, a friend.” Isak sighed. “Look, I was the one to reach out to him. He didn’t force himself on me or anything. I wanted to listen to his side, and he told me. Now I’ve decided that I still want to at least try having him in my life. I’m not doing this for anyone but myself, okay?”

Jonas nodded slowly. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know, and I get that, but I’m okay. If it turns out that we don’t work as friends, then we don’t work as friends. Even knows that I’m not promising anything. He knows that this is just a trial.”

“And he’s okay with it?”

Isak nodded. “He said he’s okay with whatever makes me comfortable.”

“For now,” Mahdi said, scoffing. “What about two weeks from now, when he thinks you’ve forgiven him and he wants more?”

“Even’s not like that,” Isak argued, albeit weakly. If he was honest, that was something that he worried about late at night when he couldn’t sleep, but he wanted to believe that Even would never do that. If Even was anything like he was when they were together, he would never do that.

“You don’t know that,” Mahdi replied. “The only Even you know is the one who was using you for a bet.”

“Mahdi,” Jonas warned quietly, grabbing his elbow. “Just drop it, man.”

Mahdi shrugged him off, tugging on the straps of his backpack. “Whatever. Do what you want.”

Isak watched as he walked away from them, feeling more than a little shell-shocked. Mahdi had never been overly invested in what was going on. He had been just as shocked as the other guys, and he was there for Isak as much as they were, but it was never this hostile. Isak couldn’t understand what he’d done to hit a nerve in Mahdi.

“He’s just worried about you, Is,” Jonas assured, patting his shoulder lightly. “He doesn’t want to see you get hurt again, either.”

“I know, but I wish you guys would trust me on this. I know what I’m doing.”

“We do,” Jonas said. “It’s just him that we’re not so sure we can trust.”

“You don’t know the whole story. I promise I gave this plenty of thought. It wasn’t just a random decision.”

“I know.” Jonas smiled. “As long as you’re happy, Even is welcome. I’ll talk to Mahdi.”

“Thanks.”

Isak decided not to join them at the skate park, figuring Mahdi could use some time to cool off before Jonas tried to talk to him. Out of everyone, Isak hadn’t really expected Mahdi to be the one to take it the worst. He thought Jonas, for sure, but they hadn’t even _known_ Mahdi and Magnus that long. Still, in a twisted way it made Isak kind of… happy. Just to know that he had such a solid group of friends who were actually worried about his well-being. It was strangely comforting.

But Isak really hoped that Mahdi was wrong. As much as he was trying to trust Even, and as sincere as Even sounded when they talked, that fear that it was just more lies was always there, just under his skin. Isak knew that he didn’t have to trust Even completely right away. After what happened, he had every right to be cautious. He just hoped his fears would never be justified.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, new playlist! Find it on [8tracks](https://8tracks.com/castielsgrace/a-million-mistakes),[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/225cziwxmfvkcs4c32c2e65hq/playlist/0bi5q6azcJcw93N2jO37FR), and Apple Music. Sorry I was a little late! 
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round <3

Even slowly started becoming part of Isak’s life again. They spent most lunches together, as they had been before everything went down, and over the course of the week, Isak could see that Even was getting more comfortable around the guys, and around Isak himself. He was glad that some of the awkward tension was leaving, and even more glad to actually see Even smiling again.

By the time Eva’s party rolled around on Friday, Isak was feeling a lot better about the whole situation. He even invited Even to come over for a pregame, just the two of them. It was the first time they were going to be alone together since their talk, and instead of nervous Isak found himself feeling excited. It helped knowing that Linn and Eskild were both going to be home, in case he needed an out.

Even showed up exactly on time at 19.00, and when Isak opened the door to the flat he was met with a huge _Even_ smile—one that was so big that his blue eyes were barely visible. “Hey,” he said, jumping a little on the balls of his feet. Even lifted one of his hands to show Isak a white grocery bag. “I brought beer.”

“Nice, thanks,” Isak said, stepping aside to let Even through. He took the bag from Even, moving to the kitchen to put the cans in the fridge while Even took off his shoes. Isak grabbed two cold beers from his own dwindling stock, and headed to the living room, where Even was already sprawled on a couch. Isak handed him one of the beers with a smile before plopping down on the other couch.

“Ready for Eva’s party?” Even asked.

Isak chuckled. “I’m ready to see if she’s actually kept it small. Eva’s parties tend to get out of hand real quick.”

“So I’ve been told. Didn’t the cops get called last time?”

“Fuck, yeah!” Isak laughed at the memory, having almost forgotten. He’d been riding a nice buzz that night and had barely noticed when everyone started getting shoed outside. “If Jonas hadn’t been there, they would’ve found me high as fuck in her bathtub.”

“Jesus, really?” Even laughed too, and the sound made Isak’s heart flip happily in his chest. Even had been laughing a lot more since he started coming to lunch, but Isak could never really get enough of the sound. Especially when he was the one to cause it. “You must’ve been pretty out of it.”

“Yeah, I was. Weed was not my friend back then, I had no grasp on moderation.”

“But you’ve grown out of that now, yeah?” Even teased. “Mr. Mature and Grown Up.”

Isak scoffed. “Ex _cuse_ you. I think compared to then I am definitely more mature and grown up.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! I mean, I actually have a plan for university, I am no longer hiding my sexuality, and I even occasionally clean my room now.”

Even quirked his eyebrows, feigning shock but failing miserably as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “That’s quite an improvement.”

“Damn right it is.”

“Teach me your ways, oh Great One.”

Isak rolled his eyes and reached over to smack Even’s shoulder lightly. “You’re such a dick.”

“You are what you eat.”

All Isak’s witty replies caught in his throat as he stared at Even, trying to process what the _fuck_ he’d just said. After a moment’s silence, they both burst into laughter. It was such a stupid comment, and it definitely wasn’t that funny, but Isak just… he couldn’t stop laughing. There were tears in his eyes, and he had to clutch his stomach as the muscles started to ache.

“I can’t believe you said that,” he said as soon as he’d caught his breath, “holy shit.”

“Me either. I don’t know where the hell that came from,” Even said. “You bring out the weird in me, Isak Valtersen.”

Isak rolled his eyes again, but he felt such fondness for Even that he couldn’t stop the smile that followed. “Dork.”

Even shrugged, and took a long swig of his beer.

“Want another?” Isak asked.

Even shook his head. “I’m not really drinking tonight.”

“Why not? Afraid that you’ll end up in the bathtub this time?” Isak teased.

“It uh… it messes with my meds. We had to adjust them after my last episode, so it isn’t really good to push my luck with alcohol right now.”

“Oh,” Isak said, the smile falling from his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Even insisted, leaning forward and flashing his own smile at Isak. It looked genuine, but Isak still worried that Even just didn’t want to, like, bring down the mood or something. “Seriously, love, I’m fine.”

Isak froze, trying not to look visibly affected by the pet name despite the fact that his heart clenched painfully in his chest. He knew he face betrayed him when Even cursed under his breath and leaned away—or maybe they just knew each other too well.

“It’s okay,” Isak forced himself to say, but the croak in his voice implied the opposite. This was going to happen sometimes, Isak _knew_ that. For almost the entire time they’ve known each other, their relationship had been fueled by pet names, heated looks, and near-constant touching. The more Isak looked back on it, the more surprised he was they ever managed to get away with people _not_ thinking they were dating.

They were bound to slip up, slip back into the way things were, sooner or later. It’d caught Isak off guard, sure, having to hear the familiar pet name fall from Even’s lips without being able to kiss him afterwards, but it wasn’t weird. “It’s seriously fine, Ev,” he said again, hopefully more convincingly this time. “It happens. It just caught me off guard.”

“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Even said, an unspoken _or fuck this up_ shadowing the words.

“You didn’t,” Isak assured him. “It’s honestly fine.”

“Okay,” Even said. They fell into an awkward silence that was a little too tensed—too charged—for Isak’s liking. He almost wished he would’ve been the one to slip up first. Even would never make him feel bad, or awkward about it. They would’ve been able to move on relatively quickly, with minimal awkwardness.

Even, though… Even probably felt like letting something like that slip would make Isak uncomfortable, would strain their friendship. Isak hated that he felt the need to be so cautious. He understood _why_ , but he didn’t want Even tiptoeing around him, either.

Isak sighed eventually, turning to more fully face Even. “I don’t like this.”

“Don’t like what?”

“This awkwardness. I don’t like it,” Isak said, knowing that the words sounded a little childish.

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault,” Isak interrupted. “Just… I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got to be careful around me. I’m not going to snap because you let a pet name slip, Ev. I can handle it.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“No awkwardness, okay?” Isak asked. “Let’s just take this day by day and not worry about making each other uncomfortable. It’s bound to happen once in a while, so let’s just accept it.”

Even smiled, and this time it felt more genuine. “Okay.”

“Is Erik still coming tonight?”

“Yeah, he’s going to meet us there.”

“What does he think of this?” Isak asked, gesturing between them.

Even shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “He’s a little unsure about it.”

“Yeah?”

“I think it’s mostly just because we’ve both seen what Lars can do when he doesn’t _win_ ,” Even said. “We’re both a little worried that if he finds out we’re friends he’ll try and do something to fuck it up. It’s obvious his goal all along was to hurt us both, so you giving me a chance like this probably isn’t going to sit well with him.”

“I don’t understand why he picked me,” Isak blurted, not really thinking. He wanted to take the words back, to pretend that it wasn’t something that bugged him and everything was fine, but he couldn’t. The words were out there, and Even was looking at him sadly. “What did I ever do to him to deserve what he did?”

“You mean what I did,” Even pointed out. Isak hated that he was still taking full responsibility.

“No,” he said firmly. “It wasn’t just you, Even. He thought it up, he suggested it to you, _he_ manipulated you. You may’ve been the one to actually do it, but he was the driving force behind it. Stop putting the whole thing on you.”

“Sorry,” Even muttered, ducking his head. “I just… if I was a stronger person, if my brain wasn’t fucked, none of this would’ve happened. You could’ve continued to live your life blissfully unaware of my existence.”

Isak frowned. “I wish that the bet wouldn’t have happened, but I don’t regret meeting you. Being with you.”

“You should,” Even said quietly, his eyes trained on the floor.

“Well, I don’t,” Isak argued. “The ending sucked, but everything before that? You helped me realize that it was okay to be who I am. You helped me find the courage to pursue my dreams. You helped me feel comfortable with my sexuality, helped me get over my fear of what people will think. You made me feel _loved_ , Even. I don’t care how things ended, I am so incredibly glad to have met you.”

“I…” Even smiled sadly. “I still wish I could’ve been better.”

Isak wanted to argue more, but he also knew how fucking hard on himself Even was. If he had it in his mind that he wasn’t good enough, there was only so much Isak could do to try and convince him otherwise. Getting into an argument about it wasn’t going to change his mind, if anything it’d just cause more tension and make things strained between them. He told Even how he felt, and how much he meant to him. Isak had to accept that that was good enough, at least for now.

“I’m sorry,” Even said after a while. “I don’t mean to keep bringing the mood down like this.”

“It’s okay,” Isak said. “I’d rather we talk about this stuff rather than just letting it sit and simmer in our heads eating us up.”

Even smiled. “Smart and logical, as always.”

“One of us has to be.”

“Ouch!” he said, slapping a hand to his heart like he’d been wounded. “Harsh.”

Isak shrugged, unable to keep the smile off his face now that Even’s was back. If he thought about it, Isak was still a little shocked at how easily they’d been able to just… return to being comfortable like this. How easy it was to just let Even back into his life. Even with awkward moments, and Even’s insecurity when it came to their relationship, it just felt _right_ having him there.

“We should probably get going,” Even said, pulling Isak from his thoughts. “The party’s supposed to start in ten minutes.”

“Shit, really?” Isak asked, pulling his phone out to check the time. 20:10. How the fuck had a whole hour passed already?

“Well, guess we’re going to be late,” he said.

“I doubt Eva will mind.”

Isak huffed out a laugh as he stood. “If she notices. The party could still end up being huge.”

“True that.”

* * *

 

Isak tried not to let the shock show on his face when they turned up at Eva’s house to find that it was genuinely a small, friendly party. No random strangers, or booming music. No one already drunk and puking in the bathroom. Just people Isak was familiar with, friends with, sitting around and talking about one thing or another. Some people were holding beer, others, like Sana, were sipping on water or pop. It was chill, and Isak felt a wave of relief flow through him.

“I’m going to go find Erik,” Even said as soon as they’d both toed off their shoes. “Need to make sure he’s not trying to flirt with any of your friends.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “As if they’d mind.”

Even winked, and Isak smiled as he watched him walk farther into the house. He scanned the room quickly before deciding to head in Sana’s direction.

“Hi Sanasol,” he said, plopping down next to her. Sana rolled her eyes, but there was a fondness there that counteracted the action.

“Hi Isabell,” she teased back. “I noticed that you came in with Even.”

Isak nodded. “I did.”

“You’re okay?”

Isak smiled. “I’m okay. We’re giving the whole ‘friends’ thing a try.”

“How’s that going?”

“Okay, I think. It was kind of weird at first, and it’s still awkward sometimes, but it’s just a matter of getting used to it.”

“Eva won’t stop talking about how proud she is of you,” she said. Which was about as close as Isak was going to get to approval from Sana. It warmed his heart a little.

“Well, she was the one to help me figure all my shit out, so she should be proud of herself.” Isak glanced around the room, his eyes finding their way to Even easily. He was standing at the kitchen counter with Erik and Vilde, his head thrown back as he laughed. Isak couldn’t ignore the flutter of butterflies in his stomach. “I just hope it was the right decision.”

“You’re worried it’s not?”

“No, or… I don’t know. I missed him, but I still can’t just completely forget everything that happened. Not just the bet, but everything _before_ that.”

Sana nodded. “That makes sense. With a history like yours, it’s hard to just move on.”

“I want to make it work, though. I don’t want to completely lose him.”

“Do you trust him?”

Isak was a little taken aback. It was a valid question, after everything that happened, but still. It was always weird trying to sort out his answer to it. Eventually he settled on, “I’m starting to. It’s not like I can just flick a switch, but I’m getting there. He’s given me no reason _not_ to trust him.”

“Do you want him back?”

Again, Isak faltered. “No,” he said eventually. “I don’t think so, anyway. I just… how could I ever open myself up to him like that again?”

“I’d be careful proceeding, then.”

Isak quirked an eyebrow. “You think he’s got an agenda?”

“No,” Sana said. “I think it’s going to be hard for _both_ of you, Isak. If you really don’t want to be with him like that again, you’re going to need to be careful about how you proceed.”

Isak thought back to the pregame, to Even’s slip-up and how it felt to hear the pet name again. “Yeah. Yeah, it will be. But I’m not ready to lose him, not completely.”

“It’s possible. It’ll just be difficult.”

“Yeah,” Isak sighed. “I know.”

* * *

 

As the night progressed, things got more and more chaotic. They party may’ve been small, but Eva, and the rest of the girls, weren’t going particularly easy on the alcohol. Which meant that it only took them so long to convince the guys, including Erik much to Isak’s surprise, to get just as drunk along with them. Isak could tell that Even was still taking it easy, possibly even on his first beer, and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

For a while, Isak tried to stay somewhat sober, too.

Peer pressure had never really been his friend, though. Add onto that the fact that he was actually kind of a lightweight—not that he’d ever admit that, thank you very much—and it didn’t take long for Isak to be right there with them, possibly even worse off than they were.

Somehow he ended up back in Eva’s tub smoking weed with the guys just like the last time they were all at Eva’s. At least this time the cops probably wouldn’t show up. Isak knew that he was probably pretty out of it, and he _knew_ that usually didn’t usually go well for him, but he was long past the point of caring. He was comfortable, a dead weight against Jonas’ side, and happier than he’d felt in a while. He’d take it. Even if it was fake happiness.

“I just, he has such a nice face,” Isak said. He could hear himself speaking, and he could sort of comprehend that what he was saying was going to come back and bite him in the ass, but he felt like he was watching the whole thing outside his body. He was speaking, but he wasn’t consciously chosing the words. “I don’t want to like him anymore ‘cause, ‘cause his kind of a jerk? But he’s also _not_ , y’know?”

He felt Jonas sigh, his head rising and fall with the movement of his best friend’s shoulder. “You’re drunk, Is.”

Isak hummed. He managed to keep his mouth shut for a whopping fourteen seconds. “It’s not my fault. I’m gay. I don’t have a lot of options. He’s pretty and he still wants to kiss me, why am I not taking advantage of that?”

“Isak, please,” Mahdi said, his voice strained. “We don’t wanna hear this.”

“Shut up. You’re my best friends. If I can listen to you go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and…” Isak paused, frowning as he tried to remember his train of thought. Something about girls, he thought. Maybe. _Fuck_ he was drunk. “You talk about girls all the time,” he ended up slurring. “You can deal with me talking about boys once in a blue moon.”

“You’re not talking about boys, though,” Mags argued. “You’re talking about Even.”

“Even is a boy. He also has really soft lips. Oh, and hair. The softest hair.”

“You’re going to regret saying all of this tomorrow,” Jonas said. “If you remember it, anyway.”

“You’re supposed to help me with thus stuff, Jonas,” he argued, drawing out the ‘a’ in his name. “You’re supposed to be supportive.”

“You want me to be supportive of you talking about how much you still want to bang your ex-boyfriend?” he asked. “Seriously, Issy, think that one through.”

Isak pouted. “You guys like him though.”

“Dude, you’re the one who bit our heads off if we even mentioned his name for like a solid two weeks,” Magnus said. “All this back and forth is giving me a major headache.”

“I was _hurting_ ,” Isak argued childishly. “Excuse me if my emotions were all over the place, my entire world got turned on its head!”

“I think that’s a little dramatic, Issy,” Jonas said softly, patting the top of his head. Isak swatted his hand away and crossed his arms stubbornly across his chest. “I’m not saying what happened wasn’t a big deal, it just… in the end it was just more high school drama.”

“You guys are mean, so mean,” Isak whined. “I miss Eva. Jonas, go get me Eva. Or Even. Actually, go find Even and tell him I want to smush his face.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Fine.” Isak pushed himself off Jonas, gripping the edge of the tub tightly so he could try to pull himself forward. It took him longer than it should have to untangle himself from whatever bizarre slouched position he had been in. “I’ll go do it myself.”

Jonas looked like he was about to argue, so Isak pushed himself up until he was standing. Which was a decision he regretted almost immediately when the entire room tilted to the left. If it weren’t for the fact that Jonas wasn’t nearly as gone as the rest of them, Isak could’ve easily ended up falling and smacking his head on the porcelain of the tub.

Instead he ended up with his head in Jonas’ lap, groaning as the room continued to spin even with his eyes closed. “Please don’t fucking puke,” Jonas begged. “Mags, can you go get Eva or something. We’ve gotta get him home before he does something stupid.”

Isak wanted to protest. He didn’t _want_ to go home, he was having a perfectly nice time. But he also couldn’t really bring himself to say that. Or move. He was sure that it was a little awkward for Jonas to have a literal lapful of his best friend, but Isak was long past caring. He was comfortable.

He had no idea how long Magnus was gone, but Isak was pretty sure that he fell asleep. Because one minute he was listening to Mahdi complaining about how much of a lightweight he was, and the next a very familiar voice was gently saying his name, and warm fingers were pushing his sweat-damp hair off his forehead.

“Evvy?” he asked softly, blinking his eyes open and finding Even’s blue ones staring right back at him. Isak smiled and tried to clamber up from Jonas lap and to Even, which mostly resulted in him toppling in the _other_ direction. Once again, if it weren’t for Jonas’ hands on his waist, his head probably would’ve collided with the tub.

“I can take him home,” Isak heard Even say. If his head wasn’t pounding so much, he probably would’ve cheered.

“You sure?” Jonas asked.

“Yeah. I was going to leave anyway.” Isak wanted to ask why—wanted to ask if he wasn’t having fun, and _why_ , because Even deserved to have fun. He had to be happy. But his mouth was not doing what he wanted it to, and what _did_ come out ended up being more like incomprehensible groaning.

“C’mon, Isak. Let’s get you home,” Even said, leaning down to grab him under his arms. He felt a bit like a child, being lifted like that, but Even’s fingers made his skin burn in the best way so he didn’t complain. Once he was standing, Even moved so he had an arm around Isak’s waist so he could help him step over the rim of the tub.

Isak blinked down at it. Had it always been that high? There was no way he was going to make it over that without falling. “Nuh-uh,” he said, shaking his head. “I think I’m good here actually.”

“Trust me, you do not want to spend a night in a bathtub. It’s not comfortable. Like, at all.”

Isak pouted, jutting his bottom lip out and blinking through his lashes at Even. Who didn’t seem to even blink, the _fuck_? Isak decided he maybe didn’t like him as much as he thought. Slowly, Even tugged him towards the edge of the bath and, with great effort on both their parts, Isak managed to get out of it without falling on his ass.

“Tired,” he said once both his feet were firmly on the ground again. He felt like a wave of exhaustion had just crashed down on him, all his energy drained just from trying to move one foot. Isak yawned, and then smushed his face directly into Even’s neck.

“Let’s get you home,” Even said, with a fondness in his voice that Isak couldn’t help but melt at, just a little bit. He nodded slowly, and threw an arm up in a sort-of wave in place of a goodbye to the guys. He knew he was probably nothing but dead weight to Even as they slowly made their way through the party, but Isak couldn’t bring himself to put any effort into actually _moving_ or trying to support himself. It was so much nicer to just lean on Even. He was warm.

When they finally made it outside, Isak shivered against the cold air, burrowing farther into Even’s side. He missed the warmth of the party. Normally, he’d be happy for the cold. Normally, it’d sober him up a bit. Now, though, it just seemed to make him aware of how dizzy he was.

“I missed you,” Isak mumbled as they walked, practically hanging off Even. “You’re so warm. I wanna cuddle you all the time.”

Even chuckled. “You’re pretty drunk, huh?”

“No.” Isak hiccupped. “Maybe.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get drunk tonight.”

Isak shrugged. “It feels good. M’happy.”

“Okay.”

“I wasn’t gonna, ‘cause I didn’t want you to be the only one that wasn’t drinking but then Eva showed up and how could I ever say no to Eva, right? But then it just like… no one wanted to stop. And then Mahdi pulled out his weed and, dude. Mahdi gets the best weed. How could I not do _that_? Plus it’s been like ages since I’ve done that with the guys, because I’ve been kind of like. In my own world, y’know?

“I just. I wanted to feel like back to normal for a night? Back to how things were way before when I didn’t know who you or Lars were.” Isak paused, forcing Even to stop walking, too. He stared up at him with wide eyes. “I mean, I’m glad I met you. But not Lars. Lars was a dick. And I mean, you kind of were too? I wish I met you literally any other way because now all I wanna do is kiss your stupid face but I _can’t_ and that’s just not fair.”

“Isak,” Even said quietly, “you’re rambling.”

“I do that when I’m drunk, I think. That’s what Eva says.”

“I just don’t want you regretting telling me this stuff.”

“I won’t. Why would I?” Isak laughed. “You know more about me than like… Jonas does. I think. I told you a lot of secrets.”

Even sighed. A big, sad sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s fine. It’s totally chill, because you’re not actually like a real shitty person. You were just…a shitty person by circumstance.”

Isak knew that he was probably making things worse, but the words were not coming out the way he wanted them to. Thankfully, he could see his flat not too far away. They walked in silence, Isak struggling a little to keep his eyes open. Even with the cold air hitting his cheeks, the warmth that was radiating off Even was soothing. Familiar. Comfortable.

When they finally reached the door to his building, Even asked him for his keys. Isak handed them over with a soft smile and leaned against the cold wall so Even could have both his hands back to unlock the door. As soon as he pushed it open, Isak stumbled inside with very little grace. But he didn’t fall. That was the _important_ thing.

The stairs to his flat were a whole new battle. Isak stared them down with a determined frown. He could do this. He was, like, _practically_ an adult. He was the master of stairs.

Isak took a slightly wobbly step forward, and then started his climb. He gripped the hand railing in a white-knuckled grip, putting way too much focus and energy into getting each foot from one step to the next. He knew Even was behind him, ready to catch him if he were to fall, but Isak was determined to prove that he could at least accomplish _this_ basic human task.

When he finally made it to their floor, he could’ve cheered. The room was still slightly tilty and he just really wanted to lie down right there and go to sleep until his head stopped spinning. Thankfully, Even was right there with a hand on his waist to guide him forward and to the door to his flat. Isak leaned against the wall and watched him open the door again, but this time he reached for Even when it was time to move again.

They made it to his bedroom eventually, and Isak fell face-first onto his bed. He toed off his shoes, uncaring to where they landed, and then reached down to push his pants down his legs, kicking and flailing until he heard the material hit the floor.

“You should probably sleep on your side,” Even said quietly. Isak startled at his voice. He’d almost expected Even to just leave once he’d successfully delivered Isak to the flat, but there he was. Being all courteous and kind as always. Isak heaved himself over and onto his side, using the new position to blink blearily up at Even.

Isak watched as he came over to the bed, tugging the blanket out from under Isak with some struggle before pulling it up and over his shoulders. Before Even could leave, Isak reached for his hand. “Stay?” he asked quietly.

“Isak…”

“Please, I don’t wanna be alone.”

Even sighed. Isak could almost see the internal struggle he had going on. Finally, with a sigh, Even nodded. “Okay,” he said, and Isak flashed him a huge smile. “But only until you fall asleep, okay?”

Isak nodded quickly, shimmying backwards to make room for Even next to him. Part of him knew that he really shouldn’t be doing this, that it was something that he’d probably regret in the morning, but as soon as Even slipped into bed next to him, all those worries faded away.

Isak wasted no time in tucking himself into Even’s side, throwing an arm over his middle and nuzzling into his shoulder. “Thanks for walking me home,” he mumbled sleepily.

The last thing that Isak heard before he fell asleep—at least he _thought_ he heard it, but it very well could’ve been a figment of his imagination—was Even’s whispered, “I’d do anything for you.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I missed last week! I'm in my last 4 weeks of classes right now, so all my major assignments and papers and portfolios are all kind of piling up right now lol.
> 
> I tried making up for it with an extra-long chapter this week! Unfortunately, I may only be able to upload once every two weeks until the end of this semester, depending on how much time I have to write, but I will do my best to stick to my weekly uploads. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through all this ❤️
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round.

Isak woke up with a splitting headache, a nasty bout of nausea, and an empty bed. He tried to ignore the pounding in his head as he rushed to the bathroom, nearly knocking Eskild over as he went. After the contents of his stomach had been flushed away, he slumped back against the wall, his head hitting it with a soft _thump_.

“You okay, Isak?” Eskild asked quietly, tapping his knuckles gently on the bathroom door.

Isak groaned. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Can I come in?” Isak grumbled out a response that sounded vaguely like a yes, so Eskild pushed the door open and stepped inside. “Geez, you look like crap.”

“I promise, I feel worse.”

“What happened last night?”

Isak shrugged. “I got a little drunk.”

“A little?”

“Okay, fine. A lot drunk.” He sighed heavily, wiping tiredly at his eyes. When Eskild handed him an Advil and a glass of water, Isak almost hugged him. “I feel like death.”

“Even was pretty worried when he left last night.”

Isak’s head snapped up, the sudden motion causing a surge of nausea. Isak paused, trying to figure out if he had to vomit again or not. When he was certain that what was left in his stomach was going to stay there, he finally asked, “Even was here?”

“Yeah, he walked you home last night. Do you not remember?”

“No,” Isak said, swallowing around the growing lump in his throat, “I don’t.”

“Oh, well, he did say you were pretty out of it.”

Isak groaned. “Fuck. _Fuck!_ I don’t even want to know what shit came out of my mouth last night.”

“I’m sure it’s fine. Drunk people can’t be held responsible for any embarrassing or stupid shit they say. Everyone knows that.”

“Yeah, but everyone _also_ knows that the shit you say when you’re drunk is usually blatantly honest,” he pointed out. “What if I made him uncomfortable? What if he hates me now?”

Isak knew he was being overdramatic. He could see the fond look in Eskild’s eyes at the ridiculousness of his worry, but he was too hungover to particularly care. He had _no_ idea what he’d said the night before, but he had a feeling that it was terribly embarrassing and incriminating. Jonas had always called him a clingy drunk. Being a clingy drunk around an ex generally didn’t turn out well.

“He didn’t seem to hate you when he left. He seemed a little worried you were gonna, like, vomit in your sleep, but it was more fond than spiteful.” Eskild patted his head gently. “I’m sure Even’s said his fair share of stupid shit while drunk, too.”

Isak sighed. “I know. But we’re trying to be friends, and I don’t want to ruin that by saying stupid shit.”

“I doubt you ruined it. Even cares about you too much for silly drunk comments to ruin your relationship. Just talk to him, maybe?”

“Yeah, I know. I will.”

Eskild nodded, patting him gently on the top of the head. “Drink that water, and try and eat something. Then text him.”

“Okay.” Isak watched as Eskild stood to leave, quickly tacking on a, “thanks, Eskild.”

“Anytime, baby gay,” he said with a smile. “It’s what I’m here for, as your guru.”

Isak couldn’t even bring himself to roll his eyes.

* * *

 

**Even**

12:34

thank you for walking me home yesterday

you actually remember that?

It’s coming back to me, slowly.

So is all the embarrassing shit I said

I’m so sorry

It’s fine, Isak

You were pretty far gone lol

I’m sorry for that too

I didn’t mean to completely abandon you like that

I want you to feel like you’re welcome in our group

And when you told me that you weren’t drinking I should’ve been there with you

Stop apologizing, Isak.

It’s honestly fine. I didn’t expect you to stay sober

And I had a good time

Really?

Yeah. I got to talk to Sana for a while

She’s really nice, and hilarious

Told me all about your biology escapades :P

Oh god

Don’t listen to anything she says

She hates my guts

She does not. In fact, I’d go as far as to say you’re one of her favourites.

I think you met a different Sana

I mean, don’t get me wrong

She thinks you’re annoying af and a bit of a brat

But she also respects you and cares about you

Damn. You’re making me want to give her a hug

Except I’m pretty sure she’d punch me

You guys have a very interesting relationship

Are you scared of her?

What? No??

That’s ridiculous.

She’s pretty intimidating, I’ll give you that

I’m not scared of her

wow

memes

how predictable

ouch

you wound me, Isak

honestly. I walk you home, make sure you aren’t going to choke on your own vomit

let you flirt with me for hours

and what do I get in return?

Insults and slander

You’re so dramatic

And I didn’t flirt with you for HOURS

It sure felt like it

Wow, fuck you?

Like, might I remind you that you once lived for my flirting

It’s hard to appreciate flirting when the person is almost falling over with every step

I was too busy worrying about you face-planting the concrete to pay attention to your drunken ramblings

Ugh

Was I that bad?

Yes

Rude

But sorry

It’s okay. When I did pay attention it was kind of cute

Bullshit

No, really! You’re actually a pretty adorable drunk.

Clingy, and you lose your brain-to-mouth filter

But adorable.

do you wanna meet up for coffee or something?

My head is still pounding, I need caffeine.

My parents are actually coming home tonight so I can’t

Oh, okay. Yeah, no problem! Great that you can see your family!

Yeah, I’m excited.

But rain check on the coffee?

Of course

Cool.

I gotta go, but I’ll text you later?

Okay

Have fun with your parents

I will

Bye Isak

Bye Even

* * *

Even was nervous. He hadn’t seen his parents since his episode, and he knew that they knew that something happened. He knew that they were worried. He hated worrying them, and he didn’t really want to go into everything that happened, even if he knew he should. His parents would be able to help him sort out his feelings, both about what happened, and the ones that still lingered every time he so much as thought about Isak.

Even knew they would be able to help, but he really didn’t want to tell them what he’d done. He didn’t want to see the disappointed looks in their eyes, or face their shock and horror at finding out their son used someone else to win a bet—even if his intentions weren’t necessarily malicious.

He only got to see them once or twice a month, and Even didn’t want to taint their visit by bringing all his shit up, but he needed to. He needed their advice, and he needed someone to hold him and tell him it would all be okay.

Not that that need lessened his anxiety any as he impatiently watched the time tick by until their arrival.

When Even finally heard the sounds of the lock being opened on the door, his heart jumped in his chest. He took a deep breath, rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans, and desperately tried to mask his worry with a neutral, happy expression. Before he could so much as get a hello out, his mum wrapped him in a tight, air constricting hug.

“I missed you so much,” she said, pulling back and reaching up to brush Even’s hair off his forehead, her blue eyes watery. “You had me so worried, Evvy. You should’ve told us what was happening.”

“I know,” Even said softly. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to come home. I was okay, really. Erik helped a lot.”

“Good. But next time, _tell us_ ,” she said firmly. “It’s okay for us to come home if you need us, baby. Our employers will understand.”

Even nodded, and let her pull him in for a hug again. Once she let go, Even’s father stepped forward and hugged him too, letting out a gruff, “Missed you, son.”

“Missed you, too,” Even said quietly. “Both of you.”

“Is everything okay?” his mum asked.

For a moment, Even thought about lying. He thought about just pretending nothing happened. But he couldn’t. He _needed_ them, even as his stomach twisted itself into knots. He shook his head. “I screwed up, mum,” he said weakly. “I screwed up bad.”

“Oh, honey.” She sighed, and pulled him to the couch, wrapping her arms over his shoulders as they sat down, Even’s dad on the armchair across from them. “What happened?”

Even took a deep, steadying breath, and then he told them. He told them everything, avoiding their eyes as he explained the bets that Lars started giving, how he felt like he had to do them. When it came to Isak, Even faltered slightly. He clenched his hands into tight fists and told them that he agreed to Lars’ stupid bet to get Isak to come out. Then, he told them how hard and fast he fell for Isak.

Even told them about Isak’s love for the Bergen aquarium, and their trip there. He told them about the school that he wanted so badly to attend, and how amazing and kind Isak was, if not a little grumpy. Even explained that he was scared to tell Isak, because the more he got to know him, the more he wanted to be with him.

Then, he told them about the day Isak found out, and the weeks that followed where Isak looked at him like he was the worst person in the world. He even told them about the fight with Erik, and how Isak eventually reached out and offered an attempt at friendship.

He didn’t tell them about his text to Isak, or just how dark his thoughts had gotten. He couldn’t bring himself to do that to them.

“I just…” Even sighed. “He was the most amazing person, mum. You would’ve loved him. And I ruined it. I lost him.”

“You made a mistake,” his mum agreed, “but from the sounds of things, Isak is already trying to move past it. He seems to understand.”

“You’re not disappointed in me?” he asked doubtfully. “I _used_ him. What I did was horrible.”

“It was,” she agreed. “And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked that you did it, but I also know you, sweetheart. I know how your brain works, and know that you didn’t do it with any sort of malicious intent. It was stupid, but from what you’ve told me, you’ve already been forced to deal with the repercussions.”

Even bit his lip and nodded.

“And if Isak has found it in his heart to forgive you, or at least attempt to, it makes me think that he knows your feelings were genuine, too. That it wasn’t all because of a bet.”

“He does.”

“It wasn’t a good thing to do, and I am disappointed that you did it, but I’m proud of how you’ve handled it so far, Ev. You’ve given him the space to figure out how he’s feeling, and pushed your own feelings aside to make sure you didn’t cause him any more pain. That was very mature of you.”

“I wish I didn’t have to hurt him at all. I felt— _feel_ so stupid.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she said, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Try to look at the positives, though. He’s giving you a chance at friendship. That means he still cares about you.”

“I know, but I just.” Even bit his lip and looked down, studying his hands. “How do I stop loving him, mum?”

“Oh, hun.” She tightened her arms around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’m afraid you can’t just… stop loving someone. But if you really do want to be friends with him, it will get easier with time.”

“Yeah?”

She smiled softly. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for just dumping all this on you guys,” Even said. “I didn’t want to ruin your time at home.”

“You know that you didn’t. You couldn’t if you tried.”

“Still, I didn’t want to make this all about my shit.”

“Language,” his father tutted, making Even roll his eyes. “You did nothing wrong, son. We want to be able to be here for you. Lord knows your mother wishes you’d talk to her more.”

“I’m sorry,” Even said again. “I just hate seeing you worry.”

“I know, but I don’t want you isolating yourself like that, either. If you don’t come to me, fine. But you have to promise you’ll talk to someone, okay?” Even nodded. “And know that if you ever want to talk to me, about _anything_ , I’ll be here for you. I won’t ever judge you, Even.”

“Thanks, mum.”

She smiled, kissed his head again, and then shifted immediately to a different topic. Even loved that she knew when to do that, that she could tell when he needed to get out of his head. “Shall we watch a movie? Your dad and I were thinking about getting take-out tonight, if that’s okay?”

“That’d be awesome,” Even said with a smile.

“Why don’t you pick the movie, we’ll go find the take-out menus.”

Even nodded, standing from the couch to go grab his laptop. He paused in the doorway, looking back at his parents with a fond smile. He wished Isak could meet them. He wished he hadn’t fucked everything up.

They would’ve loved him.

* * *

Isak expected things to be awkward when it came to seeing Even at school on Monday. They hadn’t really talked over the weekend, and Isak knew it was probably because Even’s parents were home, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious that he’d fucked everything up and ruined their ‘friendship’ by being weird and clingy. And flirty. _Fuck_ , Isak never regretted a party more in his entire life.

He ended up spotting Eva in the courtyard before the guys, so he walked over to her and the girls. “Good morning, Issy,” she said with a snicker. “How was the hangover?”

“I’m never going to one of your parties ever again,” he said with a groan. “Tell me honestly, how embarrassing was I?”

Sana quirked an eyebrow. “You were literally hanging off Even. I was surprised he didn’t just carry you, it probably would’ve been easier.”

“Fuck.”

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” Eva lied, her voice pitching higher and giving her away just before Chris snorted a laugh.

“It was pretty sad. You kept saying how much you liked his face, and how it wasn’t fair you weren’t allowed to kiss him. Poor Even.”

“Poor Even? What about poor _Isak?_ ” he squeaked. “I’m the one who said all the embarrassing crap?”

“Yeah, but he’s the one who’s still in love with you,” Vilde said innocently. “It probably hurt a lot to hear all that stuff knowing it was all just drunken rambling.”

Isak could feel himself pale, his palms going sweaty and his heart racing in his chest. “Fuck,” he croaked. “Fuck. I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Isak, it’s fine,” Eva said, more convincingly this time. “Even’s a chill guy. I doubt he let something as stupid as you getting shitfaced and flirting with him ruin everything.”

“What if he did?”

“What if who did what?” Even asked from right behind him, making Isak jump a solid foot in the air. Everyone, Even included, burst into laughter at his reaction, and Isak could feel the blush burning its way up his chest and neck.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “No one.”

Sana rolled her eyes. “Isak is worried he ruined everything by getting drunk on Friday.”

“Really?” Even raised his eyebrows at Isak, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You could’ve just talked to me.”

He knew he was blushing, that his face was a bright fucking red and he wanted to murder Sana. There was no way he was one of her favourites, this made her hatred of him perfectly fucking clear. “She’s exaggerating.”

“I’m really not.”

“Seriously, Isak, it’s fine,” Even said, chuckling. “You didn’t ruin anything. You were drunk. Everyone does stupid shit when they’re drunk.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so I keep hearing.”

“Did you want me to be mad?” Even asked.

“No!” Isak said too quickly. “No, of course not. I just… I dunno. The night is coming back to me in random flashes and none of them are particularly pretty. I’m just sorry you had to deal with it, I guess.”

“It’s totally fine,” Even said, gently knocking their shoulders together. “Chill if I come to lunch today?”

Isak nodded. “Of course.”

“Alright, well, I’m going to go find Erik. See you then.”

Isak watched Even leave, smiling at the dorky half-wave he threw Isak’s way as he started walking away. Knowing Even genuinely wasn’t upset helped ease Isak’s worry a little bit, but it did little to quell the embarrassment he felt every time he got a flash of that night. It was one thing to question whether or not he was over Even in his head, it was another altogether to start blabbing those concerns to the world.

Honestly, Isak was never drinking again.

* * *

By the time lunch rolled around, Isak was exhausted. He’d been struggling with biology lately, and Sana was only helpful when he managed to look past the snark and sarcasm, which was almost as mentally taxing as the work—maybe more sometimes.

When he finally plopped into his spot next to Jonas, he couldn’t even be bothered to pull his lunch out of bag. Instead, Isak just let his head fall forward into his arms. “Everything alright?” Jonas asked.

“So tired. Just wanna go home and sleep. Why is it only half way through the day?”

“Eat some food. Refuel. You’ll be fine.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Just let me be dramatic for once.”

“For once?” Jonas snorted a laugh. “Isak, man, you’re the most overdramatic person I know.”

“Excuse you. I am not.”

“You once ignored me for a solid week because I told you that _Dolphin Tale_ was stupid.”

“It’s an inspirational story!” Isak argued.

“It’s a dumb movie made for children, Isak,” Jonas replied. “As an adult I’m allowed to find it stupid.”

“ _You’re_ stupid,” Isak countered. “And you’re not an adult.”

“I’m more of an adult that you are.”

Isak stuck his tongue out in response which, okay, was maybe proving Jonas’ point a little, but he was too damn tired to try and argue with him anymore. “Shut up and let me sleep,” Isak grumbled, letting his head fall back into his arms.

“Hey guys,” Even said, pulling Isak’s attention immediately as he slid into the chair next to his. “How’s it going?”

“Isak’s grumpy,” Jonas said with a sigh.

Isak turned his eyes away from Even to throw a glare Jonas’ way. Some best fuckin’ friend he was, damn.

“Well, that’s pretty standard.”

“Wow, what the fuck?” Isak asked, appalled at the tag-team insults. “You both suck, fuck off.”

“Aw, what’s wrong, Issy?” Even cooed, hunching over so their eyes were level. He had the dumbest, most over-exaggerated pitying look on his face, and where Isak knew it _should’ve_ pissed him off, he had to fight back the smile threatening to break through.

“None of your business.”

“C’mon, you can tell me,” Even said, nudging Isak gently in the side with his elbow. “Tell me your problems, sweet cheeks.”

Isak rolled his eyes at the stupid endearment. “Fuck you.”

“Alright, grumpy. We’ll just leave you to brood,” Even teased, sitting back up and moving right into some dumb conversation with Jonas about a book Isak had never heard of. Isak scoffed, and shoved his face further into the crook of his elbow.

Brooding. He didn’t _brood_.

* * *

Isak must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Even was gently shaking him awake with a hand on his shoulder. “Isak, wake up. You’re going to be late for class.”

He lifted his head from his arms, blinking blearily up at through the hair falling in his eyes. “Huh?”

“You slept through lunch,” Even said softly, a hint of concern in his voice. He reached a hand up, brushing the hair off Isak’s forehead gently. “You’re going to be late for your next class if you don’t go now.”

Isak, for what it was worth, did not want to move. Even’s fingertips burned his forehead in the best way, and with the grogginess of waking up still sitting heavy like a blanket over his thoughts, he could do little more than lean into the touch.

The movement seemed to snap Even back to the reality of what he was doing. Isak watched him tense, immediately pulling his hand back. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For…” Even gestured to his head, “y’know.”

Isak smiled softly, reaching out to gently squeeze his elbow. “It’s okay. It happens, right?”

“Right,” Even said, giving him a weary smile. “It happens. Just muscle memory.”

“Exactly,” Isak agreed, finally sitting up straight and reaching his arms high above his head in a stretch. Muscle memory, nothing more. It wasn’t weird, and neither was Isak’s instinctual reaction to crave more of Even’s touch. They were both fine.

“You really are going to be late for class, though,” Even said.

Isak groaned. “I don’t wanna go.”

“We could skip,” Even mentioned casually. “I’ve got Lars in my next class. I definitely wouldn’t mind missing that.”

“Yeah?”

“If you’re up for it, sure. Still got room in your 10%?”

Isak nodded. “Enough to miss one class without a doubt.”

“Well then.” Even stood from the table, and gestured for Isak to do the same. “Shall we go?”

“Yes,” Isak said with a giggle. “We shall.”

* * *

They ended up at their spot, because honestly where else would they end up? Isak reluctantly sat himself down on the grimy couch, trying not to meet Even’s eyes as he visibly flinched at first contact. “I promise it’s not that bad,” Even said through a laugh, sitting down on the opposite end. “I mean, how many times have I sat on this thing? And I am perfectly fine and sickness-free.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Isak said, waving him off. “I’ve already been told once today that I’m overdramatic, I don’t need you saying it, too.”

Even held his hands up defensively. “Wasn’t even thinking it.”

“So how’re your parents?” Isak asked tentatively, not sure if it was a topic Even would want to talk about.

He didn’t have much of a chance to worry as Even’s entire face lit up, one of his signature smiles taking over his expression. “Awesome. I love when they come home.”

“How long are they here?”

“They leave in three days,” Even said, but there was no sadness in his voice at the statement. “They’re home longer than they usually are.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, it’s nice being able to go back to a full house. I don’t think I really realize how quiet it gets when they’re gone.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that has to be sometimes,” Isak said sadly, thinking of his own home and how he often selfishly wished that Eskild and Linn would just leave for once.

Even, for what it was worth, just shrugged. “It just means that I really appreciate the times when they _are_ home. They’re good people, good parents.”

“Sounds like it.”

“I, uh… I’ve told them about you,” Even said quietly. “About us. And… and what I did.”

“Oh,” Isak said, the word coming out softer than he intended. He didn’t think Even would bother telling his parents anything. It wasn’t exactly something to be proud of, and he’d always been so adamant about not pushing his shit on other people.

“I don’t like keeping secrets from them,” Even admitted. “They knew I had a pretty bad depressive episode, and I knew they’d want more information. I couldn’t just leave out everything that I did.”

“And Lars,” Isak added weakly. “You told them what he did, too, right?”

Even nodded.

“Good.” Isak cleared his throat. “Aside from the whole… bet. Uh, what did they think of you dating… me?”

“My parents have known for a long time that I’m pansexual, Isak.”

“Oh.”

“They think you’re a great guy, though. They said you sounded wonderful, and they wished they would’ve had the chance to meet you,” Even explained. “They also wish we would’ve met under different circumstances.”

“Ah.”

“I’m sorry,” Even said after a pause. “I didn’t mean to bring all this back to… to that.”

“It’s okay,” Isak assured him quickly. “It should be something we’re able to talk about. Bottling it up isn’t going to do either of us any good.”

“That’s true.”

“Aside from talking about me,” he teased gently, “what else did you get up to this weekend?”

“Well, we had our traditional take-out and movie night,” Even said, his smile slowly returning as he remembered it. “Every time they come home, they always act like it’s such a terrible thing that they’re just too tired and we’ll have to order take-out, but they do it every time. I still haven’t figured out if they genuinely don’t know that it’s become tradition, or if that’s just part of it at this point.”

Even laughed, so Isak laughed too. Because he couldn’t _not_ laugh at the sound, and because it was just so damn nice to see Even genuinely happy like that. “What movie did you watch?”

“Sunshine on Leith,” Even said. “It’s this… kind of musical. It’s set in Scotland, and the whole movie integrates songs from this band called The Proclaimers. My dad’s always loved them, so I thought he might enjoy the movie for once. He doesn’t generally like mum and I’s picks.”

“Did he like it?”

“Yeah. He loved it. Sung along to every song, even pulled my mum up and made her dance to some of the songs.”

Isak smiled. “That sounds so fun.”

“Our movie nights always are,” Even agreed. “You should come to one sometime.”

“Yeah?” Isak asked, a flare of hope spreading in his chest and overpowering the anxiety that flared at the idea of meeting his ex-boyfriend’s parents.

“I mean, if you wanted to, yeah. I wasn’t kidding when I said my parents wanted to meet you.”

“It wouldn’t be, like… weird, though?”

Even shrugged. “Maybe a little. They’re pretty good about making weird things feel normal, though.”

“Okay,” Isak agreed, maybe too easily. Maybe he should’ve thought about it more. But he also didn’t regret it. “That sounds fun.”

The returning smile from Even was well worth any anxiety he felt. “I’m sure they’ll be excited to know you’re willing to submit yourself to it,” he teased.

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”

“So… that rain check coffee,” Even said casually. “Are you busy after school?”

“I’m never busy after school,” he said flatly. “But I don’t wanna take you away from time with your parents.”

“They’re having a date night tonight,” Even explained. “They only see each other a couple times a month, so they try and spend some alone time together when they can.”

“Oh. Well, in that case we can definitely do coffee.”

“I was actually thinking maybe dinner? I really don’t want to cook tonight.”

Isak smiled. “Sure. Sounds great.”

“Pick you up at 18.00?”

“Works for me.”

* * *

“You look nice,” Eskild said as soon as Isak walked into the living room. He glanced down at himself. Dark jeans, an open flannel over a white t-shirt, and a snapback. He looked the same as he always did.

“Thanks?”

“Where’re you going?”

“I’m getting food with Even.”

Eskild raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You’re going for dinner with your ex-boyfriend?” he asked. “And you’ve dressed up for him?”

“Okay, first of all, this isn’t dressed up,” Isak said. “I literally wear this all the time. Secondly, Even is my friend. Friends go out to get food together all the time.”

“So you decided on the skin-tight jeans and slightly too-small t-shirt completely coincidentally?”

Isak blushed. “They aren’t skin-tight.”

“Tighter than all your other jeans.”

“Whatever, Eskild. They’re just clothes.”

“Sure you’re not trying to impress someone?”

“No!” Isak said sternly. And he meant it. He hadn’t consciously dressed any differently than he would’ve if it was Jonas coming to get him. He hadn’t _realized_ that he reached for his tighter jeans, or that he maybe looked a little like he was trying harder than usual. He’d just gotten dressed.

It wasn’t his fault that he ended up in something that made him look good.

“Alright, fine. Live your life of denial,” Eskild said, holding his hands up in defeat as he walked past Isak and into his bedroom. Isak bit his lip, looking down at his outfit again and wondering if maybe he should go change. Because now he was worried that Even would think the same thing as Eskild— _fucking_ Eskild, god damn it, why did he have to say anything?—and he didn’t want to give Even the wrong idea or anything.

Before he could make a decision, the apartment doorbell startled him out of his thoughts. Isak cursed under his breath and quickly made his way over to the door. He took a deep breath, and pulled the door open with a smile.

Even looked as good as always, leaning casually against Isak’s doorframe like he had all the time in the world. He was wearing his signature 3-layer t-shirt, sweater, jean jacket combo, and his hair was perfectly styled. “Hi,” he said, pushing off the frame and flashing a smile.

“Hi,” Isak said back. “I’ve just gotta grab my wallet and stuff, be right back.”

Isak tried to calm the nerves that were hitting him out of nowhere—probably thanks to Eskild—as he dashed back into his room to grab what he needed. He slipped his keys and wallet into his pockets, and grabbed his phone from where it was charging, before heading back to join Even at the door.

“Good to go?” he asked.

Isak nodded, and gestured for him to head out. He called out a quick _bye!_ to Eskild as they left, letting the door close a little louder than usual behind him. Just because.

“So where are we going?” he asked as the chill of the night hit his face.

“I was thinking about this little Chinese restaurant downtown, if you’re up to it?”

Isak nodded. “Sounds great.”

They walked in silence for a while, and Isak tried not to think too hard about the fact that there was an awkwardness that hadn’t been there before. He didn’t know if it was because of what happened on Friday, or if maybe Even still felt the same stupid electricity every time they touched, too. He just wished, for once, things would be easy. He wished that ‘being friends’ would’ve been as easy as just saying so.

“You look nice,” Even said as they reached the tram.

“Thanks,” Isak said, flushing slightly, “you do, too.”

“I missed hanging out with you,” he said. “Maybe that’s a selfish thing to say, considering everything, but it’s true.”

“It’s not selfish. I missed you, too.” Isak shoved his hands into his jean pockets, shifting uncomfortably between one foot and the next. “I just wish you’d stop feeling guilty about what happened.”

“How could I?” Even asked. “Isak, what I did was awful. I can’t just forget that it happened, and you shouldn’t, either.”

Isak sighed. “I know that, do you honestly think I _don’t_ know that?” he asked, a little harshly. “But I also just want to move on, and put it all behind us. I don’t like thinking about it, Even, and you just keep bringing it up. It’s like shoving salt in a wound that’s barely had time to heal.”

“I just…” Even pinched the bridge of his nose, but he looked more frustrated with himself than with Isak. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you and the fact that you’re giving me a second chance. I don’t want to keep digging up the past, but I can’t just… let it go.”

“Can you try? I just want to start fresh, keep the stupid fucking past in the past.”

“Isak…”

“Seriously, Even,” he said. “I can’t keep doing this if it’s going to just be us going around in circles. I know your sorry, I’ve accepted your apology, I just want to _move on_ , for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m—”

“I swear to god if you apologize to me one more time I’m going to lose it,” Isak said through gritted teeth. “I _know_ you’re sorry. Now I need to know if you’re able to move past this and just… start again. ‘Cause if not, I can’t. I’m sorry, okay, but I just can’t.”

Isak knew it was ridiculous that they were fighting, and he didn’t know why it was all coming out now, but I couldn’t stop it. Even as they stood there at the goddamn tram stop, a foot apart and staring at each other with chests heaving. They probably looked absolutely ridiculous to people passing them.

Or like a quarrelling couple.

“Okay,” Even said eventually. “Okay. I’m s—I understand.”

“Yeah?”

Even nodded. “I don’t want to lose you. I guess I didn’t realize how much I was bringing it up.”

“It’s okay. I probably shouldn’t have snapped like that, either. I just want this to work,” Isak said. “I want you in my life.”

“Me, too.”

Another uncomfortable silence fell over them. When a couple minutes had passed, and the damn tram _still_ hadn’t arrived, Isak groaned. “I hate fighting.”

Even laughed, and it was the most welcome sound in the world. Isak couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the sound, involuntarily leaning closer to it. “I do, too.”

“Good. Let’s not do it anymore.”

“Yes.” Even nodded seriously, a teasing smile taking over his expression. “Let’s not.”

Isak stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Even’s waist, hugging him tightly. He felt Even tense under the touch for a breath, before his own arms moved over Isak’s shoulders. It was nice, familiar, _warm._ It was probably too long of a hug for friends, but Isak could care less. Even gave the best hugs.

When they finally did part, they were both smiling. And the tram took that moment to finally arrive, like it had been waiting for them to figure their shit out or something. Isak honestly wouldn’t put it past the universe.

“Excuse me,” an older lady said, getting his attention as he stepped onto the tram. “I just wanted to say that you two make a very handsome couple.”

Isak felt himself flush, glancing over his shoulder to see if Even was listening, finding that he thankfully wasn’t. He knew that trying to explain to the poor woman that they weren’t together anymore would be confusing and, ultimately, rather fruitless, so he just muttered a quiet thanks before moving to join Even near the back of the tram.

* * *

The Chinese restaurant was cozy, and honestly screamed _Even_. Isak could just picture him sitting in the back corner, sketchbook in hand, conversing with the staff for hours on end. There weren’t many people there, but it smelled _amazing_ , and the hostess was super nice. They were given a table at the front of the restaurant, right next to the window.

“This place is nice,” Isak said, glancing over the menu and glad to see that everything was within his price-range, too. “How’d you find this place?”

“I have my ways.”

“Erik?”

Even smiled sheepishly, and nodded. “His dad knows the owners.”

“Still, it’s nice. Not super crowded”

“Yeah, benefits of it being pretty new. I feel like once word gets out about this place, it’ll be crazy busy all the time.”

“Do you know what’s good?”

Even hummed. “Erik said the beef broccoli is great, same with the orange chicken. Oh, and the beef chop suey.”

“Huh, okay.”

“Wanna share some stuff?”

Isak laughed. “Yeah. That’s definitely better than trying to choose.”

When their waitress came, Even ordered for the both of them, getting himself a beer with a wink in Isak’s direction. Once she left, he leaned forward on his elbows and said, “I’ll share, promise.”

“You better.”

“Looking forward to your 18th?”

Isak groaned. “More than I probably should. Eskild never buys the right kind of beer, and he always charges me extra because he’s ‘putting his neck on the line’ by buying alcohol with a minor.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m _barely_ a minor.”

“Barely, but you still are one.”

Isak stuck his tongue out. Which, again, did wonders to prove his maturity.

“So,” Even said, tapping his hands against the table, “gotten any more info on that fancy school you want to go to?”

“Yes! My bio teacher has been more helpful than I thought. She gave me the contact info for one of the international student advisors at the school.”

“Yeah?”

Isak smiled, nodding happily. “I feel like I’m making actual progress. She even thinks I might even be able to go on full scholarship, so long as I keep my grades up and work on getting some volunteering in outside of school.”

“That’s so awesome!”

“I can’t believe it, honestly,” Isak said. “I don’t know if I would’ve ever even _tried_ to do any of this without your encouragement.”

Even shrugged. “I’m just glad it’s working out.”

“I’m so excited, but also kind of freaking out? It’s all happening so fast.”

“If anyone can do it, you can.” Even reached over, grabbing one of his hands. “You’re one of the smartest people I know. Definitely the most passionate when it comes to this stuff.”

“Still, I probably wouldn’t have ever gone for it if it wasn’t for you. So, thanks.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Even said, squeezing gently. “Thank me by getting in.”

“I will.”

* * *

The food was _amazing._ Isak probably would’ve been embarrassed by how quickly he ate, if not for Even devouring it with the same tenacity. By the time they finished, they were both so full they could barely move.

“That was incredible,” Isak said, resting his hands on top of his full stomach. “We have to come back here. We have to bring _everyone_.”

“I’ll second that.”

When the waitress came by with the check, Even wouldn’t even let Isak look at it “My treat,” he insisted. “For starting over.”

Isak wanted to argue, but Even looked so happy, and if he was honest, Isak knew he really couldn’t afford to eat out. So he just smiled.

“Wanna walk for a bit?” Even asked once they were outside. “At least _attempt_ to work off some of those calories.”

Isak nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

It was already dark, and definitely a little too chilly for what Isak was wearing, but it was nice to just walk with Even, enjoying the sounds of the city as they walked under the street lights. “So, still planning to travel next year.”

“I really want to,” Even said, nodding. “I haven’t exactly told my parents about it yet, though.”

“No?”

He shrugged. “They worry a lot. I don’t want them thinking that it’s just… some crazy spur-of-the-moment idea. When I tell them, I want to have a plan. I want to know exactly what I’m doing, where I’m going, and exactly how much it’s going to cost. I think that’ll be the only chance in hell I’ll have of getting them on board.”

“I think, if you explain _why_ you want to go, they’ll understand better, too,” Isak said. “I mean, you said you wanted to really immerse yourself in other cultures, right? Document everything with pictures?” Even nodded. “If nothing else, something like that would look _awesome_ on a school application.”

“That’s true. I hadn’t even thought about that.”

“I think it’s amazing. It sounds like it’ll be so much fun.”

Even smiled. “I’ve wanted to do it for longer than I can remember. I just want to see the world outside my little bubble, y’know? I want to experience life the way others do. And I want to help, whenever and wherever, and _how_ ever I can.”

Part of Isak wished he could go, too. Going to the that school, studying what he loved, he _knew_ that he wanted to do that without a doubt in his mind. But Even made travelling Europe sound so _good_. Isak could almost picture the two of them, exploring together and just taking life day by day. It was a nice image, but Isak knew it was something he could never have.

Instead, he imagined Even with someone else. Someone who made him smile bigger and more often than Isak ever could. Who shared his passion for movies, and didn’t complain about watching _Romeo & Juliet_ again, and again, and again.

Isak hated that he could imagine it, and hated how much it hurt to do so. Even wasn’t his anymore, never really was, but it was hard picturing him with someone else. Maybe part of him selfishly thought that Even would never get over him, never give up on them, despite the fact that Isak had made it perfectly clear they couldn’t be together.

“Hey,” Even said softly, gently grabbing his elbow. “Everything okay?”

Isak forced a weary smile on his face. “Yeah, of course. Everything is great.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a new chapter a little under a day early! It's a bit longer than usual again, which I hope makes up for the fact that I definitely haven't been sticking to my schedule and I am sorry about that. Almost done with this semester, and then I'm hoping to finish off this story and finally share the new one I've been working on. (Just gotta make it one more week)
> 
> A bit nervous to share this chapter, because I know that some people really, really hate seeing the guys with other people, but here we go. Remember to be kind, always.
> 
> Comments make the world go 'round <3
> 
> (it was also brought to my attention in my last workshop of the semester that I vastly overuse italics, so I apologize if that annoys you guys. Not that I'm going to stop using them, though)

Things felt so much easier with Even after their dinner. After Isak’s momentary lapse of… whatever twisted jealousy he felt towards the girl he made up for Even’s future, things were nice. Easy. Even stopped bringing up the damn bet as much, and Isak hoped more than anything that that meant he was starting to forgive himself. Even wasn’t a bad person, and Isak genuinely wanted him to be happy. He wanted Even to be able to move on as much as he wanted to move on himself.

He thought things were going great, until he started noticing that something was up with Jonas. He kept shooting Isak looks that he couldn’t quite figure out, and everyone else was oddly… quiet a lot of the time. Mainly whenever Even was around.

He first noticed it at lunch one day, when Even and Erik showed up halfway through and Isak diverted his attention from the conversation to say hello. When Isak looked back to the boys, Even settling into his seat next to him, they were all watching him closely. Watching _for_ something, it seemed like. They snapped out of it quickly enough as Erik asked what they had been talking about, but an uneasiness settled on Isak’s chest for the rest of the break.

After that, he found himself more aware of how they tended to go quiet whenever Even was around, how all of them—but especially Jonas—seemed to be waiting for something to happen. No matter what he did, Isak couldn’t figure out what the hell they were trying to sort out. It wasn’t like his friendship with Even was new, or worrisome. They’d all encouraged him to reach out to Even in the first place, had been _happy_ for him when he finally did.

By Thursday, Isak was at the end of his rope He hated feeling like they all knew something he didn’t, so he pulled Jonas aside after school and insisted that they go get kebab. Jonas agreed, albeit a little hesitantly. Which only served to further Isak’s concern.

Once they were seated in the park, kebab in hand, Isak felt himself feeling strangely nervous. Jonas was oddly quiet, and the air between them more awkward than Isak was used to. “So, what’s up?” Jonas asked after a while. “Everything okay?”

“I don’t know, is it?” Isak asked in return. “You guys have been acting weird all week.”

“Have we?”

“Yeah. Every time Even shows up, actually.”

Jonas nodded. “Oh.”

“Something you want to tell me?”

Jonas sighed, his shoulders drooping forward in defeat. “It’s nothing bad. We just…” he paused, and stared down at the kebab in his hands, stabbing it a little aggressively with his fork. “Are you and Even back together?”

“What?” Isak asked quickly, feeling himself pale at the suggestion. “Why do you think that?”

“You just seem to be getting really close again.”

“We’re friends,” Isak said flatly.

“You treat him differently, Issy. You don’t honestly think that your relationship with him is no different than your relationship with us.”

“Of course it’s different, Jonas. We have a history—that doesn’t mean that we’re dating again.” Isak looked away, adding a mumbled, “Technically we never were.”

“Do you want to, though?” Jonas asked, adding, “Date him, I mean.”

“No,” Isak assured quickly. “Of course not. We’re not good for each other.”

“You’re not?”

“No. How could we be, after everything that happened?”

“I thought you wanted to leave the past in the past.”

“I do.”

“It doesn’t sound like it.”

“What’s your goal here, Jonas? Why do you guys want us back together so bad?”

“We don’t. We just want you to be happy, and it seems like you’re holding yourself back from your own happiness because you’re scared of the past.”

“I’m not _scared_ ,” Isak insisted. “I just don’t think we’re good together, not like that.”

Jonas rolled his eyes.

“What? What was that for.”

“Nothing.”

“Jonas.”

“You just—you’re always touching, Isak,” he said flatly. “I don’t even think you guys realize you’re doing it, you just… gravitate towards one another. When Even shows up, you give him your full attention even if one of us is talking to you. And I’m not saying that’s wrong,” Jonas added quickly, “I’m just saying that it doesn’t seem like you’re over each other.”

“Even if we aren’t, that doesn’t mean I want to be with him, or think that we should get back together.”

“That’s fair,” Jonas said. “If you don’t think that you’re good for each other, then that’s totally fine, but I would maybe try and tone down the touches. We’re not the only ones who are starting to notice, or talk.”

Isak’s heart dropped into his stomach. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Is. But rumours are starting to surface again.”

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay, it’s just stupid gossip. It’ll go away as long as you don’t keep fueling it.”

Isak nodded. “Right. You’re right.”

“And Is?”

“Yeah?”

“We just want you to be happy, okay? I know that with everything that happened you might feel like we’d judge you for still having feelings for Even, but we wouldn’t. As long as you’re happy, we’re happy.”

Isak nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

After his talk with Jonas, Isak was painfully aware of every time he and Even touched. From the half-hugs in the morning, to the full hugs whenever they said goodbye, to the way they sat together at lunch. Jonas had been right, they gravitated towards one another without even thinking about it, without being consciously aware of it. The stupid ‘muscle memory’ theory they’d been using to play off tender touches seemed to extend way passed the odd slip-up.

Even after their talk, there were days that Isak was too tired to pay attention to what was going on around them. He didn’t always realize how close he and Even were sitting, how their thighs were pressed together, how Even’s hand kept finding its way to the small of his back, until he saw the first-year girls whispering out of the corner of his eye. Isak would tense, watching as one of them giggled, and then he would force himself to move quickly, scooting over just enough that he and Even were no longer touching. He tried to ignore how much he immediately missed the warmth. The familiarity.

He knew Even could feel that something was up, but Isak didn’t have the heart to explain exactly why he was suddenly being so stingy about their touches. He didn’t want Even getting all self-conscious and worried again, so when Eva told him about another party that they were all going to on Friday, Isak took a risk and invited Even to pregame again.

“I swear I won’t get drunk and annoying again,” he promised.

Even winked, which made Isak’s heart flutter in the most annoying way in his chest. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Isak hated to admit that he was a little nervous when he was waiting for Even to show up. He’d foregone the alcohol this time around. He figured it’d be a little less stressful for Even, but it also meant that he didn’t have liquid courage to stop his brain from reeling. Isak didn’t know what he’d do if Even asked him why he’d been weird all week. He didn’t exactly what to just say _everyone thinks we’re back together_ and call it good. Isak didn’t want Even questioning his every move, not after he was the one to insist that their relationship was normal; natural.

When Even finally turned up, smiling easily at Isak as he leaned on their door frame, all the stress seemed to seep out of his body. Even looked so calm, didn’t seem the slightest bit worried about their relationship, or the weirdness that had been surrounding Isak all week. He seemed as happy as always. Isak let himself relax.

“Sorry I’m late,” Even said. “My hair wasn’t cooperating with me tonight.”

“It looks fine.”

“Fine, huh?” he asked. “Your compliments floor me, Isak.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Are you coming in, or not? You’re letting the cold in.”

“Alright, alright.” Even strafed around him, stepping into the apartment and toeing off his shoes as Isak closed the door behind him. “If you’re cold, why don’t you let me make you some hot chocolate?”

Isak raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Isak said, but he couldn’t stop the laughter bubbling in his chest. “It’s just. You’re probably the only person who would suggest _hot chocolate_ at a pregame.”

“Everyone loves hot chocolate, Isak. And I’ll have you know I make the best hot chocolate.”

“Really.”

Even put a hand over his heart. “Swear it.”

“Alright, well, I think I’m just going to have to be the judge of that.”

Once in the kitchen, Isak hauled himself onto one of the counters, letting his legs swing as he watched Even move around their kitchen with surprising familiarity. He pulled two mugs from their cupboards, and even knew where Eskild hid the mini marshmallows. Isak tried not to look too much into what the easy familiarity could mean.

“Do you guys have chocolate?”

Isak shook his head. “I think Eskild and Linn ate the last of it on Wednesday. They were having a chick flick movie night.”

“Oh. That makes this a little more difficult then.”

“We have hot chocolate mix,” Isak provided, pointing to the cupboard next to the stove. “I don’t think we’ve even opened it yet.”

Even frowned, his whole face scrunching up at the suggestion. “That’s not how one makes _real_ hot chocolate, Isak.”

“Wow, so the hot chocolate master is turning away from a challenge?”

“No!” Even assured quickly. “I’ll still make you your hot chocolate, you just have to promise that you don’t take this to be representative of my true skill.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

He watched as Even pulled the powder out, scooping a generous amount into each mug as the water boiled away in the kettle. Once it was finished, Even filled their mugs ¾ of the way full, added some cream, and then plopped a couple peppermint candies inside each. Isak tried not to voice his skepticism as he watched Even stir the drinks before topping them with a mound of marshmallows.

He moved over to Isak, mugs in hand, and stood between his legs as he handed one over. Isak studied the drink suspiciously for a moment before he got a whiff of peppermint and chocolate. He brought the mug to his lips, watching Even over the brim as he took a sip.

“Fuck,” Isak said, staring at the mug like it was some sort of prized possession. “The fuck did you do to this to make it so good?”

Even laughed, taking a sip of his own drink. “I told you, I make the best hot chocolate.”

“It’s still weird to have at a pregame,” Isak pointed out.

“If you want, I can put alcohol in yours. I’m sure Eskild has some peppermint schnapps somewhere here.”

Eskild did. It was in the cabinet over the fridge. Still, Isak shook his head. “I told you I wasn’t getting drunk tonight. I plan to keep that promise.”

“Wow, didn’t know you were that much of a lightweight,” Even teased, placing his mug down on the counter next to Isak’s thigh. It only served to draw attention to the position they were in, and Isak felt himself flush at the memory of the last time Even stood between his legs in the kitchen.

Isak cleared his throat, and nudged Even back so he could hop off the counter. “We should probably go soon,” he said. “I think the guys already headed over.”

Even nodded. “Sure.”

* * *

Isak could feel everyone’s eyes on them as they walked into the party. Together.

It wasn’t like Eva’s, where everyone knew the situation and exactly where they stood. Where everyone knew that he and Even were _just friends_. Here, they were being watched. All their classmates’ eyes were on them, and as they walked further into the party, Isak could just make out some of their not-quite whispering. Speculation about their relationship, whether or not they were back together or not, questioning Isak’s choices, questioning _Even’s_ choices.

Isak couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. He wished they’d mind their own damn business. It didn’t help that Isak knew rumours were starting to spread already—the whole damn _are they, aren’t they_ bullshit that high school drama lived for. He _hated_ being part of it. He hated that they knew at least part of the history behind his and Even’s relationship, too. It just made things worse.

Isak was starting to think that showing up together was a bad idea. They probably should’ve just come with their respective friends, even if it didn’t make sense to stop hanging out beforehand just to avoid the rumour mill. He just didn’t want their relationship being jeopardised by whispered speculation in the hallways.

So Isak did the only thing he could think to attempt to quell their rumours, he decided to put as much space between himself and Even as was possible, as quickly as possible. He wanted to spend the night hanging with Even, that _had_ been the plan, but he knew that it would only make their situation worse.

So he said, “I’m going to go get a drink!” and disappeared into the crowd, leaving Even standing alone in the doorway under the impression Isak would come back.

An hour later, Isak found himself pressed into the arm of the living room couch, with Julian Dahl of all fucking people sitting way too close with an arm strung over the back of the couch. Isak was uncomfortable. He hated that Julian’s thigh was pressed firmly against his own, he hated that every time he spoke, Julian leaned closer so that Isak could feel his hot breath in his ear. He didn’t want any of it, but he knew that it would help quell some of the rumours that had been growing about him and Even.

He could deal with Julian’s flirting for one night, if it meant his classmates would leave them the fuck alone.

So Isak plastered a fake smile on his face, and leaned into Julian’s touches, encouraged his flirting. When Julian tried to kiss him, Isak hid his shudder behind a bashful blush as he presented his cheek instead. Julian, for what it was worth, didn’t seem to mind. He took it as Isak just being shy, and offered to go get them more drinks. Isak agreed wholeheartedly. Maybe more alcohol would make the whole situation easier.

He didn’t understand why he was having such a hard time faking interest with Julian. He faked it with girls for years, after all, it should’ve been nothing. At least Julian had the right parts, even if every touch felt wrong. Dirty. If he could make out with Sara for hours and keep up the act, he should’ve been able to at least accept a kiss from Julian. Isak didn’t know what was wrong with him.

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself over here,” Even said, startling Isak out of his thoughts as he plopped down in the spot that Julian had just vacated, pressing his thigh against Isak’s just as Julian and had— _oh._ Isak hated that he craved that touch.

“Yeah,” he agreed through gritted teeth. “Julian’s nice.”

Even hummed and slung an arm over the back of the couch, copying Julian again. Isak didn’t know why he was doing it, he didn’t know if Even knew it was driving him crazy. He dragged his gaze away from the piercing blue of Even’s eyes, and saw that there were people watching them curiously again. Even was ruining everything he was working to make them forget.

Thankfully—or not, Isak wasn’t really sure—Julian came back before Even could do anything else. Isak watched his confidence falter as his eyes landed on them. In a moment of panic that the whole plan he’d been concocting would be ruined, Isak stood from the couch and walked over to him with a huge smile.

“Thanks,” he said, taking one of the drinks from Julian and downing it in one go. Whatever it was, it was strong. Thank god. “Wanna dance?”

“What about Even?”

Isak shrugged. “We were just chatting. Would you rather I dance with him?”

“No,” Julian said quickly, downing his own drink before grabbing one of Isak’s hands and tugging him towards the make-shift dance floor in the middle of the room. “I’m enjoying having you to myself tonight.”

Isak hummed. “Good.”

* * *

Even couldn’t keep watching Isak and Julian. He just couldn’t. All the progress he thought he’d been making with Isak, all the talks of them being _just friends_ flew out the window the minute Julian’s lips found Isak’s cheek and a blush bloomed beneath them. Even thought he’d be able to get over Isak, that they were finally reaching a place where they could both move on, but watching him with someone else pushed all that progress away.

Even couldn’t remember the last time he felt this jealous, but it was probably near the beginning of his relationship with Sonja. Sometime after their first ‘break.’ Even so, this was worse. He felt completely overtaken by the need to pull Julian away from Isak, to stake his claim like some asshole. He had never been so completely blinded by jealousy before.

Even knew that Isak would have to move on eventually. He _wanted_ Isak to have the chance to move on, to be happy, and he’d been so sure that he was perfectly fine with being just friends. But he wasn’t. Seeing someone else touch him, flirt with him, _kiss_ him… he couldn’t just sit back and watch it all happen.

The jealousy made his blood boil until he found himself storming across the room and plopping into the seat that Julian had just occupied. He tried to pull Isak’s attention back to him—where it belonged, always back to him—but Isak brushed him off like he was nothing. He left Even sitting there like an idiot so he could go dance with Julian like Even was nothing, _no one_.

Even knew that he had no right to be jealous, or to feel so angry that Isak was having a good time with someone else, but he’d selfishly thought—hoped that there was still something there. Each touch, each private moment, each blush that he painted on Isak’s skin made him believe there was a reason to hold such stupid hope.

But Isak? Isak was in the middle of the room—the middle of the stupid dance floor at the stupid party Even didn’t even want to attend, with his long arms draped lazily, comfortably, over Julian’s shoulders. His fingers were playing with the hair at the nape of the boys’ neck as they swayed easily to the beat. And when Julian said something to make Isak laugh, Isak threw his head back and put his long, pale neck on display as his halo of curls danced across his forehead. The smile that pulled at his lips was playful and soft, almost lazy. It hurt to watch.

Julian, for what it was worth, was watching him like he was the sun and the stars, like he was the only thing that mattered in the universe. It was a look Even was familiar with, because he was certain he wore that look every time Isak smiled at him, too.

It hurt so much to watch them, more than Even could’ve ever imagined it hurting. His heart ached for Isak, and the idea of letting him go after everything they’d been through was terrifying. Even made some stupid mistakes in his attempt to get Isak’s attention, but all of it he did because he wanted nothing more than to be with the younger boy. He didn’t want to let go, to give up after everything, but he knew that he had to. If it would make Isak happy, he had to let him go.

It was clear to Even now that everything he’d thought was happening between them in the recent weeks was all in his head. He needed to let Isak move on, knew that _he_ had to move on. Even as every cell in his body screamed at him to hold on, Even knew he had to let go.

He started by tearing his gaze away from the dancing pair. Nothing good was going to come from watching them, he knew that much. Even looked everywhere but the dance floor; the cup in his hands, the couple making out in the corner, Jonas’ mop of curls nodding along to whatever song was playing right then. Eventually, his eyes landed on a girl that Even maybe recognized from his art class. He’d seen her before, and he’d noticed the way she looked at him. With all his attention focused on Isak, he’d barely paid her any mind, but now he let his eyes linger.

She was pretty. She had long, brown hair that fell over her delicate shoulders in waves and a rounder face that seemed to light up every time she smiled. Her eyes were green, like Isak’s, but they were darker. Closer to an emerald than the mossy green of Isak’s eyes. There was a light in her eyes, a shimmer of something, that held Even’s attention.

He didn’t feel ready to move on, didn’t even know if he could successfully woo her like he used to, but Even also knew he had to try. He had to get over Isak before he hurt the boy anymore. He forced himself to head over to where she was leaning against the wall next to the kitchen, painting an all-too familiar smile on his face that he’d used countless times to woo many girls and guys alike.

When he reached her, she focused all her attention on him. Her smile faded into a curious smirk as she waited for him to make his move. Even leaned forward, resting his arm on the wall above her head. A memory flashed of when he approached Isak in a similar way so long ago, but he forced it down. He didn’t let it break his façade.

“Hi,” Even said smoothly, smiling down at the girl. He couldn’t believe how small she seemed next to Isak, barely reaching his shoulder. It was a weird feeling, having to look so far down again, but it was good. It was different. Different was good.

“Halla.”

“I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I couldn’t help but notice you watching me tonight,” he said. The girl blushed, the pretty pink shade dancing up her neck until her freckled cheeks were stained with it. Even took the opportunity to lean down, close enough that he knew she would be able to feel his breath on her neck. “Would you like to dance?”

She smiled and nodded. “I’d love to.”

Even let one of his hands trail down her arm until their hands were joined, and then he tugged her gently in the direction of the dance floor. He guided her arms to rest around his neck, before moving his own to circle her waist. He splayed his fingers across the small of her back, taking note of how her waist cinched and dipped. She was all soft curves and plush skin. Feminine, and almost alien after months of the firm lines of Isak’s skin.

Different was good, Even reminded himself. This was what he needed. It definitely wasn’t _bad_. It’d been a long time since he’d embraced a woman like this, but it was never bad. If he could manage to push Isak out of his head, Even could easily go as far as to say he was _enjoying_ it.

“What’s your name?” he asked in an attempt to focus on the girl in front of him—the girl in his arms.

“Lise.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lise,” Even said smoothly. “I’m—”

“Oh, I know who you are,” she said with a giggle. “I’m sorry it say it, Even, but your dirty laundry has been hung all over the school.”

Even sighed. “I know.”

“Did you really only date Isak because of a bet?” she asked softly. And despite the fact that her tone wasn’t judgemental, or even teasing, Even tensed. He hated that their relationship was belittled to something so dirty. Everyone thought that Even’s feelings for Isak were all for show. It was always _Isak_ who was hurt. It was _Isak_ who fell hard and fast for Even, who didn’t feel the same.

No one considered the possibility that Even was lost to Isak the minute their first conversation. No one thought that he’d do anything, give up anything, for a chance to do everything over again and win Isak’s heart the right way—to never hurt him.

“I’m sorry,” Lise said after a while, clearly knowing she crossed a line bringing it up. “I didn’t mean to offend you, or to bring up the past. I just… there were so many rumours, and I wanted to hear the truth from the source for once. It’s unfair of them to put your life on display like it’s a movie.”

“It’s… okay,” Even said slowly, mulling the word over in his mind. Was it okay? Would it ever be fucking _okay_? “It was a bet, at first. It was a stupid mistake that I should’ve never made.”

“So you did have feelings for him?”

Even nodded. “I loved him.”

“Oh.” Lise stared down at their feet, worrying her plump bottom lip between her teeth. “But you don’t anymore?”

Even shrugged. “I’m trying not to.”

“So I’m a rebound?”

“No!” Even said quickly, but he realized pretty quickly that that was exactly what he was attempting to make her. He really was a piece of shit, Jesus. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

Lise shrugged. “I don’t really care.”

“You should. It’s not fair of me, of anyone, to use you like that.”

“Please, Even.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m not _stupid_. Anyone with eyes can see you’re not over Isak. I didn’t agree to dance with you under some pathetic illusion that you were actually interested in me.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. But I just broke up with my asshole boyfriend and could use some stress relief. So if you want to make out in an attempt to get him out of your head, I’m cool with it.”

“You are?” Even asked cautiously. “Isn’t that a little…”

“I would stop there.”

“I was just going to say that it’s probably not a healthy way to get over him.”

She rolled her eyes fondly, and it reminded him so much of Isak that Even felt his heart clench. “You’re doing the same thing, lover. Sometimes doing what’s healthy isn’t doing what you need.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“So are we going to make out, or what?”

Even swallowed thickly around the nerves in his throat. She was direct, he’d give her that. It was clear she knew what she wanted and, hell, maybe she had a point. Maybe it’d be easier to get over Isak if every time Even closed his eyes he couldn’t feel the press of Isak’s lips against his own.

So despite the nervousness he felt, along with every part of him that was screaming _no!_ , Even leaned down and pressed their lips firmly together. Lise wasted no time in surging forward, tightening her arms until their fronts were pressed together. Even swept his tongue over his bottom lip, and she didn’t hesitate at all in opening her mouth to deepen the kiss.

It was weird. Not bad, but not good. It still felt wrong, on some fundamental level, but it was nice. If he just focused on the kiss, he could ignore everything, and everyone, around him. With Lise soft and pliant in his arms, Even could just about convince himself that he would be able to move on from Isak.

* * *

Isak was frozen. He knew that Julian was asking questions, glancing between Isak and Even like he had no idea what the damn problem was, why Isak had stopped everything and stared as soon as Even leaned down to kiss some girl Isak had never seen before. He knew that he was being ridiculous, that this was _exactly_ what he wanted to happen, but now that it was happening? Isak felt like he was going to be sick.

He didn’t think it would feel like this to watch Even kiss someone else. Hell, maybe a part of Isak thought that Even wouldn’t be the one kissing other people. Maybe Isak selfishly thought that Even would wait for him, despite that fact he made it perfectly clear that they were over.

_Because we are over_ , Isak reminded himself firmly, trying to shake the uneasy thoughts swirling around his brain. _You don’t want to be with him like that, this is just a natural reaction to a change in your relationship._

Isak had almost managed to calm whatever it was that was stirring up his insides when Even’s eyes blinked open and found his. Isak felt frozen to the spot. He wasn’t able to so much as breathe, never mind move, as Even continued to make out with the girl in his arms _while holding Isak’s gaze_.

“I have to go,” Isak spit out all of the sudden, interrupting Julian in the middle of a sentence. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

Isak tore his eyes away from Even and all-but ran from the party. It wasn’t until he was outside, the cold air of the late night hitting his burning skin, that Isak let himself breathe. He clutched his chest as it heaved with the effort it took to suck in each breath. Isak didn’t understand what was happening. He didn’t understand why this was hitting him so hard.

Even was moving on. That was good. That was what Isak _wanted_.

He forced himself to move forward, to put one foot in front of another until he reached the tram stop. He fell heavily onto the wood bench there, falling forward until his elbows rested on his knees, and his head hung heavy between his arms. It was what he wanted, but every time his mind flashed back to Even kissing that girl he felt like he was going to puke.

Isak had no fucking clue what was wrong with him, but he knew he had to get home.

By the time he got there, he barely had the energy to take off his sweaty clothes, that stunk of booze and Julian and just the faintest hint of Even, before crawling into bed. He didn’t really remember getting on the tram, or the walk to the apartment. He wasn’t that drunk, but Isak felt like he was in a haze.

When he fell into bed, completely overtaken by a heavy exhaustion that pinned each of his limbs to the lumpy mattress below him, Isak forced himself to breathe. Everything hurt, and everything felt heavy and weak.

His phone buzzed loudly from its spot at the foot of the bed, and Isak wanted to just leave it there and pretend the outside world didn’t exist, but he didn’t tell anyone he was leaving. Jonas and the guys probably thought he died, or something.

It took more effort than it probably should’ve to push himself up and into a sitting position so he could reach his phone, and when his eyes adjusted to the blinding brightness of the screen in his otherwise dark room, Isak saw the last name he wanted to see that night.

**Even**

23:52

Did you leave the party?

Is everything okay?

 

Isak sighed. No, everything was far from okay. Everything fucking hurt and he was pretty sure it was his own damn fault. Part of him wanted to be angry with Even, to take it out on him, but he couldn’t. Isak knew that Even was just doing what he wanted. Even was moving on. Isak couldn’t be mad at that.

**Even**

23:58

Everything’s fine.

I think I ate something funny, I don’t feel good.

Oh no ):

Do you want me to come over?

No. I’m fine.

I’ll see you at school on Monday.

Oh, okay

Have a good weekend, Isak.

 

He couldn’t bring himself to wish Even a good weekend, too. Not when _good weekend_ brought flashes of him with that girl, pulling her apart with burning kisses and gentle touches just like he’d done with Isak. Not when _good weekend_ could mean quiet talks curled up in Even’s bed, or late breakfasts, or random walks through the park.

Not when _good weekend_ meant _goodbye_.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter! I swear that we are going to be back to weekly uploads starting now. I finished my last exam on Thursday, so I am officially done with the semester! Unfortunately I got an awesome cold from my roommate that has completely kicked my ass this week, so apologies if this chapter isn't as polished. I wanted to get it up as quickly as possible, so I didn't edit as thoroughly as I normally like to. 
> 
> Still, I hope you guys like this chapter. I decided to combine it with what was originally the beginning of the next chapter instead of leaving it on a cliffhanger, so hopefully this makes up for the long wait a little bit. 
> 
> Also, I will be taking prompts on my Tumblr (castiels--grace) all December for short one-shots. I want to try and write more frequently during my break, and also need to work on writing shorter cohesive pieces because I tend to write really long (hence this being almost 100k when I thought it was only going to be 40k max). So if there's any scenes you wish I would've included in this, or any Evak scenes you're interested in seeing from any universe, come drop me a prompt!
> 
> Finally, I wanted to broadcast an amazing song that I was listening to a lot while writing this chapter. It's called Untangled by the band Gentle Mind. It's on Apple Music and Spotify, so if you've got a chance to give it a listen I highly recommend it. The lead singer was in my poetry class this semester!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Comments make the world go 'round. <3

Isak had been ignoring him all weekend, and Even didn’t understand what he did wrong. After Isak high-tailed it out of the party on Friday, Even had offered to bring him soup, or to come keep him company. From what Jonas said, Isak was whiny when he was sick, and Even wanted to be there for him. But Isak brushed off every text, or didn’t even bother to answer.

He was fully preparing himself for the same treatment at school on Monday, but when he hesitantly approached Isak in the morning at his locker, he was met with a bright smile. “Hey. How was your weekend?”

“It was good,” Even said, nodding. “Feeling a bit better?”

“Yeah. Must’ve caught a stomach bug or something from the Chinese food Eskild brought home on Friday.” He laughed, but it sounded forced. Even knew something was going on, but he had a feeling that Isak would just shut down if he asked.

“He should’ve got it from that place downtown we went to,” Even said lightly.

Isak’s smile faltered, just barely.

“So, lunch—”

“I gotta go,” Isak said quickly. “Jonas needs my history notes from Friday.”

“Right,” Even said, nodding. “I guess I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yup. Later!” Isak said over his shoulder, already half-way down the hall. Even watched him go, sighing once he was out of sight.

“Issues with your lover boy?”

Even jumped, turning around to find Lise leaning against the lockers with a smug smile. “When’d you get here?”

“Right around the moment he brushed you off,” she said. “I really wish you two would get over yourselves and bang already.”

“Excuse me?”

Lise rolled her eyes. “Please, Even. The sexual tension between you two is so obvious that I’m pretty sure a toddler would be able to tell you were into each other, still.”

“You’re wrong,” Even said. “Isak doesn’t see me like that anymore. He wants to move on.”

“He might not _want_ to see you like that, but he definitely still does.” She pushed herself off the lockers and stepped closer, crossing her arms over her chest and popping a hip. “What are you so scared of, anyway? Why not just go for it?”

“He doesn’t want it.”

“What do _you_ want, Even?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

Lise sighed heavily. “It does. You need to stop putting his needs in front of your own. You’re just torturing yourself.”

“I don’t want to lose him. If that means that I’ll never be anything more than his friend, I’ll deal with it.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“Weren’t you the one that said that doing what’s healthy isn’t always what’s needed?” he countered.

“This isn’t making out with a damaged stranger at a party, Even,” she said flatly. “This is torturing yourself every day by focusing on what Isak wants, what is going to make Isak happy, what makes Isak comfortable instead of doing what _you_ need, or _you_ want.”

“And what exactly do you suggest I do about it?” he asked. “I can’t force him to feel differently than he does.”

“No, you can’t.” She sighed, and reached over to squeeze his arm gently. “But you can stop doing this to yourself. Give yourself some space to breathe, stop following him around like a lost puppy.”

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“You’re not going to lose him by spending less time together,” she promised. “But you might be able to clear your head a little. Get a better hold on your emotions.”

“Why are you even helping me?”

Lise shrugged. “I _was_ you. Albeit the guy I was pining over was a lot more of a lost cause than Isak.”

“Oh.” Even dropped his gaze to the floor. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m over it now. Turns out I’ve just got terrible luck when it comes to guys,” she said. “Maybe I should be a lesbian.”

Even laughed. “I don’t think you can just _be_ a lesbian.”

“Maybe not. Wouldn’t it be nice, though?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

Lise rolled her eyes fondly, and ran a hand through her hair. “Why don’t you have lunch with me today. Start giving yourself space.”

“I don’t…”

“I know it’s hard, Even, but I honestly think it might do you some good,” she said. “Maybe after a bit of time apart, you’ll have a better idea of what to do. What you need out of your relationship with Isak, platonic or otherwise.”

“Alright,” Even said, nodding his head. “Okay, yeah. Maybe you have a point. I’ll come.”

Lise cheered. “You won’t regret this, Bech Næsheim.”

“Actually, would you mind if I brought my friend Erik? We always eat together.”

“’Course not. The more the merrier,” she said, smiling. “Unless you try to invite Isak, which would completely defeat the point.”

Even could help but laugh as they started heading in the direction of the third-year lockers. It didn’t feel quite right to just… stop hanging around with Isak. Part of him worried that it would make Isak think he didn’t want to be friends anymore, but he also knew that Lise had a point. He couldn’t keep torturing himself. He needed time to figure out if he _could_ just be friends with Isak—especially after the nasty spout of jealousy he felt on Friday night—and he wasn’t going to be able to do that if he was always around the younger boy.

* * *

“We’re eating lunch with who?” Erik asked as they walked towards the cafeteria, where Lise was supposedly going to meet them.

“Lise. I met her on Friday.”

“At the party?”

Even nodded. “We made out.”

“You—I’m sorry, what?” Erik asked, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. “What the fuck are you talking about, Even?”

“I met Lise at the party on Friday, and we made out. Now I’m going to eat lunch with her,” he explained. Again. “You’re welcome to join us, but you obviously don’t have to.”

“Are you dating her?”

“What? No.”

“Do you want to?” Erik asked.

Even rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t want to date her. We made out once, Erik.”

“What about Isak?”

“Isak and I aren’t together.”

“No,” Erik agreed, drawing the word out, “but you still had feelings for him the last time I checked.”

“That’s why I made out with Lise.”

“You used her for your rebound?”

“She knew what was going on. She’s rebounding, too.”

“You know how messed up this sounds, right?” Erik asked. “Like, I am fully behind you getting over Isak, but—”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Okay, okay,” Erik said, lifting his hands defensively. “If you want to do this, fine. Let’s go meet this Lise person.”

They walked into the cafeteria, and Even immediately spotted Isak in the far left corner, near the window. He fought the urge to immediately walk over, tearing his eyes away from him before Isak noticed he was there, instead scanning the room for Lise. He spotted her on the opposite side of the room, sat alone. Even nodded in her direction.

“Hey, Even!” she said happily as they approached her table. “And you must be Erik.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” she said, smirking. “Even failed to mention you were cute.”

Erik laughed, sitting down next to her at the table. Even moved to sit on her other side. He tried to keep his attention on them as they flirted playfully back and forth.

When Even finally met Isak’s eyes across the cafeteria, his expression was blank. Completely unreadable. It wasn’t comforting, in the slightest. He wanted so badly to go over there and explain everything, but Even knew that doing so would just put him back where he was before everything. Part of him was worried—terrified that this was putting his whole relationship with Isak at risk, but Lise was right. He needed to put himself first right now. He needed to figure out if he was able to be friends with Isak and nothing more _without_ every day hurting, and the only way he was going to be able to do that was with a clear head. With space.

* * *

“Is Even not eating with us today?”

Isak clenched his jaw. “I guess not.”

“Who’s the girl he’s sitting with?”

“I don’t know. They were together at the party on Friday.”

“Together?” Jonas asked, quirking his eyebrows. “In what way?”

Isak shrugged. “They were dancing. Making out. They probably hooked up, I don’t know.” Everyone was staring at him like he’d grown another head. _Or_ , Isak thought, _like they’re waiting for me to break_. “He’s allowed to have other friends, guys,” Isak pointed out. “At least he’s branching out. Staying away from Lars.”

“Right,” Mahdi said, nodding. “That’s true.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Isak?” Jonas asked quietly once Magnus and Mahdi moved onto a new topic.

“I’m fine,” Isak assured him. “Why would I not be fine?”

Jonas sighed, and leveled him with a look. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“No,” Isak said, dropping his gaze to the table. Jonas had always been too good and reading him. “I’m fine, I promise.”

“Okay.”

“I just…it’s good, right? He’s moving on.”

“In theory, yeah. Unless you still have feelings for him?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Of course I still have feelings for him, Jonas. That doesn’t mean we should be together.”

“But you want to be with him, don’t you?” Jonas pressed. “Seeing him with someone else… you’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“No. Yes—I don’t. I don’t know, I don’t want to be.”

“Why not?”

“Because—because we shouldn’t be together.”

“You keep saying that, but you still haven’t given me a good reason why that is.”

“We’ll just end up hurting each other again.”

“Okay, first of all, you have literally no way of knowing that,” Jonas pointed out, his voice laced with exasperation. “But more than that, you can’t live your life avoiding everything that might possibly hurt you. Sometimes you just gotta take a chance and hope it turns out better than you expected.”

“It doesn’t really matter now, does it?” Isak asked. “Look at him. He’s happy with her.”

“He’d probably be happier with you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Isak,” Jonas said firmly, “he’s literally just doing what you told him to do. You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be with him, you told him over and over again he had to move on, so that’s what he’s doing. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you.”

“But—”

“No, just… stop arguing with me for once and listen.” Jonas glanced over at Even briefly, before turning his gaze back on Isak. He hadn’t seen his best friend look so serious in a long ass time. “I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that Even wants to be with you still, but you cannot expect him to wait for you forever. You need to make up your mind now. If you don’t want to be with him, you need to let him move on. You can’t keep stringing him along.”

“I never meant to…”

“I know,” Jonas said sadly. “I know you didn’t, but you are. And I know that this isn’t an easy decision to make, but you need to stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and start thinking about what it’d be like if it went _right._ Decide if you want to take a chance on him, if what you feel for him is worth the risks.”

Isak sighed. “Okay. Yeah, I get your point.”

“It’s been a hard year for you, kid,” Jonas joked, wrapping one arm around Isak’s neck and using the other to ruffle his hair.

“What the fuck, get off me,” Isak said, pushing Jonas off. “I’m literally the same age as you.”

“But I am much wiser.”

“You’re so full of shit.”

Jonas flashed a smile. “You know you love me.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

* * *

Even was spending all his time with Lise. Isak only knew her damn name because he’d finally broke down and asked over text, which was about the only time he and Even even interacted anymore. Like, he knew that _he_ was the one who told Even to move on. Isak knew that. But he didn’t expect Even’s version of moving on would leave Isak completely out of the picture.

They’d barely spoken all week, their conversations basically restricted to friendly greetings in the hallways between classes, and the jealousy he’d felt on Friday (which, yes, thanks to Jonas, Isak had been able to admit it was jealousy) had only increased the more time Even spent with her. Every time they were together, he was all smiles. Completely casual and comfortable.

Isak wished he was still able to make Even feel like that. He wished he was able to pull easy smiles from Even’s lips. He wasn’t even sure when he stopped being able to do so. Probably sometime after he selfishly pushed Even away and told him to _just move on_ like a complete moron.

He was sure he was starting to look like a jealous idiot.

It probably didn’t help that he was currently staring out the window on the second floor, watching as Even and Lise made their way across the courtyard. Probably to head to Even’s place. Isak wondered if they were still hooking up.

“Looks like Even’s found himself a new toy.”

Isak jumped, spinning around to find Lars peering out the window at where Lise and Even were. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged. “Just wanted to see how you were holding up. Must be hard knowing how easily replaceable you are.”

“Fuck off,” Isak growled.

“Hey, don’t snap at me. It’s not like I told your boyfriend to move on. Pretty sure you did that all on your own.” Lars smiled, and leaned forward, effectively trapping Isak against the windowsill. “If you ever get lonely, though, I’m more than willing to keep you company.”

Isak shoved him back roughly, watching as he staggered backwards. “Why can’t you just leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?”

“Nothing, Isak. You’re just much too fun to play with.”

“You’re a pig.”

Lars hummed. “Maybe.”

Isak watched him walk away, smug smile on his stupid face like he’d won something. Isak hated him. Lars made his blood boil. He wished that there was something he could do to get back at him for everything, but he couldn’t. Because as much as Isak hated to admit it, Lars scared the shit out of him, too. He always seemed to know just what to say to hit all Isak’s insecurities. Isak knew better than to listen to him, but the seeds of doubt were still planted.

Lars was always able to get into his head.

And his touches. Isak shivered just thinking about the feeling of Lars’ hands on him. It was never anything more than ‘friendly,’ innocent to anyone looking on, but it made Isak feel like he was an object. The way that Lars looked at him, like he wanted to _use_ him. Isak felt sick at the thought that Lars considered him to be Even’s _toy_.

He knew he should tell Jonas. Maybe even Even, but every time he thought about doing so, he just… couldn’t. It made him feel pathetic, weak, to run to his friends just because Lars occasionally said some disgusting shit. It wasn’t like they’d be able to do anything, anyway. Even already beat him up, and it did literally nothing to deter him. If anything, it seemed to spur Lars on.

Isak pushed the encounter into a box at the back of his mind and squared his shoulders. He glanced out the window, seeing that Even and Lise were long gone. With a sigh, he finally decided it was time to head home.

* * *

“Hey, how’s it going?” Even asked cheerfully as he sat down at the table for the first time all week.

Before Isak could even be happy about that fact, Lise sat down next to him. Everyone’s eyes moved to her, and then slowly back to Isak. He did his best to keep his expression neutral. The last thing he needed was everyone getting worried about him again.

Even cleared his throat, grabbing their attention again. “Guys, this is Lise. Lise, this is Magnus, Jonas, Mahdi, and,” Even made eye contact, finally, and Isak struggled to keep his passive façade, “Isak.”

“Nice to meet you guys!” Lise said. “Apologies in advance for when I inevitably forget your names. I’m _terrible_ with names.”

Everyone chuckled, mostly to be polite. Isak turned back to the sandwich in front of him, but found that he had no real appetite left. Still, he picked at the bread so he had something to focus on other than the fact Even was sitting too close to Lise, that he seemed happier than he had in a long time with her.

“So, how’d you meet?” Mags asked.

Isak didn’t want to hear the story. He didn’t want to hear Even’s version of things—how a kiss at a party turned into them spending every moment together. He wanted to be happy for Even, but he just wasn’t. There was no way Isak would be able to keep his façade up if he was forced to listen to how easy it was for Even to move on.

“I gotta go,” he said, abruptly standing from the table. He slung his backpack over one shoulder, and grabbed his half-eaten sandwich before walking away without giving anyone the chance to respond. He could feel their eyes on him as he went.

When Isak reached the door to the cafeteria, he dropped the rest of his sandwich in the garbage.

**Eva**

12:41

can I come eat with you guys?

Of course. We’re sitting outside

Everything ok?

Isak moved quickly to the courtyard, spotting Eva and the girls easily at one of the outdoor tables. He tried to mask his expression into something neutral as he walked over, but he could tell by the concern on Eva’s face it wasn’t working. She scooted over as he reached the table, and Isak slid into the seat next to her with a sigh.

“What’s going on?” she asked. “What happened?”

Isak glanced around the table, at Sana, and Noora, and Vilde, and Chris. He’d wanted to talk to Eva, knew she’d be able to talk some sense into him when he was too caught in his own head, but now that he was faced with an audience, Isak felt self-conscious. He dropped his gaze to the table and said, “Nothing. Am I not allowed to want to spend time with you?”

“Of course you are.” Eva smiled, and whatever conversation they were having before he showed up resumed like he hadn’t interrupted it. Isak let out a sigh of relief. God, he loved Eva. All the girls, really. The guys never knew when to stop prying, never noticed when he was uncomfortable. The girls were the complete opposite.

Isak sat and listened to their conversation, only half paying attention to it. From what he could gather, it was something to do with Russ. Vilde was as obsessed as ever with the event, despite the fact they still had a year to go before it’d be their turn.

After a while, Chris, Vilde, and Noora excused themselves. Isak didn’t hear their excuse, but was almost glad that they were leaving. As soon as they were out of ear shoot, Eva turned on him with an expectant look.

“Even introduced us to Lise today,” Isak explained. Sana and Eva both knew who she was, having asked earlier in the week when they noticed Even spending all his time with her. “He brought her to lunch.”

“Oh.” Eva nodded. “Was that… how was that?”

Isak shrugged. “I left pretty quick. I thought I’d be able to handle it, but I couldn’t.”

“What couldn’t you handle, Isak?” Sana prompted.

“Seeing him with her. Happy with her.” Isak sighed. “Happier with her than he was with me.”

“I don’t think that’s completely true,” Eva said softly. “I think he is happier now than he has been since you found out about the bet, but I don’t think he’s happier then when you two were together.”

“Doesn’t really matter, though, does it? He’s just doing what I told him to do. He’s moving on.”

“I think they’re just friends, actually,” Sana said.

Isak rolled his eyes. “They literally made out in the middle of the dance floor at that party, Sana. And he spends all his time with her.”

“So?”

“So, there’s no way that there isn’t something going on there.”

“And that upsets you?” Eva asked. “Seeing him with someone else, I mean.”

“Of course it fucking does.”

“Why?” Sana pressed.

“What do you mean _why_?”

“Why does it upset you?”

“Why do you think?”

Sana quirked an eyebrow. “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“Because I fucking love him, okay?” Isak blurted, a little louder than he was intending. He felt his face flush in embarrassment as he glanced around the, thankfully empty, courtyard.

“And you want to be with him?” Eva asked softly, reaching an arm around his shoulders and pulling him snug against her side.

“Of course I do. Who wouldn’t?”

Eva hummed. “At least you’re sure of your feelings now.”

“Yeah. Just in time to lose him to someone else.”

“Oh, please,” Sana scoffed. “You two are so gone for each other it’s actually disgusting. Just talk to him, for fuck’s sake. Swallow your damn pride and admit that you were wrong, and that you want to be with him.”

“I can’t—”

“She’s right, Issy,” Eva said. “You’ve been dancing around each other for too long. You just need to suck it up and put yourself out there. I’m pretty sure that Even still feels the same way about you, but you can’t just wait for him to come back. You pushed him away, you told him to move on, now _you_ need to admit that you were wrong, and that seeing him with her made you realize that you wanted to still be together.”

“What if he doesn’t want me like that anymore?”

Eva shrugged. “Then I’m afraid that’s life. Sometimes you’ve got to just take the risk. If you really love him, don’t you think he’s worth it?”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

Eva kissed the top of his head, squeezing his shoulders tightly. “I’m so proud of you,” she cooed. “My little Issy who used to have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon is finally putting himself out there for love. You’ve grown so much.”

Isak pushed her off, rolling his eyes. “You’re so embarrassing.”

“You love me.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

Isak stared down at his phone. It was already past two in the morning, and he knew that sending Even a message at this time was asking for trouble, but it’d been two days since he’d told Eva he would talk to Even, and he still couldn’t even bring himself to compose a fucking text message.

He didn’t understand why he was nervous. It was Even. He wasn’t going to say no to a conversation just because he’d started hanging around with Lise more. Isak knew that, knew that his anxiety was completely ridiculous, but that didn’t make composing the message any easier.

**Even**

2:32

are you free on Saturday?

 

Isak sighed. So much panic and anxiety for such a stupid, simple message. He let his phone drop onto the pillow next to his head, staring into the darkness of his room. He listened for the sounds of the city, trying to draw on the familiar sounds to lull him to sleep, but it was an oddly quiet night.

He turned onto his side, curling up around one of his pillows. Isak forced his eyes closed, consciously levelling out his breathing and focusing his thoughts on it instead of Even, like all those dumb YouTube meditation guides said to do.

It didn’t work.

Isak sighed again, flopping back onto his back. The buzz of his phone broke through the silence of the room, and he reached for it embarrassingly quickly.

**Even**

2:50

I am

Wanna hang out?

I feel like I’ve barely seen you this week.

 

Isak groaned, regretting sending the second message almost instantly. It sounded needy, pathetic. He didn’t want Even to know just how painful the week had been. Again, Isak knew Even wasn’t the kind of person to laugh at him, but a dark part of his brain was convinced that Even was lying in bed, with Lise, laughing at him.

Even if he was, his positive response came quickly enough. Isak’s relief was short-lived, however, when he realized that that meant he had less than a day to figure out what the hell he was going to say to Even. What was he even _supposed_ to say?

_‘Yeah, I know I told you to move on but actually I’m not okay with that and want you to be with me’_?

How was he supposed to tell Even how he felt without sounding like a selfish prick? Even was happy with Lise. Even if Sana was right, and there was nothing there but friendship, Isak couldn’t help but feel like dragging their emotions back up would be putting that happiness at risk. Isak was certain now that he _did_ want to be with Even, that he wanted to take that risk even if it meant the possibility of getting hurt again, but what if Even didn’t feel the same anymore?

Isak wasn’t sure if he could take the rejection. He wasn’t sure if he could live with himself if he lost someone so amazing because of his own selfish fears.

But Eva had been right. Isak had to decide if Even was worth the risks, and Isak had decided that he was. That meant swallowing his pride, and his anxiety, and putting everything on the table. It meant leaving himself completely at Even’s mercy.

Isak just hoped he wasn’t too late.

* * *

“Isak, stop pacing,” Eskild said. Isak paused, glancing over to where Eskild and Linn were sitting on the couch.

“Sorry,” he muttered, sitting down next to them.

“What’s got you all… fidgety?” Eskild asked.

“I’m, uh… Even’s coming over. We’re going to talk.”

Eskild quirked an eyebrow. “About what?”

“Us. Or, I guess… there’s not really an us. But I want there to be?”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Isak swallowed around the growing lump in his throat. “Yes. I do.”

“Oh, I’m so proud of you, baby gay!” Eskild said happily, throwing his arms around Isak’s shoulders. “I knew you’d get out of that head of yours eventually.”

“Thanks,” Isak said dryly.

“Oh, don’t get all grumpy on me. I love you very much, but you can be such a drama queen.”

Before Isak could answer, their doorbell rang. He felt himself pale, a wave of nervousness washing over him. He stood and made his way over to the door almost on autopilot. Isak stared the door down, trying to ignore how sweaty his palms were was he reached out to grab the doorknob. With one, final deep breath, he pulled the door open.

Even was waiting on the other side, looking as good as always.

With Lise.

All the nervousness Isak was feeling was quickly replaced by a burning embarrassment and anger. He couldn’t even bring himself to say hello, or to welcome them inside. He just frowned, eyes drifting between Lise and Even.

“Hi, Isak,” Even said, sounding way too casual about the whole situation.

“Hi,” Isak said, through clenched teeth.

After another moment of silence, Even awkwardly asked, “Can we come in?”

Isak stepped aside, feeling numb as he watched Even lead Lise into his apartment. Isak hated seeing her, hated that she was invading _his_ safe space. She didn’t belong here. She wasn’t welcome here. He took a moment to take a deep breath as he closed the door, trying to compose himself at least a little bit before moving into the living room.

When he got there, Even and Lise were sitting nice and close as always, across from Eskild and Linn who both looked more than a little shocked to find an additional person in the flat. The sight just spurred his anger, and before Isak could really think about what he was saying, he blurted, “Even, can I talk to you, please? In private.”

Even looked a little confused, but he stood and followed Isak to his bedroom nonetheless. “Is everything okay?” he asked, as soon as Isak had closed the door behind them.

“Is everything okay?” Isak spit back, his voice bitter. “What do you think, Even? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, here,” Even said, lifting his hands defensively. “What did I do wrong?”

“Why the hell did you bring _her_? In what world did you think that’d be okay?”

“Lise?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. It only spurred Isak’s anger. “I figured it’d be a good chance for you to get to know her a bit better, since you left at lu—”

“I don’t _want_ to get to know her, Even!” Isak yelled. “I invited _you_ , not her. I wanted to talk to you!”

“I’m sorry. If I would’ve realized it would be a problem, I wouldn’t have brought her. I just thought—”

“What?” Isak interrupted again. “Please, tell me in what situation you thought I’d be glad to see her.”

“Look, Isak, I don’t know what your issue with her is, but you’re kind of being a dick,” Even said, his voice calm but laced with an underlying anger. “She’s my friend, you’re my friend, I wanted to properly introduce you guys.”

“Friend.” Isak scoffed. “Right.” He didn’t even know if he was referring to Even calling him a friend, or Lise. Both were ridiculous, really.

“Yes, friend. Do you have an issue with me being friends with her?”

“Yes!” Isak shouted without really thinking.

“Why?” Even yelled back. “You told me to move on, Isak! This is what you wanted!”

“Fuck you!”

Anger was burning through Isak’s veins. He was practically shaking with it, and he _knew_ he was being ridiculous but he just… he couldn’t help it. He knew it wasn’t Even’s fault, that he didn’t technically do anything wrong, but the rational side of Isak’s brain that understood that seemed to be asleep, or something, because he was still yelling. Still taking it all out on Even, who just looked hurt, and confused, and maybe a little bit angry too.

This was the first time they’d ever fought, like _really_ fought. Not some petty misunderstanding, not something with an easy fix. This was the first time they’d actually genuinely yelled at each other, their voices gradually raising in volume until they were both standing, all up in each other’s space as their chests heaved.

All this anger wasn’t just because Isak was… was _jealous_ of a girl. That’s what started it, maybe, but no. This was everything all coming together at once. Everything they’d ever pushed down and pent up inside them was just ripping free and getting thrown into the fire, fueling the argument. Isak knew they were saying things that they would regret, but he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop the words.

“Do you have to be so _fucking_ stubborn all the time?” Even yelled, stepping even closer until Isak was forced to tilt his chin up to keep eye contact. “You frustrate the hell out of me.”

“Then just fucking leave,” Isak spit back, the hurt and anger twisting its grip on his heart. “Go have fun with Lise.”

“What are you even _talking_ about?” Even asked, throwing his arms up. “She’s just a friend, Isak. Not that you have any right to be angry or jealous because we’re _not together_.”

“I fucking know that!”

Even’s mouth snapped shut, and Isak thought maybe he really was going to leave, but he didn’t. He just stood there, studying Isak’s face for a moment, before grabbing it a little too roughly in his hands. Isak couldn’t help the gasp that escaped his lips at the feel of Even’s hands on his skin—burning, familiar. He knew what Even planned to do, because even now, even when they were angry and fueled by emotions, Even took the time to make sure that Isak’s feelings came first. That he wasn’t actually going to hurt him.

Once he found whatever he was looking for in Isak’s eyes, Even surged forward and smashed their lips together. It wasn’t kind. It wasn’t sweet. It was rough, demanding. It was teeth and desperation.

Isak sucked in a breath, reaching up to grip Even’s elbows tightly, holding him in place. He closed his eyes, and fell into the kiss. Kissing Even again was more than Isak could’ve ever prepared himself for. It was like he was finally breathing again after months of choking on air. It was like coming home after the longest day of his life. It was a piece of himself he hadn’t realized he’d lost until it fell back into place.

Too soon, Even pulled away. Not just from the kiss, but from Isak completely. He took two steps back, lifting a hand to his mouth and staring at Isak with wide eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he said.

Isak felt his heart plummet into his stomach. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” Even said quietly. Isak watched him turn and walk away. Listened as his footsteps got quieter as he navigated through the flat. He heard Even grab Lise, say goodbye to Eskild and Linn. Isak just stood there, staring at the space Even had occupied, until he heard the door click open, and back closed again.

Isak sat down heavily on his bed, still staring absentmindedly at the space that Even had just occupied. His lips still tingled, still felt the ghost of Even’s touch. Except now, he felt so _fucking_ hollow. Kissing Even had felt like coming back home. It confirmed all Isak’s suspicions that he did still want to be with Even like that. Confirmed that Isak had never stopped loving Even.

He’d made his decision, just like Jonas told him to. He wanted to take the risk, to be with Even.

But Even?

Even had stopped loving him.

* * *

Isak spent the rest of the weekend moping around and feeling sorry for himself. He knew it was his own fault that he’d lost Even. He knew that if he would’ve just stopped being so stubborn and selfish earlier, Even would’ve never been forced to turn to someone else. To find happiness in someone else.

Isak knew it was his own fucking fault, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

By school on Monday, he was far from ready to face anyone. Isak was starting to regret telling Jonas and Eva that he was planning to talk to Even, because he knew they’d want to know how it went, and Isak wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about it yet.

He managed to dodge their questions easy enough during class, but he knew that lunch would be a whole other story. It wouldn’t be as simple to avoid when everyone would have their full attention on him. So, knowing he wasn’t able to face it, Isak headed to the only place he knew they wouldn’t look, because it was a place he hadn’t told any of them about.

He headed to his and Even’s place.

His heart ached as he walked through the rows of empty seats, footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent theater as he made his way onto the stage. The couch was in the same place as always. Part of Isak expected it to be gone. It was a symbol of his and Even’s relationship, so why would it be there?

Isak sighed, and sat heavily onto the lumpy cushions. He reminded himself that it wasn’t a fucking symbol of anything. It was a couch. A gross, donated, theater couch. Nothing more.

He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, likely Jonas or Eva asking where he was, but Isak didn’t have the energy to make up excuses. He was just so fucking tired. His limbs felt heavy with exhaustion, and he’d had a headache since Saturday. Still, sleep never seemed to come for him at night. He’d been getting a whopping four hours a night.

The couch was comfortable, though. Isak let his eyes drift closed, his head lulling back to rest on the back of the couch. A nap would probably be okay, right? It wasn’t like anyone was going to come into the theater for no reason. He was just so fucking tired.

“Isak?”

Isak’s eyes snapped open, eyes immediately searching the theater for the source of the voice. When his eyes landed on Even, quickly making his way to the stage, Isak almost pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

Even came to kneel in front of him, resting his hands on Isak’s knees. “Are you okay?”

“I…” Isak paused, staring at him. Even’s beautiful blue eyes. His heart clenched painfully in his chest, and Isak could feel tears stinging in the corner of his eyes. He wanted to blame it on his lack of sleep, but really? Really, he just hated that he’d lost this. “No.”

“What’s wrong?” Even asked softly. “Everyone’s worried about you.”

“I fucked up,” Isak admitted.

“How’d you fuck up?”

“I let you go,” Isak said, sounding all too pathetic even to his own ears. He dropped his gaze to the floor, reaching up to rub at his eyes, a little too aggressively. He wanted to apologize and make up excuses for what he said, but Isak knew it was too late for that. He was tired of censoring himself around Even. “I pushed you away, and I told you to move on, and you did. And I hate it.”

“What are you saying, Isak?”

“I still love you, and it took seeing you with _her_ for me to realize it, and—and fuck, I don’t know.”

He chanced a glance at Even, expecting to see pity or some shit, but he was smiling. A huge, overjoyed smile. Isak’s heart skipped, but before he could say anything more, Even was leaning forward and pressing their lips together firmly.

Isak froze, his eyes going wide. He didn’t understand what was happening. Why was Even kissing him now? Was this going to be a mistake, too?

Before he could do anything about it, Even was pulling back. Isak braced himself for another apology, another look of regret. Instead, Even’s hands came to cup his face gently, and he pressed a kiss to Isak’s nose, and his cheeks, and his forehead.

“I love you, too, Isak,” Even said, leaning their foreheads together.

“What about Lise?”

“What about her?”

“You… aren’t you together?” Isak asked.

“No. We’re just friends. I told you on Saturday we were just friends.”

“You said kissing me was a mistake,” Isak said. “Why… if you’re not together, why was it a mistake?”

“I didn’t think you wanted it,” Even admitted. “I basically forced myself on you.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have just left. We should’ve talked.”

“We should’ve talked long before that,” Isak said softly. “I’m sorry we didn’t. I was… I don’t even know. I guess I was scared of being hurt again.”

“I think that’s pretty reasonable.”

Isak shook his head. “It wasn’t. It was stupid, and selfish.”

“It’s okay, Isak. It doesn’t matter now.”

“But—”

“The past is in the past,” Even insisted. “You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want to try this again. I want to forget about everything, and just do it all over. Can we do that?”

Isak’s first instinct was to say ‘ _Yes! Of course!’_ but he didn’t. Because he didn’t want to forget everything they’d been through. That was part of their history, part of their relationship. He bit his lip, and shook his head slowly. Even’s face fell almost immediately, and Isak reached out to run his finger’s over Even’s cheek, to keep him close. “I don’t want to start over. I want to try things again, but I don’t want to forget everything. There was a lot of bad, but there was also a lot of good. I don’t want to forget that.”

“No?”

Isak shook his head. “No.”

“Okay.” Even smiled, and pecked his lips quickly. “But you’ll give me another chance?”

“Yes,” Isak agreed easily. “If you’ll give me one.”

“Deal.”

Isak tilted his chin forward, connecting their lips again. He wrapped his arms lazily around Even’s neck, burying his hands in Even’s hair and breathing him in again. Even’s hands moved to his waist, and Isak let himself be pulled closer, pulled off the couch, until they were both kneeling on the floor. It felt a little ridiculous, and he couldn’t help but pull away to laugh at the position.

“I think the couch is more comfortable,” Isak pointed out.

Even hummed, standing and pulling Isak to his feet before plopping down on the couch. Isak took a second to just look at Even, at the easy smile on his now slightly swollen lips, appreciating how fucking lucky he was. He wished he would’ve gotten his shit together sooner, not wasted so much time worrying about what could happen instead of just letting it happen.

Even quirked an eyebrow, as if asking Isak what his next move was. Isak smirked, and moved to straddle him, his knees sinking into the lumpy couch cushions on either side of Even’s legs. He wrapped his arms loosely around Even’s neck again, and leaned forward to kiss him again.


	22. Chapter 22

Even ran his fingers gently through Isak’s hair, careful not to wake his sleeping boy. He felt a little fuzzy, a little tingly all over. The day definitely hadn’t turned out like he thought it would. Hell, after their fight on the weekend, Even was worried he’d lost the chance at even being friends with Isak. Yet there they were. Curled together on Isak’s bed.

Even craned his neck just enough that he could press a kiss to Isak’s forehead. He’d wanted for so long to be able to hold Isak again, to be able to kiss him and love him, that Even wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to let go.

He knew they still had a lot to talk about. They hadn’t really done much since lunch aside from making out periodically, and enjoying each other’s presence, but Even knew the conversation was coming. Isak probably knew it, too. After everything that they’d been through, they both needed to set some things straight. Even especially wanted to make it clear that he didn’t expect Isak to go public with their relationship, that he understood if Isak wanted to keep it just between them.

They also needed to clear up what happened with Lise. Even wanted Isak to like her. She was nice, and funny, and he thought she’d fit well in their group, but right now there was too much hostility between her and Isak. Even knew that Isak probably assumed that they had slept together, and Even wanted to make it perfectly clear that they had only made out once at that party. He wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any underlying jealousy there.

Even knew they needed to talk, but he couldn’t bring himself to wake Isak up. He looked so _tired_ , and Even was sure that Isak hadn’t been getting as much sleep as he should. His insomnia always got worse when he was stressed, and Even knew that he’d been stressing Isak out a lot since Lise showed up.

Instead, Even took the time to revel in the fact that it was all real. He studied Isak’s sleeping face, traced his features with gentle touches. His fingers itched to draw what he saw, as he’d done so many times before. He wanted to capture Isak’s beauty, the peacefulness of the moment. So he did his best to memorize every detail.

It was late when Isak finally woke up, the sun had long since gone down, and Eskild had come in twice to ask Even if they needed anything. Isak pressed his face further into Even’s neck, nuzzling against his skin as he arched his back a little to stretch. “I fell asleep,” he muttered into Even’s skin.

“You did,” Even said fondly.

“Sorry.” Isak scooted back a little, just enough that they could make eye contact. Even took the opportunity to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Don’t apologize, baby. You needed it.”

Isak yawned. “Maybe. But I still feel bad for leaving you stranded here while I slept on you.”

“Don’t,” Even said again. “I missed being able to hold you.”

He watched as Isak flushed, ducking his head down again. God, Even loved when Isak got all bashful. “I missed this, too. So much.”

“I think we should talk,” Even said, hating to break their blissful little bubble, but knowing the sooner they talked, the less likely something would go wrong. “Clear up some stuff.”

Isak sighed, but nodded. He pushed himself into a sitting position, so Even did the same. He already missed the warmth of Isak’s body against him, and the air between them was starting to feel too tense, too clinical. Even reached for one of Isak’s hands, pulling it into his lap and intertwining their fingers. Isak smiled, and squeezed gently.

“I want to start by clearing something up,” Evens said. “I want you to know that I didn’t hook up with Lise. We’re honestly just friends, Isak. That’s all we ever were.”

“But at the party…”

“We just kissed,” Even promised. “Lise had just broken up with her boyfriend and was looking for a rebound. It was nothing more than kissing.”

“Did you like it?” Isak asked. He scrunched up his face as soon as the words passed his lips, looking guilty. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t—that sounded so rude.”

“It’s okay,” Even said, reaching out to smooth the lines between Isak’s eyebrows. “I didn’t dislike it. It was just kind of weird.”

“Okay.”

“But Isak? Lise is my friend. I am going to keep hanging out with her, and I just… don’t want that to be something that could hurt our relationship.”

Isak sighed, and scooted closer. He reached out to cup Even’s face, and Even leaned into the touch. “It won’t be. I know I’ve been acting like a dick to her, and I’m sorry. I was just jealous, and then I was angry at myself for being jealous.”

“I probably would’ve acted the same way, if our positions were reversed,” Even admitted. “I hated seeing you with that guy at the party.”

“Julian?” Isak asked, laughing. “Ugh, don’t worry about Julian. He’s definitely not my type.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Isak repeated.

Even leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Isak’s lips. When he pulled away, he couldn’t help but lift a hand to trace the soft curve of them. His soft boy. Even’s heart felt so full. “I love you,” he said quietly.

“I love you, too,” Isak said. “And this time, I want people to know that.”

Even quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah? Are you sure?”

“Yeah. They already know we were together, and I’m tired of hiding you. I’m tired of having to be careful around you. I just want to be with you.”

“What about Lars?” Even asked tentatively. “I don’t know how he’ll react when he finds out we ended up together regardless of everything he did.”

“We’ll deal with whatever he does together. He’s not going to ruin this again.”

“You’re sure?”

Isak nodded. “I’m sure.”

“And you’re not just doing this for me, right?” he asked uncertainly. “Because if you’re not comfortable, then it’s totally fine. As long as we’re together, I don’t care who knows.”

“I know, baby,” Isak said, brushing his fingers through Even’s hair. “I want people to know, though. I’m tired of hiding.”

“Okay. Did you want to tell the guys first, or…?”

“No, I think I just… I just want to show up with you. I don’t want to make it some big deal, or, like, announce it. Is that okay?”

Even smiled. “That’s more than okay.”

“You’re going to stay the night, right?” Isak asked.

“Considering it’s the middle of the night, I would sure hope so.”

Isak laughed, lightly shoving Even’s shoulder. Even used the momentum to fall back onto the pillows, gently tugging Isak with him until his head was back on Even’s chest. Isak’s arm curled around his middle, and he pressed his face into Even’s neck.

It didn’t take long for Even to fall asleep.

* * *

Isak was nervous. He knew he didn’t really have a reason to be, that it was likely their friends wouldn’t even be shocked that they were back together, but he still was. This was the first time he’d ever be open about his sexuality. The first time he’d walk into school and let everyone see that him and Even were together. And as exciting as that was, it was also incredibly daunting.

There was also Lars. Despite what he said to Even the night before, Isak _was_ worried about Lars. He hadn’t exactly told Even, or anyone, that Lars was still pestering him occasionally, and Isak worried that Even was right, and that their relationship would just spur him on.

Even pulled them to a stop just outside the courtyard of the school, just outside of the view of everyone. Isak tilted his head in question, and Even pulled him closer. “Are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

Isak sighed. Of course Even could tell he was nervous. It was Even. He squeezed his hand gently. “I am. It’s a little daunting, but I wanna do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Isak said. “I don’t care what they think anymore, as long as I’ve got you.”

“You’ll tell me if it gets too much, though?” Even asked.

Isak nodded, kissing him quickly. “I will, as long as you’ll do the same?”

“Will do.”

Isak hummed and kissed Even again. He meant for it to be chaste, quick, but when Even’s hand moved to cup the back of his neck, Isak couldn’t help but let him deepen it. It’d been so long since he was allowed to kiss Even, and he didn’t really want to _stop_ kissing him now that he could.

When Isak finally broke their kiss, instead leaning their foreheads together, they were both a little short of breath. Isak couldn’t stop the smile that took over his face. “Shall we?” he asked, stepping away and nodding towards the school.”

“We shall,” Even said.

Isak reached for his hand again. Their fingers intertwined easily, and Even’s palm was warm against his own. He let Even take the first step, his heart beating a little quicker than usual as they walked into the courtyard. Isak could feel eyes on them as soon as they stepped into view, but he tried not to let it get to him. Instead, he scanned the area for the guys. They were sitting at one of the picnic tables close to the entrance.

Magnus noticed them first—because of _course_ he did—and his eyes went almost comically wide. Within seconds he was nudging Jonas and Mahdi, and obnoxiously pointing in Isak’s direction. “Could he be more obvious?” Isak muttered to Even, though he couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice.

“He might be more excited about us being back together than we are.”

“Impossible,” Isak said. “But he’s definitely close.”

As soon as Isak and Even were close enough to hear, Magnus rather loudly asked, “Are you two back together?”

“What do you think, Mags?” Isak said flatly.

“I just can’t believe it. Evak reigns strong!”

Isak rolled his eyes, but when Even let go of his hand in place of throwing an arm over his shoulder and pulling him close, Isak happily went.

“So when’d this happen?” Jonas asked. He didn’t sound disappointed, which Isak was worried about.

“Yesterday.”

“Took you guys long enough.”

Isak threw up a finger, but didn’t respond. Instead, he pressed his face into Even’s neck, breathing in his familiar sent and letting it calm the adrenaline that had built. Now that they were at school, now that the first steps were taken, he felt a lot better. Calmer. The anxiety he felt was lessened, however slightly. Isak knew that they still had Lars to worry about, and he knew that they’d probably be the talk of the school again, but it’d be okay. They’d be okay.

As long as they were together.

Eva was almost worse than Magnus when she arrived, letting out a happy squeal as she reached their table. She tugged Isak out of Even’s arms and pulled him in for a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you,” she said. “I knew you two would sort it out.”

“Apparently everyone did.”

“To be fair, you two were transparent as fuck with how you felt about each other,” Sana piped up from where she stood behind Eva. The small smile on her face counteracted the tired tone of her voice. Isak was glad to have her approval, too.

Isak was almost reluctant to go to class when the bell went. Now that he had Even again, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. They’d wasted so much time with all the drama. Now Isak just wanted to enjoy it. To be happy.

Even, ever the gentleman, walked Isak to his first class. They paused outside the door, just out of view of all his classmates inside. Isak hooked his fingers through Even’s belt loops and tugged him forward until they were pressed together. Even slipped his hands into Isak’s back pockets and squeezed gently. “You’re going to be late for class,” he breathed against Isak’s lips.

Isak hummed, and tilted his chin up to press their lips together. “Maybe. You’ll be later.”

“It’s worth it.”

“Lunch today?” Isak asked, sliding his hands up Even’s sides slowly. “Our spot?”

“Sounds perfect. Sure the guys won’t mind?”

“Don’t care. Wanna spend it with you.”

Even chuckled and kissed him again before pulling away. Isak reluctantly let him go. “I’ll see you then. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

He watched Even walk down the hall, unable to hide his smile as Even threw a wink over his shoulder and proceeded to almost trip. God, Isak missed him.

* * *

 

**Unknown**

10:56

do you honestly think he loves you?

How pathetic.

* * *

When Even showed up at Isak’s biology class to take him to lunch, he was met with Sana. Alone.

“Where’s Isak?”

“Good question,” she said, quirking an eyebrow. “He didn’t show up.”

“What?”

“Eva said he was in his last class, but I guess he skipped this class. I thought he was with you.”

Even shook his head. “I was in art. I was supposed to meet him here for lunch.”

“I tried texting him, but he didn’t answer,” Sana said, sounding more worried. “Let me know when you find him?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll text you if I see him, too.”

“Thanks, Sana,” Even said, already heading in the direction of the theater. His heart was in his throat. It took everything in him not to sprint through the hallways, but he fell into a half-jog as soon as he got into the theater.

Isak was there, thankfully, but any relief Even felt fell away when he saw the look on Isak’s face. He looked tired, and upset. “Isak?” he asked quietly. Isak’s head snapped up, like he hadn’t even heard Even enter the theater. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Isak held his phone out. Even took it gently, his eyes quickly reading the open conversation with an unknown number. With Lars’ number. Even sighed, locking the phone and sitting on the couch next to Isak. The younger boy curled into his side immediately, looping his arms around Even’s middle and throwing his legs over Even’s lap.

“I know it’s just bullshit. I know he’s just trying to get in my head,” Isak said weakly, “but I hate it. I hate that he won’t just leave me the fuck alone.”

“I’m sorry, love,” Even said, carding his fingers through Isak’s hair and pressing a kiss to his temple. “I wish I could make him stop.”

“I just don’t know what he’s got against me. I don’t know what I did to make myself a target.”

“It’s not you. He just likes fucking with people.”

Isak shook his head, the tip of his nose rubbing against Even’s shoulder. “It _is_ me. You—even after we broke up, he kept finding me. Saying shit like this and then walking away.”

“He what?”

“He used to show up at my locker and stuff. Say that—say shit, and then walk away.”

“Say what?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Even took a breath, trying not to let the anger boiling in him out on Isak. “Please, baby. Tell me.”

“It was just stupid shit. Like that I was just a toy to you and stuff like that. It wasn’t a big deal. It’s _not_ a big deal,” Isak insisted. “I just… he never had my number before, this caught me off guard. I’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Is. This is harassment.”

“It’s seriously fine, Even. He’ll get bored of me sometime.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Isak shrugged. “I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. I figured it was just part of whatever game he was playing.”

“We should go to the principal.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “We are not going to the principal.”

“This kind of stuff could get him expelled.”

“It could also get _you_ expelled, if he decides to throw you under the bus,” Isak said. “It’s seriously fine, Even. I just have to block his number.”

“I don’t like seeing you upset,” Even said softly, brushing the curls off Isak’s forehead and leaving a kiss in their wake. “I don’t want him hurting you.”

“I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting it, and I was having a good day. It’ll be okay.”

“From now on, tell me when this happens?”

“Fine. As long as you promise not to beat him up again.”

Even laughed. “I promise.”

“Good. Now can we forget about it?”

“For now.”

“Was Sana pissed I skipped bio?”

“Not pissed. Worried.”

“Don’t…” Isak sighed. “Can we not tell anyone about this? I don’t want everyone getting all defensive again.”

“Fine. Unless it gets worse, then you need to promise me we can do something about it.”

“Alright.”

Even leaned forward to kiss him, tightening his grip around Isak’s waist and pulling him closer. He let Isak deepen the kiss, let the worry he felt melt from his thoughts with each press, each swipe of Isak’s tongue, each gasped breath.

When they finally broke apart, Lars had been pushed to the back of both of their minds.

“So,” Even said, “would you maybe be willing to meet Lise today after school?”

“I…” Isak bit his lip. “Yeah.”

“If you really don’t like her after you actually have a proper conversation with her, I won’t force you to hang out together. She’s just… I want to have as many good people in my life as I can.”

“I know. I’m glad you met her,” Isak said. “I’m sure she’s great. I just hated seeing you with her before because I thought I’d lost you to her. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I know what it feels like to be jealous.”

“I need to go talk to my bio teacher after school, give an excuse for missing her class and grab my homework. But I can meet you guys at kaffebrennereit?”

“Sounds good to me. Still just drinking boring Americanos?”

Isak shoved his shoulder gently. “Sorry I don’t like paying for overpriced coffee that’s over half sugar.”

“You’re missing out, I’m telling you.”

“Whatever you say.”

Even kissed the tip of his nose. “You’re adorable.”

“Fuck off.”

“Never.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Wow can you believe I'm actually updating??)
> 
> No but really, I'm sorry that these have turned into bi-weekly updates. My brain knows where this story wants to go, but I've been hitting a block on it when I actually sit down to write. I ended up stepping away from it last week and working on another story (which I'm also really excited about and want to share but am determined to actually finish first so this kind of stuff doesn't happen) and it was refreshing. When I came back, this Isak took me in a bit of an unexpected direction, but I'm happy with it. I'm hoping you guys are, too. 
> 
> I would like to promise weekly updates, but for my sanity and in hopes of keeping quality over quantity, I think I'm going to stick to bi-weekly from here on out. Sorry guys <3

Isak was nervous. He’d been sitting on a bench half a block away from the KB for almost ten minutes trying to psych himself out enough to actually go. He knew that Even was probably waiting, maybe even worried after everything that had happened at lunch. Isak hadn’t been nervous at lunch when Even had asked if he would be willing to meet Lise, but now? He was worried that they wouldn’t get along.

The last thing Isak wanted was for Even to feel like he had to choose between them. He was so, _so_ happy to know that Even was starting to find more people who were good for him. He deserved it after everything he’d been through. And Even was always so willing to hang out with his friends, Isak would feel like shit if he couldn’t at least return the favour.

Isak also knew that once he was in there, with Even by his side, things would be okay.

It was just… getting there that was the problem. Actually pushing down his nervousness and making his feet move. Taking a deep breath, Isak pushed himself up off the bench and started heading towards the KB, focusing on taking things one step at a time rather than thinking about what was waiting for him there. It was pretty busy when he arrived, students littering the tables with textbooks and laptops out. Isak spotted Even quickly enough near the back, chatting happily with Lise.

Isak pushed down the residual jealousy he felt, reminding himself that there was nothing there. Even and Lise were just friends. All they’d ever been were friends.

All the tension and worry that had been building since he left Nissen faded into the background as soon as Even noticed him. The minute their eyes met, and Isak watched Even’s smile grow, Isak felt like he could breathe again. He started pushing his way through the crowded KB until he reached the table, leaning down to press a kiss to Even’s cheek before slipping into the chair next to him.

When he finally turned his attention to Lise, Isak was surprised to see genuine happiness on her face. “I don’t think we’ve really had the chance to properly meet,” she said, offering a hand. “I’m Lise.”

Isak nodded, reaching out to shake her hand tentatively. “Isak.”

A silence fell over their table. Isak wasn’t sure what to say next, how to breach the awkward subject of how he treated her the last couple times they’d been in the same room. How to move past his jealousy and how much of an asshole he was for no real reason other than the fact she had something he wanted.

Isak reached for Even’s hand under the table, seeking out the comfort his touch brought. Even smiled softly and intertwined their fingers easily, tugging Isak’s hand gently into his lap and squeezing. “I’m sorry for how I treated you before,” Isak said finally. “I could give you excuses for it, but it won’t change the fact that it was unfair.”

“It’s chill, Isak,” Lise said, leaning forward on her elbows. “I’m just glad you guys finally got your shit together.”

Isak barked out a surprised laugh. “Me too, I guess?”

“I’m just saying,” Lise continued with a shrug, “the whole school could see you two were both stupid for each other. It was painful to watch sometimes.”

“Okay, Okay,” Even said, chuckling. “Let’s not exaggerate.”

“Trust me, I’m not.” Lise winked, and turned her attention back to Isak. “So, Even tells me you’re a huge marine biology nerd.”

“He does?”

Lise hummed. “You’re one of the only things he talks about.”

“Really?” Isak asked, smiling as he watched Even sputter indigently.

“That’s not true,” he argued. “We talk about loads of things.”

“Most of the time it leads back to Isak somehow.”

Isak smiled as he watched Even blush, squeezing Even’s fingers gently. Even muttered a quiet _traitor_ under his breath, but Lise didn’t seem to care. “Are you into marine biology?” Isak asked, mostly to save his poor boyfriend from more embarrassment.

“Not really. I don’t have a science brain. I just love marine animals in general.”

“Yeah? What’s your favourite?”

“Dolphins, probably.”

Isak smiled. “Me, too. Have you ever been to the aquarium in Bergen?”

“Yeah! I love that place. Even told me he took you there a little while ago, and I am so jealous.”

“It was awesome,” Isak agreed. “I didn’t want to leave.”

“I don’t blame you,” Lise said, leaning back in her chair and taking a generous sip of her drink. Isak felt a wave of relief wash over him. It wasn’t going nearly as poorly as he was worried it would. They were getting along and when Isak snuck a glance at Even he looked just as relieved. “Is it true you’re trying to go to some big school in America?”

Isak nodded. “That’s kind of the dream, yeah.”

“That’s super cool. My cousin went to school in America, and she loved it. Said it changed her.” Lise rolled her eyes. “If anything, I think she just liked that her accent made it easier to get guys.”

After that, conversation started to flow a little easier. Isak let himself relax, melting a little further into Even’s side as his fears faded away. The more he got to know her, the more Lise reminded him of Sana. Which was awesome. Even deserved a Sana. Everyone deserved a Sana, really.

By the time Lise got up to leave, Isak felt like things were starting to actually look up for them. “Will you come over tonight?” he asked as Even picked up their empty cups to bring to the counter.

“If you want me to, yeah.”

“I would offer to make you dinner, but we both know how that’d go.”

Even laughed, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Let me cook for you, then.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. What kind of food do you have for us to use?”

Isak flushed, thinking about his embarrassingly empty shelves. He was pretty sure he had a frozen pizza and half a bag of chips, but doubted that would help Even very much. “Uh, not a lot,” he admitted quietly. “I haven’t had the chance to go shopping.”

“If you’re up to going to my place, I have stuff to make some chicken parm, if that sounds okay?”

Isak pushed the door to the KB open, the cold hitting his face like a slap. He burrowed his face into his scarf and held the door for Even to follow him outside. “That sounds amazing.”

“Did you want to maybe stop by your place first?” Even asked. Isak felt Even’s knuckles brush against his, a quiet question, and didn’t hesitate to lace their fingers together. “It’s already getting late, it might be easier for you to spend the night.”

“Trying to get me into your bed, Bech Næsheim?”

Even smirked. “It’s not a bad thought. Is it working?”

“It might be,” Isak said, already leading Even in the direction of his apartment. “Lise is nice. I’m glad you managed to find her.”

“Me, too. I like how sure she is of herself. I just wish she’d stop letting guys treat her like shit.”

Isak nodded. “She deserves better than them.”

“Apparently she’s giving up until she gets to Uni,” Even explained. “She said that high school guys are just too immature and not worth her time.”

“She has a point.”

The apartment was quiet when they arrived. Isak was almost certain Linn was still home, and motioned for Even to be quiet as they made their way into Isak’s room. He chuckled his backpack unceremoniously onto his bed, knowing better than to bring homework to Even’s house. There was no way he’d get anything done with Even there to distract him.

Isak grabbed a duffle bag and shoved some sweats inside, along with a different shirt to wear to school. He was a little sad he wouldn’t have an excuse to steal Even’s clothes, but there was a giddy feeling in his stomach at the domesticity of it all.

“Just going to go grab my toothbrush,” Isak said, zipping the main compartment of his bag closed.

“Don’t worry about that,” Even said, stepping into his space and looping his fingers through Isak’s belt loops, tugging him gently forward until their chests were pressed together. “I want to pick up a few things from the grocery store on our way to my place. I was thinking we could just… buy you a toothbrush for my place.”

“Yeah?” Isak asked, unable to stop the giant smile from taking over his face.

“Yeah. That sound chill to you?”

Isak hummed, and kissed him quickly. “Yeah. That sounds chill.”

“Let’s go,” Even said, stepping away and grabbing Isak’s hand. “I’m about to make you the best dinner ever.”

“Good. I’m fucking starving.”

* * *

“So,” Isak said as he blindly followed Even through the empty grocery store. “What, exactly, are you looking for?”

“Oats,” Even said, picking said item from the shelf and putting it into the basket.

“I thought you were making chicken?”

“These are for dessert.”

Isak smiled. “You’re going to make me dessert?”

“I do believe I said I was going to make you the best dinner ever. No dinner is complete without a perfect dessert.”

“God, I love you.”

“Good, good.”

Isak felt like he was being more of a pain than anything else as they moved through the surprisingly quiet store, but Even didn’t seem to mind. He just kept smiling, and teasing, and stealing kisses, and Isak wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so damn giddy in his life.

“Should we get wine?” Even asked, picking up a bottle of red and examining it like he actually knew what he was looking for.

Isak crinkled his nose. “Wine?”

“Yeah. For our nice dinner.”

“What about beer?”

Even laughed. “I’m trying to make you a romantic meal, and you want beer?”

“I don’t like wine, it tastes like rotten grapes.”

“Okay, okay,” Even said, putting the wine bottle back and pressing a kiss to Isak’s temple. “Beer it is.”

“Are you sure you don’t want some money? I feel bad that you’re buying all this,” Isak said again as they made their way to the checkout. He hadn’t minded at first, when Even only had a few apples and a toothbrush in his basket, but he’d just kept grabbing stuff.

“Don’t worry about it. My parents give me money for food every month.”

“But…”

“Seriously, Is, it’s fine,” Even said sternly. He started unloading their basket onto the conveyer belt, smiling politely at the cashier as he did so.

Isak stood awkwardly next to him, shifting his weight back and forth as he watched Even make casual conversation with the woman.

“Looks like you’ve got the makings of an apple crumble here,” she said with a smile.

Even nodded. “That’s the plan.”

“How fun. Special occasion?”

“Nah. Just making dinner for my boyfriend.”

Isak flushed, but let himself be pulled against Even’s side. He waited for her to grimace, or make a nasty comment, but none came. Instead, she smiled fondly as she glanced between them. “How nice,” she said, scanning Isak’s toothbrush and placing it on top of everything else in the paper bag. “Sounds like a lovely treat.”

“I’m just glad he’ll be eating something other than frozen pizza.”

“Hey!” Isak said. “I can cook.”

“Eskild told me you burned water once.”

“I forgot it was boiling! I was doing biology.”

Even smiled. “It’s okay, I’ll cook for you whenever you want.”

“I can cook,” Isak grumbled again.

The lady flashed him another smile as Even paid. Isak offered a small smile in return, a silent _thanks_ to the universe for not ruining his night with some malicious stranger. He grabbed their bag from the counter before Even could, insisting that if he was going to pay _and_ cook, the least Isak could do was carry their groceries.

* * *

Isak loved watching Even cook. He moved around the kitchen with such certainty, such ease. Isak hadn’t ever really experienced someone who just… knew how to cook and enjoyed it. Maybe his mother, if he really tried to remember the years before her illness took over. He was pretty sure she used to love cooking—now she could barely make porridge.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his father actually _make_ anything. He was the kind of guy who would order in, or make pre-cooked food. It was whatever was fast and easy. The faster he could feed his kid, the faster he could get away from the family he didn’t want.

Eskild was different. He actually made food— _good_ food—but he didn’t seem to enjoy it like Even did. It was still the means to an end. He had to eat, wanted to eat healthy, but it was just a necessity. Watching Even move around the kitchen, it was completely different. He smiled, and joked, and danced like a dork. He tasted everything, and made Isak try it all, too.

Even made the kitchen feel like a happy place.

It made Isak feel like, if Even was always around, he would actually have _fun_ making food for once.

“What’re you thinking about?” Even asked from where he was chopping carrots.

“You,” Isak admitted.

“What about me?”

Isak shrugged, and stood from his place at the kitchen table so he could move to lean against the counter next to Even instead. “Just how happy you make me.”

Even stopped chopping, turning his full attention to Isak with a blinding smile Isak was happy to return. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded, leaning forward to give Even a quick peck.

“You make me happy, too,” Even said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Even kissed him again, and then again, and Isak melted into each press of his lips. He reached up to card his fingers through Even’s hair, torn between pulling him closer and pushing him away. As much as he’d love to just make out with Even in his kitchen, Isak knew that he’d put a lot of work into their dinner already and he’d hate to be the reason it went to waste.

“I’m hungry,” he mumbled against Even’s lips. “We can kiss later.”

Even groaned, but didn’t object as Isak pulled away and plopped himself back down at the kitchen table. “Such a tease.”

“I am not.”

“Oh, you definitely are.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Teasing implies that I don’t plan to follow through, which I most certainly do. Just not while there’s food in the oven. I will not be held responsible for burned chicken.”

“Priorities,” Even said with a nod.

“Exactly.” He watched Even drop the chopped carrots into boiling water along with a teaspoon of sugar. “Are you sure I can’t help.”

“All the prep is done,” Even said. “Now we just have to wait for everything to cook. Beer?”

Isak nodded. He watched Even move to the freezer, where they’d store the beers in hopes that they’d get cold faster, and pull two out. He used the countertop to pop the tops off, and Isak couldn’t help but wonder if Even’s parents knew he did that. Isak was fairly certain his own mother would’ve had a heart attack.

He took the beer gratefully from his boyfriend and took a long swig. It was a little on the warm side still, but not enough for it to be undrinkable. Even tilted his bottle out with a smile, “To new beginnings.”

“New beginnings,” Isak agreed, clicking their bottles together. He took a sip, then added, “And no more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” Even agreed with a smile. “From now on, I am an open book.”

“Me, too.”

“Good. Then can I ask you something, honestly?”

Isak nodded, and took another swig of beer to quell the nervous lump growing in his throat at the serious tone of Even’s voice.

“How much is the Lars stuff effecting you, really?”

Isak dropped his gaze to his beer bottle, idly picking at the label. Very quietly, he said, “A lot.”

“Why didn’t you say something, baby?” Even asked softly, reaching across the table to cover Isak’s fingers with his own. “Why are you keeping all this to yourself?”

Isak shrugged. “I guess I thought I could handle it. It wasn’t really a big deal at first. He would just… say something vile in passing. I didn’t see him very often, so it wouldn’t happen very often. But then he started showing up like he was _looking_ for me, and it got worse.” His eyes darted up to Even’s, just briefly, before focusing back on their joined fingers. “It was right when you first started hanging out with Lise. It was like he had new fuel and wanted to test how far he could push me.”

“You should’ve told me, Isak,” Even said. “I could’ve helped.”

“How? By beating him up again?” Isak flinched at his own words. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that I just… I didn’t go to you because I didn’t want you to get hurt by it, too. I want you to be able to move past this, past _him._ ”

“Me too, but not if it’s going to mean you’re hurting as a result.”

“I’m fine. It’s fine.”

“No, Isak,” Even said firmly, tilting Isak’s chin up with his free hand so he was forced to make eye contact. “You need to stop putting me before you. When you’re hurting, you can’t just sit and take it because you’re worried about how it’ll affect me. That’s not healthy.”

“But—”

“Is it because I’m bipolar? Are you worried I can’t handle it?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why, Is? Why do you always put me first, no matter how much I hurt you?”

Isak shrugged, trying to push down the tears he could feel stinging his eyes. He didn’t want to fucking cry. “I always put myself first. I hurt a lot of people because I’m a selfish dick, and I just… I didn’t want that to happen to you, too.”

“What are you talking about, baby?” Even asked. “You’re not selfish.”

“I am,” Isak argued. “I broke up Eva and Jonas because I thought he’d want me if I did. I was an asshole to Lise because I thought you were into her and I wanted you to myself. I left my own mother on her own in the middle of an episode because I didn’t want to deal with it. She could’ve hurt herself, or worse, and I left because I was tired.”

“That wasn’t selfish, Isak.”

“It was.”

“No, baby, it wasn’t.” Even scooted his chair closer, until one of his knees was between Isak’s and he could cup Isak’s face between his hands, leaning their foreheads together. “You were young, and scared. You didn’t know how to help your mum, and she just kept getting worse. It wasn’t selfish to leave—it was dangerous for you to be there. You need to stop blaming yourself for that. I’m sure she doesn’t blame you.”

“Maybe not, but she probably hates me anyway.”

“Why would you say that? She’s your mother.”

“I haven’t seen her in _months_ , Even. I don’t answer her texts. She doesn’t… if she knew I was gay it’d probably break her even more.”

“You don’t know that.”

“She’s always sending bible quotes. I don’t think hearing that her son is an abomination would go well.”

“You need to stop thinking you know how people are going to feel, Isak,” Even said, brushing his thumb over Isak’s cheekbone and catching one of the tears that had fallen. “You can spend your whole life trying to figure out how you _think_ people are going to react, but you’ll never know for sure if you don’t give them a chance.”

“I’m scared,” Isak admitted quietly. “I don’t want her to hate me.”

“I know, but I don’t think she will. I think, with everything you’ve told me of your mother, you’re being too hard on her. I think she’ll just be happy to hear from you again.”

Isak nodded. He placed one of his hands over Even’s closing his eyes and trying to keep himself calm. Isak hated breaking down like this, hated feeling _weak_ , even if he knew Even wouldn’t see this as weakness. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I feel like I’m always ruining our moments.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not ruining anything.” Even kissed his forehead, and once under each eye. “You once told me that I needed to start putting myself first. Now I need you to start taking your own advice. Okay?”

Isak nodded. “Okay.”

“And if Lars keeps harassing you, we need to do something, okay? Together.”

“Together,” he agreed.

“Want to help me make the apple crumble?”

Isak offered a watery smile. “Sure you can trust me with that?”

“I’ll keep a close eye on you.”

“Okay.”

Even stood, helping Isak to his feet, too. Once they were standing, Isak wrapped his arms firmly around Even’s waist. Isak pressed his face into Even’s neck, breathing in deeply as Even wrapped his arms around his shoulders and squeezed. “Love you,” Isak muttered into his skin.

“Love you, too.”

* * *

Isak was pretty sure it was his fault that Even’s kitchen was such a mess. He’d followed Even’s orders as closely as possible, and really all he’d done was cut up some apples and measure out the flour and oats, but… but he was pretty sure that Even would’ve managed to do so in a way that didn’t result in flour getting all over the floor, and all over the both of them.

“I’m sorry,” Isak said, laughter bubbling out of his chest as Even turned to put the pie in the oven and revealed a distinctly hand-shaped flour mark on his ass. “Fuck, we made such a mess.”

“ _We_?” Even asked. “Excuse me, but I am fairly certain you were solely in charge of flour, and that seems to be what is all over my kitchen.”

Isak apologized again, but he was barely able to get the words out before laughter took over again. Even was trying to look firm, Isak could tell, but the corners of his lips were twitching, too. Isak attempted an innocent look, tilting his chin down so he could blink up at Even through his eyelashes as he pouted his bottom lip out. “Forgive me?”

“You’re such a little shit,” Even said, lunging forward to grab Isak around the waist as he started laughing again. Even tickled him, attacking his sides until Isak was wheezing and begging for mercy.

“I’m sorry!” he said through his laughter. “Please, stop! Stop!”

Even did, but he didn’t loosen his grip on Isak, holding him firmly against his chest. The air around them changed, growing more serious as they both stood there, inches apart and panting. Isak’s eyes darted down to Even’s lips, and it took all of one second before they were crashing together, teeth and tongues clashing desperately.

Isak pushed his hands into Even’s hair, tugging roughly and moaning into the kiss as Even’s hands moved to squeeze his ass in return. Before Isak could even try to deepen the kiss any further, the timer on the oven went off and managed to scare the shit out of both of them. They jumped apart, both staring at it like it was about to combust for a solid second before Even started laughing again.

“Sit down,” he said softly, kissing Isak once more before he moved back into the kitchen. “I’ll get dinner. We can worry about cleaning later.”

“Okay,” Isak said. He moved to sit at the kitchen table which, thankfully, was far enough away that it had been saved from the mess. Even was back in no time, a plate in each hand and two beers under his arm. He placed one plate in front of Isak, and the other across the table. It looked _so good_ , and smelled even better.

Even sat down, and handed Isak his second beer. “To us,” he said, holding his bottle out again.

“To us.”

They were silent for the first couple of bites, Isak just taking the time to enjoy the food because it was fucking _delicious_ and he wasn’t sure he’d ever want to leave if Even was able to make this with such damn ease. “So, can you just cook for me every night, or?”

Even laughed. “So it’s good?”

“It’s better than good. Where the hell did you learn to cook like this?”

Even shrugged. “When your parents aren’t home, you learn to start fending for yourself. I got tired of only being able to make like 3 things, so I signed up for cooking classes one summer and kind of fell in love with it.”

“You should be a chef.”

“Yeah?”

Isak nodded. “My personal chef, preferably.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yup. And you’ll only be allowed to wear an apron. Nothing else.”

Even laughed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’ll be the best. Everyone will be so jealous, but you’ll only be allowed to cook for me.”

“Not going to share me?”

“Never.”

Even reached across the table, lightly intertwining their fingers. “You’re sweet. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Isak said. “And I promise I’m not just using you for your food.”

“Good, I was worried.”

“It helps that you’re so handsome.”

Even feigned offence, taking his hand back and slapping it against his own chest. “Using me for my body _and_ my cooking, I should’ve known.”

“You’re really quite the package deal. I don’t know what you expect me to bring this relationship.”

“You just need to bring that beautiful brain of yours,” Even said.

Isak flushed. “Stop.”

“What? You don’t think you’re a genius? Because I’m pretty sure you are. My genius marine biologist who’s going to blow those American’s away. They’re going to be begging you to stay and you’re going to turn them down because you couldn’t possibly leave your handsome boyfriend in Norway.”

“Is that so?”

Even hummed. “I think so. Bergen needs that brain of yours anyway.”

“You’re such a dork.”

“Maybe.”

“What happens if you end up being a big hotshot director, and Hollywood is begging you to come and make movies there? Are you going to abandon me for America?”

“Never.”

“Good.”

Isak couldn’t keep the stupid smile off his face. He just couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Even. How lucky they were to have each other, to have found each other and to have stayed together despite everything that had happened between them.

Isak wasn’t sure he believed in soulmates, but he was certain he and Even were about as close as two people could get to being them.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait. 
> 
> Shit sort of hit the fan irl, and I just... lost all motivation to write for a while. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

“Do you ever watch movies that aren’t tragedies?” Isak asked as he wiped tears from his eyes. Even had promised funny and lighthearted. Even had _promised_ cute. “That was so fucking depressing.”

“It was good!”

“Yeah, but it was still sad. They still didn’t get to be together in the end.”

“It’s realistic,” Even said with a shrug, using his thumb to brush a stray tear off Isak’s cheek. “Oliver told Elio that his parents wouldn’t ever accept a gay son. They both knew, going into their relationship, that it had a time limit.”

“But they were so happy together.”

“I know,” Even said softly, pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead. “Happiness isn’t always enough.”

“It should be,” Isak grumbled, curling further into Even’s side.

“It should be,” Even agreed. “Sorry that you didn’t enjoy the film.”

“I enjoyed it,” Isak said. “It was just sad.”

“Next time you can pick the movie.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Even if I pick something I know you’ll hate, like Transformers?”

“Yes,” Even said, though it looked like it pained him to say it.

Isak smiled, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “That was sweet, but don’t worry. I won’t pick Transformers.”

“Thank god,” Even said, chuckling. “What would you pick?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” Isak yawned, and Even smiled.

“Tired, baby?”

“No. ‘Course not, I’m wide awake.”

“It’s late,” Even said anyway. “Want to go to bed?”

Isak hummed. He didn’t really want the night to end, not when everything was going so damn well, but he _was_ tired.

“C’mon, baby,” Even cooed, gently tugging Isak off the couch. Isak went willingly, but wrapped his arms around Even’s waist as soon as they were standing, shoving his face into the crook of Even’s neck. Even chuckled, but started walking them back towards his bedroom awkwardly, trying to keep their balance.

When they got there, Isak still didn’t move. He just sighed, and muttered a soft _I love you_ against Even’s skin.

“You’re so sweet,” Even said quietly, brushing a hand through Isak’s curls. “Sweet, and soft.”

“M’not soft,” Isak grumbled.

“You are. You’re the softest boy I know.”

Isak rolled his eyes, even though Even couldn’t see it, but didn’t argue. Slowly, Even guided him over to the bed and sat him down. Isak didn’t protest as Even peeled off his jeans and shirt. He just lay back, watching through hooded eyes, as Even dragged the material over his skin and left kisses in its wake.

Isak could’ve fallen asleep right there, right on top of the covers with the feel of Even’s lips on his skin, but he forced himself to stay awake as Even undressed, climbing under the covers with a groan. Once Even climbed under, too, Isak wasted no time in curling against his chest, curling into the warmth. He felt Even chuckle, his chest vibrating softly, before he wrapped an arm around Isak’s shoulders and pulled him closer.

“Thank you for tonight,” Isak said quietly.

“Thank you for every night,” Even answered. “For not giving up on me, and for giving me more chances than I deserved.”

Isak wanted to argue that they’d both made their mistakes, and that Even needed to be easier on himself, but he was too tired. With Even’s fingers drawing patterns all over his skin, Isak could do little to keep himself from dozing off.

* * *

If Isak could wake up next to Even every day, he would. Isak definitely didn’t consider himself a morning person—and would admit that he was generally pretty grumpy for a while after he woke up—but Even made it more bearable. There was just something about waking up to blue eyes and soft fingers brushing through his hair that made waking up easier. Still not awesome, but easier.

“Good morning, baby,” Even said softly.

“G’morning,” Isak muttered. He tilted his chin up, and Even kissed him gently.

“I was going to make pancakes for breakfast, that sound good?”

Isak groaned. “You’re amazing.”

“You’ve gotta promise to get up though, not just go back to sleep once I leave this bed.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Even kissed his forehead, and then climbed out of bed. “If you’re not up, I’m going to eat all the pancakes by myself.”

“I’m up,” Isak said, rolling onto his back so he could watch Even leave the room, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. Isak was tempted to let himself doze back off, but pancakes seriously sounded like heaven. So, instead, he dragged himself out of bed and groggily headed for the bathroom. Isak carefully unpackaged the toothbrush they had bought, a flurry of butterflies dancing in his stomach as he placed it next to Even’s in the cup on the sink.

He felt a little stupid, getting so excited about a damn toothbrush, but it was more than just a toothbrush. It was a promise of more. It was an invitation, and a welcome. It was just another sign of how much their lives were intertwining, and how easily it was happening.

By the time Isak made it to the kitchen, teeth brushed and hair somewhat tamed, Even already had a decent stack of pancakes made. Isak slid onto one of the kitchen chairs, and rested his chin on his hand as he watched Even move around the kitchen, quietly humming to himself the whole time.

Once he was finished, he joined Isak at the kitchen table with two plates, and the stack of pancakes. Isak moved to the fridge, and grabbed the syrup and jam and butter. They ate in silence for a while, feet intertwined under the table as they enjoyed their breakfast.

It felt nice. Domestic. Something Isak never really imagined himself having. Definitely not so soon.

“I was thinking,” Even said, breaking their comfortable silence. Isak quirked an eyebrow. “I thought maybe we could have some people over tonight. The boys, the girls. Lise. Just to hang out. Nothing super crazy.”

“We?” Isak asked with a smile.

“Well, yeah. I was hoping you’d like to spend the weekend here, maybe?”

“I’d love that.”

“Yeah?”

Isak hummed. “Getting to spend the weekend with you, _and_ getting out of having to deal with Eskild’s pestering for a weekend? Sign me the fuck up.”

Even laughed. “Good. It’s settled then. You see Eva in your first class, right?”

“Yeah. Want me to invite her?”

“Sure. Tell her to extend the invite to the girls, too.”

“Sounds good,” Isak said, taking another big bite of his pancakes before asking, “What time should I tell them?”

“Maybe around 20? I was thinking we could just go grab some beer and order pizza for everyone?”

“Sounds awesome. Maybe get some soda, too. For Sana.”

Even smiled, and leaned forward to press a kiss to Isak’s lips. It was nice to think about—spending the weekend with Even, having their friends over for a nice, tame party again. Reintegrating Even into the group, and getting rid of any lingering awkwardness. Isak just hoped everyone would be able to make it on such short notice.

“Should we get ready to go, then?” Even asked, grabbing his and Isak’s plates and heading over to the sink.

“Let me do dishes,” Isak said, stepping in front of the sink. “It’s the least I could do, after the amount of food you’ve made me this weekend.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Isak said, pecking Even quickly on the cheek before sending him on his way to get dressed. “Plus, I’ve already brushed my teeth and everything. I just have to get dressed.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure.” Isak watched Even go with a smile, a giddy feeling in his chest as he turned around to start on the dishes from the morning. There weren’t many, thankfully, and Isak was just glad that he’d actually been lucky enough to find himself someone who could cook. Lord, could Even cook.

By the time he finished the dishes, Even was already showered and half-dressed, standing in front of his mirror and combing his hair. Isak made his way into the room and stood behind Even, wrapping his arms around Even’s bare torso and resting his chin on Even’s shoulder.

He watched his boyfriend in the mirror, smiling lazily at him as he pulled the brush through his hair, watching as it flopped onto Even’s forehead. “I like your hair like this.”

“Yeah?”

Isak nodded. “It’s cute.”

“Don’t like my normal ‘do?”

“No, I like that, too.” He reached out to pull his fingers through Even’s still-damp hair. “But I like being able to do this without getting product all over my fingers, too.”

“Duly noted.” Even turned around in Isak’s grasp until they were face to face, sliding his own hands up Isak’s back until his arms were looped around his neck. Even leaned forward and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss. “You should get ready to go. We’re going to be late.”

Isak groaned. “I wish we could just stay here.”

“Me, too. But we’re going to go to school and invite our friends over, and we’re going to have a lovely time.”

“Yeah?”

Even smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “Yeah.”

* * *

“Hey boys,” Isak said, settling down for Norwegian.

“How’s it going?” Jonas asked.

“Good, good. Even wanted to know if you guys wanted to come to his place tonight?”

“Party?” Magnus asked, perking up.

Isak shrugged. “Sort of. It’s just going to be us and the girls, though.”

“Sounds good to me, bro,” Jonas said, clapping him on the shoulder. “How are you and Even doing?”

“Good,” Isak said, smiling. “Awesome.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Things are so much better now.”

“Not having secrets will do that for you,” Jonas teased.

“Ha, ha,” Isak laughed dryly. “I had to get my high school out drama out of the way at some point, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but damn. You went big.”

“Jonas,” Isak said, “you literally dated two best friends at the same time for months.”

Jonas laughed. “Hey, I didn’t say my drama was any better. Do as I say and not as I do, right?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “I hate that saying so much.”

“I know you do.”

“Honestly, though, I’m happy for you, man,” Jonas said. “I’m glad that things are working out with Even. He’s good for you.”

“He is.”

“You’re good for him, too.”

Isak smiled. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

* * *

Even’s apartment was filled with people, and Isak’s heart was overflowing with joy. Even was in the corner, with Sana and Lise. Isak couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were all laughing. Jonas and Mahdi were on one of the couches, with Vilde, Magnus, and Noora occupying the larger one. Everyone except Mags was laughing, and Isak could vaguely hear him complaining about how everyone was ganging up on him.

“You’ve made quite the family here, haven’t you?” Eva asked, startling him out of his people-watching.

Isak couldn’t help but smile. “We are a family, aren’t we?”

“I would think so.” Eva smiled, and threw an arm across his shoulders, pulling him tight against her side and squeezing. “I missed this. No drama, no bullshit. Just family, enjoying each other’s presence.”

“Me, too,” Isak admitted. “Is it bad I didn’t really think I’d ever have this?”

“No. I had a couple moments like that too, back when all the shit hit the fan with Sara and before I met the girls. Sometimes, life just feels a little hopeless.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“Don’t be. I didn’t exactly tell you, or Jonas.” Eva smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. “I wanted to deal with it on my own—I didn’t want to feel like I depended on you guys too much.”

“I get that.”

“Yeah. But things are good now, right?” she asked, flashing a more genuine smile. “We went through hell, but I think it was worth it in the end, don’t you?”

Isak looked around the room again, at all their friends. “Yeah. It really was.”

Before Eva could say much more, Even started making his way across the room. Isak could help but let his attention drift over to his boyfriend, a soft smile dancing on his lips as he watched Even move. He looked happy—comfortable—and Isak was glad. Even deserved a family, too, after everything he’d been through. He deserved to feel at home, and to have genuine people that loved him and that he could trust.

“Hey baby,” Even said, leaning down to press their lips together in a quick kiss.

“Hey.”

“How’s it going over here?”

“Good,” Isak said, lacing their fingers together and gently tugging Even into his side. “Eva and I were just chatting.”

“Having a good time?” Even asked her.

Eva smiled. “The best time. Thanks for inviting us.”

“Of course.”

“I’m going to go save Noora from Magnus—or, rather, save Magnus from Noora. She looks like she’s about to start ranting.”

“Alright. Talk to you later?”

Eva smiled. “You bet.”

“What were you guys talking about?” Even asked, his voice softer now. Just for Isak’s ears.

Isak could help but marvel a little at how they changed around each other. Almost immediately, Even leaned closer, tilted his head down just that little bit so they were basically the same height and directed all his attention to Isak. Isak tilted his shoulders towards Even, trying to close them into their little personal bubble as he gently squeezed the hand holding Even’s.

“We were talking about family.”

Even quirked an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Isak said, smiling. He reached a hand up to gently brush a strand of hair off Even’s forehead. “We were just saying how this group has kind of become our family. The family we chose, anyway.”

“That’s sweet.”

“It’s the truth. My real family is… less than ideal. The people in this room, though? They’re what family is supposed to be.”

“Even Lise?”

Isak scoffed and shoved his shoulder lightly. “Yes, even Lise. She’s growing on me.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

Even leaned forward, nuzzling their noses gently until Isak smiled again. Isak rolled his eyes fondly, and tilted his chin up so he could connect their lips, humming softly as Even’s free hand moved to his neck. Isak moved his own hand to Even’s waist, gripping tightly and desperately trying to pull Even forward, to pull him closer. Isak groaned as Even’s hand moved to his cheek, gently tugging at the corner of his lips so he could deepen their kiss.

“All our friends are here,” Isak murmured against his lips.

“They’re not paying attention, baby,” Even said, kissing his chin.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Isak said, trying not to let himself get lost in the feel of Even’s lips on his skin as he trailed kisses over his jaw, at the corner of his lips, just under his eyes.

“Ignore them.”

Isak groaned again and used the hand on Even’s waist to push him back this time, though it pained him to do it. “I can’t. I don’t wanna hear about this later.” Even sighed forlornly, but didn’t argue. He opened his mouth to say something, but froze. Isak watched as his smile grew impossibly large. “What?”

“Do you hear this song?”

Isak tried to pay attention to the sounds of the party, and when he heard what was playing he groaned.

_Kiss Me_.

“Do you remember the last time this song played?” Even asked.

“Yeah. Somehow you convinced me to make a fool of myself in the middle of a restaurant in Bergen.”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself. We danced,” Even said, letting go of Isak’s hand so he could grip his hips with both hands instead. Isak rolled his eyes and let Even sway them gently. “You loved it.”

“I didn’t. It was embarrassing.”

Even shook his head. “Don’t lie. You loved it.”

“Fine,” Isak grumbled, wrapping his arms around Even’s neck and letting his head fall against Even’s shoulder to hide his blush. “I had fun.”

They weren’t really dancing. It was more like swaying softly in spot. Even’s thumbs were rubbing gentle circles on Isak’s hips as he stepped them slowly side to side. After a moment, he started singing softly along with the music, just like he had in Bergen.

“ _I won’t hesitate no more, no more. It cannot wait, I’m yours_ ,” he sang, and Isak’s heart fluttered. He was brought back to Bergen—how amazing their trip had been. For the first time since Isak found out about the bet, there was no negativity tainting the memory. No regret. Just happiness. “ _This is our fate, I’m yours._ ”

“I’m yours, too,” Isak said quietly, nuzzling into Even’s neck.

“Look at the two lovebirds,” Sana said, loud enough that everyone could hear. Isak blushed, but couldn’t stop himself from smiling like an idiot.

A few months prior, he would’ve been embarrassed to be dancing with his boyfriend where people could see. He would’ve ran at the idea of his friends seeing him happy, but vulnerable. Now, though? Now he felt comfortable. He knew no one was going to look at him any differently because of it. So instead of running, he tightened his hold on Even and let him sway them gently for the rest of the song.

* * *

“Hey Sanasol,” Isak said, flopping heavily down next to her on the couch. “How’s it going?”

“Good. This was a good idea,” she said. “I met Lise, finally.”

“Yeah? What’d you think of her?”

“She’s nice.”

“She reminds me of you.”

Sana frowned, narrowing her eyes. “Me? Why?”

“She isn’t afraid to speak her mind,” Isak said, shrugging. “She takes no shit, but she’s also incredibly loyal to her friends. Sound familiar?”

“That was almost a compliment,” Sana teased, bumping their shoulders together.

“It was a compliment. You’re a great friend, Sana. You’ve really been there for me this year, even through all my bullshit.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not so bad yourself. I’m just glad everything seems to have worked out.”

Isak hummed. “Almost everything.”

“Did something happen with Even?”

“No,” Isak said quickly. “No, not Even. He’s perfect.”

“Then what?”

“Lars,” he said. “He’s been keeping his distance lately, but I feel like something’s coming. I feel like he’s planning something else, waiting to catch us when we’re not expecting it.”

“Did you tell Even that you’re worried about that?”

“No,” Isak said. “Or, not really. He knows that Lars is still around, that he’s still being an ass, but I don’t know. Maybe I’m just paranoid.”

“You should go to the principal, Isak,” Sana said.

“I can’t. I don’t want Even getting in trouble for it, too.”

“He might not.”

“Maybe, but there’s a better chance that he will.” Isak let his eyes drift over to Even again. He was sitting with the guys, head thrown back as he laughed. “He’s already had to repeat his third year. I don’t want to risk it.”

“What if Lars tries something again, though?”

Isak shrugged. “I feel like I’ll be able to handle it this time. I have Even, and I have all you guys.”

“Yeah. You’ve gotta actually come to us this time, though.”

“I will,” Isak said, smiling.

“Good.”

* * *

It was past midnight by the time everyone left, but Isak didn’t feel tired. He helped Even gather all the glasses and empty chip bags, bringing everything into the kitchen. He stood near the sink, rinsing cans and bottles as Even gathered anything left over.

Isak had just about finished when Even came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Isak’s middle and resting his chin on Isak’s shoulder. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“I did,” Isak said, turning off the sink before turning around in Even’s arms. “Did you?”

“I did.” Even leaned forward, kissing him deeply. Isak pushed his fingers through Even’s hair, tugging gently on the strands and moaning into the kiss. He felt Even smile against his lips. Isak swiped his tongue across the line of Even’s lips, parting them gently and deepening their kiss. Even’s hands moved from his hips to his ass, tugging him closer.

Isak groaned again, breaking their kiss. “Bedroom,” he said breathily.

Even nodded, connecting their lips again as he tried to navigate them backwards through his apartment. Isak had to break their kiss every few steps, laughing as Even managed to seemingly walk into every wall and every piece of furniture on their way to the bedroom.

When they finally made it there, Isak turned them around so he was the one walking backwards, gently tugging Even towards the bed by the hem of his shirt. When Isak felt his legs hit the bed, he fell backwards, tugging Even down with him.

Even’s lips left his as he sat back, tugging his t-shirt over his head and chucking it onto the floor. Isak reached for him, trailing his fingers over the muscles of Even’s stomach. He traced up, over the scatters of freckles that littered the pale skin of his abs, up over his nipples.

When he looked back to Even’s face, he was smiling fondly. “What?”

“I just love you,” Even said, leaning forward again to press their lips together.

Isak moved his hands up, over Even’s shoulders and into his hair. He spread his legs further apart, and Even lowered himself between them until their chests were flush together. Isak groaned, pushing his hips up to meet Even’s almost instinctively.

Even broke their kiss again with a groan, panting against Isak’s lips as he stared down at him. Isak reached for the hem of his own shirt, and in seconds it joined Even’s on the floor. Even pushed back again, trailing his eyes over Isak’s chest before he dove back in. The first kiss landed on the right corner of his lips. The next, to the left.

Isak tightened his grip on Even’s hair, throwing his head back with a groan as Even’s lips moved over his jaw, to the sensitive skin just behind Isak’s ear. _Fuck_ , Isak missed this. He missed Even’s hands, and his lips, and just being able to _be_ with Even like this again. After Bergen, things had felt… off, even before the bet came out. Isak knew now that Even had just been feeling the time crunch closing in on him, but at the time he had been worried that it had been because Isak had wanted to have sex that weekend.

The thought hit him like a brick, pulling him back to the burning embarrassment he’d felt at the rejection. “Even, wait,” he panted. Even stopped immediately, pulling away with a concerned look.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…” Isak bit his lip. “Back in Bergen.” He watched Even flinch, pulling further away from him with a guilty look. Isak reached for his hand, squeezing gently to assure Even that he wasn’t angry. “When we almost slept together, and things got weird. That wasn’t… it wasn’t because of me, right?”

“What? No,” Even said quickly, reaching a hand up to gently cup Isak’s cheek. “Of course not, baby. I just… I was becoming someone I didn’t want to be, hurting you, and that was when I really started to panic. I was worried I was going to lose you, but I was more terrified of you regretting your first time. I didn’t want you looking back on it and hating it.”

“Okay.”

“Does that… are you angry about that?”

“No,” Isak breathed, wrapping a hand around Even’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. “No, of course not. I just needed to know for sure that it wasn’t something I did.”

“Of course it wasn’t.” Even kissed him firmly. “You’re perfect.”

“I love you,” Isak said, tilting his chin up so he could kiss Even again. “I want…”

“What, baby?” Even asked, his lips barely leaving Isak’s skin. “What do you want?”

“You,” Isak said, blushing. “I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

Isak nodded.

“We don’t have to…”

“I know,” Isak said softly, cupping Even’s cheek. “But I want to. I’m ready.”

Even didn’t say anything, but his eyes never left Isak’s. It felt like he was searching for something. Doubt, maybe. Uncertainty. Isak held his gaze, firm and sure. Slowly, Even relaxed again. He smiled, and kissed each of Isak’s cheeks again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Isak said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also sorry there's no actual smut but i am terrible at writing smut. like absolutely horrible at it lol

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr [@castiels--grace](https://http://castiels--grace.tumblr.com/)


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